I know I should be working on my other story but I'm kind of stuck... I have the outline of the next chapter and some parts written but I don't know how to start it :p anw, I'm working on it and I'm going to post it sometime this week.
This is another oneshot that popped into my head and I had to write it... I hope it will make it up to you for the lack of a new chapter at my other story.
I hope you'll enjoy reading this! :) And, now, on with the story...
Disclaimer: I don't own House MD...
You are sitting on a bench at a park. You don't really know how you got there but you don't feel like complaining.
It's a sunny day and you feel content right where you are. Something you haven't felt since… she left you… you remember that but you don't remember the reason you are at this park.
And you can't explain the reason this feeling of contentment has returned although she is not here anymore.
You hear your name and you stand up, noticing for the first time that the pain in your leg is absent. And that's the moment when you understand that this can't be real.
It's also the first time that you notice what you are wearing. White trousers and a white shirt. And then it hits you.
You are probably dreaming again… that same dream… but you decide to follow that sweet voice that's calling out for you anyway.
You know who it is. You would recognize that voice anywhere.
You walk down the small path and you come face to face with her.
She gives you one of those captivating smiles of hers and you can't do anything else but smile back.
She is wearing a plain white dress, her hair cascading over her shoulders, her green-blue eyes as bright as ever. She looks like an angel… your angel…
You walk towards her and sit down on the bench next to her.
She wastes no time and she leans towards you, capturing your lips with hers in what seems to be the tenderest kiss you have ever received in your life.
Your arms are instantly around her body, holding her to you like she is your lifeline.
She breaks the kiss first and rests her forehead against yours, smiling softly at you. You smile back and kiss the tip of her nose tenderly.
You climb on the bench and she comes to sit between your parted thighs, resting her back against your chest and her head on your right shoulder. Her hands come to rest on your thighs and you close your eyes, just reveling at the feeling of having her in your arms again.
"Every night…" she mumbles, her eyes closed and her head tilted in order to rest against your cheek.
"It's the only way I can have you…" you reply bitterly and you tighten your hold on her.
"You know that's not true…" she says and you hate that even in your dream she is right.
You exhale loudly, never loosening your hold on her.
"And what do you expect me to do? Come back and pretend that everything is alright so we can be a big happy family?" you ask, trying to sheath your anger but you still refuse to release her from your grip.
She turns in your arms in order to face you, a cryptic smile on her lips.
"You are afraid…" she whispers, so close to you that you can feel her hot breath.
"Stop reading my thoughts and get out of my head!" you shout and sit properly on the bench, burying your head in your hands.
"You put me in there." She states matter-of-factly and you hate the fact that she is right yet again.
"I can't do this Allison…" you whisper and you feel her delicate fingers lace through your hair.
You turn to look at her and you find her smiling at you, that soft little smile that is only yours.
"You forget two things…" she states assuredly.
"Oh yeah? Humor me…" you challenge.
"First of all you have me…" she begins but you raise your eyebrows and she stops.
"You know what I mean." She adds and she continues "And secondly you are not your father…" she says with a confidence that even you can't master.
You look at her intently but she refuses to look away.
"You don't know that…" you reply after thinking of her words.
"I do know that. I'm in your head, remember? Plus, I know you and I know that you would never do the things he did." She says like it is the most natural thing in the world.
You sigh and you look at her again only to find out that she is standing up and walking.
"You gonna come?" she asks and you follow her at once.
Your hand finds hers as you walk side by side and you can't help but notice that this isn't the usual progression of your dream.
Usually she leaves you at that bench to think after kissing your lips softly. Apparently, she has something else to show you tonight.
You follow her without asking questions, trusting her completely. And, even if you asked, you know that she wouldn't give you any answers. At least not immediately…
You reach a clearing and she lies down on the grass, pulling you down with her. You comply and you lie down beside her.
One of the songs she loves comes to your mind.
If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
So you do just that. You close your eyes and you just lay there.
Hours seem to pass and you open your eyes again. You turn on your left side and rest your head on your hand.
Your eyes are fixed on her peaceful form. They travel over her beautiful face. Her closed eyes, her petite nose, her pink lips, the way her chest rises and falls as she takes each breath.
All you want to do is stay in this moment forever but you know that you are going to wake up soon.
You reach out and trace the outline of her face, going from her forehead to her lips and you continue lower till you reach her stomach and you just pause there.
She opens her eyes and turns to look at you, her beautiful green-blue eyes looking straight to your soul.
