Recently, I have discovered a deep and profound love inside my heart that has been unused until the discovery of Ouran High-School Host Club. Even more recently, my older sister forced me to listen to the Death Cab For Cutie Narrow Stairs album. I was struck by how accurately the song I Will Possess Your Heat describes the relationship between Tamaki and Haruhi, and promptly bought the CD.

Conviction

by green see-through ghosts

NOTE: all words in parenthesis belong to Death Cab for Cutie.


It was one of those days -- one of those haphazard, bizarre, tearful, normal days of the Ouran High School Host Club. Granted, how it could ever be called normal was not something Tamaki understood, but the fact that it had grown to be normal was what made his heart want to burst into sparkly rainbow confetti inside his chest.

…the neighbors, one singing the praises of strawberry cake while eating said item, the other watching, listening and, perhaps, brooding…

…the bratty twins, commentating on some or another pathetic object in the corner…

…Mommy, devising something devious while effortlessly ignoring everyone else…

…and precious daughter, studying undisturbed at a table near the neighbors.

Tamaki, club king, took a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the twins were allowing Haruhi to finish her homework undisturbed, then turned back to his wallpapered-corner to glory in surface self-pity.

…don't forget Daddy, contemplating self-destruction while crouching in a forgotten and far-off corner of the third music room…

Tamaki let his chin fall to his knees and, since his beautifully pained face wasn't visible to the twins, or the neighbors, or Mommy, allowed his expression of depression to drop away. Because, when he took a minute to think about it, the situation was funny enough in its own way.

(How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me. It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read.)

He imagined Haruhi, making her methodical and error-free way through her trigonometry homework, eyes narrowed slightly in concentration as she calculated the value of the square root of e multiplied by 4e-squared, hands lightly gripping the pencil that flashed across her notebook paper, and smiled to himself. Any daddy would be proud of a daughter that intelligent, so it was too bad he wasn't her daddy, and it wasn't pride he was feeling. Everyone could tell…everyone but Haruhi, that is. And that alone was what was funny enough to make him smile when he was supposed to be in the depths of despair.

(You've got to spend some time, love. You've got to spend some time with me. And I know that you'll find love. I will possess your heart.)

But then again, smiles don't always follow humor. Tamaki knew that, because Haruhi wasn't funny so much as she was adorable; and yet, he couldn't help the urge to smile whenever he was near her. Most likely, that was why the twins labeled him a pervert, and Kyoya had no sympathy for his whining, and Haruhi never took him seriously. But honestly, Tamaki couldn't help his infatuation with cute female things like Haruhi Fujioka.

(There are days when outside your window I see my reflection as I slowly pass. And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last.)

That was the main problem. Tamaki didn't mind if the twins thought he was a pervert -- hell, who were they to call him a pervert anyways, the little incestuous homos? -- and Kyoya had no sympathy for anyone's whining. It was Haruhi who was the problem -- Haruhi who wouldn't take the Host Club events seriously, Haruhi who was only interested in studying, Haruhi who spent all day with the twins and undermined his every attempt at family time.

(You've got to spend some time, love. You've got to spend some time with me. And I know that you'll find love. I will possess your heart.)

Tamaki smiled at the wall and leaned his cheek against his knee. If he squinted his eyes just right while superimposing her image over the pansy-pink wall, it almost looked like she was standing in front of him, rolling her eyes and sighing; but, he imagined, suppressing a smile nonetheless. And even if she wasn't, what did it matter?

(You reject my advances and desperate plea; I won't let you down so easily.)

It didn't. That was the best thing about being in high-school -- he knew exactly how much time he had left; exactly how much time he had to show Haruhi what he meant when he hugged her out of the blue for being illegally adorable or attempted to trick her out of class for mandatory "father-daughter-bonding-time". He didn't have to push it now; it was enough that she knew him, satisfactory that she could recognize his face and pin a name to it. All this would change as they continued to exist in each other's hemispheres, and hopefully, she'd begin to find him endearing rather than annoying.

(You've got to spend some time, love. You've got to spend some time with me. And I know that you'll find love. I will possess your heart.)

It came down to time. How much he had, how much she had. But, Tamaki thought, closing his eyes at the blissful thought, he'd worked it out.

They had two years together at school. It'd taken him three months to break through to Kyoya; two for the twins. He figured that with a person as stubborn and practical as Haruhi, not to mention female, it might take eight months for her to realize that his sort of shallowness wasn't the sort she minded.

(I will possess your heart.)

After that, he guessed that it might take another five months to get rid of the father-daughter mindset: on his side of the bargain, at least. He didn't think she actually put much stock in their family in the first place, so changing his feelings from adoring father to adoring prospective-boyfriend might not be so hard after all.

(I will possess your heart.)

"…Milord…why are you smiling?"

Tamaki froze -- though he hadn't been moving -- and slowly turned his head to see both of the twins down at eye-level with him; eyebrows raised and otherwise blank expressions in place. But honestly, he wasn't oblivious enough to miss the twinkling of evil behind their eyes.

"…"

"It's almost sad…" Kaoru said as he tilted his head to one side.

"…how little we effect him sometimes," Hikaru finished with a shake of his head.

"Here we think you're ready to do something interesting…"

"…and you're just being perverted."

"For your information," Tamaki lied proudly, "I was coming up with an idea for our next event!"

"We're not interested in perverted events, Milord."

A faint sound of disbelief drifted over from Haruhi's table.

"Your entire life is a perverted event," Tamaki replied with a cold glare.

The next sound was almost a giggle.

(I will possess your heart.)

Slow and steady, Tamaki thought as the twins made another wisecrack and he responded with one of his own. She would love him someday; he was sure of it. Not because he was stuck up, or because he could see the future, or because he had enough money to make anything happen. It was because they were like the fine yarn in his mother's crocheting basket -- beautiful on their own, but exquisite when combined. Haruhi was smart. She'd realize it soon enough.

And then…

Tamaki exhaled, a long, love-sick sigh paired with a crooked grin that had the twin's eyebrows up higher than Kilimanjaro.

(I will possess your heart.)


Reviews would be great :)