Aaaaah, it's been ages. I suck, I know. Thank you very much for the encouraging PMs, they do motivate me to fit time in to write!
Chapter Fifty Three
When Robby finally drags his ass through the door, Dean can't wait to get him alone. Scrap seems…different somehow. The kid's a doofus most of the time anyway but today he seems more doofusish than usual. Is that a proper word?
Normally Dean would sit him down and force him to tell him what the matter was but today he doesn't have time. Today they have plans to make.
Robby's reaction is instant, the second Dean tells him his idea. Dean's seen Robby scared enough time to know what's going on in the kid's head.
"No Dean…" Robby's crying…quiet crying, tears running ignored down his face like he doesn't even realise he's crying. "No…we can't…back? I-I can't, I can't go back!"
But there's something in Robby's voice…like he's begging with Dean. Like he feels like he doesn't have a choice. And Dean knows he should tell Scrap that he does have a choice. That he'll go by himself and Robby can stay here if he wants. But he won't do that because he knows Robby won't come if he gives him the choice. And, really, he's too scared to go alone.
"Look, you told that Jim guy about your powers, after you promised not to, you broke your promise to me."
Robby pauses at that before replying tearfully "I know, but…"
He doesn't need to say the rest of it. Dean knows what Robby means. He fucked up…but not bad enough to deserve this.
Dean's not used to doing much other than bossing Robby around but he needs Scrap on his side for this. "Rob, listen to me, if we do this, everyone's gonna be grateful to us. They're gonna see how tough we are. Everyone's gonna think we're heroes and then…then we'll be able to stay forever. You're the one who was so desperate to save everyone in the first place anyway, remember?"
His talk doesn't really work like he planned. Robby just keeps on staring at the ground. "…But maybe…maybe we can stay forever, without doing all that? Maybe someone else can do it? The Security people?"
Dean shakes his head, frustrated at how dumb Robby can be at times, and then he remembers…scrap doesn't know what's happened today.
"Scrap, listen I…I fucked up today and I-"
"Me too," Robby interrupts him, finally meeting Dean's eyes but Dean shakes his head. Robby doesn't get it. "I nearly-"
"No, I mean fucked up, like really, really fucked up and I…I have to make it right, Scrap. I have to make it up to Dad and Sam otherwise they won't want me around much longer."
"What did you do?" Robby asks and Dean clenches his teeth as he remembers kicking the shit out of his brother only a few hours ago. Remembers Sam's sounds of pain and Dad's look of anger. But he doesn't want to talk about it and they're wasting time.
"Doesn't matter. Just…it was bad okay? Bad enough for them to want to get rid of me probably."
Robby still doesn't look convinced and Dean can feel himself tense as he gets more and more pissed off. "Look, the only reason they keep me around is because I'm family. You know that right?" Dean can hear that he's shouting a little bit and makes an effort to speak quieter, the whole plan is fucked if Dad and Sam wake up. And…it's not like he really wants to say this next bit.
"Do you really think they're gonna keep you around once they get rid of me?" He asks reaching out and grabbing Robby's jaw when the kid tries to look away. "Listen to me, the only reason they keep me around is because I'm a Winchester. You aren't a Winchester. You're not blood. You ain't no-one's brother, no-one's son, they saved you because I asked them to. I begged them to. They keep you around because of me. If they don't want me, they won't want you."
Dean lets go of Robby's jaw as he sees the kid's eyes tearing up. He feels like a bastard but he's only saying the truth. Robby needs to stop kidding himself and start trying to make himself useful.
"But…how are we gonna do it, Dean?"
Dean tries not to smirk as he notices Robby's not even arguing with him anymore.
"Some of them are dead already, Edwin, Walker, Kubrick, they're all dead already." Reminding himself of that gives him a burst of confidence. "Dad's got weapons, Jim's got weapons, we've got your eyes and I've got no binding contract any more. We can do it, Scrap."
Robby says nothing and Dean takes a hold of Robby's shoulder. "When you go to Jim's tomorrow, get some of his weapons. I'll meet you there and then we'll go. Understand?"
