A/N:"behind the music-the hamburglar" parts 1 and 2 are introductions of the incidents that led up to this tragedy.
BEHIND THE MUSIC: THE HAMBURGLAR The hamburglar is a mythical beast, who travels time and space in a series of inter-connected tubes that originate in a place known by mortal man as the mcdonald-land. Most people over the age of 3 believe that these tubes only go 100 feet, but they are mistaken. The tubes connect for thousands of miles, to different parts of the universe and different planes of existence. Some have said to travel to different dimensions and learned different trains of thought from traveling them. Those who have mastered the tubes have mastered all knowledge.
The mysticism surrounding the hamburglar is very interesting. Some say he▓s existed from the beginning of time. Others say he doesn▓t exist. I have concluded through numerous interviews of first hand experience that he is immortal, and still lurking somewhere within the tubes, primarily the purple tubes. He was kicked out of the mcdonald land gang by Ronald▓s for hanging out in the ⌠red light district■ near mcdonald land, and hasn▓t returned to his native ground since. This event, called by historians ⌠the booting of the meat lover■, probably took place thousands of years ago, if at all. According to legend, the hamburglar had a very strange sexuality┘it couldn▓t be described in proper terms of heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. More like┘ ⌠have sex with everything.■ It turned him on to stick his meat in between 2 hamburger buns and let the ketchup do the work. You ever wonder how the doughnut got invented how the doughnut or bagel got invented? The hamburglar stuck his schlong into a single half of a bun. In fact, the original cream cheese was made of something between normal cheese that was already on the bun and the hamburglars jizz. He also has/had a strange fetish of chopped off penises. An interesting fact regarding this topic: Mcdonalds provided hot dogs at the 1957 World Series. Mcdonalds never served hot dogs before or after this. Most of them were small, shriveled up, and disgusting. They were advertised as ⌠mini-dogs■. A spokesperson said to the camera▓s ⌠thanks to the hamburglar for providing these┘■ which is the strangest fact yet, because mcdonalds cited the hamburglar as being faked and dismissed him as a myth on several occasions within previous years.
The fact that the one spoken of wasn▓t part of the McDonald land gang was destroyed when mcdonalds started using him again in a 1970▓s advertisement campaign. Of course, mcdonalds denied that any of the characters used in advertisement weren▓t real and that the spokesperson who had said that he provided the hotdogs was probably just high when he mentioned that line. There were a few mortal men who had traveled the galactical line of tubes and talked to Ronald mcdonald and the gang himself. According to them, the mystical one was kicked out of the gang long ago, and the higher-ups of mcdonalds forced them to let him rejoin for marketing purposes. And according to them, when all of the other people of the mcdonald land gang would be having fun playing in the park, the hamburglar would be tripping on acid and taking N20 whippets. The people who claimed this were soon murdered by CIA agents. A conspiracy lie deep within the mcdonalds corporation and US government, and within the next few days I will attempt to unmask it.