Disclaimer: I wish.

Third story, third update, I'm on a roll! This, my friends, is crack, but because it's me, there's some angst thrown in as a side. After a year of forcing my muse to inspire me, it decided to toss some healthy crack at me. Who was I to refuse? Enjoy the crack my friends, because drama and angst star in my other two fics.

The Conception

If there was one thing all men universally hated, it was crying women.

It was the one thing in the universe that could simultaneously make them hesitant, fearful, panicky and guilty. Now to the experienced eye, some males were cool-headed enough to know when tears are real and when they were as fake as a gold digger's smile. Having grown up in the privileged aristocratic world of gossip and backstabbing, Neji was especially immune to crying. Once, a girl had scraped her knee and he offered a hand up. His thanks? He gained his very first stalker. He was seven.

Ever since then, he learned how to distinguish between the females he encountered. It was painstaking work and he spent most of his adolescence being guilt tripped by rejected females. Now at fourteen, Neji was a seasoned man. He knew when a girl was faking.

And to his horror, the ringing sobs in his ears were genuine.

He should... go help? As in get involved?


What sane male would purposely involve himself with a sobbing female? Besides, what if the weeper was a crack addict having a meltdown, or even worse, a fangirl? He was pretty sure none of his fans hung in the courtyard exclusive to the burnout crowd, but he did have a few gothic fans. What if they took his gesture the wrong way? Was it worth the risk?

Heh. For some girl he didn't even know? He'd bow down to Uchiha before he took that risk.

But for some reason, he had the vague inkling that Hinata would look at him with disappointment in her wide, uncorrupted eyes if she ever found out. At least check on her, his conscience wheedled. Restraining a sigh, he resigned himself to check on her. It's not like he was actually going to talk to her or anything he assured himself.

He didn't have to walk far, the muffled sobs lead him to an old oak tree and pressed against it's trunk, was the weeper.

To his relief, she dressed normally without any drastic changes, so she wasn't an apparent loony. He was surprised to see that her sobs were actually wracking her body, her folded arms and loose hair covered most of her face, but she seemed familiar. Hmm, blonde and somewhat, he scanned her form again, petite...

He recoiled.

To his upmost horror, he had stumbled across a crying Ino.

He didn't know her personally; she was a year younger than him and ran with the vulture group. She was a cheerleader, not to mention a devoted fan of his rival, Uchiha Sasuke. Mostly he ignored anyone who wasn't directly involved with his goals or... well that was basically it. He didn't really know that much about her, except that she liked to glomp Uchiha and scream at some girl with hair like Pepto-Bismol.

Well that and she was a bitch.

It was a common fact, the grass was green, the sky was blue, Jiriaya-sama would one day die of herpes, his uncle would die with a frown, he was an asshole and Yamanaka Ino was a bitch. Simple truth.

But to be honest she didn't look like a bitch now.

Truthfully, she looked rather pathetic.

Because of her loudness he never really noticed how small she was, but she seemed... frail. Her body was wound together tightly, as if she was afraid someone would hit her, she was rocking back and forth on the grass staining her clothes. Her school shirt was mussed and her sobs, though loud, were still muffled.

His brain pointed out once more that Yamanaka Ino was really crying.

And his conscience, pointless thing it was, squirmed.

Neji gave valid reasons as to not interfere with her sobbing. One, she was a bitch. The worst kind, the fangirl kind. She was loud, obnoxious, she threw tantrums so loud the second floor of the school heard and she had horrible taste in men. What sane female could like Uchiha? It was obvious that he was gay or at least metro sexual. Best case scenario is that he was simply asexual. What straight man would waste that much money on gel to get a hair style that looked like a chicken's ass?

Plus Uchiha was an effeminate asshole.

Secondly, she was proud. Hyuuga noticed (unwilling) on several occasions that although she did the usual fawning and obsessing over Sasuke, she never hid her bitchy side from him. When she threw down with a rival she made sure to make sure everybody noticed. Even Neji noticed, though this was mainly due to the fact that her altercations blocked the hallways. She didn't bend for anyone it seemed.

She had pride and she wouldn't want anyone to see her cry. Why else would the maniacal, little cheerleader be crying in the court yard that was reserved for the intellectual burn outs and pot heads?