Scrap nods and Dean can feel him trembling under his grip and he sighs, softening a bit. "We'll be alright. Do you trust me?"
"I trust you, Dean" Robby whispers and Dean knows he's lying. But he'll take it for what it is, just another way of Robby saying he'll do as he's ordered.
Lily nervously runs her hands through her hair as she waits for Robby to knock on the door. It had taken ages for her to persuade Mom to let him back.
"I just don't know if I trust him to stay quiet about you," Mom had said. "Rob and Dean they…Robby will tell that boy anything if he puts enough pressure on. You know how loyal he is."
"He's loyal to me too, Mom!" Lily had argued. She's always hated the fact that she's always hidden from the world. The fact that she can't meet people, can't leave the house or have a job like other girls. But, for some reason, the thought of being Robby's little secret makes her feel kind of…special.
"He just met you!" Mom has sighed, rolling her eyes and Lily had just shrugged. "And you put a gun at his head. Now I ain't saying that was a bad call to make honey but this kid's got no reason to be loyal to ya. I'm just being honest."
That had hurt but Lily figured her Mom just didn't get it. And anyway "he owes you. So that means he kind of owes me."
Mom had just walked off shaking her head and obviously Lily figures that means she won that argument. Robby's killed people to protect Dean. Maybe he'll do the same for her? Then again, it's hard to imagine quiet little Scrap who's scared of his own shadow stabbing someone to death so it's kind of hard to guess.
The knock sounds timid and it's so quiet she probably wouldn't have heard it if she wasn't sat by the door waiting for it. He's wearing navy blue camos rolled up at the bottoms, Lily makes a mental note to ask Robby if he wants her to sew them later. He's got a plain back tee shirt on his top half, the sleeves are rolled up at the bottoms. Nothing about him looks like it fits right – camos too baggy, sleeves too long, laces too lose, Robby just doesn't fit in properly, just like her.
It's takes her a stupidly long time to remember that they're just standing in the doorway. "Um…are you gonna come in?"
The way Robby looks it's like he's not even sure. "Please?"
Lily laughs as she steps aside to let him through. A wide berth as usual. Once inside they stand in awkward silence, Robby staring mostly at the ground, sometimes looking as high as Lily's shoes or her knees. Lily feels her heart drop a little – the guy looks like he doesn't even want to be here.
And then…"Thanks for letting me come." It's stupidly cute, he sounds like he's surprised she did let him come.
"I wanted you to," she replies. "You wanna come to my room?"
Robby pauses for a second and then nods, bangs falling into his eyes with the movement. Lily wants to reach out and brush it away but she's had a lot of practice at resisting those sudden urges so it's no longer anything more than a brief, fleeting thought.
Robby follows her up the staircase. Their house is one of the only houses in the whole camp to have stairs. Mom says that John Winchester and Pastor Jim helped and Bobby Singer who died before she was born. It's a smaller area for her magic to work, apparently, stacking the rooms on top of each other. And easier to defend. Lily's just glad no one has ever found the house so they've never needed to defend it. No-one but Robby anyway. It's just like in all those books Mom used to teach her to read; the princess locked up away in the tower until the knight in shining armour comes to save her. Well, Robby might not look much like a knight in shining armour but he's the closest thing she's got to a prince.
Robby can feel his eyes widen as he walks through the door to Lily's room. The bare floor boards are covered with colourful, like…cloth things. Like big, thick sheets or something. There's a mattress on the floor in the corner covered in a thick blanket and a load of cushions. The walls are covered with pictures, shapes and animals and stuff Robby's never seen before in his life. He doesn't even know if they're real or not. All over the floor there's plants and flowers and little trees, stacks of books and papers and drawings. Robby thinks back to the cold, dirty, empty little cell he grew up in and feels pathetic. Why was he stupid enough to think Lily would like him? He only came here to say bye before he went to get Pastor Jim's weapons. No matter what Dean says, Scrap doesn't think they're gonna get out of this alive. He just wanted to pretend for a bit that Lily and him could be friends. That someone like Lily Mosely could like someone like him. Now he realises he was just being stupid.
