Author's Note: Before I say anything else, for my own ass's good I'm stating that I do not own not only The Office but anything related in any way to Disney; this includes but isn't limited to their subsidiaries, vacation locales (or anything contained therein), music, movies, and characters. This story is only meant to entertain and bring together my two greatest non-living loves in life - the wacky kids of Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch and Walt Disney World. For God's sakes, please don't sue me. I have very little money and if you take it I can't spend it on those two aforementioned loves...and believe me, that's where a lot of it goes (especially to you, Disney). We good? Cool.
Oh man, so I have been planning this damn story forever, so I hope you're ready to buckle in for the ride. Heartfelt thanks go out to ktface3, "The Fo Sho Kate," and Cousin Mose, who have all either given me great ideas and/or encouraged me to just get on with this freaking thing already.
And with all that out of the way, let's get it started...in here.
Michael: (grinning widely) Michael Scott, you just won the title for world's most awesome boss by scoring your employees a free trip to Disney World! What are you going to do? (He inserts his own pregnant pause.) I'm going to Disney World!
Oscar: Michael had a real flash of brilliance. (He raises his eyebrows.) Yes, I know it sounds…unlikely, but here's what happened. Michael was watching TV here one day – I think it was Oprah – and he was wondering how she could afford to buy enough of whatever she was talking about for the entire audience. Obviously Oprah could afford that if she had to, but it led to us trying to explain product placement and "free" advertising. It went on a long time, and we just assumed he didn't get it.
(Oscar shakes his head in disbelief.) But he actually did.
(Oscar's voice is now heard over a montage of clips of Michael typing on his computer, looking through mail, and on the phone.) He knows wherever we go you guys – I mean, the cameras – follow. So Michael sent out letters to some big-name vacation destinations and informed them he could bring them great media attention if they gave us a free vacation. Most turned him down – he was pretty upset about Sandals saying no –
Michael: (looking disgusted) They said I'd already given them more than enough free publicity. They're dead to me now.
Oscar: (his voice-over continues, as does the montage) – but the Disney people were apparently interested. In exchange for Dunder Mifflin becoming the sole suppliers of the ABC affiliate in Scranton/Wilkes-Barre – channel 16, WNEP – at a discount, they finally agreed to a four day, five night vacation for everyone here at the Walt Disney World resort. That includes park tickets, lodging, and one meal a day. (The montage ends with Michael dancing around his office; 'Zip A Dee Do Da' can be faintly heard in the background.)
(The shot cuts back to Oscar.) A free vacation and a huge sale. We found out a week ago and…I've got to say, I'm still in shock he pulled this off.
Michael: I'm very excited for our Disney trip. First things first (he leans in, looking nervous) I need to make amends with a certain cartoon mouse for the way he was pornographically portrayed last year in that watermark. I know I said I wasn't a fan but come on, I love Mickey! Who doesn't? No one wants to see him being…uh…by a duck. That's sick. (Michael leans back again, smiling.) But I know the trip'll be great. I think it'll really give us an opportunity to bond even more as an office family, to cut loose and relax. I've really worked hard planning each day to make sure it's…(he waves his hands vaguely) magical.
Pam: (with pursed lips and a slow nod) Yes, Michael worked very hard planning the trip…if by Michael you mean Pam. (She sighs, then smiles.) I'm still pretty excited, though. It should be fun. Jim and I have been saving up to take a vacation, so now we can just use some of that for spending money. (She cocks her head, her grin widening.) Well, I can. I can't see Jim spending much in Disney World.
Jim: Yeah, I think the Disney trip will be fun. Pam and I will get to spend one of our last weeks together before she leaves for Pratt somewhere other than here – that's definitely good. (Jim leans forward slightly.) After what happened at Toby's party two weeks ago (he winces just a little) I'm really looking at our trip as a chance to propose. Since my girlfriend planned the whole thing I know where we'll be everyday. I've been doing my own research. (He holds up several pages and smiles.) I've got a proposal plan for every day. Three for our last day, as a matter of fact. I can't see anyone else popping the question again, but in this office it's better to be safe than sorry.
Michael emerged from his office holding a turquoise shirt and smiling proudly. "Can I have your attention? I have a surprise! It looked like these wouldn't make it before we leave tomorrow, but our shirts came in!"
"What shirts?" Pam asked.
"I got all of us matching shirts to wear for the trip!"
"Omigod, what color are they? Because I refuse to wear yellow," Kelly stated worriedly.
"There are all different colors, Kelly. Check it out." Michael first displayed the front of the shirt. 'DUNDER MIFFLIN DISNEY ADVENTURE '08' was writ large across the front. With a giggle he flipped the shirt around. 'WE KNOW OUR SHEET!' the back proclaimed in even larger letters. Pam and Jim exchanged a look while Andy chuckled.
"Classic," he ruled.
"Michael, I am not wearing that," Angela said flatly, folding her arms.
"First off, why? And secondly, yes you are - I order six in kids' sizes just for you," Michael replied, cutting off Angela's explanation. She frowned and looked to Holly, who had been standing at the copy machine.
"Can I take this up with HR?" she asked.
"Um," Holly replied quietly, before turning and heading back to the annex.
Holly: (attempting to look nonplussed) Um, no, I'm actually not going on the trip. Michael had counted Toby in his original number, but I guess he didn't think another HR rep would be replacing him so he promised his trip to Darryl. Apparently Kelly…got very upset when she heard he couldn't go.
Kelly: (happily) Oh yeah, I totally threw a fit. I told Michael I'd, like, not only not go but, like, kill myself right there in his office if he didn't give Darryl Toby's trip. (She bounces in her chair.) I can't wait! And I'm so glad that Darryl's the boyfriend I get to go with and not, like, anyone else.
Darryl: (shrugs) I know my daughter'd have fun, but I'd be just as happy to stay here, honestly.
As the day drew to a close, Kelly approached Oscar in Accounting. "Hi Oscar," she greeted.
"Hey Kelly." They were quiet a moment. "Um, do you need something?"
"I was just wondering if you, like, wanted me to do your shirts too, while I'm doing mine," she said, raising the pile of t-shirts in her arms.
Oscar frowned. "'Do' my shirts?"
Kelly nodded. "Yeah, you know – like, decorate them. Make them cute. Cut them up. Add some bling. Whatev." Kevin snickered but she continued. "These plain shirts are gross. I totally couldn't bear wearing them."
"I'm actually fine, thanks."
Kelly shrugged. "Okay." She started to walk away, then turned. "Oscar?" He looked at her. "If you change your mind, just call me," she said in a stage whisper, then winked.
Oscar: I've already got the Finer Things Club and sex with men. (He shakes his head.) Wearing shirts bedazzled by Kelly is where I draw the gay line.
Ryan: (an extreme close-up of his face, awash in disbelief) Scranton's going to Disney World. You honestly think my most pressing concern is not going to a theme park with them? (The shot widens; we see he is wearing an orange jumpsuit and is handcuffed, seated in what is clearly a visiting room in a correctional facility. A bald, bearded and tattooed man easily 100 pounds heavier and a foot taller than Ryan is watching this scene with interest. Ryan glances at him, then back at the camera. He sighs.) I think we're done here.
A/N Pt. II: M-I-C...("C" that review button? Go on, click it!) K-E-Y...("Y"? Because it'd be awesome of you!) M-O-U-S-Eee...