Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously.

Rating: M15+ :P

Spoilers: Deux Ex Machina

Comments: I know I promised a new chapter of Moebius - BTCR, it will be up in a couple of days. I bounced back into hospital early last week and after 5 days was declared okay to come home, and special thanks to the night nurse, Tim, who held my hair back and made me smile as I spent 3 consecutive nights throwing up my dinner. You were a lifesaver, especially when you let a friend sneak in with one of my pigs to help cheer me up.

If you expect a plot...ha! This is pure smut...pure and utter smut. Hope you enjoy! :P

They had spent that week in Minnesota learning to be…normal…well, as normal as it could ever really be for a man who had had the repository of the Ancients downloaded not once, but twice and for a woman who was once host to a Tok'ra. So no, normal was never really going to be 'normal' for them.

"I'm going to DC…" Jack stated between kisses, it was the end of their second 'official' date and they were, as Cassie would say, making out like teenagers on heat.

"I know." Sam stated as she worked to undo his tie, frantically tugging on it and growling in her throat, clearly frustrated by the fact that it was not coming off!

"Tomorrow…early, I catch a hop at 0700…"

"Jack, as much as I love this pre-coital talk…it's really hard to kiss to senseless when you are." Sam gave a triumphant grin as the tie came loose and she wrenched it over his head and threw it…somewhere…at the moment Sam really couldn't care less all she wanted was Jack. In her bed. Now. Heck, she would even take the couch…the rug…the god-damn wall if they couldn't make it.

Jack smirked against her lips as his hands slid under her shirt, moving upwards and deftly flicking her bra open. Oh yeah, he still had it. He smirked again when she gasped, her back arching into his hand when he palmed her breast gently. He was, and Jack's brain nearly imploded with this thought, making out with Carter on her couch, her breast in his hand, her tongue in his mouth and her hands were ripping…RIPPING…his shirt off…oh yeah, Jack could die a very very happy man now.

"God sir…"

Brain. Implosion. Now. He didn't think he'd ever think of Carter the same way now…every time she said 'sir' it would drag him back to this moment…her tongue now in his ear, her hands down his pants…his down hers and both of them softly grinding against the other.

"Sam." God…that should not be legal! His head slammed back against the edge of the couch as she grasped his…it really shouldn't ring like that when you touched it…right? "Phone?"

"Shit…" Sam grappled with her bag, it was hard to co-ordinate when Jack's mouth found her nipple through her shirt and began to suck harshly. "SGC…" she added as she flipped it open, biting back a groan as Landry's voice came down the line…"Yes sir…now sir?" Sam swatted playfully at Jack as he looked up at her, eyebrows raised in question (and frustration) before they attacked the other breast. "Of course sir…15 minutes…yes sir."

Sam snapped the phone shut with a groan. "I'm sorry…some sort of error with the gate, and SG-9 is stuck off-world…they can't work it out and…Jack I'm so sorry"

"It's okay…we'll have another night…" Jack whispered against her lips as he thrust his tongue in out in a perverse suggestion of what other parts of him still wanted to do. Sam pulled back, hands softly coming to rest against his face as her lips brushed his softly. "I promise Sam."

Sam smiled gently as she climbed off his lap, realizing that she would have to get changed…she had two rather conspicuous wet patches on the front of her shirt. She would never wash this shirt again. Ruffling his hair she went to get changed, humming quietly the whole way as Jack searched for his tie…eventually giving up when he saw it floating in her fish tank…with no fish incidentally. After Nemo No.10 died Sam had decided to just have a tank and some floating glass fish in it, it saved from having to buy new fish every time something happened off-world.

Giving her a quick kiss, (which may or may not have involved some groping) Sam had locked the door behind them as they made there way to her car…both not really wanting to go but both not really wanting to have to explain why they would be late if they stayed…somehow they didn't think 'I'm sorry General Landry, but I was screwing my ex CO's brains out on my couch…sir' would pass as an appropriate reason to leave SG-9 stranded off world for another hour.