Robby wishes he was smart enough to think a way out of this. That he could know what to say to get out of this without making anyone mad at him. Most of all he wishes he could just tell Lily everything that's going round in his head. But, like always, he can't find the words and he finds himself just standing still, staring at his feet, his clenched fists the only thing he can do to try and get rid of all the stress building up inside him.
"So….this is my room."
Lily's voice is light and bouncy and so happy. Robby can't help but smile a bit even though he feels like shit. He hasn't heard many girls' voices before but they're way nice than guys' voices that's for sure. Everything about Lily is nice; her hair is a nice colour, her skin is all perfect, no scars anywhere, even like the shape of her body, all curvy and… Robby swallows, suddenly feeling way too hot and coughs as his breath catches in his throat for a second.
"You okay?" Lily asks and Robby nods wiping at his forehead with his hand.
"Uh yeah…yeah I'm good."
Lily laughs softly but, when Robby catches her eye, he can tell she's not laughing at him. At least, he hopes not. It doesn't feel like it. But still, he wants to say something cool, something that will impress her, anything to stop looking like an idiot.
"You got a lot of stuff."
Wow. Real clever. He wants to sound tough like Mr Winchester, or smart like Sammy or funny like Pastor Jim. But all he can seem to do is come out with something stupid every now and again.
Lily shrugs "Yeah, I know. But I gotta have something to do, locked up in here all the time."
Robby nods and tries not to show his confusion. Dean and him used to spend days locked up with nothing to do sometimes. Sometimes they'd be chained up so tight they could hardly even move. No one cared whether they had anything to do or not. And being bored is better than being hurt any day.
"You wanna see?" Lily asks and Robby nods enthusiastically. He wants to see…everything. Even the books he won't be able to read. He wants to see all of it.
"These are my drawings." Lily holds out a pile of papers at arm's length and Robby stares at them warily. He wants to look but…
"I don't wanna ruin 'em," Robby mumbles as he steps back a few paces.
Lily frowns, "What do you mean? Scrap? How are you gonna ruin them?"
"I-I dunno," Robby panics slightly. He wants to look, god he does, he wants to share this with Lily so much but years of punishments and beatings have taught him not to take any risks; Keep his bowl and plate on the floor so he can't smash them by mistake, double knot his laces so they can't come undone, put his clothes on careful so he doesn't rip them by accident, anything to avoid doing something wrong and getting hurt for it. What if his hands are dirty and he makes the paper grubby? What if he drops them by accident? What if he grips the paper too tight and makes it scrunched up or ripped. Not worth the risk, it's not worth the risk, it's not…
Scrap doesn't even notice how fast his breathing is until Lily stars walking towards him. Fuck. Stop panicking. Be cool. Fuck. He can't breathe properly.
"Okay, geez, I-I'm sorry, forget it." Lily drops the papers on the floor and Robby watches as they land everywhere. "I didn't mean to…freak you out."
Robby shakes his head, it's not Lily's fault, now he's pissed her off. Why didn't he just walk out the door when he had the chance?
"Scrap…" Lily's voice is calm and Robby tries to slow his breathing. He's okay, Lily won't kill him for this. She ain't like that. Why would he have thought that in first place?
"It's okay," Lily smiles and Robby shakes his head.
"It ain't okay. I-I don't mean to freak out all the time. I just…"
"Just what?" Lily asks and as their eyes meet Robby feels all that…that bubble of fear and stress that's been inside him for so long come out of him as he…breaks.
"I just…I….I keep trying to be this me that-that's not me," Robby looks around him, blinking away tears as he tries to find the words he needs. "Lily I…I keep thinking I can do it, like I can act all tough and smart and funny and make you like me. I keep thinking I'll work out how to do it eventually but that's not…it's not me."
Lily just keeps looking at him, not frowning, not laughing, just listening and God he's never had anyone just listen and actually care. He couldn't stop the words coming out even if he wanted to.
