Ok so here's the scoop on Psych so that you can still read this one-shot even if you've never seen the show. It's really quite simple. Shawn is this young guy who pretends to be a psychic so that he can solve cases (mostly murders) with (more like for) the Santa Barbara Police Department. In reality, he's just hyper-observant so he notices things that most people don't. Using his unique skill he, along with his partner and BFF Gus, usually get ahead of the cops. Then he pretends to have psychic episodes that reveal what he found so that the cops get on the right track. Why does he pretend to be a psychic instead of just becoming a detective, you might ask? Well, for one thing his dad was a cop and he doesn't want to turn into his dad. The other reason is probably because he's never really grown up and so being a fake psychic is just way too much fun for him! Hope that helps! Oh and Lassiter (sometimes referred to as "Lassie" by Shawn) and Juliet are real cops of the SBPD who Shawn works with (sort of). Juliet is usually impressed with Shawn where as Lassiter barely tolerates him. Ok now I think that's everything! Enjoy…
Oh and I kept forgetting to give Julia a last name. Now I have. It's Ramsey. Don't ask why . . . cuz I don't really know.
"Miss Ramsey?! Ow!" Shawn Spencer yelped as he was dragged back behind the bushes where his friend and business partner, Gus, was crouching.
"Shawn! What do you think you're doing?!" Gus whisper-yelled.
"Well at the moment, I'm praying that you didn't dislocate my shoulder," Shawn replied, rubbing his shoulder, "Now come on, was that really necessary?"
"You can't just walk up to Vlad Masters' girlfriend in broad daylight!" Gus scolded.
"What, you want me to wait until it gets dark?" Shawn asked, his tone turning playful, "Corner her in an alley somewhere? Gus, that would be much too suspicious!"
Gus gave Shawn his best you-know-that's-not-what-I-meant look and went back to peering through the bushes at the woman everyone in the world was labeling as either "insane" or "a complete idiot." Or both.
"And . . . and frightening," Shawn said, continuing his rant, "and frankly quite creepy. As associates of the Santa Barbara Police Department, I really don't think that's the image we want to present here."
"We shouldn't be here at all," Gus snapped. "Lassiter and Juliet said they were gonna look into it."
"Look into it? What does that even mean, Gus?"
"It means we shouldn't have wasted valuable time traveling all the way here since the cops don't even want us here."
"I'll tell you what it means," Shawn went on as if Gus hadn't spoken, "It means that they're gonna get on their little phones and they're gonna call up the Amity Park Police Department. They're gonna ask in the nicest way possible about perhaps what it might take to theoretically bring Vlad Masters in for questioning concerning a robbery-turned-homicide. And then the Amity Park cop who got stuck with phone-answering duty that day is gonna laugh in their faces and say 'You gotta be kiddin! You know how hard it is to get to that guy? He's got the world's teenage super hero Danny . . . Phantasm-"
"Whatever," Shawn brushed off the correction as he delved back into his very animated explanation, "Phantom guarding him like a hawk. Someone accuses him of so much as littering and the kid's there, standing up for him, making the media cringe in their . . . media . . . boots." He trailed off, losing his focus for a brief moment. "Anyway, the point is, something is up with these half-ghosts, Gus! I can feel it."
"Are you suggesting that Danny Phantom, the kid who risked his life to save the world, is a bad seed covering up for his ex-archenemy so that said ex-archenemy can return to a life of crime?"
"No," Shawn said, exasperated, "all I'm saying is maybe the kid's trusting the old dude a little too much. Maybe he doesn't have him as under control as he thinks. You got it now?"
"Almost, I just have one question," Gus replied, still not convinced Shawn knew what he was doing.
"If you want to talk to Masters so badly, why are we stalking the girlfriend?"
"Not stalking, Gus, never stalking! We're tailing her. It's PI-jargon. It's way cooler and far less stalker . . . ish."
Gus's only response was a very annoyed look that said, "You gonna answer my question or what?"
Shawn sighed. "I called the Amity Park police," he admitted in a defeated voice.
"Ah-ha!" Gus burst out laughing. "They laughed at you, huh?"
