"Oh God, what the hell are you watching?"

House looked around in the chair he was sitting in, the OBGYN lounge empty aside from him, Cuddy standing just inside the room, hands on her hips, blouse indecent. She was holding a hand up in front of her to block the television from her view.

"It says closed for health inspection on the door," he mumbled, turning back to the tv.

"I know, I don't remember any health inspection today."

"It's completely legitimate," he said.

"House, you're watching porn."

"I'm inspecting it," he said, "and they're naked, so in a way..."

"In a way, you're watching porn, in the middle of the day, in the OBGYN lounge." She lowered a hand, caught sight of more naked flesh on the tv and raised it again.

"Oh the irony," he said, she sighed.

"Turn it off and get your ass in the clinic."

"But this is Genital Hospital Two, and Sindy is about to get treatment for her sex-amnesia!" he cried. Cuddy rolled her eyes, the effect ruined by the hand in front of her face.

"Genital Hospital Two? There are two of these?" she said, looking at the television again. She had nothing against porn, just didn't want it in her hospital, being watched by her best doctor at one in the afternoon when the clinic was backed up with patients wanting a check up on the their lunch break.

"Four actually, at least, there's talk of a fifth. Two is my favourite, there's actual medicine in this one," he said, looking back at her again. "Will you put your hand down? It's not like they're doing anything nasty. Or even particularly kinky, it's the missionary position, which I know you're not used to much, being the dominating administrator you like to portray."

She didn't reply, walking around the other chairs and grabbing the remote and turning the television off.

"Clinic. Now."

"As soon as Sindy is cured," he said, grabbing the remote and putting the tv back on.

"I think she's recovering nicely," Cuddy said looking at the screen. House smirked, and settled back into the chair, dodging Cuddy as she went to swipe the remote from him again.

"We're only half way through, she could have a relapse," he said, fighting to see the television around her as she continued to try and get the remote from him.

"You've seen it before!" she argued. He reached out, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her into his lap, grimacing pain when she hit his bad leg too hard, taking a deep breath. "House!" she cried, "your leg..."

"Is fine," he said with a harsh breath, "come and watch the porn with me," he shifted her weight onto his other leg as she struggled to get off his lap. "If you keep wriggling up you will hurt my leg."

"Then let go," she said, making him smile.

"Actually, keep wriggling," he said, trying not to moan. The friction of his jeans and the weight of her was far too arousing.


"Come on Cuddy, we used to watch porn together."

"No we didn't," she said, pushing against him to get up.

"Oh yeah, well, we should of."

"I don't think so," she said and he smiled.

"I'll do an extra day in the clinic if you stay."


"Two days."

"You wouldn't do any extra time in the clinic, I can't get you to do the time you're supposed to do."

"I will if you stay."

"Why do you want me to stay?"

"Three days." She looked at him, raised eyebrow.

"You're serious?"

"Completely." She studied him for a moment, ignoring the moaning on screen and the way he was shifting his hips minutely beneath her. Which was difficult. He was difficult, but he was being serious. For once.

"Deal," she said, thinking she'd gone completely mad for a moment, but an extra three days of clinic duty was worth the embarrassment of some bad porn. "But, I am not sitting on your lap."

"Fine." He let her go, and she struggled to her feet, and sat on the sofa next to him. He heaved himself up with his cane, then flopped onto the sofa next to her. He grinned at her.

"Why do you want me to watch porn with you?" she asked, watching Sindy recover from sex amnesia with enthusiasm.

"Because, when most people watch porn they get hot and aroused, and we'll have sex in the OBGYN lounge."

"Oh the irony," she muttered, "I'm not having sex with you."

"You're watching the porn, the rest is inevitable."

"Sex is not inevitable."

"Right now it is," he said, shifting to sit closer to her.

"I'm not having sex with you," she repeated.

"You're watching the porn."


"So, we're gonna have sex."

"I'm not having sex with you."

"Why are you still wriggling?" She stopped still, and realised she could still feel him beneath her, the stirrings of his erection.