"This, this is me, Lily. Just, fucking, scared all the time and I don't even know why. I keep trying to remember no-one ain't gonna hurt us anymore but…it's like, if I don't keep remembering it all the time in my head I forget it and…and I know it sounds pathetic but Lily, please you don't…you don't know how much they hurt me. What they did… Please believe me. I ain't being pathetic Lily, I tried to be tough but it was so much and…please believe me Lily, please, please, please…"
"Robby," Lily's one soft word cuts off the words Scrap didn't even realise he was saying. "I believe you. I believe you and I understand. When you talk to me like this, I understand."
Robby scrubs at his eyes. "You must think I'm crazy." He's surprised when he hears Lily give a quiet laugh.
"I'm just glad it's not me. Ya know? All this time I kept thinking I was doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing and that's why you were so quiet and nervous. I haven't spent much time around other people so…"
Robby shakes his head so hard he feels dizzy for a second. "No! No Lily, it ain't you, you ain't done anything wrong, you never do anything wrong. It's me that messes up!"
There's a pause and Robby bites down on his lip. It's gonna be easier to go on Dean's mission now. Now Lily won't wanna see him again and he can just go and he won't have anything to lose.
"Robby I do stuff wrong all the time, I put a gun to your head, remember?"
Robby shakes his head again. Lily is perfect, he's sure of it. Doesn't even get why he's sure, he just is. He just knows it. And he won't hear anything bad said about her, even from Lily herself.
"That was smart and brave, not wrong. Lily you…Lily you're like the most prettiest, smartest, nicest person I ever met and I wish I wasn't such a…freak so you like me back as much as I like you but-"
And now he has to go. He's said nearly all the stuff he wanted to say before he goes off and probably gets shot or arrested or stabbed or something. Except Lily's talking now, just before he had time to finish what he was saying.
"Tell me something good about yourself."
And that's kinda weird. "Huh?"
"Sit down with me and tell me something good about yourself."
Scrap does, sitting crossed legged on the floor opposite Lily. It's kinda comfy and he should be leaving but he just does what he's told straight away without thinking sometimes because… "I'm good at following orders." That's a good thing, right?
"...Okay. What else?"
Robby scratches his head as he tries to think. "Why are we doin' this?" He asks, 'cos a minute ago he was like saying all like sappy stuff that Dean would laugh at and now he's supposed to be like, saying good things about himself? Why would anyone wanna hear about him anyway?
"Cos…I want to," Lily's smiling and Robby shrugs, laughing a little bit.
"This is weird, Lily."
Lily laughs as well, "Come on, quit stalling, something good about yourself."
"Uh…" Robby chews on his lower lip until he remembers the obvious thing. "My eyes are good! And I can heal people."
"More?" Robby asks, his eyes wide. He's not even sure there is any more. Robby rubs at his temples, this is tough, he's thinking so hard his head hurts. "I uh…I…I can keep secrets!" The relief of having something to say is amazing. "Mr Walker beat the crap out of me but I didn't tell him where Dean was, I knew where he was but I didn't tell him, not even when he said he was gonna cut my eye out. I didn't say nothing, no matter what he did. And I won't saying nothing about you Lily, you Mom said she'll kill me if I do but I wouldn't say anything anyway, I promise. I won't tell anyone, not even Dean."
Lily's crying now and Robby panics. "What? What did I say? I'm sorry! I thought I was saying good stuff."
"You are!" Lily's like, smiling and crying at the same time, which is weird. "It is good, Robby, it's really good. Mom doesn't believe that you won't say anything but I know you won't."
"I promise Lily, I wouldn't say anything no matter what they did. Even if they used my binding contract, I still wouldn't say anything, I'd let them kill me with it first."
"Yeah?" Lily's blushing now and Robby can feel his own cheeks getting hot. Normally when he talks like this Pastor Jim tells him to calm down and stop panicking and no-one's gonna kill him, or Dean tells him to shut up and stop whining, or Mr Winchester will just say 'that's enough kid'. No-one's ever properly just listened to him, Mister Sam a little bit maybe but, not like this. Mister Sam listens to him about Dean but not actually about Robby, why would he want to? Why would anyone want to? Why does Lily want to?
