Aki- Ah, the last chapter. I guess it took a while considering how I swiftly I chucked out these chapters back in the beginning. Anyway, this is it. I have to finish my other two open fanfics and then I will be done with fanfiction for a while because being at college inspires me to write (I am studying creative writing), but it does not inspire me to write fanfiction. If inspiration ever strikes, I will come back, because you can't deny inspiration, but this is it for now. I hope you like it. Out.
I know that whole Jess-Me thing was a big surprise for you. Trust me, it was a surprise for me too. Anyway, you may be wondering why I am writing this rather than just calling you on the phone or driving to Stars Hollow for a visit. Well, this is how Jess and I got back together and I figured this is the best way to explain what is going on. There is something different about letters. True, they are slower, but they give more time to think. You are only going to saw what you really want and what you really need to say. There is something great about that.
So, yeah, welcome to Rory and Jess: Redemption (1). It's been happening over months; we've been in communication. And it happened slowly. I contacted him and was still hung up over Logan when it all started. I am glad it started. I like where it ended up.
Now please know that I am happy with this. I want you to give Jess a second chance or maybe a third or fourth depending on which chance he is one in your books at this point. Just give him another. You have not seen him in a long time and he has grown up. I know, I know, it is hard to believe that Jess Mariano could grow up, but he has. He's not perfect, but neither am I. I think it works better that way. We have both hurt each other and been let down by the other at sometime, but we have worked through that. We don't have unrealistic expectations of each other and at the same time we want the other to be the best they can be.
I'm so happy, Mom. So happy. It's just the beginning though and I know it will get harder and I know it will hurt because I know love isn't just happily ever after and smooth sailing. If it is…I don't think it is real. Allow me to quote Florida Scott-Maxwell:
"I wonder why love is so often equated with joy when it is everything as well. Devastation, balm, obsession, granting, and receiving excessive value, and losing it again. It is not recognition, often of what you are not but might be. It sears and it heals. It is beyond pity and above law. It can seem like the truth."
This is what love is to me. I know I am still young, but I have lived enough, I think, and I have loved enough. I have given my love to three different men in my life and I had three distinct relationships. Each had both good and bad things. All three ended. I saw how they fell apart. I lived it. I lived the pain. By all means I should give up. There is a lot of suffering involved in love, in willing to risk yourself in someone else's hands, in putting yourself at your most vulnerable. I know you are probably still skeptical about Jess. I know a whole lot of people will think this is a stupid decision. I am willing to risk it. I am ready and willing and everyone whoever put their heart in the hands of the person they loved has made this same decision. Sometimes it blows up in your face. I know it. But for all that you risk, you have that much to gain.
So Mom, I want you to know that I am in love. I love Jess and he loves me and we are in love with each other and that does not conquer all and I will not even pretend to live under that conclusion. I can say now that, but there will times that I will not. I can say that this feels right and I know there will be times when I will cry and be angry and everything will seem so not right. I feel like I am learning so much, but I'll be stupid too. I am ready for everything that life and love has in store for me. I am ready to face it all.
So, yeah, Jess and I are a couple. We've been seeing each other ever since I got a job in Philly, a surge of luck on my part. I still get to travel, but I actually have a place to live between all the traveling except hotel rooms.
You're my mom. I both know and expect you to always be worried about me, to be over protective and be critical of an guy I'm in a relationship with, especially if you are afraid he will hurt me, especially especially because he has a track record. But between all of that, be happy for me Mom.
"What are you doing?"
Rory turned in her chair to see her boyfriend standing behind her. "Writing a letter to Mom."
"Didn't you talk to her on the phone an hour ago?" Jess asked, an eyebrow rose in questioning.
"Yeah, but," Rory smiled and shrugged, "There are some things that you just need to write out in a letter to explain…you may be familiar with the concept."
"Ever the articulate one, are we?"
P.S. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
(1) This is a reference to the episode after the 24 hour danceathon when Rory and Jess are finally a couple and Lorelai refers to them as Rory and Jess: The Early Years. I figured they have had the "Break Up" years and are still too young for the "Later Years", so yeah, "Redemption."