Jessie and Cassidy : The Unsober Buddies

" Jess - iee ? Jessieee ! Where could she be ? " James asked Meowth.

A muggy day in Kanto. James and Meowth were looking for their friend, Jessie. She was gone for two hours so far.

" Where did that hairspray - obsessed woman go ?! " Meowth demanded.

" I dunno, but I have a bad feeling about this, " James muttered.

They walked up to the corner where Butch was smoking pot. James sweatdropped. " Uh, Buffy ? Have you seen Jessie anywhere ? "

The green - haired agent rolled his eyes. " Nope. Haven't seen Cassidy, either. Really don't care, though. "

Meowth's eyes bulged. " Oh, God. Jessie didn't. "

The three looked at each other. James sat down next to Butch and sighed. " Just like New Year's...and Christmas...and the Fourth of July..."


Meanwhile, Jessie and Cassidy were outside of a bar, drinking out of a bottle of vodka. Piercing giggles were made. " Hehehe...you're my unsober buddy, Vilestone, " Jessie giggled.

" You're my unsober buddy,too, Smitherson ! " Cassidy said, snickering.

The two ladies laughed drunkenly. Jessie chugged another glass. " How - how did we get in Kanto, Cassidy ? "

" I - I don't know. I'm so wasted. I think we're in Lavender. Hehe...Lavender...I get it ! "

Jessie laughed. " Hee hee...we need a car ! "

" Yeah, let's get a car ! Oh, and some KFC ! "

They stumbled upon the sidewalk, getting into a Honda. The women looked at each other. " Uh, who's gonna drive ? " Jessie asked.

" I'm wasted, Jess ! And - and that blue haired woman is comin' in our direction ! "

An Officer Jenny stepped up to the car. " Hi, ladies. How are you today ? "

" None of your damn business, Jenny ! " Jessie bellowed.

" You heard fat - ass ! " Cassidy shouted. " None of your damn business, bitch ! "

Both ladies started cracking up. Officer Jenny pointed a flashlight in their eyes. " Step out of the car, you two. "

" Fine...FINE ! "

Jessie and Cassidy stepped out of the car, gripping on each other for balance, glasses of vodka in their hands. The police officer sweatdropped. " Okay, you two. You're going to the station to dry out for the day ! "

" I can't go to jail ! " Cassidy exclaimed. " I'm a model ! "

" And I have a hockey stick to be whacking with ! " Jessie added.

Officer Jenny shook her head. " Sorry, ladies. "

" B-but we're only friends when we're drunk ! " Cassidy protested.

" Yeah ! We can't handle each other when we're sober ! I'm a bitch, and she's a greedy bitch ! "

" Not my problem ! " Jenny hissed. " Now get in the car ! "

" Fine, " both women muttered, stepping into the police car.


As the hours passed by, so did the tolerance level drop between Jessie and Cassidy.

Finally, as the next day showed up, Jessie and Cassidy were both hung. Cassidy moaned. " Great ! We're in jail ! Thanks a lot, Jessie ! "

" Thanks ?! You're the one who called Jenny a bitch ! " Jessie hissed.

" Well, at least I'm not the one who's eaten an entire wedding cake ! " Cassidy snapped.

" Yeah, but at least I'm not the one with the pothead boyfriend ! "

Cassidy sighed. " Well, we're screwed. We definitely can't go to work like this. "

" Hmm ? "

" Giovanni said if we came into work hung again, he swore to Bob that he would make us scrub toilets for a month. "

" So what do we do ? " Jessie asked. " We're both bitches, and we should be best buddies against James and Butch, but we act like stupid ditzes. "

" 'Cause you hoard all foods. "

" And you act like Britney Spears. "

Cassidy rolled her eyes. " Yeah. Why do we act like this ? "

" I don't know, but there is one person we can ask. "

" Who ? "

" Twerpy's mom. "

" Jessie, you duncehead ! We can't ! "

" We have to take a chance, Cassidy. Even if we only become secret buddies, at least it's a start. "

Cassidy muttered something under her breath before grasping Jessie's hand and shaking it. " Deal. Secret buddies. "

" Okay. Let's tell Jenny we're sober. "


After a long explanation (and apology) to the officer, Jessie and Cassidy walked to Pallet Town. Both were wearing pink tanktops, which Cassidy disapproved of. " Jess, I don't know how you feel, but this is ruining my fashion status ! " she whined.

" Well, we can't just waltz into someone's house wearing our uniforms ! " Jessie replied. " We'd get put in jail again ! "

" But pink ?! Pink is ugly ! "

" Just shut up already ! " Jessie whispered. " We finally reached the house. "

Cassidy fixed her skirt. " Fine. But if anything screws up, it's your idea ! "

Jessie huffed. " And you agreed to it. "

" Whatever. "

Jessie sighed as she knocked on the door. A woman of thirty - three answered the door and groaned. " Ash isn't here. "

" Oh, no, Delia. We're not chasing the twerp until next Tuesday, " Jessie said. " Actually, Cassidy and I were needing your help. "

" I don't know...you once tried to sell Ash for a bag of oatmeal. "

" Typical Jessie. You're poor enough to sell a kid ? Wow, " Cassidy muttered.

" Shut up ! You once sold pot to those orphans ! " Jessie exclaimed.

" You threw up on the Boss - twice ! "

" You crashed into his desk ! "

" And you broke his desk in half with a chainsaw ! "

Jessie smacked Cassidy across the face. " Pink hating bitch ! "

" Hairspray wearing whore ! "

SMACK !

S - L - A - M !

The door slammed. Both women sweatdropped. Cassidy groaned. " This is your fault, Jessie ! "

" You started it ! "

" Yeah, I did ! So what ?! At least I don't live in a hot - air balloon ! "

Jessie cringed. " We need something to rekindle our secret friendship. "

" What's that ? "

" Well, I have another bottle of vodka if you're interested. "

Cassidy's expression perked up. " Okay ! "


(Next day)

" I hate you, Smitherston. "

" I hate you too, Vilestone. "

" So...when we get done scrubbing toilets, wanna go for a cold one and burn down cars ? "

" Oh, hell yeah ! "

The two women glared at each other, but with small grins on their faces.

End