"I wish we could like, hold hands or something."
Robby chews on his bottom lip and then shrugs "I ain't much good at touching but…I think if it was you, I probably wouldn't mind. Well, except that I'd die, obviously."
Lily shrugs with a weird smile. "Yeah, apart from that."
He'll be dead soon, then Lily can touch him all she wants. Robby feels a lump forming in his throat and…god he can't do this, he needs to get out of here. Because if he doesn't move now he'll stay here forever, sitting and chatting and looking at drawings and…he wants to stay.
"I-I have to go." Robby stumbles as he stands and Lily quickly stands up as well, looking confused and hurt.
Dean told him to keep it a secret but…if he doesn't say anything Lily's gonna hate him forever. He'd rather have Dean pissed off at him than Lily. Dean's always pissed off at him for some reason or another lately anyway. And at least, if he dies now, Lily won't be pissed off at him forever.
"Don't tell no-one?" he pleads quietly and Lily shakes her head, looking worried. Scrap drops his voice to a whisper. "Promise?"
"I promise," Lily nods. "Swear on the Bible."
Robby doesn't have a clue what Lily just said but he trusts her and he leans in as close as he dares as he explains. "Where me and Dean lived before, there were other kids, special kids, like you and me and Sam. Me and Dean, we're gonna go and free them, tonight." Scrap's almost hoping Lily will be impressed by the plan, that she'll be impressed and think he's brave and cool and-
"Are you crazy?!" Lily's still whispering but it's about the loudest whisper Scrap's ever heard and he flinches backwards. "That's the stupidest idea ever!"
"W-well, it was Dean's idea," Robby tries to explain, fidgeting with his hands.
"What makes you think those kids will be still there?" Lily asks, walking around the room like she's so pissed off she can't keep still. …This is not going how he planned it. "Security know about this place, they've probably been there already. And if they haven't, Scrap those kids are probably dead. How would they be alive if no-one's fed them?"
Robby shakes his head. "Nah, I was there, I saw when Gordon was torturing me. After Edwin was dead, it wasn't as strict see. They kept the cages open and the top door locked cos, we didn't do any hunts after that. After Edwin died, a new guy came and he weren't as bad as Edwin."
"A new guy?" Lily asks and Robby nods, trying to think back.
"He wouldn't let me look at him. Said I'd 'see too much' so he didn't mind so much when Walker took me away." Robby shrugs. "He was weird. He cried when he touched me, before Walker took me, said it was his fault for giving me my gift and that, things weren't meant to end up like this. He said if I told Walker where Dean was, I could come back and be with him, but that he'd burn my eyes out." Robby feels his heart beat faster as he remembers. "He said it wouldn't hurt, and he'd still love me but… I wouldn't have told anyway but I don't wanna lose my eyes!"
"So that guy, is still down there with the other special children?" Lily asks, real slow, like he ain't making sense. It ain't his fault, it don't make much sense in real life either. One minute Edwin's there and then he's dead and Dean's gone but no one knows where and there's a creepy guy who's changing everything…and what was it Lily just said?
"I think so. But he wouldn't have let 'em die. Otherwise I woulda told Security, I wouldn't let them starve to death, even if they were mean to Dean sometimes."
"Why don't you just let the Security team go down there? You two can't do it on your own, no way."
"Dean says we can't tell em anything," Robby explains. "He says that if people found out I have powers, they'd just lock me up again or maybe kill me, and do the same to the other kids. And your Mom does," Scrap waved his hands around the room, "all this magic to protect you cos you've got powers so he must be right."
Lily shakes her head again. "Robby I…I get it that you want to save them but…just the two of you? You won't be able to. Remember, all that stuff you told me about people who tried to break in before?"
Robby shakes his head "It's different, me and Dean know them tricks. I'll tell the new guy that I came back by myself and then…"
"And then what?" Lily asks and Robby fidgets where he stands. Lily's still pissed off and Robby feels less and less confident by the second.
