The Greatest Mistake
Disclaimer: Yep I own 'em! Can't you see that I am the great Dick Wolf, who resorts to writing Fanfiction to fuel his shippers heart - no idiot I don't own 'em...duh! eye roll
Summary: OneShot. 'It had been a mistake, but why had it felt so damn right?' Carolyn Barek reflects on leaving MCS and her partner, Mike Logan.
Author's Note: Well there I was researching French deserts for school (don't even ask) and suddenly I had a desire to write. Now you know when you ignore that desire and the next day you forger you're brilliant idea? Or it bugs you so much that you can't concentrate on researching French deserts? Oh and also blame listening to 'Mad World' by Gary Jules, 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls, 'Crazy' by Nelly Furtado, 'Nan's Song' by Robbie Williams, and 'How Six Songs Collide'. Anyway, so long story short, I gave in...and here is the end result.
It had been a mistake.
But why had it felt so damn right?
Why couldn't she just forget about it? Because she didn't forget things, that's why. She never did, she had this little voice that kept on whispering, that refused to stop. And also she couldn't forget about it because this was Mike...this was Mike Logan the cocky, chauvinistic, black sheep of a cop who had been exiled to Staten Island and then returned to his former glory...this was Mike Logan, her Mike, her former partner...this was Mike Logan she was talking about.
Carolyn had always enjoyed working alone. It was easy just to rely on herself then to rely on others. Not that she didn't enjoy the company of others - Carolyn loved it, but when it came to work it was just easier to work alone, easier to not have someone ever second guess you, easier not to fall in love.
Yep, love. That had always been her fear. Naturally when she had confided in her cousin Rosie about it, the two had laughed it off as something that only happens in movies - only happens behind the close doors of Warner Bros. Studios.
But nonetheless that day she agreed to work with Logan on a trial basis only, the problems had started. The moment she saw him, his shortly cut hair, his calm hazel eyes with that glint of danger, his heart warming little grin, and lean muscular statue, her breath had been taken away.
And yes Carolyn Barek realised that was incredibly corny.
She enjoyed his company, even put up with his never ending jokes which she set out to match. They made a great team, even getting labelled the 'second' dream team (Alex and Goren being the first). His golden gut and her profiling skills were unbeatable. She trusted him, and he trusted her.
And it was that trust that had ruined everything.
Since they were both single and getting to a point in their lives where going out night after night in search for the 'One' was getting rather tedious, they found refuge at Mike's apartment (apparently Brooklyn was too far away) and would work on cases every odd night, occasionally even just watching TV, and chatting. A few beers and a bit of take away would always be a part of it.
So one night, just after the pizzas had just arrived and they had just gotten out a beer each, they were sitting on the couch arguing about...hell she couldn't even remember what they had been arguing about. They argued so much, Alex had started calling them an old married couple.
Anyway eventually the arguing had escalated and soon Carolyn was screaming at him. Then he kissed her, smothering any further rebuttals.
For one moment she had been in pure heaven, and she found herself, pressing herself against him, his strong arms holding her up. Soon their silly spat was forgotten as what seemed like an age passed. Eventually common sense caught up with her, like it always did and she pulled herself away.
He looked apologetic, a meek little smile on his face.
So then Carolyn decided to tell common sense to go to hell. She kissed him, and the rest was history.
The next morning she woke up happy, truly content, and at peace. Then she rolled to her other side to the sleeping naked form of her partner. Then it hit her...and she was scared. She ran.
But she never forgot.
Because they hadn't been drunk, they hadn't been on anything in fact. They had both been fully aware of what they were doing, they both knew they were crossing the line; they knew it and they said to it 'Fuck off'
And that's why she was scared, because she had never felt so strongly for someone before, never cared so much, never been so infatuated like that, never felt so passionate about, and in English, she had never loved someone so much.
And she couldn't have him - not with a clear conscious of the lines she was crossing or the fact if they were discovered it was more likely to be Mike to take the fall - because he was the easy target. And that's why she left. That's why she ran. That's why the moment she woke up and left his apartment, she went to Deakin's office and gave him her resignation. That's why, not a week after it, she was in a different city as Special Agent Carolyn Barek of the FBI, no longer Detective Carolyn Barek of the NYPD.
And that's why she ran and that was the greatest mistake of all.