CHUCK vs. CHATSWORTH
Author's Note: Chatsworth, California is the home of the majority of the large adult film studios. Thus, the title! The story itself was written in response to a "challenge" of sorts laid down on the Television Without Pity forums. The challenge was basically to write a story about Chuck being involved with the adult film industry, and make sure to use one particular phrase to describe an unknown sex act. I also chose to put in a little cue that's been popping up in a LOT of Chuck!fic lately at the end of the story.
Credits (in order of appearance)
Sarah Walker – Yvonne Strahovski
Director Graham – Tony Todd
Chuck Bartowski – Zachary Levi
John Casey – Adam Baldwin
Anna Wu – Julia Ling
Lou Perelli – Rachel Bilson
Carina Hansen – Mini Anden
Veronica Mars – Kristen Bell
Morgan Grimes – Joshua Gomez
Jeff Farley – Scott Krinsky
Lester Amanpoor – Vik Sahay
Eli "Weevil" Navarro – Francis Capra
Viktor Nyedvedev – Ken Davitian
Russ Milliken – Scott Adsit
Sarah's jaw just about hit the floor.
"You want us to go to WHAT?!"
Graham couldn't help but smile at her discomfort. "The Adult Entertainment Expo, Agent Walker," he replied. "Las Vegas, January 7th – 10th."
Behind her, Chuck and Casey exchanged a high five and started doing a quiet little victory dance. Sarah's angry gaze was fixed on the screen in front of her.
"May I remind you, sir, that Chuck and I are getting MARRIED in four weeks?"
Graham shrugged. "Nobody's asking you to STAR in a porno, Agent Walker. I just need you to go pretend to be a porn star."
Chuck looked at the screen. "Which studio's she gonna be part of, Director?" he asked. Sarah turned and shot him an evil glare. He was enjoying this WAY too much.
"Your studio, Mr. Bartowski," Graham shot back. Chuck froze.
"Uh… do who with the what now?"
Casey exploded with laughter, and Sarah couldn't help but smile a little bit. Chuck was completely oblivious to the pun that had just escaped his lips.
Graham was clearly trying not to start laughing himself. "Secret Agent Films, Mr. Bartowski," Graham replied. "You're its president and primary producer. Major Casey is your chief director."
Casey pumped his fists in the air. "You're not ACTUALLY directing any porn, Major," Graham grumbled.
Casey shrugged. "So?"
Director Graham rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Anyway, Agent Walker is going to be one of your, um, stars. You're going to need to have at least five if you want to be taken seriously. I would recommend you talk to Agent Hansen and Special Agent Mars, and then, the remaining two are up to you."
Sarah shook her head. "Director, WHY are we doing this, though?"
Graham's face turned serious. "Paramour Pictures," he replied. "Run by one Viktor Nyedvedev. We don't think that's his real name, since 'Nyedvedev' isn't an actual Russian surname. We believe that it's a front for a Russian mob operation, but we don't have confirmation on any of his employees."
Graham sighed. "We need the Intersect to examine some of his employees and see if they're part of the Mob. If Chuck can provide confirmation, then we can put them all in jail. As it is, Paramour's the biggest of the San Fernando Valley companies, so if we can take down even a fraction of his employees, it'll be a major capture."
Sarah was on the phone with Carina, trying to get her to join in on the fun. Casey and Chuck were in Casey's apartment, celebrating their good fortune.
"Alright!" Casey exulted, lifting his coffee mug in the air. "This brings a whole new meaning to Chuck's Stable of Hos!"
Chuck shook his head and laughed. "Ridiculous," he said. "So, Sarah's in – reluctantly, but she's in. She'll probably get Carina, and I think I can get Veronica. But we need two more. Who do we go for?"
Casey raised an eyebrow. "Your sister's pretty hot…"
Chuck's eyes widened. "No. HELL no. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!"
Casey shrugged. "Just sayin'."
Chuck sighed. "Hmmm. There's always… there's Anna!"
Casey nodded. "Yeah, this seems like something that she could go for."
"Yeah!" Chuck replied. "And there's a good amount of twisted guys out there who are fans of Asian girls in schoolgirl outfits."
Casey's foot stopped tapping, and his head swiveled toward Chuck. "You really don't ever need to put it that way again. Just, no."
Chuck laughed. "Well, we need a fifth."
Casey leaned forward, thinking. "There's… what about that sandwich girl?"
Chuck's eyes widened again. "Lou?! Are you kidding?!"
"Hey, you're the one who dated her," Casey replied. "You'd know if she's into weird stuff like this."
Chuck rolled his eyes. "I did, and… she is," he admitted reluctantly. "I'm not asking her, though. If I have to ask Veronica and Anna, you have to ask Lou."
Casey smiled. "Roger that."
"Alright, Chuck, so here's your promo video," Anna said. "I think it's pretty sweet, if I should say so myself."