"It's never too late…" she whispers gently and you sigh again. You don't really know what else to do.
"I'm not exactly father material you know… you are better off without me. I don't want to see the look in your eyes when I screw everything up." You admit sadly and she reaches out for you.
"You are not going to screw up." She tries to reassure you.
"How do you know that?" you snap at her and you regret it immediately.
"I just know it Greg… And you know it too." She says and you just look at her. Maybe she is right… she is in your head after all.
You lean forward and bury your head in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent.
You think that you could stay there forever when a small voice reaches your ears.
You pick up your head and look to the direction the sound is coming from only to see a little girl in a white dress running towards the two of you, holding some flowers in her right hand, a wide grin on her face.
"Mommy, mommy! I found lilies!" she exclaims and throws herself in Allison's arms who has a wide smile on her lips as well.
"They are beautiful sweety." She says to the little girl, who smiles even wider and then turns to look at you and you are met by the most beautiful, blue eyes you have ever seen in your entire life.
She stretches out her little hand, offering you a white lily.
"Do you like it daddy?" she asks, looking straight into your eyes with a shy smile and at that moment you think that she is an angel that came to save you.
You reach out and catch her little hand in yours and you are shocked at how well her little hand feels in yours.
"I love it, angel…" you whisper and she throws herself in your arms this time, hugging you tightly like only a child can do.
Your arms wrap instinctively around her little body and you hold her to you like she is your lifeline.
You catch Allison's eyes who watches you with a tender smile on her lips.
But suddenly you are not participating in the scene that takes place. It's like there are two of you and you are stuck there, watching the other you picking up the little girl who giggles.
You look at the man that looks exactly like you. He is holding the little girl in his embrace. Allison entwines her hand with his and gives him a tender look.
You want to ask what is going on when the man turns and looks at you. He hands the girl to Allison and comes to stand in front of you.
"Who are you?" you ask hastily and forcefully.
"Well, I'm you apparently." He replies with a smirk.
You really didn't know what that smirk could do to people; you only had a vague idea.
You don't know what to say, you just look at Allison holding the little girl in her arms.
The man turns around and starts walking towards them when you find your voice again.
"Wait! What is all this?" you ask, and you can't hide the despair from your voice.
He stops and looks at you. It's like looking in a mirror but he seems… happy. You never thought your eyes could shine like that.
"It's your life…" he replies and he confuses you even more.
"But…" you stammer but he cuts you off.
"It's never too late." He states, repeating the words she told you.
He walks to Allison and takes the little girl in his arms again and his hand finds Allison's like it's their second nature.
But before they walk away together he turns again and he winces at you, a small smile on his lips.
The little girl smiles at you as well, her bright blue eyes transfixed on yours.
And it's the last thing you see before everything turns dark…
You open your eyes gingerly, testing the lightning of the room. You bring your hand to your face and rub it across your tired eyes.
That dream again… the same but so different this time. Those blue eyes… you are sure that you are never going to forget them.
You reach your hand out and rest it on the other side of the bed. It collides with a thud on the mattress and that empty feeling returns in the pit of your stomach faster than you thought possible.
You grab your pills and dry swallow two and your hand comes to rest on your right marred thigh, rubbing the skin there and trying to relieve the insistent pain.
But the more you try the more the pain increases and you wonder if Wilson was right when he said that it wasn't just the physical pain that tortured you.
You roll to the other side of the bed and hug the pillow tightly to your chest.
You inhale deeply, trying to catch her scent in the air but it's been three months since she left you and you know that it's useless to even try.
You stay there for the longest of times, just holding the pillow, willing it to transform into her but it's pointless.
She's not there… and she'll never come back…
You decide that staying in bed is not going to do you any good and you get up.
You reach the hospital thirty minutes later and do everything you can to avoid Cuddy and Wilson because you are sure that if you run into them they are going to lecture you again and you hate the idea of it.
The blinds in your office are already closed and you enter and just lock the door behind you.
You turn around and you think that this is some kind of a twisted dream again because there she is, sitting in your recliner and looking straight into your eyes, her hand resting on her stomach.
You close your eyes, willing her to disappear but when you open them again she is still there, an unreadable expression in her usually expressive eyes.
You don't talk, you just stare at her and she stares right back at you but neither of you dares to utter a word.
You stay there, studying her. You notice the dark circles under her eyes and you wonder if the last time she slept well was the night before she told you about the baby.
