A/N: Well, this is my writers' block chapter. I had a very hard time writing it. Most of it is looking at Rosalie's story, and I hope I got it right for the most part. I wrote it from memory as I didn't have the book in front of me. Hope everything turns out well!
A/N: Don't forget…I don't own these characters…I just like to play with them! However…I have to take credit for Everett Davis…as much as I don't want to. Ewwww.
Chapter 7: Judgments
In all my 108 years in my existence, I have never felt so much pain, agony, despair, anger and hatred running through me as I do in this moment. My Bella, my love, has told me what has happened to her in the last year. I could not be more horrified that my leaving brought this pain down upon her. If I had never left, she would never have had to suffer through it as she did. I am amazed that she will let me sit anywhere near her at this point. I couldn't say anything to her afterwards, it was too painful to even think about. I just put my arms around her and kissed her, and waited for her to fall asleep.
How can she have ever forgiven me? I left her to a human life, one she was supposed to enjoy, and all that happened was pain and fear and hopelessness.
It has been a few days since we first came into Bella's room. She was moved upstairs to monitor her progress. She no longer needs the laptop. And I have yet to leave her side. I look over at my beautiful Bella. I don't know what to say to her. I don't even know what to do at this point. One thing I know is that she will never leave my sight again. If she tells me to leave, I will leave her sight, but I will never leave her alone again. She will never be hurt like this again. If she stays with me…I will love her like no other can. I will help her raise this child…I will do anything she wants. If she wants to stay with our family or if she wants us to be alone…I don't care. I am going to take care of my precious Angel, for that is what she is, no matter what has happened to her. No matter how many bruises mar he beautiful body, no matter how many scars she has had, I will never let her hurt like this again.
I do know, that if she comes back to me, she may ask me to change her again. As much as I don't want to see her in pain…ever again…I will do it. I will do anything she asks of me. And I know that even though it would be her wish, It just means that I will get to spend eternity with her, and that is more than I ever deserved. My life is with her now, and I will never give that up again.
I guess, the next thing we need to do is figure out where she wants to go from here. "Bella, love…what do you want from here on out?"
She takes a deep breath, and says, "I just want to get better, get out of this hospital, go home with you, have this baby, have you change me, and then live the rest of my existence with you."
Wow, she really does want me. And she is going to have a baby. Everyone will love that. With a huge family around, this child will never want for love and affection. "Then that is exactly what we will do," I tell her. I know she deserves better, but I am not letting her go again. "Maybe we should bring Alice in here? You know she is going to want to help with decorating the nursery and she will probably insist on setting up a baby shower for you."
She glances back at me, and pauses.
"What is it, love?" I ask her.
She says slowly, "We won't need a nursery or baby gifts. I am not going to keep this baby. It was conceived in pain, and I don't think I could care for this baby as it should be cared for. I am clumsy and a danger magnet. That is no way to raise a child. I just can't do it."
I gasped. "Bella, this baby is a part of you…why wouldn't you want to keep it? I know you are a little clumsy, but with the whole family there, we would be able to help you." I know I said I would do whatever she asked, but I can't accept her letting go of her child. Even in the last few minutes, I have begun to think of what kind of influence I could be on her child…helping her take care of him or her, and all that entails. I had started to see a family, where we would go to sports games and cheer them on, watch graduations, look at report cards, even sitting around the table helping with homework. I can't let her give up on the chance she has been given to raise her child.
She huffed impatiently. "Right, a little baby in a house full of vampires? How is that going to work? I know he would be safe there, and that is not what I am worried about. With the way we will have to live, moving every few years, what is going to happen? And when I am changed, I could be a danger to my own child. This isn't going to work. We couldn't have a child living with us." She turned away, with a sad look on her face.
I hated to see her sad in any way. I would say what I could now, but we still have a little while to convince her, before the baby comes. And we still have to deal with the other problems…like her husband. I am going to kill him the next time I see him. I know Emmett, Jasper and Alice will help. I don't know about Rosalie, but I haven't talked to her in the last few days. I am avoiding her. I don't know what to do there, as the last time she encountered Bella, she was downright hostile towards her, and Bella doesn't need that right now.
"We will talk more about this later, Bella. But I assure you, there would be no problems with having your child with us. We would all accept both of you with open arms. We would be grateful to have both of you in our lives. Esme has always said that you were the one that was going to complete the family. With you back, and bringing your child…we would be complete, with the ability to experience something none of us would be able to experience without you. I know for a fact that I would never be able to experience the joys of being a parent, if you weren't her…" I think I might have said too much, but that is fine, because I am sensing another visitor outside, and I don't know what will happen next.
I know you can hear me Edward. I am here to visit with Bella. I am not going to upset her, but I thought it might be good to talk to her, seeing as we went through similar things.
Rosalie. Well, here goes nothing.
Did he just say what I think he said? He was beginning to see himself as a parent, because of my child? I have always thought of having children with Edward, even though I knew it was impossible. I always told myself during that period of time with Edward, that children would never be an option for me. I would still think about what a child of his might look like, with beautiful bronze hair, and hopefully, green eyes. This way I could imagine what Edward looked like as a human.
