Disclaimer - I don't own Bleach, nor do I make a profit from this. However, Keiyo (Kei) & Kyoki (Kyo) are all mine!

-paranoid-
This is probably horribly...NOT funny...but I tried...
Sorry guys~ FORGIVE ME~
Anyways... Kei and Kyo are being...well Kei and Kyo like...


My Inhumanity
Kei crossed her arms and tucked them behind her head. A look of thought crossed her features as Kyo circled the room in boredom. "Hey Kyo," the white haired girl said as she pushed to lie on her side. "Why is the room so tall?"

Her friend stopped in her small walk to think on the answer, as she looked up her eyes caught onto the window and the dark sky outside of it. Her mouth fell open and it took a few seconds before it snapped shut again. "Keiyo lets go out. I'm bored."

Kei jumped to her feet at the suggestion and brushed off her coat. "Pffft, you should have said so sooner - I thought you liked it here," she grumbled as the two crouched down before a burst of strength sent the too flying towards the window.

The two guards standing outside felt a brush of wind and quickly glanced around but found nothing to cause it. With the shrug the two went back to leaning against the wall.

Kei covered her mouth to muffle the giggle that wanted to escape. She sighed as her and Kyo landed on a rooftop. As Kyo took a deep breath, she thought of their escape plan. 'We will have to get our swords back, then we have to find a way to contact Aizen-sama… and hopefully we can get home.' She turned to Kei to tell her of the plan, when she saw Kei grinning like a mad woman.

"Kyo lets PLAY!" Kei proclaimed rather loudly for them being escapees.

For a moment Kyo only looked at Kei in disbelief and her brainless buddy smiled stupidly back at her. Suddenly, a grin that rivaled Kei's appeared on the dark haired girls face. "OKAY!!!" The two grabbed hands and jumped about on the roof before settling down to come up with a game.

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"Are you sure this is the right room?" Kei whispered, though she still hadn't been taught how to whisper in the first place.

Kyo nodded and quietly slid the door open; she giggled and pointed to the couch. Kei peeked in and saw Matsumoto sprawled out on the couch, drool falling from her mouth and an empty jug on the floor. "I bet she would get along well with Stark-sama," Kyo commented as the two crept into the room.

With a thoughtful smirk Kyo began searching the room, first they would need disguises.

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Kei grinned as she pulled the black bandana tighter around her head, it was a difficult task but they both knew that having bones sticking from your forehead was less than normal here. "These are rather slimming," she mumbled as she looked over at Kyo, the black shinigami uniform was most becoming of her friend.

Kyo nodded, her twin white bandana slightly tilted on her forehead. "We look good in either." She shrugged and turned to leave the hiding place they'd changed in. "I suppose its cause of the colors."

The two were flipping through the air as they sped across rooftops, when suddenly Kyo came to a stop. Kei skidded to a halt and turned to preposterous playmate with a tilt of her head. When Kyo suddenly took off in another direction, Kei scrambled to catch up with her. "What's up?" she asked as they bounced from roof to roof.

Kyo's gave her a half grin as she sped up. "We did say we'd wait till he fell asleep." She noted Kei's confused expression and but only smiled wider. "Though I'm not sure if we'd be able to tie him up."

In minutes the two were staring down at an old Japanese style home. Kei was crouched down and Kyo was beside her with her arms crossed over her chest. Tapping her fingers on her arm, she continued to stare down at the building. "I wanna break in," she admitted, trying her best to look anywhere but at Kei.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Kei nodded and stood beside her friend. "Well, then we just have to get in right? It can't be too hard. I mean we are the number one Arrancar's Fracción." One look from Kyo and she laughed sheepishly. "Well I was." Sniffling dramatically, she threw her hand up and the back of it lay delicately on her forehead. "I was downgraded."

With all the stealth they could muster, the moronic mates slipped into the complex. Every creek of the floorboards that went unnoticed was followed by a relief filled sigh from the girls. Kyo could feel the bubble of joy fill her as she sensed her new found eye candy only a few doorways away.

Kei bounced behind her as she reached for the door and slowly began to slide it open.

"Bakudo sixty one, Rikujokoro." Came the smooth voice of the one the two sought out to find.

Kei wrapped her arms around Kyo and hid her face in her friends shoulder, when suddenly numerous golden pillars shot out of the creak in the door and surrounded them. Kyo let out of squeal of surprise as the door slid completely open and she came face to face with Byakuya.

"Uh…" The dark dope stared up at the handsome male. "It seems you knew we were here." Byakuya's eyebrow twitched slightly and Kyo figured her words did more than state that they had underestimated him.

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"Ropes don't work, buildings aren't safe," Renji grumbled as he stood behind Kei. "What th' hell am I suppose to do wit you two!" He let out a sigh and Kei only looked on innocently.

A pout came to her lips as she turned, poking Renji in the shoulder with her finger and then placed her hand on her hip. "I thought you said you were taking me to see the pirate guy!" She had wanted to meet the big male again and the redhead had told her she would. "LIAR!"

From down the hall Kyo turned and glared at Renji, all the while she could feel Byakuya's eyes boring into her spine.

