A/N: My very first fanfic, I would really appreciate some constructive critisism from all you experienced and talented writers.
I always thought the show should explore the relationship between Mick and Joseph more than it did, particularly after Josef turned Mick. It had to have affected them in some way, and these are my thoughts on that. Depending on the response, I might make this a multi-chapter fic. We'll see. Remember- constructive critisism please! I would really like to better my writing into a talent, if possible. Thanks.
What did he do to me? I can feel it. The BOND. The difference is so drastic it deserves capital letters. The BOND. It's slides up and down in my veins, swirls around in my heart, fills my head. It's in my blood. Literally. He tried to deny it. Tried to say I'd already been sired once, that he hadn't turned me, but re-turned me. That I'd eventually have turned back anyway. But I can feel it. We've been friends for a long time, about fifty years. Best friends, if I may be so bold. I've always been aware of his age, as any younger vampire is aware of an Elder. And he is the Elder of the L.A. Community and that comes with responsibility. But now I can feel his power, his strength that I'd only suspected before. And that sense of responsibility is magnified a hundred times when aimed at me. Responsibility and protectiveness. And dominance.
But there's more to it than what I feel from him. There's my feelings. Though I think it is best described as...instincts. Yes. Instincts seems right. Though I'm well aware of how I'm feeling, I often have to fight the automatic responses of my mind and body.
I feel different around him now. It's almost a sense of... deference. When I'm around him, I have trouble meeting his eyes. When he's angry or annoyed, I tense up. When he's angry or annoyed at me, I flinch and become uneasy. The first time, before I could even consider the possibility of resisting, I actually bared my neck to him out of instinct. And that sense of responsibility and protectiveness that I'm getting from him is overwhelming at times. At once I feel both smothered and safe. Almost like I'm a child again in the presence of my more powerful father. And I've found myself becoming uneasy when I go so long without seeing him, like I have to reassure myself that he's there. I've also caught myself, without thought, running to him when I am upset or having a bad day. I've almost begun to crave the sense of safety and reassurance I get when I'm in his presence. Like a drug. I recognize these feelings. I'd experienced them right after Coraline turned me. But she had turned me unwillingly, and I was unable to get over the betrayal. I don't have that with Josef. I'd asked - no, begged- him to turn me back, and that's exactly what he did. I can feel him nearby- another perk, I'm always aware of him. He's coming. I can sense some of the things on his mind. I would have preferred to put it off as long as possible, but I guess the time has come. It's time for us to sit down and have a long over due discussion about these changes. Time to have a talk with my new Sire. Josef
What did I do? It was a moment of weakness in the face of his desperation. He'd begged. He called me brother. I only did what he'd wanted. But he had wanted what he'd never wanted. Does that even make sense? So did I do him a favor or not? Did I help him by giving him what he'd asked for? Or damn him once again to the life he'd despised and finally escaped? He's my- dare I say it?- my best friend. And more, now. I'd tried to deny it, reason it away with the facts that he'd already been turned fifty-five years ago by Coraline. But I couldn't fool myself and I couldn't fool him. How could I, when we both feel it? It's nothing a mortal, a human could possibly comprehend, the emotions, feelings and instincts that bond vampires together. Particularly a Sire and his or her fledgling. There. I said it. Sire. I resisted it, didn't want our friendship to change. I didn't want to wish it had worked that well with Sarah and I didn't want to be thankful that Mick's turning hadn't gone as bad as Sarah's. I don't have the best track record with turnings. Sarah's mysterious coma was enough to teach me to be cautious. I couldn't bear it if it were to happen again. And to Mick. But it worked. And besides my lovely Sarah, I'm new at the Sireing business. Sara's condition hasn't allowed me to experience the full effect. The feelings are stronger. Probably because I'm aware of mine as well as Mick's. With Sarah, I feel nothing from her, it's completely one sided. My instincts as a Sire where she is concerned have been severed or strongly muted by her condition.
But not with Mick. Everything is so strong, and in some cases, hard to fight. I've always been a little protective of Mick. He's my friend and I'm so much older than him. He'd severed his ties to his Sire- now former Sire- and a young vampire without it's Sire in not only dangerous, but in danger. They also tend to be lonely and unhappy. The relationship a fledgling has with his Sire usually defines what kind of a vampire he- or she- will develop into. Much the same way a child becomes who he will be by the teachings and examples of his parents.
But now that protectiveness is so much stronger and has added dimensions. I feel that I must stand over him to keep him safe, and I know that is something he would likely fight. He seems to have been re-turned to his former vampiric strength and skills rather than to that of a newborn fledgling. Which, by the way, isn't saying much from my point of view. Fifty-five years is barely over infancy for a vampire, especially without an attentive Sire to guide him. But that's niether here nor there. Although Mick has been restored to his former "strength" -maybe age is a better word- he seems to have been cursed with some of the feelings and insecurities of a newborn vamp. I've noticed his insecurity, and his actions and reactions when he's near me. And yet, he comes to me a few times a week at least,to calm his uncertainty. It's an instinct.He's drawn to me. A Sire is a fledgling's source of comfort and safety, often even long after it is so desperately needed as it is in the beginning.
I feel a strong sense of dominance, so strong that I often have to fight to suppress it a little. Sometimes I have to push down the strong desire to make him submit, to make him obey me- the ingrained instincts say there is just something so right about it, so fulfilling. That it's just the way it's meant to be. Strangely, it kind of ties in with the strong protectiveness toward him. That the dominance will keep him safe even from himself, from his own mistakes. And that is how it is for new turns, they must be controlled as well as taught and cared for until they learn to controll themselves and are socialized into the vampire Community. New turns are completely dependant on thier Sires for everything.
But Mick's not a new turn. Not really.
But we seem to have both gotten the instincts, feelings and emotions as if he were. It's normal on my part. I know that a Sire usually keeps these strong feelings for their fledges always. They simply endure the parting process as the little bird leaves the nest, as it were. Much as mortal parents. And most vampires keep many of the same feelings toward their Sire's, also- especially the instincts of submission- if they keep a continueing relationship for any amount of time. But Mick's seem to be almost as strong as the feelings of a new turn. Not quite as severe, or he would be unable to leave my presence at all for a while. But strong enough for him to seek me out much more often than is his custom, and usually for no more reason than that he simply needs the reassurance that I'm still here. His behavior is that of a fledgleing barely a year or two old, past the crucial dependence, but not on his own quite yet.
And I'ts my job to be here when he comes to me.
But though I've come to recognize the these things, Denial is not just a river in Egypt. I know he feels it, he has to, but I don't thinks he wants to admit it. Mick and I have to address the issue and decide how we're going to proceed. We can't continue on normally until we do, not that things have been normal between us lately. But maybe between the two of us, we can find a new kind of normal.