Even weeks after his clean, abrupt break, Edward has not recovered. Desolate, the Cullen visit their friends in Denali who are displeased to learn of Edward's condition. They offer their own insights to Edward's decisions and, not surprisingly, differ. ExB. One-Shot. REVISED

Edward mentions that after he left in New Moon they went to Denali, this is likely what the Denali clan thought of his *clean break* I was listening to Avril Lavigne's My Happy Ending. It's not terribly relevant, but the mood suits this, I think.

Wanna check out something else that blasphemous? Read Crucible on my fictionpress site. It is literally mind-numbingly sacrilegious. Haha, but seriously, check it out.

xoxo —ei

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owner, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Blasphemy: She Will be Loved

EPOV

Denali, Alaska

"He's still in the Mercedes." Carlisle murmured to Tanya. "Let him be a while. He's like a cat. Comes out when he wants to. Don't force him to do anything."

"He hasn't changed?"

"Still stubborn as ever."

"When Irina told me what you said last week, I thought she was joking. Or it was just a phase. I didn't believe her."

Carlisle sighed."I'm afraid not."

"I asked him to play the piano for us. He snapped at me." Carmen's voice was cautious.

"He has painful memories connected with the piano. Don't stir him up by raking his old wounds."

They headed inside. After I was sure the coast was clear. I clambered up the side of the house and slipped into the remote guest room. I knew the Denali Coven well enough. They would understand that I could not―did not want to be approached at the moment...

"I don't understand," Irina said.

"He's a passionate lover and an idiot," Alice answered. "What is not to understand?"

Eleazar gave a polite cough, which may have hid a snort.

"But for him, death is easier than living without her," Irina said slowly, still confused.

"So why not just change her, then?" Kate asked, confused.

Alice sighed. "Even changing her is a threat to her safety in Edward's mind."

"Oh good god, has he developed excessive virtuosity about this?"

They shared a terse laugh at my expense.

"And if it kills him?" Tanya's voice rang sharply through the mirth.

"It won't come to that," Esme said resolutely. "He believes her to be safe, and that thought...well, it keeps him going." She broke off, clearly this notion that her son teetered somewhere on the edge of insanity and survival hurt her.

I agreed. My love for Bella was the only reason I was like this. Well, that and my initial selfishness.

"But it is unacceptable for any of my guests to be an out-cast in my home!" Carmen protested fiercely.

I hoped they would not force me out. It would not be pleasant.

"I'm with you, Carmen," Emmett said, energy bubbling in his voice. "We'll bring him down, like it or not. Nothing like a tussle to pull a man out of the dumps, well, that or..." He chuckled lightly. "But Edward's not up to that right now."

"Good luck with that…" Tanya said with a touch of asperity. "Jasper? Would you help me bring him in?"

A collective hush fell downstairs.

"You're right, Tanya. We should at least see if I can get him to breathe again before we unleash Emmett on him."

Footsteps.

The door swung open.

"Come down," Jasper suggested to me gently.

He had shared my depression along with the others, but, of course, it had been worse for him. As a result, I hadn't spoken to him in weeks.

"She..."

"I know. But she wouldn't want you to be wasting away away from everyone else. Bella want you to -"

The sound of her name ripped into my heart.

"How the hell do you know what she would want?" I shouted at him.

I knew it wasn't his fault and I hated him - all of them - for being guiltless.

"I do know." He said calmly. A kind reminder that sometimes, even when it came to the love of my life, he knew better. "We loved her, too, Edward. Come down."

I gave Tanya, who had accompanied Jasper up a passing glance, and she reeled away by the look in my eyes.

Jasper departed once he'd brought me downstairs, along with the rest of the family who had jumped at the chance to bond and hunt with the Denali coven – or, more specifically, to get away from me.

"Make sure, he's not left to himself," was Carlisle's parting edict.

Like I was some pathetic suicidal human stuck in an asylum, needing constant supervision or he'd try to off himself.

Not bad, Carlisle, not bad for someone who wasn't a telepath.

• • •

"Does it hurt, Edward?" She asked, her voice angel-soft. All of our voices were like that, at least to the humans. B – she'd described it as mellifluous testimony to angels' songs.

It was Tanya and I.

Like it had almost turned out to be in the beginning. Before everything else...

I opened my eyes and took a breath.

She watched me.

"…Of course. More than you could know. When I think of her, my mind...I go insane," I said lowly. "When I dream of her without really dreaming, when I imagine her before me, without really seeing; I go blind with the craze."

But the way she looked at me was different, from the others. Not even Jasper, who had never spent a day without Alice knew.

Somehow, Tanya, she understood.

I realized...what Bella was to me, I had been for Tanya, and I felt ashamed. Always, I had mocked her feelings, considered them as baseless and insubstantial as any human before B-.

I drew a shuddering breath.

"The moment I spoke that one word, that one lie that made all the difference. 'You. Don't. Want me?' She asked me, her resolve was wavering. And I saw the confusion on her face. And I thought, This is it. Do not make it harder for her. I lied."

I looked back at Tanya and laughed bitterly.

She looked frightened again.

"That was blasphemy in its blackest form. If I did have a soul until then, with that, I've surely lost it forever. If I love her as much as I say I do, I will be able to stay away. She is strong; her heart will mend, like humans' do. And this goodbye, painful though it may have been, it's the most love I can give in return."

'The pain he contains in himself. It's inhuman. I didn't think anyone was capable with dealing with such hurt. Why does he hurt himself.'

I winced at her thoughts.

"With that one lie, my world ended," I whispered, woebegone. "My world, not only ended, it was demolished."

Her thoughts commiserated.

I closed my eyes again.

She glared at me, turned livid by the sympathy. "Why did you do this then?"

"I love her."

She merely sighed.


REVIEW, pleeeease? :)