Renji only let out another tired sigh. He was not prepared for this at all. When his captain had called for him to come to his home immediately, he had rushed there. The tattooed male did not expect to see Kei and Kyo kneeling before Byakuya with their heads down in shame. Like two children who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar before dinner. But after he was informed of their little adventure he had to control himself to keep the smile from coming to his lips.

The good mood he'd created while thinking of the girls explaining their detailed plan to capture his Captain while he slept was quickly dashed when the door behind Kei unlocked.

In her shock Kei jumped and latched onto Renji's arm as she stared accusingly at the man who had opened the door. "Why do you want to meet him? Is your purpose to try and harm the Commander-General?" The short, round little man asked with a dull tone. The random male had probably misheard the girl through the door, because Renji doubted Kei's 'pirate guy' was the Commander-General.

Kei simply stared at him before she burst out in laughter. Releasing Renji, she continued giggling. "You…" She tried to stifle her laugh into her hand before speaking again. "You look like a burnt marshmallow." She began to laugh even harder as she heard Kyo snort and giggling from down the hall. Renji smirked as Kei took a deep breath and finally rid herself of the giggles.

The little round man glared before he stepped out of the door way and gestured for her to enter. Kei bit her lip and sent a glance to Kyo down the hall before peeking back at Renji. The redhead gave her a reassuring smile, and Kei took a step into the room. As Renji went to follow the other man stopped him. "This is an interrogation Lieutenant Abarai. You cannot enter." And swiftly slammed the door in his face.

Down the hall Kyo frowned as she looked at the male who had opened the door before her. A tall thin, but muscular man stood there and she couldn't help but pity Kei. All in all she'd give him a seven her eyes slyly looked at the man behind her. 'I'd still prefer him.'

Byakuya stood like a statue behind her, waiting for her to enter the room. The interrogator quickly glanced at her as she skipped passed and took a seat in one of the chairs. He turned to tell the person who had delivered the girl that they had to wait outside and froze when he came upon the stoic captain's face. "C…c…captain Kuchiki, sir," he stuttered and gulped. "You can sit in if you want."

The dark haired male briefly glanced down at the other before crossing his arms across his chest. "I believe that is against the rules," he said in a cold tone and the other merely nodded and excused himself as he shut the door.

Once the door was closed the male took on a whole another personality and seated himself seat across from Kyo. "Let's get straight to the point." He opened up a folder and whipped out a pen. "What does Aizen have planned?"

Kyo cocked her head to the side, her dark hair spilling onto the table before her. After a moment of silence she decided to answer their questions as best she could. The man watched in anticipation as the girl took a deep breath and opened her mouth. "A…tea party." His eyes widened to an almost comical proportion when he saw her rather serious expression.

Quickly composing himself, he cleared his throat to continue. "Why are you here?"

Biting her lip, Kyo gave him a raised brow and in a slightly confused voice she answered, "You…brought us here."

The man let his head fall a little in defeat and he rolled his eyes. 'This is going to be a long interview.'

In the other room things weren't going any better. Kei was crouched down in the chair and her hands were planted firmly on the table. A look of pure seriousness and concentration etched on her face.

"How many are in Aizen's army?" the plump questioner asked.

Kei's face swiftly fell into confusion as she scratched the back of her head. "Umm, is this a trick question?" Her body slouched back and her knees rested against the table's side. When she only received a fierce glare in answer she slammed her hand onto the hard table surface. "PASS!"

Kyo leaned back in her chair, letting it rest on the two back legs as she was growing bored with the male before her.

"How strong are Aizen's warriors?"

The dark one shrugged, her head rolling on her shoulders and her eyes closed. "I've only dropped heavy objects on two of them." She peeked from under her eyelids and smiled. "They survived though!"

It had almost been an hour and Kei was itching to move about and play. "Can I have my sword back?" The man answered with a quick, snippy, no. The girl only mumbled a quiet 'okay' before the next question was asked.

"Why were you sent to Karakura?"

Kei bounced on the chair, a smile stretching across her face. She could answer this one! "To play ninja!" The ashy airhead paused and gently rubbed her chin. "Or was it to be ninja…" Shrugging she tilted her head. "I don't remember, PASS!"

Kyo almost giggled as she thought of the things Kei was probably doing in the other room. The poor round interrogator would loose a few brain cells after this meeting.

"Who do you work for?"

"Well, that depends," Kyo replied as her fingers drew invisible pictures on the table.

"On what?"

"On lots of things. I suppose I work for Aizen-sama," she thought aloud, this male was an idiot and he was asking all the wrong questions. They'd get more answers from her if that drool worthy Bya was questioning her.

"You suppose?" he asked with a confused look about him.

Kyo nodded and then shrugged, giving him a look as if he'd asked the stupidest question ever. "Well there is Stark-sama, but I would say I'm more of a follower than a worker. He's very lazy."

"Who is Stark-sama?" the questioner asked quickly.

"The person I follow," Kyo smartly responded causing the other to sigh and let his had smack against the table before them. She smirked as she heard him mumbling, "This is getting us no where".

