To Get Back at Eusine
It was a normal day. Shelly and Eusine were listening to Metallica at Harlan's house in Lavaridge Town. Shelly was, as usual, dancing with a can of Diet Sprite in her hand. Something made her drop it, though. Harlan looked surprised. " Uh, Shelly ? What's wrong ? "
His question was soon answered by the television. " Once again, Eusine of Ecruteak City has made another discovery of Suicune ! Eusine, tell us of your marvelous life ! "
" Well, I would have never had made it if I didn't break up with my girlfriend seven years ago, I wouldn't had been able to pursue my own dreams ! "
" Wow. That's pretty cool ! Now, back to- "
Shelly angrily changed the channel. " That wussy bastard. I broke up with him. He was still wetting the bed when I broke up with him ! "
Harlan sipped his Coke. " So...what should we do ? "
" I know. Let's make a list of twenty ways to get back at Eusine ! "
" Uh, sure. "
So together the happy couple started making up a list to get back at the fruity cape guy, Eusine.
20 Ways to Get Back at Eusine
1. Tell him Suicune sucks.
2. Kill Suicune.
3. Shoot his best friend, Morty. 4. Burn his cape.
5. Burn Suicune plushie.
6. Let Kira from Death Note add him to " his list " .
7. Ruin his suit.
8. Tell him that Teletubbies are gay.
9. Tell him being emo is coool. 10. Eat a piece of banana cake in front of him.
11. Say that Johto is a piece of sh-t.
12. Tell him the blue Teletubby is a bitch.
13. Spray Dr. Pepper on him.
14. Burn his house.
15. Hold his Gengar hostage.
16. Hold dorky Professor Elm hostage.
17. Tell him that vampires rule the world.
18. Tell him he's a noob.
19. Make fun of his bedwetting problem.
20. Steal his Lucky Charms.
When they finally got away with it, Shelly and Harlan looked over the list. Shelly sighed. " So, Harlan. Which ones can we get him back with ? "
Harlan scratched his head. " Uh, let's see. 4, 14, 19, and 20. "
" What about Suicune ? "
" Uh, well... we can't kill a legendary, Shelly. We'll get sued. Still...we can still find it and take pictures before Eusine does ! "
" Hmm ! Okay, then ! In that case, let's just do that. "
" All righty, then ! "
" Uh...can we still burn his house ? "
" NO ! "
The ferry of Olivine City can be very uncomfortable sometimes. Shelly and Harlan stepped outside of the giant ship after two days. Shelly threw a bag of peanuts on the floor. " Crap. Those peanuts sucked. "
" I know. This ferry has got to be a grade D. "
" Oh, well. So, I snatched a Pokedex off the deck, Harlan. Maybe that will tell us where Suicune is. "
Harlan shrugged. " Maybe...if it wasn't a cheap ripoff that was bought at Burger King ! "
-gasp- " How can you tell ? "
-.- " Maybe because it has the BK logo on the back of it ? "
Shelly blushed. " Oops. Well, let's go. "
They had made no more than fifteen steps when who else but the fruity cape guy Eusine walked to greet them. " Oh, look who it is, " he sneered. " The emo guy that smokes pot and Shelly, the Wicked Bitch of the East. "
Shelly crumpled up her hands into a fist. " Well, if it isn't Eusine, the fruity cape guy. "
Eusine blushed in embarrassment. " So...what the hell are you two doing here ? "
Harlan cleared his throat. " We're going to take a picture of Suicune ! "
" No way, 'cause I'm going to do that first ! "
Harlan and Eusine gave each other the death glare. Shelly laughed nervously. " Okaay...then. Harlan, you can do that. I'm going to Starbucks. Make me proud, Harlan-chan ! "
-poof ! -
O.o ..." Damn it, Shelly ! "
Eusine giggled. " You're pathetic. She must be cheating on you. "
" No way. At least I don't wet the bed like you do ! "
" ...Shut up ! "
The two men started to tackle each other, going into the nearby forest, when suddenly, the legendary Suicune appeared.
O.o " Good gravy...that thing's even cooler than Kyogre. Shelly was sooo wrong, " Harlan muttered to himself.
" IT'S SUICUNE ! " Eusine screamed at the top of his lungs. " SUICUNE, WE MEET AGAAAAIN ! "
The Suicune scoffed. " No way. You suck, Fruity Cape Guy ! "
Eusine facefaulted. " You aren't serious, are you ?! "
" Hell yeah, I am. The only reason I took your bullcrap was because of that Ketchup guy. "
Eusine stabbed his cape. " No...Suicune...I worship you ! "
" Too bad, Cape Guy. "
Suicune used aurora beam on Eusine, knocking him ten feet into the sky. She then nudged Harlan. " You can have me, Mr. Magma Man ! " the pokemon purred.
O.o " Dear Lord, are you hitting up on me ?! "
Suicune rolled over. " Maaaybe. I've been watching you. You're cool. Come on, not many people have affairs with legendaries ! Come on - take me ! "
Harlan shook his head. " Sorry, Suicune, but if it's like that, I won't take a picture. My only love is Shelly. "
" Are you sure ? I won't te - ell ! "
" No...I'm for Shelly. "
Suicune stood up and licked her paw. " You passed. "
" Huh ? Passed ? What do you mean ? " Harlan asked.
" You passed the test. You're devoted to one woman, and that was the test. "
" I thought a test would be something like shaving Raikou's fur off. "
" Hehehe...yeah, that was funny when Morty tried to att-...I mean, that test wasn't for you. You passed Harlan, so here's the photo. "
" Okay. "
" It also has my phone number on the back. "
" Yeah...I'm scarred for life. "
Suicune laughed. " Okay, buddy. I gotta go. (And rub the photo in Eusine's face.) "
Harlan just stood there for a few minutes, then shuddered. " That's the last time I help Shelly out with her grudges. "
Shelly drank out of her cup of coffee. " So...Harlan. How did it go ? "
" I got the picture, " Harlan said, grinning.
The red headed girl squealed with delight and playfully punched Harlan in the arm. " You sly Houndoor. Thanks ! " she said, kissing Harlan on the forehead.
" You're welcome. No- "
Shelly grinned. " I know one activity that will be awesome ! "
Harlan turned red. " I do have the gasoline... "
" And I have the matches, " Shelly said in a sing-song voice.
" Okay, let's get to Ecruteak, then ! "
(Epilogue : Two Days Later...)
" AAAAHHH ! MY HOUSE GOT BURNED DOWN ! " Eusine screamed.
" Yeah, it did, " Morty said, " and the flames were really coo- I mean, sad. Very, very sad. Hey, do you wanna go for a cappuchino ? "
" NO ! I WANT SUICUNE ! " Eusine said, pouting.
(Teletubbies are gay.)
" WHO SAID THAT ?! "
(And the purple Teletubby is a perv. )
Eusine's eyes bulged. " NO ! No...NOOOOO ! "
Morty slowly walked away from Eusine's corpse. " Yeah...that guy was emotionally disturbed. "
Meanwhile, Shelly and Harlan gave a high - five. " See ? I knew it would work ! " Shelly whispered.
" Yeah, " Harlan said, smiling.
" So...wanna watch Halloween at my place and play hockey in the house ? "
" Sure. "
So that was the day the couple finally got back at Eusine.