"Yah . . ." Shawn peered through the bushes, pretending to lose interest in the conversation, choosing instead to watch their target as she continued to walk with a girlfriend through the park. "Wouldn't even help get me into that crazy house he's staying in . . ."
"It's not an asylum, Shawn, it's a psychological institution! And from what I hear, his shrink's helping him find a place to live, thinkin' about lettin' him move out."
"Yah I bet she's in on it too," Shawn replied, not really meaning it. "Ooh! Gus! The friend's leaving! Now's our chance!"
"Shawn what did I say abo-?" Gus turned to see Shawn already sprinting away from the bush and towards the unsuspecting woman in the park. He reluctantly followed his friend, muttering about how he never listens.
"Miss Ramsey?" Shawn asked, politely.
"Yes," Julia answered, turning to meet the stranger approaching her with weary eyes.
"We're really sorry to bother you," Gus started, attempting to apologize in advance for his friend.
"Whoa, time out," Shawn interrupted, ignoring Gus' heated glare. "You," he said, staring at Julia intensely, "have amazing green eyes. Look, Gus, just look at her eyes! Look at how they just pop!"
Julia blushed and looked away, trying hard not to fall for Shawn's charm.
"Really the cameras do not do those beauties justice," Shawn continued.
"Shawn," Gus said in a stern voice.
"Right, moving on, you'll have to excuse me for being so easily distracted," Shawn laughed as he smooth-talked the still on-guard Julia. "It's funny cuz you would think that a psychic would be really good at focusing on one thing but in reality we're much more scatter-brained-"
"Wait, psychic?" Julia interrupted just as Shawn had wanted her to. Shawn stopped laughing. And so did Gus who had only joined in so that it was less awkward.
"Yes, Shawn Spencer, head psychic of the SBPD," Shawn introduced himself, holding out his hand.
"Wow," Julia commented dryly, "that's a new one." She ignored Shawn's hand and started walking.
Shawn and Gus quickly fell into step with her. "I'm not trying to make a move on you I swear," Shawn insisted, "The whole eyes thing? I just do that. I compliment people on random things all the time! You can ask Gus."
Shawn turned to his friend, but continued speaking loud enough for Julia to hear, "Gus, tell her about that time at the Clam Festival where I randomly walked up to that guy and told him he had nice hair…"
Gus only narrowed his eyes in return. Sometimes Shawn's lying got on his nerves.
"No," Julia stated abruptly, "you're not trying to get at me. You're trying to use me to get to Vlad . . . or Danny . . . or both! Point is, I'm sick of it! Can't you people just leave us alone!" She stormed up the stairs of what Shawn and Gus could only assume was her apartment complex. This was confirmed when she angrily pulled a set of keys out of her pocket and began searching for the right one.
"No please wait!" Shawn exclaimed. He shared a look of shock and shame with Gus. They hadn't meant to upset her.
Julia turned to them, looking fed up.
When they start to get that look, Gus knows it's time for him to take over. "Look, Miss Ramsey, we're actually here about a very serious matter." He gave Shawn a reproachful glare to show he meant business. "It does involve Mr. Masters, but it probably concerns you as well."
"Fine," Julia said with a sigh, "but what does Sylvia Browne over here have to do with anything?" She gestured in Shawn's direction.
"Ooh a pop culture reference," Shawn commented to show he wasn't offended.
"He wasn't lying," Gus continued, "we really do work in the psychic division of the Santa Barbara Police Department."
Julia smiled. "I like how you've cleverly left out the part about actually being psychic."
Gus was at a loss for words, but Shawn swiftly took over.
"A non-believer huh?" he asked with a skeptical look.
Julia just smirked and turned back to her front door.
"I bet you were that little girl," Shawn continued, taking on a wistful tone, "sitting in front at the magic show telling all the kids that the bunny was nothing but a stuffed animal…"
With a roll of her eyes, Julia opened the door and stepped aside, inviting them in.
"Oh we couldn't," Gus started. His attempt to politely turn down Julia's offer turned futile as Shawn eagerly stepped past Julia and entered her apartment. Gus had no choice but to follow his friend.