But I never really looked at it that closely. And here we are, and in the last few minutes, he has basically told me that he wants to help father my child. Could we actually do that? How would it work? The possibilities are starting to make themselves known to me. I never actually thought of keeping my child, especially not from Everett. But Everett has the same coloring as Edward, so it wouldn't be too far of a stretch to see Edward as the father to my child. And I know he would make a wonderful father. Could it happen?
Before I could think too more on the subject, there was a knock on the door. I looked over to Edward, and he whispered, "Rosalie." I was surprised, but I nodded slightly and sat up a bit straighter. I said, "Come in."
Rosalie walked through the door, and she looked no different than the last time I saw her. She was still the most beautiful person I had ever seen, but she had a troubled look in her eyes. I couldn't place it, but I did remember that the last time I had seen Rosalie, she did not like me, was in fact hostile to me the whole time I had known her. So this visit was certainly a surprise. "Hello Rosalie. How are you?"
"Hello Bella. I think that should be my question, shouldn't it?" she said, giving a small smile. She glanced over at Edward quickly, and then looked back at me.
"Well, I am doing much better. And of course your brother won't leave me alone for a second, which is good. So I am healing and I have company until I can get out of here." I hope that we can get this visit over with. I really don't want to feel bad about myself right now, and I really don't know what Rosalie's intentions are right now.
"Well, I am here to check up on you, but I also wanted to talk. I have heard about the horrible things that have happened to you, and I wanted to offer support…if you would accept it." She asked timidly. Timid is not a word I would use to describe Rosalie.
I look at her for a moment, before I say, "Why? I mean, I am grateful, but I didn't think you liked me very much, and I assumed you would stay away from me." This is certainly a strange turn of events. However, Edward is quiet, so she must not be here to start anything. I guess I will be patient.
She came over to the other side of my bed and sat down on the chair that was sitting there. I glanced over at Edward while she did this, and he just nodded at me slightly. I took that to mean that everything was ok, so I turned back to Rosalie as she sat down. She glanced up at Edward, and I realized she was thinking at him. After a few seconds he rose up from the bed next to me and looked at me. "Bella? I am going to step outside a minute and talk to Carlisle. I will be back in a bit. Is that ok?"
I took a deep breath, and paused for a moment. I never felt as safe as I did when he was with me, but I wouldn't be alone, and while Rosalie might yell at me, she would never physically hurt me. So I told him, "That is fine. Just don't go too far ok?" I pouted at him, sticking my lip out in a familiar gesture from years past. I knew he would remember it.
And he didn't disappoint me. He gave me a small chuckle and a smile, gave me a small kiss on the lips, and said, "I will be back as soon as you say my name. I love you."
"Love you to," I told him. He walked over to the door, opened it and went through it. As he closed the door, he looked back at me with concerned eyes until it was closed. At this point, I turned back to Rosalie and said, "Well, what can I do for you Rosalie? I can't really go anywhere, but I will definitely listen to what you wanted to say." I gave her a small smile to hopefully encourage her. If she was going to break down some of the wall that seems to have always been between us, I would gladly do so. She would be my sister soon enough, and I wouldn't want to stay on her bad side. That would be uncomfortable for eternity.
Rosalie looked at me and paused before she spoke. "I wanted to come here and talk to you because I have some knowledge about what you have gone through with your husband. But first I would like to ask you a question. Has Edward ever told you the story of how I became who I am now?"
This is not what I expected. "No, he never likes to tell others stories. He always knew more than he was ever told, and I think he would feel guilty of something got out that he wasn't supposed to say."
"Well, Edward is a much more decent person than I have ever given him credit for." She sighed at that point. Then she looked at me, and told me, "The reason I was changed was because I was close to death. Carlisle has never changed anyone that was not close to death. He only chose them because typical medical efforts would not save them and he could see qualities in them that others didn't. Carlisle has great compassion for life, and he would do all in his power to help others. And so, the only thing that I have been able to truly understand from my birth into this life is that Carlisle saw a quality in me that he felt would truly a loss to this world."
I interrupted her for a second. "Rosalie, anyone who knows you will know that you have qualities all of us would love to possess, and yes, most of them have nothing to do with your beauty."
She looked at me, and smiled softly. "I am beginning to see what Edward sees in you Bella. You are much more forgiving than I could ever be." She pauses again, seeming to collect her thoughts before she continues.
"So I wanted to tell you what happened to me…what happened to put me so close to death. See, what happened to me is like what happened to you, except that it was five men, and one of them was my fiancé." I gasped at that admission. I was truly sad to finally understand the circumstances behind Rosalie's inclusion in this family.
"I was 18, and the apple of my family's eye. During that time, we were in a depression. However, my father had a good job at the bank, which allowed us to keep our status. While he worked there, he and my mother tried to make sure that my future was assured by trying to set up meetings between prospective men in society to help me marry into stability. However, my father's job at the bank was a fortuitous one. As the bank owner's son had started working there."