Kei was eyeing the other suspiciously. "Grimmy said I shouldn't talk to strangers," she mumbled, remembering how angry her boss had been when she spoke to Yammy that one time.

"Who is Grimmy?" Kei didn't like the way the name sounded in the others voice but she quickly pushed it aside, in favor of conjuring a mental picture of her Números.

"Mmmm, he is the delicious controller of my fate!" she said dramatically as she stood in the chair and placed one foot on the table. She looked down when she was met with only silence and saw the other staring at her in confusion and shock. Quickly squatting back in the chair, she folded her hands on the table. "He is the person I serve."

The interrogator stared at the pretty black haired girl for a moment before sighing and continuing his questioning. "What do you know of Ichimaru Gin?"

Kyo felt a chill run through her body at just the mention of the name. But she shrugged it off in favor of answering the mans question. "That he is a pervert and his eye color has yet to be determined." She refused to say anything bad about Gin because she knew it would somehow get back to him.

Kei's company was less than appreciative of her looks. He merely scoffed at her idiocy but continued the questions. "What do you know of Tosen?" He was only met with silence and a wide eyed look. "Well?" Nothing changed, as if Kei was stuck in a memory. "…"

Suddenly the white wonder leaned in and held her hands around her mouth, as if she was telling an important secret. The interrogator couldn't stop himself from leaning in to hear. "Shhh! He's everywhere!" she whispered seriously, causing him to drop his head in defeat.

He growled, lifting his head. "Why were you made?"

Completely bored with the sap before her, Kei leaned her head onto the back of the chair and whined. "I'm hungry~!"

Ignoring her slight random outburst, the male pushed on. "Are you and your friend a pair?"

The talk of her Kyo perked Kei's mood slightly. Sitting up again, she leaned over the table, curious as to what the man was asking. "A pair of what?"

Noticing he had finally caught her attention, he elaborated. "Like partners in battle?"

Kei's face darkened as her lips fell into a pout. "What battle?" The man simply stared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly. Maybe these girls really didn't know anything.

Getting tired of being questioned, Kyo decided to switch roles. "Can I have a drink?" she asked innocently.

"No." Was the others only answer, he didn't even bother looking up from the pad of paper before him.

"I bet Kei's hungry," Kyo said randomly before tapping her fingers on the table. "Can I have something to eat?"

"No." Again his eyes never drifted to her.

Raising an eyebrow and not really enjoying being dismissed so easily, Kyo continued. "Can I have a piece of candy?"

"No."

Narrowing her eyes, she pouted. "Can I have you?"

"No," he replied automatically, before his head snapped up and wide eyes took her in.

Shrugging, Kyo threw her arms behind her head. "It's a pity you're so negative."

Groaning in frustration, Kei's new plump companion laid his hands flat on the table. "Okay let's make this simple, are there others like you?"

Kei eyed him before lightly sucking her teeth. "Besides Kyo?" He nodded and she hmm'ed lowly. "No, sir," she replied happily, causing his head to snap up and his eyes to narrow on her.

"We already have reports of more who had appeared in Karakura"

Innocently, Kei tilted her head to the side and her eyebrow popped up in confusion. "You mean more Arrancar?"

"Yes!" he growled impatiently.

Kei rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance at the questioning and the man. "Well, duh! Of course there are more of them, but there aren't more like me besides Kyo! Idiot." She added the insult under her breath.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kyo's questioner sighed, he figured by now this questioning was hopeless. Yet he wasn't sure if the girl was playing dumb or she seriously lacked the ability to answer questions properly. "How do you get in contact with your leader?" he asked just for the hell of it.

Kyo excitedly leaned over the table. "Oh! We have this really neat voice box thingy. It's on my sword if you just…"

Rolling his eyes the man shook his head, quickly cutting her off. "You aren't getting your weapon back."

"Damn…," Kyo muttered, falling back into her chair in defeat.

"What are you doing here?" grumbled the man.

The question caused Kyo to raise an eyebrow and bite her lip. "Um…didn't… you ask that already?"

Suddenly, the door to the interrogation room slammed open and Byakuya strode into the room. The noble had been watching the session the entire time, and he was fed up with the circus that was taking place. Plus he had a particular question of his own. "Why didn't you escape before? You untied yourself easily enough." He waited for a moment, while Kyo just stared dreamily up at him.

Sighing happily, pleased she had not only gotten to see him again but had been allowed to hear that wonderful voice again. "Cause you're hot," she stated simply, a shy smile crawling onto her face. "Plus Renji did his best to tie us up." She nodded to herself, clearly missing the look of disbelief on the two males' faces, though Byakuya's was well hidden anyway. "He should really take lessons from Kei's Grimmy." Smiling, Kyo let her fingers dance along the table. "He duct taped us to chairs once."

Both interrogators left their respective rooms with their heads hung in utter defeat. Kyo and Kei bounced out after them before rushing to each other and chattering happily.


I wanna thank my reviewers~

: SweetYuya : I(heart)Bleach : neverXendingXsickness : kira michi : Miss Masquerade : HeadstrongNozomi

I don't really have much else to say... sorry guys~
Well, that's it for now...
Hope someone enjoyed that...
- WannaBeNinja -