Those piercing blue eyes return in your mind and you think that you are going to be sick.
Your grip on your cane tightens, your knuckles turn white and you stay frozen on the same spot for what seems like hours.
Your expression remains unreadable till you notice the tears on her cheeks and you can't stand this distance any more.
You reach her in record time. You sit down next to her and you cradle her in your arms. It feels so good to have her back in your embrace that for a moment you forget everything that has happened.
You let her cry; get it all out and at that moment you want to punch yourself for making her cry.
You rub her back soothingly and she clings to you like a small child would do.
She buries her head in your chest and her arms grab a fistful of your t-shirt.
"I can't do this on my own…" she whispers and you don't know what to feel. The first thing that comes to you is anger for making her feel so vulnerable.
It's the first time you notice her swollen belly and you want to hit your head on the wall for not noticing before.
Your right hand travels involuntarily to her belly and it rests there.
Your move startles her and she pulls back to look into your eyes. That was clearly something that she didn't expect you to do.
You remain silent and your hand moves on its own accord, drawing lazy circles on the skin of her belly.
Her eyes are locked with yours and all you want to do is stay there, hold her in your arms and never let her go.
You close your eyes and those blue eyes return in your mind. You exhale loudly and lean towards her till your forehead is resting against hers.
She stays unmoving, while your hand remains on her belly.
"I'm sorry…" you whisper, your lips a breath away from hers and you feel her tense in your arms.
"I'm so sorry…" you say again and you are sure that if she doesn't say or do anything soon you are going to break down completely.
But somehow her arms find their way around your waist and she buries her head in the crook of your neck.
Your arms wrap around her body and you hold her as close to you as possible.
It's been a very long time since you held her like this and if it was up to you you'd never let her go.
She moves back in order to look into your eyes, a silent question in those beautiful green-blue eyes.
But before she can speak your lips are on hers, silencing her. Your lips move languidly, softly against hers and you don't know if you are tasting her tears or yours. Maybe it's a little bit of both... You regain that sweet taste of hers wondering how you managed to live without her for that long.
She breaks the kiss first and rests her forehead against yours, her eyes locking with yours.
She is about to say something but your fingers on her lips stop her.
"Shhh…" you say and your fingers move from her lips to her cheek, caressing it gently.
She leans into your touch, her eyes closing involuntarily. Apparently she has missed you as much as you have missed her.
"I was a jerk…" you mumble and she opens her eyes again.
"I… I don't know what to say to make this right again… all I have to say is that I am an idiot… and that I want you; I need you by my side. I can't live like this anymore…" you whisper and you think that this is the first time in your life that you open up like this.
Her hand caresses your cheek tenderly and you just look at her.
"I don't even know if you can ever forgive me… Frankly, I don't even know if I can forgive myself after everything I said and did… but I can't live like this, not anymore. I need you Allison…" you mumble.
She sighs and you know that she is thinking of her next move. You are almost sure that you have lost her for good this time but she surprises you by capturing your lips with hers, pouring all the love she feels about you in that kiss.
"I love you Greg, but…"
There it is… you hate this 'but'.
"No 'buts' Allison, please…" you plead and you tighten your embrace.
"You don't want this… You just want me. And I can't choose between the two of you, not again..." She admits bitterly and right now you hate yourself.
Your hands come to rest on her belly and she looks at you questioningly.
"I don't want to make you chose…" you say in a low tone and she is ready to ask what you mean but the feel of something moving against your palm make both of you stop.
Her hands cover yours and you know by the look in her eyes that you didn't imagine your baby moving.
"Did the baby just…?" you ask anyway because you want to hear it from her too.
"Yeah… First time, actually." She replies, studying your expression.
You can't help the wide smile that reaches your lips. It's a reaction to the fact that the first time the baby decided to make its presence known you were there for it.
She raises her eyebrows in question and you turn serious again.
Your hands never move from their spot on her belly and she starts to feel uneasy because she has no idea what you are thinking.
"I want this Allison… all of this…" you admit your truth but she doesn't react, she just stares at you.
"From the day we had that fight and you left all I think about is this… I want to be a part of this. I want to get to know her, be a part of her life… be her daddy…" you say in a whisper and tears well up in her eyes again.
"How did you know?" she asks and it's your time to raise your eyebrows. "That it's a girl…" she clarifies and all you can do is smile.
"Had a dream last night… You kicked some sense in me. Actually… she did." You explain and you can tell that she is confused and you can't stop the laugh that escapes you.