"So, my mother and father conspired to get me there, looking my prettiest in the hopes that the owner's son would take notice. Which he did. We went out together many times, always at parties. We were never really left alone together at all, and he was busy working a lot. However, he did very well courting me. Sending me flowers and gifts that he said reminded me of him."
"During this time, I spent a lot of time with my friend Vera who had gotten married to a carpenter, someone my parents would never even let me look at as a husband. This was fine with me, but what really got me was the fact that she had a beautiful little boy named Henry. He was an adorable child, and you could see the love and warmth that their home held with them. See that was my dream. I wanted a family too…a little boy or girl to call my own. Of course I was shallow back them. I thought that I would have help within the home to do all the cooking and cleaning, but I would have a perfect little miracle to call my own."
"Well, after meeting Royce, the bankers' son, I was enthralled. After two months, he proposed, and I accepted. I was going to have my own family in a big house. I was going to have what Vera had, only better. I was visiting with Vera and her family about a week before the wedding was scheduled. It was getting late, but I was not far from my house, so I decided to walk home. It was cold outside, and I was getting upset that we may have to move the wedding indoors if it was going to be this cold. As I was walking home, I noticed a group of men standing under a streetlight."
Here Rosalie paused. She took an unnecessary deep breath and continued. I could tell we were getting to the hard part of the story. She continued, "At this point, I wished I had called my father to escort me home, but I decided to just walk passed them. As I got closer, I realized that they were all dressed very nicely. Then they turned to watch me approach. Then I realized who they really were when my fiancé Royce called out, 'There's my Rose! You have kept us waiting!' As I walked up to them, I realized they had all been drinking…too much. There were a total of five of them under the streetlight. He then pulled one of them aside and introduced me as his bride-to-be. However, he was quite a bit rougher than I thought he would be. He was trying to show me off. He ripped the hat that was pinned to my hair, taking some of it with it. He tore open the sweater he had given me, and the brass buttons went scattering to the pavement. He proceeded to show them my 'charms' as he called them. He offered me to the newest member of his group first, and then they took turns."
She paused again, clearly still upset by talking about this. However, she continued on again, "I won't go into anymore details, except to say that when they were through, and had no further use for me, they left me lying there covered in blood, and torn to shreds, along with my clothing. As they walked off, one of the men said to Royce that he would need to find someone else to marry in the ceremony next week, to which Royce replied that he would have to learn patience first."
"As I was lying on the ground, wishing to die because of the pain, I suddenly saw someone standing above me. It was Carlisle. He checked me over, and then picked me up and sped me through the streets back to his home. I was not a fan of Carlisle. I knew he was a doctor that helped out those that had trouble getting medical care. I disliked him because he paid attention to those that were less fortunate then me. And when he picked me up, I was scared that he was taking me somewhere to finish the job that Royce and his gang failed to accomplish."
"And when he got me to his home, I was unconscious, but awoke to the most horrible pain imaginable. I didn't know what was going on, all I knew was that every part of me was on fire, and no one would stop it. Carlisle sat with me a lot of the time, and talked to me. I couldn't understand him at first, but as time went on, and as the raging fire went down, I could understand more. He was telling me what he was, and other information I would need to know to live. Then, near the end of the transformation, Edward and Esme came home. Edward was furious when he saw what Carlisle had done. He seemed incredulous that Carlisle would choose to change me. It seemed that he disliked mo on sight, where everyone else always bent over backwards to try and please me. I never understood it."
"However, to make this very long story a little shorter, once I was fully changed, and more in control of myself, I went back and sought revenge on those that left me on that sidewalk underneath the lamp that night. I saved Royce for last. I never drank their blood, I just killed them. I did not want my body tainted with their madness."
She stopped talking for a minute, and I took that to let her story sink in. While the story is not the same, it is similar. However, her torment had only lasted that one night…mine had lasted for almost a year. But I could understand how she would understand me and the situation I was in. Then she looked up at me.
"Bella, I don't talk about this often, but I wanted you to understand me more. I know what you went through. I want to help you. Normally, I am not the one that anyone comes to talk to, but I think I know better than anyone what will happen in the future as you try and get past these events. You will have Edward, which will help, but it won't take everything that happened back. You will need to deal with this, but I wanted to let you know that I am here if you have any questions."
I looked at Rosalie, and I truly understood that depth of sadness that she went through. I also understood that the offer she had just made was real, and very personal, and not something she would offer on any other day. This was a promise to me, that she wanted to help, in anyway she could.
"Thank you Rosalie, for the kind offer. I don't know that I will need it, but that for talking with me and explaining things. I do appreciate it…very much." I sat there thinking for a while, and Rosalie sat with me.
She looked at me, and said, "I will sit here with you until Edward returns if you like."
I looked over at her, and said, "Thank you. I would like that very much." And we sat there in silence waiting for Edward to return.