Summary: I know what jealousy is. I could get a dictionary right now and show you the word. But knowing what it is isn't anything like experiencing it. And who knew I would be jealous of something to do with James Potter?

Disclaimer: I don't own it, I swear. It belongs to Jo.

What's the Address to Siberia?

a Siriusly Klutzy story.

Jealousy is a strange and highly annoying emotion. It's one of the ones that make you want to steal the emotion producing part of your body and shove it in a little box to ship off to Siberia where it will be opened and attack some other poor unsuspecting person who will then have to suffer with them. A great, but unfortunately impossible, plan.

You know what else is annoying about this stupid emotion? It's bleeding unpredictable! It just appears out of nowhere, just waiting to strike and cause your heart to start beating faster, your hands to close into fists of rage, your eyes to turn from happy to sharp glares. I mean, it happened to Alice once. We were happily walking out to the grounds for Care of Magical Creatures and all of a sudden she's glaring at something I couldn't even see! She looked like she wanted to punch anything in sight (which thankfully was just a passing second year and not me. Not that she actually punched him! She just raised her arm in a would-be-punching manner before lowering it in defeat.) and started going on and on about curly hair.

Curly hair! It turns out (I asked after she calmed down a bit. Furious Alice's are really quite frightening.) that she saw Frank Longbottom talking to Nancy McCollins all the way down the hill! I didn't know her eyesight was that good. I suggested that she join the quidditch team as a seeker. She just glared at me, apparently not completely over it, and let me tell you. It was scary.

Nancy has curly hair, which obviously explained the rant, and Alice has straight hair. It kind of went along the lines of, "You know, it's just because her hair is curly. I don't understand why he likes it like that? It doesn't even look pretty on her. Sure, it'd look pretty on some other girls. I don't get how he could even fancy her with that kind of hair. Maybe he's not all that great… No, no of course he is. Obviously it's just a guy thing. But Nancy? Merlin, you'd think he'd have better taste than that! It's not as if…"

I kind of stopped listening there. Did I mention that she fancied Frank quite a bit then? Of course, she hadn't had him then either, so she just assumed he was up for grabs. Little did she know, she had already stolen his heart. Or at least that was the rumor going around the tower.

And the really horrible thing is that Nancy is a really lovely person! She always lets me see her Transfiguration homework when I miss a problem, and her and Alice share books all of the time.

Do you see what I mean by jealousy? It turned Alice- a relatively normal human being- into a raving lunatic!

You're probably wondering by now what made me feel this way, right? Well, it was really an interesting day. It wasn't much different than any other day at Hogwarts, except that I had found my favorite, most comfortable pair of socks that morning, and so I wore them, making my feet extremely happy. You know, if feet could be happy. Really though, socks relate to absolutely nothing to do with the story. It was just something different that happened that day.

Alice and I were sitting in the Common Room during our free period. It was almost empty except for a couple of sixth year girls a couple tables down. We were talking in normal tones, not really caring if they overheard because we weren't really saying anything secretive or enigmatic. Actually, they probably overheard us complaining about Slughorn's extensive, time consuming, and relatively pointless essay that was due next week.

The sixth years were also talking in normal tones, discussing things all girls did. School, blokes, how annoying the material of the sweaters we wore in the winter, more blokes, and the occasionally new robes. They were all conversations Alice and I had shared over the past seven years, so we really weren't compelled to listen.

We were just chatting away, both groups of girls ignoring each other. Alice was telling me about her dream last night where she took off on Frank's broom and flew to London to buy him a sofa. She wanted me to analyze it with my Divination book. I was pulling out my big, fat, heavy book with the crystal ball and an eye peering into it out of my bag when I heard it.

"…and James Potter appeared out of nowhere! It was like fate!" one of the girls said with a sigh. My ears perked up at the too familiar name.

"What'd he say?" one of her friends pressed. I glanced over. The three girls surrounding her were all leaning in intently, obviously absorbed in the story.

"Well, he knocked into me- he seemed to be in a rush- and my books fell all over!" the girl gushed. I looked over at her and saw that she was staring at the ceiling, reliving the apparently good memory. Her friends swooned and begged for more. "And he apologized!" They all giggled uncontrollably. I didn't even realize the fists I'd formed.

"He didn't!" one of her friends said.

"He did!" she answered, nodding furiously.

"He actually talked to you!"

"Yes!" They all giggled.

I looked at Alice with raised eyebrows.

"Watch it, Lily. You're going to cut your hand if you keep digging your nails into your palm like that," she advised.

"What?" I asked, loosening my grip and then listening into their conversation again.

"Not only that," she started, regaining their attention from their swoon-fest, "but he helped me pick them up!"

I jumped up, a sudden rage soaring through me, which was weird. I wasn't sure what it was at the time, I just thought it was the girls' chatter that was bothering me. That seemed like a pretty legitimate reason at the time. That is, until I opened my big mouth.

"I was there," I all but shouted to the group who jumped, tearing away from their conversation.

The group looked at me like I was absolutely mad, which was probably what they thought. How random it must have seemed to them to have a random seventh year (Head Girl, even) jumping into their discussion about the Head Boy.