"SECRET AGENT FILMS!" said a voiceover man.
"That voice sounds familiar," Chuck said.
"His name's Daran Norris," Anna replied. "He does a lot of TV voiceover work."
"We provide a top flight level of girls for your adult entertainment," the voiceover continued. "Our roster of finely-trained women includes…
Lou Perelli strode onto the screen, clad in a rather skimpy bikini. Casey had had to work at it to get her to agree, but once she got into it, she did so with gusto.
This one was Carina. She was wearing only a bikini bottom, but her hair had been arranged to strategically cover her breasts. "Wow," Chuck breathed. He looked to his right – John Casey was in "lock and track" mode.
"I hate you so much," Veronica Mars breathed to Chuck as her video'd self strode onto the screen. She was wearing lingerie – a push-up bra and boy shorts.
"You do look pretty hot, though, V," Anna told her. "You'll have producers drooling all over you."
Anna herself appeared on screen, wearing a black bra, a necktie, and a plaid skirt that was short enough to reveal most of her behind. "How the hell did Grimes end up tapping that?" Casey asked, not realizing he was thinking out loud.
Anna heard him and turned toward him. "You really wanna know?" she asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes at Casey.
"NO!" Chuck roared.
"Aw, hell no," Casey replied. "There is not enough bleach in the world to clean that from my brain."
"And finally, the star of our stable, Pamela!" the voiceover said. Sarah walked onscreen, wearing a sheer bra and thong. Chuck's jaw almost hit the floor.
"Oh… my… God," he moaned, shifting himself to avoid discomfort. "Anna… how?"
Anna smiled. "Seems your fiancée has quite the wild streak to her."
Las Vegas. The Sands Hotel and Casino. Home of the Adult Entertainment Expo.
The CIA had paid for exhibition space for Secret Agent Films. Chuck had put together a pretty good roster of employees – his five stars, Casey as his chief director, Morgan, Jeff, and Lester as his salespeople – because as much as he hated to admit it, they were all good salesmen. His staff was rounded out with a guy named Eli "Weevil" Navarro – Veronica had recommended him as muscle.
When Chuck met Weevil in the lobby of the hotel, he recognized him almost immediately. "I know you," he said, puzzled. "Have we met before?"
Weevil shook his head. "Not that I'm aware of," he replied, equally puzzled.
"Yes, you have!" a small female voice interrupted them. Veronica walked into the middle of their conversation. "Weevil was the guy harassing me at Comic-Con who you 'saved' me from."
"Gotcha," Chuck replied, with a slow head nod.
"So, you really gonna go pretend to be a porn star, V?" Weevil asked, a gleam in his eye.
"Yes, I am," Veronica replied. "And if you ever tell Logan about this, I will destroy you."
By late afternoon, a large amount of interest had developed in the Secret Agent Films booth. It seemed that Chuck's five ladies were among the most attractive in the convention center.
Unfortunately, it seemed that Paramour Pictures wasn't showing any interest in Secret Agent Films. The one company that they needed to show interest, and they were staying away.
"The guy's rock solid," Morgan complained after he and Lester returned from one particular trip. "He's not listening to us, at ALL."
Carina overheard them. "He's not listening to you, huh?" she asked. "Let me try."
"Uh, Carina?" But she didn't even listen to Chuck. The DEA agent disappeared behind Secret Agent's backdrop, and reappeared a moment later, dressed in a schoolgirl looking outfit.
"Watch and learn," she instructed them, shaking her head.
And so they did watch, as Carina headed toward the exhibition area for Paramour Pictures. They had a ten-foot stripper pole set up in front of the booth. Carina walked up to the pole, and began a slow and torturous striptease.
Nearly ten minutes later, she finally ditched her bra. By this time, almost every set of male eyes in the convention center was fixed on Carina. She reached a hand into her bikini bottoms, and there was a collective gasp, as the men around her prepared themselves for Carina to ditch the last piece of cloth.
Instead, the hand came back out with a business card, which she handed to a man matching the description of Viktor Nyedvedev. "Bye," she said with a flirtatious smile, putting her shirt back on.
As she walked back toward the Secret Agent Films booth, a stunned man began to applaud. To Chuck's amusement, it caught on as if it were an episode of Battlestar Galactica, and by the time Carina made it back to the booth, the entire convention center was filled with the sound of applause for Carina's show.
Chuck shook his head and smiled. "You really know how to make an impression, don't you?"
Carina shrugged. "It's what I do."
The other four women – even Sarah – stared at Carina in shock. "Holy damn," Veronica finally breathed.
Sarah crooked a finger at Carina, indicating she should come over to her. When Carina reached her, Sarah leaned over and whispered, "You think you can teach me some moves like that?"