You know that she is going to want the details later but you don't really care because she throws herself in your arms and kisses you passionately.
You have one arm around her waist and the other remains on her belly while you keep kissing her.
You break the kiss simultaneously and both of you laugh because she is moving again. She sure wants all your attention, you decide, even if she isn't born yet.
"Hey, calm down in there…" you say but in reality you don't want her to stop.
You turn to look at Allison who is smiling at you for the first time after the night you made her chose one of you.
And now that you have her in your arms and you can feel your daughter you don't understand what made you react like this.
All you want to do now is be with Allison and never let her go again.
And you think that you are going to do just fine when you see her smile again.
"I say we skip work for today… Cuddy will understand when we give her the reason tomorrow." You suggest and you give her the best puppy dog eyes you can master.
And it must work because she laughs and shakes her head and a moment later she is offering her hand to you.
You give her a wide smile and take her hand in yours and together you make your way to the parking lot after you collect you things, hand in hand.
Your team is looking at you in shock and you smirk because you know that tomorrow they are going to be completing your clinic hours for this behavior.
Once you are at home you make sure that every phone device is switched off and you lead Allison to your bedroom where you spend your time showing how much you need her and love her.
You haven't told her yet but you are sure she knows by now.
Afterwards you just lay together, Allison in your arms and your hand resting on her belly feeling your daughter's movements.
And at that moment you know that if you have them in your life you are going to be just fine.
seven months later…
You wake up to a small cry.
You open your eyes and find that Allison is fast asleep by your side, her hand resting above your heart.
You disentangle yourself from her embrace, wear your discarded t-shirt and boxers and grab your cane.
You walk to the room next to yours and enter quietly. You move inside the room and go to stand next to the crib of your three month old daughter.
You find her wide awake, her big blue eyes spotting you immediately and once they connect with yours she stops crying immediately.
You smile down at her and you rest your cane against the dresser in order to pick her up.
You take her in your embrace and sit in the big armchair next to the crib. You prop your feet up and you settle your baby girl on your chest. You start rubbing her small back soothingly and she yawns, making you laugh slightly.
Her small hand circles your pointer finger and she looks up at you from her spot on your chest.
You swear she just smiled at you and you can't help the smile that reaches your own lips.
"I love you angel…" you whisper to her and she looks at you like she knows how important this is to you, like she knows that she owns your heart.
You still haven't said those three little words to Allison. The only person you can say 'I love you' to is your daughter.
You watch your angel as she closes her eyes and falls back to sleep and you can't take your eyes off of her.
You hold her little body against your chest and you wonder what you have done to deserve this.
You drop a small kiss on the top of her head and you feel your own eyes closing.
The next thing you feel is Allison's hand caressing your cheek.
"Hey…" she whispers with a smile and you smile back.
"Hey… she was crying…" you say when her eyes fall to the sleeping infant in your arms.
You make room for her and she sits next to you, resting her head on your right shoulder. You hug her to you, your right hand resting on the small of her back and you place a soft kiss on her lips.
"Happy Father's day, Greg…" she mumbles and you turn to look at her, a grin playing on your lips that make her smile as well.
Your embrace tightens around her body and you both turn to look at your sleeping daughter who slumbers peacefully on your chest.
Your eyes return to Allison again and you kiss her forehead lovingly.
"I love you…" you whisper and she turns to look at you, her expression soft and full of love.
She kisses your lips tenderly and her arm comes to rest on your lower abdomen.
"I love you too…" she replies.
You stay there, unmoving, just reveling the feeling of having the women of your life in your embrace.
You never thought that this would happen.
You never thought that you would fall in love with Allison. You never thought that you would love her more than your own life.
You never thought that you would have children but Emma is the best thing that ever happened to you.
You never thought that you would ever let anyone in again but now two people have managed to pass through the numerous barriers that you had around your heart.
You never thought that you would trust another woman but now there are two of them that you can trust with your life.
You owe them everything. You love them unconditionally.
You have their love and they have your heart. It's so simple in your mind.
And it's ok with you, really, because without them you would have nothing.
But with them in your life you have everything… And you are glad they love you…
That was it!
The part in italics are the dream he had. I'm just mentioning it in case anyone got confused..
It's been in my head for almost a week but I decided to write it today since it's Father's day. Excuse any typos, i just finished writing this and I decided to post it before going to bed. I hope you liked it! Thank you all for reading this :)