By the time Julia entered the apartment and closed the door, Shawn had already done a once-over of the place. Using his mad hyper-observant skills, he had been able to deduce that she lives alone, has no pets, and works for a lab in the biochemistry department.
Shawn turned his graze from the white lab coat thrown over the couch that had revealed Julia's profession to him and focused on the pictures decorating the mantle and coffee tables in the small living room.
Thanks to Danny's influence over the press, the details of Julia's personal life had been kept secret. Therefore Shawn had been very curious about the mystery woman everyone was judging before they even got to know her. He was pleased to see that she really wasn't crazy.
Julia brushed past Shawn, unable to see the observations brewing within him, and turned on the lights in the attached kitchen, tossing her keys onto the counter next to a stack of mail.
Shawn's eyes lit up as they past over the last picture in the room. "Time to convert the non-believer," he whispered to Gus.
Before Gus could respond, Shawn had gripped his arm with a cry of agony.
Julia's head snapped up from the mail she had started reading. She hurried over to where the two were standing (well Shawn was now bent over) in her living room.
"Is he okay?" she asked, her eyes wide with worry.
Shawn was breathing heavily and continued to sink towards the floor.
"He's fine," Gus started to explain, but Shawn suddenly jumped up, his hands spread out in front of him, palms facing away from him.
"You'll have to excuse me Julia," Shawn said, his voice sounding like he was still in pain. "It's just that," he continued, allowing his breathing to slow a bit, "there are some really strong spirits present here," he paused for a gulp of air and his hands shook a bit, "desperate for contact with someone! Anyone!"
He checked Julia for a reaction. She was gaping at him, struggling to make sense of what was happening. "Tell me," Shawn softened his tone, "am I the first psychic to have visited your home?"
"I-I guess," Julia stammered, "I mean, I just moved here-"
"No, no," Shawn interrupted her sharply, closing his eyes in concentration, "I can feel a strong connection between you and them. They definitely followed you here."
"Why?" Julia asked automatically.
"They've been trying to communicate with you," Shawn replied, assuming his communicating-with-spirits pose. He sank to the floor and sat cross-legged, hands on his temples.
"What do th-" Julia started.
"Shh shh," Shawn hushed her.
Julia turned to Gus with a what-am-I-supposed-to-make-of-this? look on her face.
"He's using his psychic link to connect to and hopefully communicate with the spirits present," Gus whispered in a comforting tone.
Julia just stared at the two men she had invited into her home, her gaze switching from one to the other.
Shawn let out a deep breath. "Your parents," he whispered.
"Excuse me?" Julia snapped, sounding defensive.
"They passed away when you were quite young; am I correct?"
Julia crossed her arms and stared down at Shawn.
"They have a message for you," he suddenly spoke again.
"Oh really?" Julia said, sounding skeptical.
"Yes," Shawn continued, ignoring her tone, "they're very proud of you. They know it was hard, growing up without them, but you did great."
Julia's face softened for a moment.
"You took really good care of your little sister. They're very grateful for that."
Gus could see the tears starting to form in Julia's eyes.
"Well Uncle Marty was a big help too," she said softly.
"Yes," Shawn replied with a smile, eyes still closed, "they're thankful for him as well."
Suddenly Julia leaned down and flicked Shawn on the forehead. "Ow!" he complained. "What the-?" He opened his eyes to see Julia glowering at him.
"I don't have an Uncle Marty," she spat. But then a smug smile spread across her face.
Now it was Shawn's turn to gape. Gus was trying hard to hold back his laughter.
"That was quite a performance though." She turned away from them and started to head back to the kitchen.
Shawn stood up, a look of bewilderment on his face.
"Okay, I'm sorry," he suddenly spoke up, "that was foolish of me. I have been blessed with a very unique and mysterious gift and it was wrong of me to fake it like that."
"What?" Julia spun around to face the fake psychic again. The full force of her green eyes hit Shawn, but they had no effect on him.
"I knew from other spirits that your parents were deceased and I was hoping they would be here to communicate with, but they weren't." Shawn was looking down at his feet, pulling off his I'm-so-ashamed act rather nicely. "So I pretended they were," he went on with a deep sigh, "I've had hundreds of psychic episodes before; it wasn't hard to fake one. But just because I can do something doesn't mean I should and I apologize sincerely."