"Pardon?" the story-telling girl asked.

I flushed, just as surprised by my outburst as they were.

"It's just…" I began, not absolutely positive on how I should phrase what I wasn't sure I wanted to say. All in all, a very confusing moment. "I was there. At the time. With James."

I heard Alice's sharp intake of breath at my calling him James. It was a rare occasion I said that, and an even rarer occasion that I said it without shouting, "JAMES POTTER, IF YOU DON'T GET THAT FIRST YEAR DOWN FROM THE CEILING…."

"You were?" the girl asked, confusion apparent in her eyes.

"Well, yeah. I was across the hall. He was rushing because we were on duty and we went over our scheduled time…" Only because Peeves decided it was a fantastic night to set pixies out in the third floor corridor.

"But he bumped into me!" the girl said excitedly. My hands balled up into fists again. I couldn't figure out what was going on. After all, I was never really one to experience jealousy first hand. I'd witnessed Alice go through it, read about it in many books, stayed up many nights with Marlene while she went on a rampage wanting to just go "find the bloke and snog him senseless" before someone else could. I thought I was a first-class jealousy person. Obviously not.

"But I was with him all night," I said triumphantly.

"Well I've know him for six years," she answered smugly.

"Seven," I responded, grinning.

"What?"

"Seven years. I've known him for seven years."

"Damn," her friend whispered. The girl arguing with me glared at her.

I took it as she decided to ignore me because she went back to telling her story. "So he bumped into me, and I came close to not being able to say anything. But, thankfully, I managed to say thank you and he told me that he liked my pin!" She pointed to the pin on her robes, advertising the Chudley Cannons, which I happen to know is his favorite quidditch team.

"Because he likes that team," I said.

"Lily," Alice warned. I looked at her. Though she was looking out for my well-being, she also looked like she was about to burst from trying not to laugh. At that point, she obviously knew I was suffering from jealousy, and a great big dose of it at that.

"The Chuddley Cannons," I said, ignoring the look Alice was giving me, and the flaring gestures she was trying to get me to acknowledge. "They are his favorite quidditch team. The number of times I've had to patrol with him and he went about, bragging about the move their best chaser made, or how Johnson caught the snitch in the last match with expertise… He adores the Chuddley Cannons."

"Er… Lily?" Alice asked, rather quietly for her. I didn't look over.

"Hold on, Alice," I said urgently, wanting to get out all of the information I had about James Potter that could top this girl's. I was going to win.

Do you see what jealousy does? Isn't that absolutely ridiculous? I wanted to win! Win what? I don't know. The Who Knows More About James Potter Contest? Which would subsequently lead to me looking like a stalker. Thankfully, everything I know, I learned from walking the corridors with him, patrolling.

"His favorite color is green," the girl said matter-of-factly. She had her arms crossed and was nodding her head as if that meant she won. It would have given her some advantage if…

"Actually, it's red."

The girl and I both froze, and slowly turned towards the portrait hole where in walked Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Alice was hollering with laughter, practically rolling on the floor. The girl and I exchanged terrified looks. How embarrassing it is to be caught in a debate over a bloke and have his best mates walk in.

"I don't know, sometimes he switches it to blue," Remus countered. They were leaning on opposite sides of the entry way, both with sly smirks spread across their faces.

"Well, on a good day it's red."

Remus nodded in agreement.

"Can we join this conversation?" he asked, mock hopefulness in his voice. "We absolutely love discussing our best mate!"

Sirius nodded in agreement. "We could talk about everything! From what position he plays on the quidditch field-"

"-to his favorite pair of socks!"

They both started laughing along with Alice. The girl and I exchanged mortified looks. I started to go sit back down and prayed that the couch might get extremely hungry and decide to eat a red haired girl, but Sirius walked faster and caught up to me. He draped an arm around my shoulder, causing the girls in the other group to sigh happily, most likely wishing it were them.

And let me tell you, I'd trade spots any day. The way he did that could no way compare to James-

I gasped at that thought, and immediately started attacking my brain, trying to figure out what in the name of Merlin it thought it was doing.

"What's going on?" a voice called from the portrait hole- a voice I knew extremely well.

James walked over to where we were standing. He looked to Sirius, to his arm draped over my shoulders, to me, to the group of girls having a giggle fit, to Alice and Remus who were having their own laughter attack and raised his eyebrows.

"Er…"

"Prongs!" Sirius hollered, throwing his arms up. "You'll never guess what I just overhead!"

Remus was grinning, and James looked confused.

"Sirius Black!" I shouted, and lunged for him. I caught him off guard and threw him to the ground.

"Evans! What the hell?" he asked, sputtering as he tried to get up.

I was blushing furiously. The sixth year girls sighed again.

"I- you can't," I begged. At this point, I had no knowledge that my attack on the sixth year was because of jealousy, though I did know that my attack on Sirius was embarrassment. Embarrassment of jealousy, obviously, but I wasn't quite aware of that yet, either.

"Can't what?" he asked with a grin.