Half an hour later, Viktor Nyedvedev walked over to the booth. "I would like to speak with your chief producer," he said to Chuck, a heavy Russian accent coloring his voice.
"Ah, that would be me," Chuck said, jumping up and shaking Nyedvedev's hand. "Charles Carmichael."
"Viktor Nyedvedev," he replied. "I run Paramour Pictures, and I was most impressed by your model."
"Thank you," Chuck said. "Secret Agent Films only employs a very small stable of top-notch girls."
"So I see," Nyedvedev grumbled. "May I meet your actresses?"
Chuck smiled and nodded. "Of course." He waved the five forward. "Lindsey, you've met," he said, indicating Carina. "This is Britney" – he pointed toward Lou – "Tara" – Veronica smiled and waved – "Paris" – Anna stepped up to Nyedvedev and kissed him on the cheek, letting her hand brush over his crotch as she stepped away – "and Pamela." Sarah smiled.
"Very impressive, Mr. Carmichael. And you hire them out to companies?"
"That is the idea," Chuck said. "You can hire them either individually, for which they would cost ten thousand dollars per model per film, or you can hire them as a group."
"And if I hire them as a group, do I get a discount?"
Chuck hadn't been expecting this question. "Uh… no… I'm afraid I can't offer a discount," Chuck said. Nyedvedev narrowed his eyes. "Bu… but but but if you hire them as a group, then they can perform what we call the Midnight Demon."
Nyedvedev cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "What is this Midnight Demon?"
Chuck smiled. "Ah," he replied. "See, that's a company secret. The truth of the Midnight Demon can only be revealed in the studio."
Nyedvedev smiled. "A company secret," he rumbled. "I like that. And I am interested in hiring your girls. I would like you to come to my studio on Monday so that we may discuss more."
He pulled out a business card and handed it to Chuck. It showed an 818 phone number and an address in Chatsworth. "It is near DeSoto and Nordhoff," Nyedvedev told him. "You can find that?"
Chuck nodded. "Easily."
"Monday, then," Nyedvedev said, and turned to leave. As soon as he was out of earshot, Sarah sidled up to Chuck.
"What the hell is a Midnight Demon?!"
On Monday afternoon, they pulled up to the building at Nordhoff and DeSoto in Casey's Suburban. He was there for the pitch meeting as the film director. Of the five "stars", only the three federal agents were along for the ride.
Chuck started flashing on people almost as soon as they entered the building. By the time they reached the conference room on the third floor, he had flashed on thirty-two people and was walking with his sunglasses on and his eyes shut to keep from flashing anymore.
"There's too many," he whispered to Sarah, who had a hold on his arm. "Just tell them to arrest them all and sort them out later."
"Not yet," she whispered back. "We have to see if you identify one of the top men."
They entered the conference room. "Ah, very good to see you again," Nyedvedev said, rising from his chair at the end of the table. "But you only bring three?"
"My apologies, sir," Chuck replied. "Britney and Paris were hired for another job today, but they will be with the group whenever you wish to begin principal photography."
"Very good," Nyedvedev replied. "Please, have a seat."
The five took their places at the end of the table, and Nyedvedev signaled to somebody outside the door. "This is my finance manager, Russ Milliken," Nyedvedev said.
Chuck's eyes rolled back in his head. He saw pictures of Russ Milliken, a.k.a. Mikhail Rusov. He saw large amounts of laundered cash, weapons, stolen cars… and a kitten lying on a rainbow. He snapped out of the flash, and jerked upright in his chair.
"Midnight Demon," he whispered. "What?" Casey asked, but Sarah's eyes widened with alarm.
Lifting her wrist to her face, she yelled, "GO GO GO GO GO !" Casey, Veronica, and Carina didn't question what was going on. They jumped up almost as one with Sarah, guns coming out. Sarah aimed her gun at Milliken and yelled, "FEDERAL AGENTS! STOP WHERE YOU ARE!"
Milliken and Nyedvedev's hands slowly went into the air. Below, they could hear the sentiment being echoed over and over, as fifty more FBI and DEA agents stormed the building.
Chuck laughed. "That's a Midnight Demon, Mr. Nyedvedev."
Six hours later, Chuck and Sarah were cuddled together on the couch. "We did really well today, you know that?" she asked Chuck quietly.
"I know," he replied with a smile. "Gotta love the Midnight Demon trick."
Sarah smiled back. "Speaking of which…"
She rose from the couch, her smile turning ever so devious. "Come with me."
Intrigued, Chuck rose from the couch and followed her to the bedroom. "What's going on?" he asked.
Sarah pushed the door open – and there, set four feet from the foot of their bed, was a ceiling-to-floor stripper pole. "Ohhhh…" Chuck breathed.
Sarah smiled at him, maneuvered him toward the bed, and pushed him backwards onto it. "Just lay there and enjoy yourself," she said to him. "It's show time."