Julia's jaw was on the floor, but she recovered. "No no no," she insisted with a look of disbelief, "I caught you. That's it. You don't get to keep pretending. Game's over. I won."
"Okay first of all I did not know we were playing a game," Shawn replied, not so ashamed-sounding anymore. "And secondly, I did admit that I was wrong-"
"Shawn!" Gus suddenly interrupted. "You just pretended to have a conversation with this woman's dead parents! I'm surprised she's not kicking us out!"
"Oh no, I wouldn't do that," Julia quickly put in.
Shawn and Gus turned to her, confused by her quick change in disposition. Maybe she was crazy…
"Sorry," Julia said, trying to explain herself, "I get competitive about things."
Shawn and Gus continued to gawk at the young woman before them.
"Hey if you want to pretend you're a psychic, that's your business. I mean, it's easy to find out about my parents, but the sister part was impressive."
"So was your uncle trick," Shawn shot back with a grin, recovering before Gus.
Julia smiled back and returned to the kitchen where she took out a big pitcher and some glasses.
"You guys like lemonade?" she asked casually.
"Love some," Shawn replied, taking a seat on one of the bar stools that stood at the small bar attached to the kitchen counter.
Gus came and sat as well but not without flashing Shawn another glare.
"You're right Gus, we should get down to business," Shawn said, angering Gus even more for once again ignoring his "Be nice" glare.
"Julia, would you by any chance know where your boyfriend, Vlad Masters, was the night of . . . last Friday . . . night . . ."
"It was the 16th," Gus clarified for both Shawn and Julia.
"Yes the 16th, I knew that," Shawn jumped back in, "do you know where he was on the night of the 16th?"
"Let's see," Julia thought out loud, pausing from filling the pitcher with water. "Last Friday, yes I was with him that night. We went out to eat, then over to the Fenton's."
"Then did you . . . come back to your place?" Shawn inquired.
"Psychic for the police, or not, are you asking me what I think you're asking me?" Julia snapped, the pitcher of water forgotten for now.
"We're sorry Miss Ramsey," Gus apologized, "but the robbery happened late at night, so unless you can confirm the where-abouts of Mr. Masters at 2 in the morning, we're afraid that-"
"I was with him at 2 in the morning," Julia quickly put in.
Shawn and Gus froze with twin are-you-for-real? looks plastered on their faces.
"Not like that!"
Their expressions turned skeptical.
"We were star gazing on the Fenton's roof with Danny and Sam until maybe 3 in the morning," Julia explained hotly.
"Right . . . star gazing," Shawn finally spoke.
"You can ask anyone," Julia continued to defend herself, "Vlad, Danny, Sam, Danny's parents . . ."
"Don't think we won't," Shawn shot back.
"Yah, if we can even get within shouting-range of any of them," Gus quipped. Shawn smacked him on the arm behind Julia's back.
"So it's a robbery," Julia went on as she got powdered lemonade down from a cabinet, "that you're accusing him of?"
Shawn and Gus shared a look.
"Well," Gus began.
"There was also a murder," Shawn took over, "but it wasn't premeditated. We think the security guard walked in on it and that's why he was killed."
"Oh," Julia simply replied, staring down at the pitcher, still only full of water.
"But if he was with you," Gus quickly reminded her, "then we're sure it wasn't him."
"I know it wasn't him," Julia stated fiercely, making Shawn wonder who she was trying to convince more, them or herself. "What was it that even made you suspect him? This was in Santa Barbara, right?"
"Well, there was a list," Shawn replied.
"A list of all the multi-millionaires in the past twenty or so years," Shawn continued.
"Your boyfriend robbed quite a lot of them. Pretty much the top fifteen to be exact, well, all fifteen that is . . . but one."
Julia waited for him to continue.
"That one was Mr. Peterman, the man who was robbed the night of the 16th."
"So . . . what? You think he couldn't help but finish the list?" Julia asked, astonished.
"That was our thinking, yes."