"And then I'll kill him. And anyone else who's still there. I'll kill em and then I'll save everyone."
"Robby stop it," Lily looks away. "I don't like it when you talk like that."
Robby frowns and can't help but sulk as he mutters "You asked…"
Lily's started pacing again and Robby realises that he really shouldn't have backchatted. Turns out Lily Moseley's just as bad as grown up Miss Moseley when she's pissed off. "'Kill everyone'. That's your amazing plan, just go and kill everyone? You don't think that's maybe, you know, lacking a few details?"
Robby feels really stupid. "It's Dean's plan, he's smart!" he argues back and Lily laughs and not in 'ha ha' way.
"And what if they fight back? Don't you think you're going to be a bit outnumbered? Did Dean the genius think of that?" Robby tries to think of something to say but he's crumbling and can feel tears prickling in his eyes.
"I know!" he finally yells back, ducking his head so he doesn't have to look at Lily's reaction. "I know we're probably gonna die, alright? That's why I came here, to say goodbye before…"
"Then why the hell are you going along with a plan if you know you're probably going to end up dead?" Lily's voice is softer now as she comes to stand in front of him, bending down so he's forced to look in her eyes.
"I-I don't want to," he finally whispers. "I-I tried to tell him no but Dean says…" Robby breaks off, Dean will kill him for this.
"Dean says what?" Lily asks and Robby clenches his fists, he can feel the headache building, this wasn't how this was supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone. he said he was good at keeping secrets but he ain't, not to Lily, he already told her that he killed people who came to save Dean and now he's telling her the secret plan which isn't a secret any more.
"Dean says if we don't do it, Mr Winchester and Pastor Jim won't let us stay anymore. He said they only like me cos I'm his friend and they'll get rid of us both."
"What?!" Lily exclaims and Robby steps back a few steps just in case she goes nuts and accidentally touches him or something. "What the hell? Robby, Mr Winchester is a jerk but Dean is his son, he'd never 'get rid of him'. Or you. Pastor Jim would never let anyone go out on the streets to die either, he's a good person."
"Dean said he fucked up," Robby tried to explain and Lily shakes her head again.
"It doesn't matter, that still doesn't mean…Oh my God. I have to tell Mom about this. I thought you said he was smart, he sounds like an idiot to me, and a bully, making you-"
"Shut up!" Robby's yelling before he even realises, stopping Lily's angry ranting. He doesn't want to shout at Lily, he really doesn't but the words are coming out of his mouth before he even realises he's thinking about saying them. "Don't talk shit about Dean!"
Lily glares at him them, both of them staring each other down, fists clenched. "Why not? You do all this stuff to protect him when you're little kids, then you get tortured for him and he tells you all this crap to make you go on some stupid mission cos he thinks he's tough enough to kill a load of armed men. Obviously he doesn't even care if you die or not," Lily glares at him and Robby glares right back. Somewhere, a little voice inside him is pleading with him to stop yelling, reminding him that Lily is like one of his favourite people in the world and that this isn't what Sam would do. But all Robby knows about conflict is violence and shouting, and, when it comes to Dean, he ain't gonna back down, not even for Lily.
"It ain't like that!" Robby tries to explain. "You don't get it! You ain't even met Dean, you don't know nothing about him! You're just…" the words are out his mouth before he can stop them. "You're just a dumb bitch."
And then he's running, down the stairs and out of the stupid magic door. Scrap thinks he can hear Lily sobbing in the distance and he ducks his head down, sprinting harder to get away from the sound. But, as he runs forward, he can feel the wind blowing against the damp tracks down his face and all he can think is how he has literally fucked everything up in the last half an hour and now it really doesn't matter if he dies or not – right now, he really doesn't care.
An: I wanted to move forward a bit and tie up some loose threads in the story and move a few things forward. Robby and Lily are both pretty dysfunctional individuals in a very dysfunctional situation so I wanted to explore the fact that their crush/romance wouldn't run as smoothly as it had been going. Plus there's got to be a good old dose of teenage hormones in there lol! Sorry if this seems a bit unpolished, I am struggling for time lately x