Spoilers: 1x13 "A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate"
Summary: Extended bar scene between Chuck and Blair from "A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate". One-shot...
When Winning Becomes Losing
...I don't want you, and I can't see why anyone else would either, She heard him say harshly, his tone chilling her blood. Blair was no stranger to his vindictive attitude. It was one of the main things they had a common; cruelty to those who deserve it, indifference to those who don't, and kindness to the rare few who merited it. She'd always known him to be cruel. Chuck Bass had never pretended he wasn't.
So, in all honestly she supposed she should have been expecting it the second she approached him and noticed the glass of scotch attached to his hand. A drunk and hurt Chuck Bass was a lethal combination any day, but when the person he blamed for his pain was standing in front of him, there was no telling what he'd do or say. Still, never in a million years had Blair ever expected to have a drop of Chuck's cruelty inflicted on herself.
She felt her bottom lip quiver slightly and immediately bit down on it to stop the telling motion. She knew it was pointless, Chuck had, for as long as she could remember, always been able to read her emotions easier and better than anyone else. Biting her bottom lip wasn't going to stop the flicker of hurt that she knew he saw flash across her eyes before he looked back down into his scotch. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it before a sound could escape. She sighed inwardly and simply watched him as he stared down at the swirling scotch as if it had all the answers, as if it could save them both from themselves and each other. She'd never admit that she sincerely wished it would.
When he brought the glass back up to his mouth she again opened hers, this time succeeding in finding her voice. "You don't mean that," she said shakily, her voice crackling with pain. She hoped he didn't notice, or that her voice sounded stronger than she thought it did, but one look at Chuck's face told her otherwise.
He looked over at her, cautiously, for a brief moment before once again looking back into his glass despondently. He watched as the ice and scotch swirled around while his hand fidgeted nervously. Only Blair Waldorf can make me this nervous when I'm still this pissed off, he thought to himself. He hadn't actually expected her to speak. He'd been hoping she would just take one last look at him and then walk out, so he wouldn't have to take it all back; so he wouldn't have to see that look on her face and know he was the cause of it.
He knew the moment the words left his mouth that he didn't mean them. No matter what she had done to him, no matter how she had jerked him around, no matter how much she had hurt him by turning away from him and running back to Nate over and over again, there was no way he'd ever mean the things he'd said. He was simply just tired of playing second fiddle, tired of always only being second best in her eyes.
Telling her he preferred her untouched and delicate had been a flat out lie; not to mention cruel considering he'd been the one who'd taken her once coveted innocence. Plus, there hadn't been one moment between that fantastic night in the back of his limo and the last few hours before cotillion that he hadn't relished in her lack of innocence.
He knew insinuating that she was no longer beautiful was a slippery slope as well. He would never forgive himself if that single comment ever made her doubt her beauty, if that stupid line of speech that he didn't even mean ever made her run back to the bulimia he wasn't sure he was supposed to know about.
However, the fact remained that she had broken his heart. She was only sitting next to him at the bar in Butai because Nate had ended things with her. Not only that, but she had made that fact perfectly clear. He couldn't tell her she was right--that he hadn't meant a single word he'd said, or that it was in fact the exact opposite. She was beautiful. She may not still be untouched, but he was certain no one could ever touch her the way he had. He still wanted her and he couldn't understand why anyone else wouldn't. She was Blair Waldorf, and despite this scandal she was still better than all the rest of those clones she called friends. She still had more class and grace in her pinky then all of them had combined.
He set his drink down, his hands quickly fisting together and pressing against his mouth. He couldn't look her in the eyes. He couldn't look at her face again. If he did, he'd surely break and there would be no going back. He'd tell her everything he felt. He'd overlook his need to come first, to come before anyone else in her eyes, the way she did in his. He'd give up everything for her. Then later, when Nate had cooled down and decided he wanted her back, she'd break his heart all over again. He couldn't let that happen. He wasn't sure he'd survive Blair walking out on him again for Nate. "Yes, I do Blair." he finally replied coldly, his gaze never once meeting hers.
Blair shook her head vehemently. "No you don't." She couldn't handle the idea that he really did. If he really meant it, then that meant she really was alone. She didn't want Chuck to abandon her, no matter how hard she tried to push him away.
Chuck's hands dropped from his mouth and gulped in a deep breath. He had to get away from her, but he was in no condition to leave the bar. The only solution would be to piss her off enough that she left. "Nate attacked me today. He threw me up against my fucking limo," he admitted bitterly. "You're not worth the trouble."
Blair's eyes flashed in anger. "You did this Chuck, don't you dare blame this on me. You're the idiot who tipped off Gossip Girl. If you'd just left it all alone, Nate would have never known."
Chuck looked over at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since he told her he didn't want her. "And what, you could be picking out china patterns, while I kept lying to my best friend, my brother?" he snapped venomously. "I don't know about you but the guilt was eating me alive. He kept coming to me for advice on you, and I kept lying. At least everything is out in the open now, so why don't you scurry off and beg Nate for his forgiveness, because I really have no use for you any longer."
Chuck closed his eyes trying to quell his anger and the desire to beg her to stay. "Just go Blair, I don't want you here," he said bitingly before draining the glass of the last remaining bit of scotch.
As he watched Blair finally acquiesce and walk to the door he couldn't help but think he'd made a mistake. He was about to turn and tell her so when he heard the door open and close. He gestured to the bartender for another scotch before sinking further into his chair settling in for the night, otherwise he'd go after Blair. When the bartender sat his drink in front of him, he happily gulped it down and tried to block out Blair's voice. It was a futile attempt though, because all he could hear was the sadness in her voice when she said 'I have no one to turn to but you'. He wished that were true.
Spotted: A distraught and angry B leaving Butai looking like death warmed over while a disturbingly calm C sat throwing back scotch at the bar. Better bundle up C, we hear revenge is a dish best served cold, and if there's one thing B does well, it's dish it out. You know you love me. XOXO. Gossip Girl.