"You can't- can't tell him what you heard me say!" I begged, rolling away and sitting, but pinning him down with my arms. I hoped I looked threatening; otherwise I would have just looked like a complete prat.

Sirius raised his eyebrows and Remus chuckled.

"And what was that?" he asked deviously.

"You know," I said, lowering my voice to a mere mumble. "About knowing his favorite quidditch team, and his favorite color, and malarkey like that!"

Sirius chuckled at sat up to look at his best mate. James was looking at me with raised eyebrows but a satisfied smirk.

"Actually, Lily," Remus said politely. He was grinning with that mischievous Marauder grin, so I wasn't sure how sincere he actually was. "Padfoot was referring to a conversation between Marlene and Sebastian Straight in the hall. It seems as though they have ended things, and he wants to make his move." He ended his story with an eye roll.

"You know my favorite quidditch team?" James asked smugly. "And my favorite color?"

I felt mortified, but thankfully was saved from answering because of the sixth year girl who claimed to know more than I did. "I do, as well!" she said eagerly.

"Nah, Prongs. She thought it was green."

James smirked.

The girl flushed.

"'s alright," Remus said sympathetically. "I don't know what it is half of the time, either."

Sirius snorted.

"But… you actually listen while I rant during patrolling?"

He sounded surprised by this. "Well, yeah," I answered. Duh, James. What else am I going to do? And it isn't as if what you say isn't interesting.

"Favorite animal?" he quizzed.

"Nifflers," I answered, immediately remembering the fluffy little creatures we studied three years ago that stole my watch and Alice's hair clip. "You sleep with a piece of your blanket from when you were a child, your favorite food is bread, you love transfiguration-"

"-everyone knows that," the girl interjected.

"-your favorite band is the Flying Brooms, and you like to wear your shoes a size bigger than they should be."

"Do you really?" Sirius asked. He looked down at James's feet. "That explains why they fit so easily!"

Remus crinkled his nose. "You wear his shoes, Padfoot?"

He nodded eagerly. James looked down at his own feet and grimaced.

"How do you remember all of that?" he asked, astonished. I mean, surprise, surprise. I'm not generally known for my great memory.

"It was interesting," I mumbled.

"Huh," he said, clearly impressed. Alice gave me a thumbs up and continued to smirk.

"But Marlene broke up with Seb?" she asked, looking at the portrait hole curiously. "Lovely. Looks like we'll have to do damage control, Lily."

I groaned and went to accompany Alice out the door, completely eager to get away from this awkward situation. The only plus side was in knowing that James was more impressed with my knowledge than the sixth year's. And, of course, that I was escaping the jealousy I did not know I had.

"Holyhead Harpies."

"What?"

Alice and I turned around. James was standing there, staring right at me. "The Holyhead Harpies. I know you're not a great quidditch fan, but that's your favorite team."

"That it is," I answered, confused.

"Orange. Wicked Ghouls. You're wearing your favorite socks-" I guess it was kind of relevant!- "Your favorite food is peanuts, your best subject is Potions, but you're excellent at Charms and that annoys you immensely. You have a small stuffed turtle named Sal that you got when you were four and you keep with you every night. And your favorite animal is your owl, Captain."

I gaped at him. During patrolling, we'd have our conversations but I didn't expect him to actually listen when I ranted about my favorite things and random turtle, too! Alice stood next to me, also in shock, along with the rest of the Common Room. We were all staring at James like he was completely mad.

"You paid attention?" I asked astounded.

He nodded happily.

I walked over and looked him in the eye. I wanted to say something nice, but ridiculous at the same time. Maybe jokingly accuse him of being a stalker whilst simultaneously and subliminally saying, "Hey, you're not bad at all. In fact, I think I fancy you!"

But I didn't get a chance to because he swooped down and attacked my face. In a good way of course. It was something I could add to the favorites list that he knows about.

Favorite kiss: The one with you in the Common Room.

So apparently not all emotions are bad. Just the annoying ones that make you want to rip out your competition's spleen. Those are the emotions that can go take a trip to Siberia.

Jealousy is a stupid emotion. But happiness, I think- okay, know- I like. Along with fancying someone, that's a good one as well. They can go on the trip to say good-bye to jealousy, but they have to get a two way ticket so that they can come back to me.

A/n: How many readers are ready to kill Siriusly Klutzy? I'm so, so, so, so sorry about this! I've been in a writing drought. I've had ideas, of course, but I couldn't actually write them. It was absolutely horrible! And school's almost out so I've had loads of free time, no homework, projects are all in. Just a bunch of time to relax and of course I just couldn't write well at all! You don't even want to know what some of my fanfics turned out like. Shudder.

This is a special fanfic. The stuffed turtle, Sal, is a turtle I just got for my birthday today (my birthday was actually Monday) and he's adorable. So I figured I'd throw him in.

I hope you liked it! I really am sorry about my procrastination. I wanted to put something up Monday but I didn't have the motivation.

It is now one in the morning and I'm falling asleep in my chair.

Much loved and maybe a stuffed turtle,

Siriusly Klutzy