Later, Sam nearly killed someone from sheer sexual frustration, it was a routine problem…one which any of her techs could have solved in an hour, she had after all trained them herself. She did not have to be called in to fix the damn problem. By the time she was finished chewing out her staff, leaving them a quivering pile of very scared staff she had thrown a pen at the whiteboard, muttered about incompetent idiots…didn't they know she was within 15 minutes of having an orgasm when they called…and not just your regular 'oh hello Mr. Rabbit orgasm' it was an orgasm that would be from…Jack. Jack O'Neill. General Jonathon Jack O'Neill was going to give her an orgasm that night but some idiot decided to call her in instead of fixing the god-damned problem themselves!

Sam groaned in frustration as she rode the elevator back to the surface, maybe if she drove straight to Jack…gave him a quickie, got her Jack O'Neill orgasm and go home…or spend all night getting Jack O'Neill orgasms. The latter sounded far better in her opinion as she licked her lips unconsciously, before screaming in frustration once more when the lights flickered and dimmed in the car.

"Walter…what the hell is going on around here!" she yelled into the phone as soon as she picked it up, mentally knowing that the poor man really didn't deserve the brunt of her orgasmless state.

"Power outage…going to be an hour or so, sorry Colonel Carter, you'll just have to sit tight."

Slamming the phone down onto the hook she slid onto the floor. All she wanted was a normal date. Quiet dinner, some wine…little hand holding, maybe some dancing, followed by some serious making out and some hot sex. Instead she got everything, apart from the hot sex, but with incompetent gate technicians and crappy repair men thrown in for good measue.

It was 0400 before she was out of the elevator, where she was very nearly climbing off the walls with frustration, before she marched off to talk to Landry. Again.

0500. Still at the SGC, Sam threw a punch at a door with her fist.

0505. In infirmary getting hand bandaged

0600. Still at the SGC

0645. Finished. Managed to catch Jack at the airport. Made out with him heavily before he boarded the plane.

Two Months Later.

"I miss you Jack."

"I miss you too Sam…so much…isn't it ironic, the PTB finally allow us to be together and yet…they seem to be conspiring to keep us apart."

"Bastards." Sam giggled down the phone, smiling broadly at his groan. She knew what giggling did to him.

"Carter…don't do that…please!?"

"Why not?"

"Because it makes me really…really…horny!"

Sam giggled once again, twirling the cord around her finger as she sighed wistfully. Two months. Two months since they had last seen each other. She was pretty horny herself actually…Mr. Rabbit just didn't seem to be doing it for her anymore. She wanted Jack. She needed Jack. "Ja-ack…" She was hesitant, this wasn't something she would normally do…but desperate times called for desperate measures.


"What are you wearing?" her voice was soft, sultry and leaving no questions as to what she wanted at that moment.

Halfway across the country in an apartment in Washington DC Jack O'Neill nearly fell off the bed at her question…and the tone of her voice. He grinned, two could definitely at this game.

"Boxers. Silk. Black…why?"

"I want you…I need you…and if phone sex is all we can get at the moment then that's what I'll just have to live with…for now." Sam had never begged a man in her life, but damn it…she loved this man and she needed him. Her finger was already circling her clit, having slipped beneath her panties, and it was already slick with her juices.

"Put me on speaker phone and lay back…" he whispered to her as he did the same, settling back on the pillows, his erection already beginning to strain for freedom as he heard the shuffling on the other end of the phone.

"Okay…" she said when she was comfortable, hair splayed across the pillow.

His words created a magical spell around them both. When he told her that he was sucking on her breast, she had licked her own fingers then circled and tugged at her nipple harshly until it was a hardened peak, her hands followed his words…feeling as if he really were in the room, settling his weight over her body, dark eyes boring into her own as he suckled at her nipple before moving down her quivering belly to her navel, his tongue thrusting and twirling as she twisted underneath his ministrations.