Just then, the doorbell rang, breaking the dramatic tension Shawn had worked so hard to create.
"Expecting someone?" he asked.
"Shouldn't you know, Mr. Psychic?" Julia shot back.
Shawn flicked a few images of Julia's apartment through his head: two trash bags outside by the door, dirty dishes in the sink, several bottles of cleaning supplies on the floor by the cupboard directly under the sink.
"Repairman," he stated matter-of-factly, "for the disposal." He gestured towards the sink.
Julia looked a bit surprised as she went to go get the door.
"Nailed it didn't I?" Shawn boasted smugly as he turned to the door.
Julia didn't bother replying, but simply opened the door to reveal Vlad Masters.
Shawn and Gus found themselves, yet again, gaping as the couple exchanged greetings and a quick kiss.
"Who are your friends?" Vlad asked as he followed Julia to the kitchen.
"Well this one claims to be a psychic," Julia replied with a nod in Shawn's direction.
"Claims?" Vlad echoed.
"He told me you would be a repairman for the disposal," Julia explained.
"I'm impressed," Vlad admitted, sounding sincere.
Julia shot him a look.
"Well he was close, I mean that is why I'm here now."
"Of course the boyfriend always does the handy work," Shawn muttered, mostly to himself. "Shawn Spencer," he said, extending his hand to Vlad. "And this is my associate Burton Guster," he added, motioning to Gus who also shook Vlad's hand.
"Nice to meet you both," Vlad said. With a quick glance at Julia he then continued, "You can go back to whatever you were talking about. I'm just the repairman." He crouched down in front of the cabinets below the sink and opened them, but Julia pulled him back up. He looked at her questioningly.
"Um actually, honey, they want to talk to you," she explained carefully.
"You do?" Vlad asked, still confused.
"Mr. Masters-" Gus began.
"Please call me Vlad."
"Vlad," Gus corrected himself before continuing, "we're with the Santa Barbara police department and we have a few questions we'd like to ask you about last Wednesday night."
Vlad smirked. "Who got robbed?"
Shawn and Gus once again paused in surprise.
"How did you-?" Gus started.
"I'm psychic too," Vlad replied with a wink before he disappeared under the sink.
"Vlad, what were you doing last Friday night?" Shawn asked, peering over the counter. He shot Julia a look that told her not to answer for him. She nodded in understanding.
"Uh, I was out with Julia that night," Vlad answered, his voice sounding strange as he spoke from inside the cabinet. He emerged for a brief moment. "Do you have those tools we talked about?" he asked Julia.
"Yah." She left the room to get them.
"We were at the Fenton's for a long time later that night," Vlad continued for Shawn and Gus, "It must have been 2 or 3 in the morning when we left."
Julia returned and handed Vlad a tool kit.
"Thanks." Vlad went back under the sink. "Danny got a new telescope and so we were out on the roof all night, trying to identify constellations and such."
He popped his head back out to check with Julia. "That was Friday, right?"
She turned to Shawn and Gus.
"Your story checks out, Vlad," Shawn answered for her.
Vlad went back to tinkering with the sink from inside the cabinet. "Good," he replied with a laugh, "cuz in case you've missed the news for the past year, I don't rob people anymore."
"We're curious though," Shawn went on, "when you were robbing people you skipped over Mr. Peterman, the head of a huge and very wealthy corporation."
Vlad suddenly jumped up from where he had been on the floor. He leaned over the sink and switched on the disposal. It was at this point that Shawn and Gus got their first full view of the cuff clamped around Vlad's arm. They exchanged a look just as a loud, annoying, grinding sound greeted the ears of the group. Vlad quickly turned the switch back to the off position.
"Crud, thought I had it," he swore. He turned to Shawn and Gus. "Sorry, what was the question?"
"Why didn't you rob him?" Shawn asked firmly. Vlad just looked down at his hands that were resting on the counter. "He was the perfect candidate. No ghost-proof security and too rich for his own good," Shawn pressed.
Vlad turned back to the sink. "The answer to that is sort of personal," he finally answered, squinting down at the drain that led to the disposal. His eyes lit up and he reached his hand in.
