Eggs Over Easy – A Haruhi Suzumiya Fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own the Haruhi franchise or any of its characters. Alas, I am only a crazed fan…

Oh, please read my other story THE AMERICANIZATION OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA and let me know what you think of it. )

This is just a oneshot between Haruhi and Kyon, where some questions get asked over breakfast.


I was walking around the mall with Asahina-san, going to various stores for her to try on various costumes. Apparently, Haruhi's cosplay urges have rubbed off on the most precious senpai. We went to an 80's cosplay store and she tried on a skin-tight dirty dancer costume! I looked up to heaven to ask all the deities if they were implementing some sort of religious test upon me.

Raising my head was a bad idea as a fountain of blood rocketed out of my nose. Thank goodness that Asahina-san was turned around and looking at herself in the mirror, not at the jet of blood that escaped my nose.

"Kyon-kun, do you think this fits me well?" the short and sweet, oasis in the desert of the world upperclassman asked me. Skin-tight outfits usually fit a bit too well, Asahina-san… I kept that part to myself. I instead responded:

"You look fabulous." If I had spoken the true thoughts on my mind, children in the store would be asking their mothers some really inappropriate questions later on.

"Uuuu… I wish I could have some music to dance to now," said Asahina-san with a cute moan, further pushing me to the breaking point. As if on cue, a really fast-paced song came on. It sounded so familiar.

Asahina started to dirty dance a la the American movie "Dirty Dancing" and I swear that if I had died there, I would die happy. My sexy senpai began to come, no crawl closer to me…

Then the music stopped, and so did Asahina-san. I covered my eyes with my palm to give off the appearance that she did something silly, but the main reason was to prevent my tears of sadness from falling.

"Kyon-kun…" she said, really softly. Yes, angel of my vision, apple of my eye?

"Kyon-kun!" she was almost yelling. Was this fiery passion? She crawled towards me, the inches between our faces closing…


I looked up to see my sister sitting on my chest, with Shamisen around her neck.

"Kyon, wake up! Your ringtone is so loud! I was already up but still it's rude to play your ringtone so loud!" It's rude to not call me Onii-chan or Onii-san and it's rude to barge into my room and jump on my chest! But wait, Asahina-san! Where is she?

"What are you talking about? Mikuru-Nee-chan isn't here! Silly Kyon!" Why does she get a Nee-chan and I don't get a Nii-chan? Feeling melancholy due to the fact that I dreamt of everything from the dirty dancing outfit to the near kiss, I glanced over at my alarm clock. 7:38 am. It's a Saturday. I reach for my cell phone.

One missed call. Haruhi Suzumiya. 7:20 am. I return the call.

As the phone rings, I sigh and say two words:

"Yare, yare."


It turns out Haruhi wanted to have breakfast at 9:00 at the coffee shop that usually serves as our meeting place. In case you have no idea who Haruhi Suzumiya is, you should think of a beautiful field filled with roses and flowers. Nice right?

Now, within this field, place landmines with a proximity of two steps between each one.

She's a volatile thunderstorm; beautiful yet deadly. She commands the SOS Brigade like Mussolini once ruled Italy. What is the SOS Brigade you ask? If you consider yourself at least partly sane, you may have difficulty believing this.

The SOS Brigade is comprised of an alien, a time traveler, an esper, Haruhi and myself. Hard to believe, no?

Our alien is Yuki Nagato, a quiet bookworm who can probably dropkick a sumo wrestler in the atmosphere, the time traveler is the beautiful senpai, Mikuru Asahina-san. I think we've discussed her already. The esper is this bastard, Koizumi, who never has anything but a grin on his face and who brown noses up to Haruhi so much, one can call him Chocolate Face. They all came with a mission: to protect Haruhi Suzumiya. Why Haruhi, you may ask?

Well according to them (as in the alien, time traveler and esper), she's the potential for evolution, the source of a massive timequake or God. Copyrights go to Nagato, Asahina-san and Koizumi, respectively.

She's none of those aforementioned things to me; she's just Haruhi. She forces me to do all the manual labor that the brigade requires and treats me like crap, but I still come around everyday. Humans are creatures of habit, after all. Those eyes though, that fiery personality, I'd be a terrible liar if I said that those traits didn't affect me. I biked over to the usual coffee shop and parked my bike in the back. I walked to the front to see…


… Haruhi by herself?

"You're late! Penalty! You have to pay for our lunch!" Well, that's fine considering it's the both of us, but where are the others?

"None of them could make it! This is nonsense! All of them have to pay fines to the Chief!" Yes, she considers herself the Chief of this ridiculous group. Well, we continued inside. We sat at our usual booth and our usual, nothing-special, waitress came and took our orders. I ordered two eggs, over easy with a small coffee. This girl ordered three orders of pancakes and a ham and cheese omelet, along with an orange juice and a coffee. Fitness gurus and dieticians would be baffled about where all this food went.

After about ten or fifteen minutes of an awkward silence, the food came along with our drinks and we began to eat. I noticed Haruhi occasionally throwing me glances and sideways looks. She seemed troubled about something. I broke the silence by asking her what was on her mind.

"It's… Kyon, it's nothing. Why do you care?" I shrugged and went back to tackling my eggs. However, Haruhi asked me a question at the precise moment I stuffed most of the yolk in my mouth.

"Kyon, what do you think of me?" I nearly choked when I heard her ask it! How come I haven't heard this sweet, soft-spoken voice of yours? It's cute… I mean, almost cute.

"Shut up! Answer the question!" There's regular Haruhi. Well, Haruhi, I think of you as a person who makes me do stupid crap for your dumb club, but I still enjoy myself.

Thinking in retrospect, I think of the various activities that the SOS Brigade has done over my first year of high school. The island incident, I was alone with her, and I enjoyed it. Closed space, I was alone with her, and I enjoyed it. Those honeyed eyes looked up at me as she took a sip of her coffee. She expected an answer.

"Haruhi, I think you're special. Though you make me do stupid crap for the SOS Brigade, I have to admit, my life would be so regular without you." I said, looking back at her. I saw a bit of a smile behind her coffee mug.

"Thanks," she said with that same smile on her face before digging into her pancakes.

I gave her a smile back, and continued to eat my eggs that were cooked over easy.