This story is set during HBP. I do not own the hp universe!! Unfortunately it is JK and not me that is one of the most influential people in the world and not me.
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Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes
I stood outside "Weasleys's Wizarding Wheezes". Colourful posters adorned the windows and were sending a clear message that the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters were not going to interrupt the Weasleys' fun. I shook my head in disbelief at the audacity of some of the posters. "You-Know–Poo" indeed! They had obviously never experienced what war was really like but then again I guess we all need some respite from the horrors of war. I had just been in Diagon Alley in order to collect some supplies. To think that I was still making all the potions required for the school year when we had another Potions teacher there. But he was incompetent and I was not having that fool provide any potions for the hospital wing. I was out performing even as a child when he was my instructor in the subject. But now I had the DADA classes to teach and I was sure that even the Weasley twins would have paid attention in that class.
My former students were doing well but it galled me to see such great minds wasted. How much I hate incompetence is well known but intelligence without application is something that bothers me much more. Now if they had been in Slytherin I could have made something of them….
I looked about once again hoping that none of the Death Eaters would spot me entering such a place. No doubt the Twins would inform the whole world of my visit but it is not like anybody would believe them anyway. I smirked as I imagined the reaction of the boys to the arrival of their former Potions Master. My curiosity had gotten the better of me and I was sure that I could get a little present for my rodent pest better known as Wormtail. I walked in the door and up to the counter.
"Professor", said Fred, "What are you doing here?"
"I should think that is obvious. I came to see what rubbish you are inflicting upon wizarding kind." I replied. I tutted surveying the shop.
"So this how you boys have been wasting your time since your premature and rather dramatic departure" I said snorting derisively. I was impressed but I was not going to let the Gryffindors know that.
"I would hardly call this a waste", retorted George gesturing towards the till.
"Yeah we are raking in the Galleons", added Fred.
"Mind if I have a look around your ah premises?" I asked.
"Sure" they replied in unison with barely concealed smiles. My eyes swept the shelves for a suitable present for my most unwelcome houseguest. Ah the famous Canary Creams... I might just invite a surprised Wormtail for a cup of tea and a biscuit or better yet Wormtail might just offer the Dark Lord a custard cream the next time he called. I savoured the thought of the Dark Lord transformed into a large yellow canary. I could not help thinking that it was a pity that we could not solve all our problems by leaving the Dark Lord a helpless Canary for the rest of his days. I suddenly had the image of Harry Potter rushing to confront the Dark Lord armed with a Canary Cream. "Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes": the power the Dark Lord knows not! Once I sobered I picked up four packets and took them over to the till. I was sure I could disguise them in other food and prevent Wormtail from eating me out of house and home.
"Any chance these are permanent?" I asked quite seriously. The twins were simply starring at me in disbelief. I suppose it did seem quite improbable for their sarcastic and mean teacher and Death Eater to be buying something so juvenile. But for goodness sake even the Dark Lord has a sense of humour. I will never understand Gryffindors and they will never understand me. I have always relished showing students that I was indeed human especially Gryffindors. Slytherins normally appreciated my dry humour and sarcasm as did Ravenclaws. Hufflepuffs just kept their heads down and worked. It was the Gryffindors that had that problem mainly.
"Well?" I asked as no reply was forthcoming.
"No unfortunately" George finally answered with a smile.
"Thought so and more is the pity" I lamented. I placed them on the counter and suddenly had another idea.
"I have a major rodent problem. Any chance you have some muggle mousetraps? I am running out. Of course the biscuits will help but the mousetraps will be more fun." I smiled maliciously. They looked at me in surprise. No doubt they were wondering how exactly I was would use the Canary Creams to solve a rat infestation.
"How many do you need?" George asked me.
"How many have you got" I said to an astonished George.
I left the shop a few minutes later with my moneybags considerably lighter but with my heart lighter too. One hundred mousetraps and four packets of Canary Creams. I was going to have some fun.
I hope you enjoyed this bit of silliness. Thanks to Louisa for the inspiration behind Wormtail baiting. Thank you for reading.