"You have our word that everything you say will be kept strictly confidential," Gus assured him.
"Mm hm," Vlad merely huffed as he reached further down the disposal.
"Seriously," Shawn insisted, "we just want the truth Mr. Masters." "Vlad," he added when he still didn't get a response.
"Ah ha!" Vlad pulled up his hand triumphantly, turning it tangible fast enough that he thought no one noticed. A small silver spoon glistened in his fingers as he turned to show it to Julia. "I believe this was your problem, darling," he said with a smirk.
"Oh!" Julia exclaimed, putting the palm of her hand to her forehead in an oh-now-I-remember kind of way.
Vlad laughed at her.
"I was making tea and . . . and . . . oh give me that!" She snatched the spoon out of Vlad's hand, pretending to ignore his teasing smile.
"Don't I at least get a thank you?"
Julia turned from putting the spoon away with a mischievous look in her eyes. "Thank you so much Vlad Masters for saving my disposal from that scoundrel of a spoon," she purred, wrapping her arms around Vlad's neck and seeming to forget all about her company.
Vlad smiled, his hands at her waist. "Careful what you say my dear, people may think you believe me to be some kind of hero," he tenderly mock-scolded her.
Julia just giggled, leaning closer.
Shawn was about to interrupt (or throw up) when Vlad suddenly turned to him. "The truth is that my sister is Peterman's personal assistant, or at least she was years ago. I've lost track of her."
Julia pulled back as if suddenly remembering Shawn and Gus's presence. Vlad let her, but took one of his hands and laced his fingers through hers so that she'd stay by his side. "If I had robbed him then, it could have hurt her financially," he finished.
Shawn and Gus still didn't appear to understand.
"I was raised in a rather . . . business-like manner, you could say," Vlad tried to explain, "Number one rule? You don't mess with family."
Gus continued looking skeptical. Shawn on the other hand nodded and looked deep in thought.
"Any more questions gentlemen?" Vlad asked in a somewhat dismissive tone.
"Just one," Shawn stated, looking up to stare Vlad straight in the eyes, "How'd you get the spoon out?"
"What do you mean? I just reached in and-" Vlad attempted to brush off the question, but Shawn cut in.
"I think you and I both know there was more to it than that." The gleam in Shawn's eyes and the strength of his tone told Gus that Shawn had figured something out; usually it was something he had already had a hunch about.
"And when I say know," Shawn added, starting to scare the couple a bit with how serious he had become, "I do mean know." He placed his fingers at his temple to suggest the knowledge had come to him psychically.
Vlad and Julia exchanged worried glances.
Shawn smiled. "We'll have to take a rain check on the lemonade," he said lightly, heading towards the door with Gus in tow.
"You're leaving?" Julia was taken aback. A second ago it looked like he had been about to bust Vlad for using his powers (which she knew he had, but it was still with Danny's permission so she wasn't worried) and now he was leaving?! Letting go of Vlad's hand, she rushed after the "phsychic."
Shawn opened the door and let Gus exit first.
"Wait," Julia said, grabbing the door. "If you're going to report to someone what you think you know then we have a right to-"
Shawn cut her off. "I'm not a cop, Miss Ramsey. I don't report to anyone I don't want to. Or anything for that matter."
Julia only gave him a worried stare. She was wrapped up in her thoughts, but she could have sworn she saw Shawn wink at her before leaving through the open door, which she then closed.
She turned to meet Vlad's eyes as he was still in the kitchen area. "Do you think he really figured it out?" she asked.
"I don't know," Vlad replied, sounding skeptical, "what do you think?"
Julia opened her mouth to reply, but Danny suddenly appeared next to Vlad.
"I'll keep an eye on him," he reassured the couple, glaring at the door.
Wow. This did not go how I planned. At all. How did that happen? Oh well. Lemme know if you want more closure than this. I have more, but I think I should move on to something else. I'm trying for Monk next, but no promises.
Oh that reminds me! If you PMed me I'm sorry I have not replied. I locked myself out of my email (don't ask) and now am behind on a ton of emails and I am so super busy right now! Grr… I'll try to get around to replying soon. Sorry again.