"I'm not wriggling," she said, "and you're willing to do three extra days worth of clinic duty to have sex with me?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "Actually, I was willing to do five, you need to practice your negotiation skills."

"Doesn't that make you a whore?"

"I'm pretty sure it makes us both whores." he said, cupping his crotch. She glared at him. "Hot and bothered yet?"

"Bothered yes, by you."

"Wanna skip the foreplay."

"Never," she said. He smirked.

"Ooh, this is a good bit," House said, pointing at the tv, then turning the volume up, Cuddy looked from his face to the screen and sighed. She was annoyed, not because it was working, but because he could get to her like this. Porn was porn, it was mostly pointless for her, it had never really affected her.

House did.

House was, he was semi hard, and as handsome as he had always been. And he was willing to do something he hated the most to get into her thong. She didn't really believe he would do it, do the extra clinic hours, but she was here anyway, watching average porn, with average looking guys (and one really hot girl, she had to admit to herself).

She had always been a bit of a sucker for House, but then, he wanted her here.

She needed to get back to work, before she got hot and bothered by her own thoughts about House.

"I'm going before this woman has a sex overdose," she said getting up. House grabbed her arm and pulled her back down, kissing her on the lips when she fell back down next him. Her immediate reaction was to kiss back, her hands reaching up to cup his face and his hand slipping beneath her blouse in the next second. Now she was hot and bothered and aroused and fuck.

She forced her lips from his, grabbing his forearms and pushed him away.

"House," she said, voice low and dangerous, "stop."

"Okay." He sat back and turned his attention back to porn. She stood up again, hands on hips, not sure what to say to him.


"Broken record." The door opened, Cuddy went bright red from embarrassment as Wilson walked in.

"You paged me for porn?" he asked, flushing red when he saw the porn film and Cuddy in the same room.

"Genital Hospital Two."

"Oh, well then." He sat down in the chair House had previously vacated, sighing in resignation, and looked up at Cuddy. "Did he page you too?"

"He's closed down the OBGYN lounge for a private porn viewing, he didn't have to page me," she said with more confidence than she felt, cheeks flushed.

"Wilson prefers Genital Hospital One," House said, "he's a purest, the originals are the best right Jimmy?"

"Do you two watch a lot of porn together?" she asked, smiling again.

"Yes, Wilson is my usual porn buddy, but you're hotter," he said with a smirk, "nor will he have sex with me."

"I'm not having sex with you. Enjoy your film," she said, "and I use that term loosely," she added before leaving the room.

"What did you do?" Wilson asked.

"Nothing bad," House said, "I just kissed her."

"You kissed her?"


"Did she kiss back?" Wilson asked with a smile.



"Yep, then I tried to cop a feel and she jumped away."

"Cop a feel?" Wilson raised his brow, smiling again.

"What can I say, my memory needs refreshing."

"You said you never slept with her in college."

"I didn't."

"But you have slept with her?" Wilson turned on the sofa, facing House and ignoring the porn for the minute.

"Not exactly..." House said, his voice trailing off, eyes glued on the television. "There was some groping, and some oral, but we never got to the sex part."

"Why not?"

"Broke up."

"You broke up?"

"Do you have to question everything I tell you today, it's very distracting and I'm missing important parts of Candy's differential."

"You broke up?" Wilson repeated.

"We were going slow, and broke up before we got that far," House said, shrugging it off.

"You were going slow? Really?"

"Yes, Cuddy was young, I was...nicer back then."

"You were nicer?"

"Seriously, stop that," House said, gesturing wildly towards the television.

"They're diagnosing sex-amnesia, again!" Wilson said.

"Okay, I wasn't nicer, but Cuddy was, is, that hot," he said.

"Of course, you slow down for the pretty girls, just your MO."

"MO? You watch too many cop shows Wilson."

"Does explain why you are like you are around her though, you care about her, and cared about her a lot back then, enough to take it slow with her."

"Yeah, yeah, I was a fucking gentleman," he grumbled.

"No, that's the point, you cared about her enough to be a gentleman."

"No, she was just that hot."

"Maybe, in the beginning," Wilson said with a smug smile.

"Oh, just shut up and watch the porn."