When, after what seemed liked hours, he directed her fingers to her clit she had to hold her orgasm at bay…she was not coming on the first touch to her clit...when she thrust first one, then two fingers into her wet, dripping core she had whimpered and risen to her knees, using her body weight to crush her fingers even further into her, her thumb circling her clit harshly as she rode her own fingers.

Down the phone line, Jack could hear the heavy breathing, whimpers…choked back gasps (it didn't take a genius to work out that the woman was a screamer) his own hand was stroking his cock, hardened and searching for the warmth that he needed from her body, instead he had just his hand…but in his own mind it was hers…smaller than his, gentle and hesitant as it stroked over the flesh, rubbing against the throbbing vein, rolling his balls in his palm before moving to spread his pre-cum down his shaft. As he continued talking he could feel her mouth on his cock, warming him…wetting it with her saliva as she sucked him in as far as she could, deeper than anyone else had ever wanted too, his own orgasm was mounting…fast…the sounds from her room was turning him on, the whimpers, the 'oh god…yes', the occasional dirty 'sir' slipping out as he heard the slight squeaking of the bedsprings, god she was really working hard…one hand slipped down to pinch the base of his cock, preventing his orgasm as he continued talking to her…waiting until her heard her come for the first time.

Just a little more, Sam whimpered as she continued to ride her hand fast and hard, her thumb now crushing her clit to her pubic bone and her free hand now pinching and twisting her nipple, with a final, hard thrust she came, a loud (rather un Carter like sound actually) screech ripped off her tongue…muscles contracting almost painfully around her fingers as she collapsed on her side, muscles twitching and contracting as she gulped air in.

Her heard her come, heard the gasping and moaning, the scream and the hand gripping the base of his cock let go and moved to rub the head, the other pulling hard and fast at the flesh as he pumped, hips rising off the mattress as he came, long, thick spurts that covered his chest, dribbled over his hand and ran down his cock as he relaxed.

"God…" he finally breathed into the phone as she gave a quiet, tired laugh. "Sam…that was…"

"Wow?" Sam suggested as she tugged a pillow into her chest, imagining that it was a warm solid body that was curling around her instead.

"Lieutenant Colonel Doctor Sam Carter reduced to a single syllable?"

"Jack…shut up…I just had the best orgasm of my life, give me a break."

"Best one huh?"

Sam rolled her eyes, one good thing about phone sex actually… "Yeah…best one…so far…" the last part rolled off her tongue automatically. "Next one will be in person right?"

"God, I hope so…" Jack smiled wistfully, his first orgasm with Carter…and she was halfway across the country, he couldn't even do the normal post-coital things, tender kisses, snuggling, softly spoken 'I love you's', waking up in the morning with her wrapped in his arms, cooking her breakfast…Jack suddenly sat up with a start, suddenly realizing that in the past two months of phone calls, emails and text messages that those words had never actually been said. "Sam…"

"mmm?" she was close to sleep, eyes drooping every so often as she snuggled against the pillow.

"I love you."

Sam closed her eyes as she sniffled. "I love you too."

Silence shrouded them both for a long time, both unwilling to hang up as they both cuddled up to pillows. "Well…I umm…"

"Jack…don't hang up, I want to hear you sleep…like I would if you were here." Her voice was so soft he thought he was imagining it, his eyes closed softly, remembering her scent, her warmth…the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed.

"Okay…get some sleep honey." He got no response, her breathing had evened out and every so often she did that cute little snuffling snore that he found so endearing when sharing a tent with her off-world. He grinned against his pillow as he closed his eyes. Life was pretty good…Sam Carter in his arms would make it better…but this would work for now. Or until he saw the President and demanded that he do his job out of Cheyenne. Regular sex with Carter was definitely on the cards now. Life was sweet!

"So you're single again."

Did phone sex count?

"Not exactly."

For now anyway.