A/N: Afraid this might be a bit of an AU as I'm fairly new to the Discworld series and I've only read two out of three Susan-featured stories (Soul Music & Hogfather). Please let me know if I make a fantastic cock up of everything! XD

Elephant Stew

Prompt 01: An eternal connection


"It's you."

"Very astute. Care to let me in?"

"Not even a little bit. What are you doing like …that?"

The raven cocked his head to one side, eyes swivelling wildly. "I'd be very happy to oblige you, if you'd only open the latch there…"

Susan StoHelit focused her most stern double-barrelled glare at the face pressed against the window pane. "Surely there are plenty of wizards and things you can go to about your condition. You live with a wizard for goodness sakes. Why come here? Why me? Why must it always be me? I told you I wasn't having any more of this...this… this silliness!" she spat through clenched teeth, just in case a respectable someone happened to be listening over her shoulder. Of course, in Susan's mind a troll convicted of murder, arson, and stamping on the heads of small fluffy kittens, became a respectable member of society when measured up to her grandfather's associates.

The raven shrugged his shoulders. "You're an amiable chum."



The raven shrugged again. "I heard it's making a come-back."

"It's not. And neither are you. Go away." She reached for the shutters.

"Ah, see that? What did ah tell you, eh? If I was a happy little chattering robin, bob, bob bobbing along or perhaps a congenial swallow, I'd be out the cold and by the fire quick as you could say Bob's yer uncle, but as it is I get the cold shoulder and why? Cos I happen to have a high protein intake. Hardly my fault that I have an acquired taste -"

"- For eyeballs and entrails, and worse than that, for turning my world upside down. Repeatedly."

"Them's was circumstances! Don't shoot the messenger."

"Go away the pair of you and ruin somebody else's life for a change," Susan said coldly. "You live with a wizard, pester him for help."

"Ah, yeah, about that…" The raven lifted a small brass birdcage up to the level of the window. The Death of Rats, who had been up until that moment perched on the raven's head, hopped onto the cage and began tapping his little scythe on the bars in an excited manner.

"Squeak eek ek squeak-squeak eek..."

"Don't play cute," Susan warned, scowling at the bony creature, then pressed her face against the glass and peered inside the cage. An old raven was perched on the head of a grinning skull, missing most of its feathers and sporting a wiry beard from its shrivelled black beak. A pointed purple hat spattered with the obligatory silver moons and stars sat atop its head.

"Ain't really in much of position to do his bit of abracadabra as you can see. But ah gave him his hot cocoa at 9:00pm and out like a light he went, lucky bugger. Fine and dandy fer him, isn't it?" The raven's eyes revolved. "Me- well just bleedin' look at me!"

Susan did. There had been a definite change in height since they'd last met. He was a good head taller than her now. Tall. Pale and tall. And there was a distinct lack of feathers and wings. Indeed, the only thing about Quoth that remained remotely ravenish was his eyes, which had somehow managed to retain their ability to swivel independently of their own accord.

"Legs and arms!" he said, waving one arm and leg for dramatic effect. "All legs and arms. Humans are made of nothin' but legs and arms!" He tripped, and swore. "And feet."

Susan put her hands over her face, a part of her hoping they'd all be gone, raven, rodent, skull and all, when she remerged. But a bigger part of her knew there was a greater chance of her grandfather turning up in a pink chemise. It seemed they were eternally connected.

She sighed, defeated. "You'd better come in."

Please comment! I'd love to hear what you think of this pairing xxx