She wouldn't appreciate his sudden appearance.

But, his brain insisted those were real tears.

The kind of body wracking tears Hinata used to have when his aunt died. Automatically without his conscious consent, his body carried him over to his rival's number one fangirl.


Perhaps it was a bit... unplanned, but he hadn't expected Ino to lift her head and bolt. Luckily she'd been in that position for a while and her cramped legs made her stumble. In three long strides Neji had a firm grip on her arm. He knew he was out of his element, but he really didn't expect the punch she aimed towards his face. Surprised and a little impressed, (it was a well thrown jab) he dodged and tightened his grip.

"Let me go!" Her raw tone surprised him, it held none of the confidence or banshee quality it usually did. It was torn, something tugged at him but he ignored it and instead focused on slipping passed her attempted knee to the groin.

"If it was any other guy, I'm sure you'd have gotten away," he told her as she again tried to elbow near his ribcage. He sighed in exasperation, this was exactly why he was an asshole. Being nice was never appreciated. She continued to squirm, bringing down her fist onto his arm. He winced. "Look I'm trying to be decent here!"

"Well it doesn't suit you! Now let go!" For a girl who had been in tears, she was surprising strong.

Stung at her brush off at his willing act of (attempted) kindness he decided to skip the niceties. "Look if you can convincingly tell me your fine then that will satisfy my bothersome conscience and I'll let you go."

"I'm fine."

"I don't believe you."


Then to his utter horror she began to cry again. This time his conscience definitely kicked up a fuss. He had made her cry this time. He was at a complete loss as to how to comfort a girl he had made cry. His fangirls didn't count, the spawns of Hitler could not shed honest tears. What made him feel worse was that he didn't think she even noticed that she was crying.

"Fine! You want to help me so bad?! Can you magically make a ride appear out of nowhere during the middle of a weekday? HUH?" She glared at him, blue eyes narrowed and hair flying. He let her arm go, but she didn't seem to notice, she stood there, glaring wildly through her tears.


Making a split second decision he knew he was going to regret, Neji did something extremely unlike himself. Against every rule in decorum and all the common sense he had, he hoisted Yamanaka Ino and threw her on his back.


He winced, Kama-sama she was loud. Even the burnouts were turning their heads in interest. He ignored the continued pounding on his back and determinedly made his way to the school's parking lot.

"Hyuuga-san?!" Tasaburo dropped his driver's hat in shock as he saw his young master manhandle a screeching girl and place her next to his precious car. The vehicle of his dreams and most importantly, of his payroll.

The young master rolled his eyes and smoothed his clothes. "You said you need a ride right? Tasaburo is my driver."

The shrieking girl paused and turned to look at him. He was surprised to see the girl in tears and he wondered privately what his young master had gotten himself into. They were in the eye of the storm now. The young master straightened his rumpled clothes while the young girl pondered.

Then much more quietly she asked, "You know the west side of town well?"

For the most part, Tasaburo was pleased to see that both adolescents were much calmer. Tasaburo was well beyond his initial shock at their unexpected guest and instead focused on the directions. He was a little surprised to hear that she lived in a thoroughly middle class part of town, Sakamoto academy was expensive and it was a very demanding school.

Half an eye on the road he cast a quick glance at the back. The girl was staring out the window and the young master looked particularly unconcerned. He wondered if this girl was well, maybe Neji's girlfriend? Maybe her continuing silent tears were the result of a lovers spat? Then again he doubted it. Neji was a stoic child, that was true to a fault, but he had a feeling that when Neji received his first dose of young love it would be very apparent.

When they were less than 5 minutes away from their destination Tasaburo decided it was safe to inquire, he hoped she could tell it was out of concern; he had a daughter her age. "Miss, if I may ask the reason for your... distraught state?"

She didn't reply and he fell into a tactful silence. It wasn't until they had stopped in front of a white two story house that she answered as she stepped out of the car.

"My dad died."

Tasaburo couldn't read the strange look that crossed the young master's eyes.


A Neji and Ino friendship, god I feel sorry for him. I enjoy reviews, hearing what other people have to say is always a blast. And as long as a flame has reason, it's a critque.