A/N: Title is not a typo. I mean adoptor, as in adopt: to take up and make one's own.
This fic is based on a dream I had about Boomhauer getting lost at sea. Unfortunately, as I wrote this, the part based on the dream got kinda smooshed. But I do like how this turned out, even if I do think it gets a little weak in places. I also think I put in too much Dale for a group-based episode. Curse my inability to not use him as much as properly possible! I don't own the rights to Band-Aids. Enjoy the insanity! A/N: END
The sun beat down onto Arlen, Texas unmercifully. Its searing rays attacked all that is surveyed, and those standing outside the Hill residence were no exception.
Hank Hill took a sip of cold, refreshing beer and looked up at the sky.
"Yup," he commented, "it sure is a scorcher today."
"Scorcher?" Dale Gribble repeated skeptically, "Hank, this is not scorching. This is suffocating! My diaphragm spasms as we speak, though I am refusing to acknowledge it." He sipped his beer, then hiccupped.
"Yeah, I been breathin' kinda funny fer a while now." chipped in Bill Douterive, "Didn't want to say nothin' in case it were just me though."
Boomhauer merely nodded and wiped his brow with his beer can.
"Oh, come on guys, it's not that bad out." Hank insisted, then asked incredulously, "Bobby, what in the heck're you doin'?"
Hank's son, Bobby, has just crawled flat on his stomach around the edge of the fence surrounding the Hill's yard. He halted at his dad's ankles and flopped onto his side.
"It's too hot to stand up." Bobby groaned, "Dad, we gotta go to the beach.."
"What?" Hank started, "No we don't. Just go play with the hose or something."
"Oh, come on Hank," encouraged Bill, "the beach sounds like fun! It's got all that cold water..and, um..did I mention the cold water?"
"Ooo, and just think of all that stuff buried under the sand." added Dale, "It's a treasure trove just awaiting my discovery!"
"Dang ol' man talkin' 'bout them there, hot chicks man an' uh, yeah man." Boomhauer mumbled in support.
Hank looked at the four pleading faces staring in his direction and heaved a great sigh.
"Alright, fine." he caved in, "Everyone get what yer bringin' an' meet back here. I'll go tell Peggy."
"Um, Dad?" Bobby informed, "Mom's already in the car."
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
The small cluster of cars pulled into the small beach lot and parked.
"Why're we comin' to the beach, anyway?" Hank asked, getting out of Peggy's car, "The water park's a lot closer, we coulda just gone there."
"Well that's what everyone would've thought." Peggy told him, also getting out of the car, "And we all know how much fun a crowded theme park is on a hot day. None. You always say I should plan ahead more so zip your yap and have fun."
Hank was about to respond, but a series of klunks and bumps suddenly emanated from the Bugabego next to them. Everyone gathered around the van curiously. The noises settled down, but then the back doors burst open with a loud bang as they were kicked open, causing everyone to jump.
Dale jumped out of the van, covered in several strange looking gadgets. On his back was a very large, rectangular black pack covered in fancy dials and lights. In his hand, connected to the pack, was what looked like a very souped-up metal detector. He wore his orange jumpsuit and a smile.
"So, is everyone ready for some fun at the beach?" he enthused, "Huh, huh?"
He met with several stares.
"Dale, what in God's name is all that junk?" Hank gaped.
"Yeah man look like-look like one-a them mm Ghostbusters man mm talkin'-talkin' 'bout." mumbled Boomhauer.
"What, this?" Dale questioned, raising the detector, "It's just my beach scouring equipment. I've got my detector here for anything metallic, radioactive, living, or unusually viscous. And I've got my read-out printer slash activity monitor. You know, for traces of extraterrestrial and/or supernatural activity..just your standard equipment, really. Why, what did you bring?"
"Ugh, normal beach stuff." Scoffed Hank, then he sighed to the others, "Come on, let's go before we waste all day in the parking lot."
He walked off and the group followed, leaving Dale waving his arms after them.
"Waaaiit!" Dale called, "What do you mean 'normal beach stuff'? What're you supposed to do at beaches?"
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Peggy had been right; most people went to the water park, so the beach was almost empty. She and Hank set up an umbrella and some blankets. Peggy stretched out in the sun, but Hank crouched in the safety of the umbrella's shade.
When Peggy tried to pull him into the sun he groused, "No. I never did understand sunbathing. The way to stay cool is to get out of the heat, not roast in it."
Peggy rolled her eyes and shrugged, then lay back down and watched Bill and Bobby's water fight in the shallows.
The two splashed back and forth for a bit, then Bill pulled back and unleashed a huge splash with both arms. When the water fell away, Bobby had gone!
"Bobby? Where'd ya go?" Bill called, stupefied, then gasped, "Oh no! I've liquefied him!"
"Graaaah!" shouted Bobby as he splashed up behind Bill. Bill screamed and fell over.
"Sea monster!" he yelled, then saw who it was and chuckled, "Oh, I get it..you little scamp..!" He sent a splash Bobby's way and the fight resumed.
While they fought, Dale wandered by on the beach in front of them, headphones on and detector to the ground. His attention was narrowed strictly to the little electronic noises being fed to him. As he walked, the noises suddenly became rapid, and needles wavered violently as lights flashed. Dale looked up to see that his detector was hovering over an annoyed looking young lady. He checked his monitors.
"Hmmm.." he considered, then asked the girl, "Excuse me Miss, but are you, or have you ever been, an alien?"
She folded her arms in disgust.
"Ugh, that is like, the worst pick-up line ever!" she snorted. Her boyfriend next to her sat up.
"Hey, Spengler, get lost before I rip you in half!" he growled.
Dale noticed he also got readings for the guy. Ignoring the threat, he inquired, "How 'bout you, sir? Have you ever been an alien?"
The couple gave him twin looks of appall, then stood and walked away. Dale rubbed his chin in contemplation.
"Hmmm, very peculiar.." he said suspiciously, and returned to his investigations.
Boomhauer smiled, surveying all of the beach's action. He spotted a group of young surfers who were very good, but more importantly, were being adored by a cluster of pretty girls! Smile widening slightly, he walked over to the group.
"Hey man dang ol' Boomhauer man talkin' nice to meet you 'n talkin' 'bout all that jazz man." he greeted smoothly. The girls giggled madly.
"Ooo, another one!" one of them swooned.
"Hey cutie, do you surf too?" chirped another.
"Show us!" squealed a third.
"Yeah, yeah show us!"
"Hey now man ain't-ain't nothin' special y'know just wanted-come say hey man an' like.." Boomhauer shrugged sheepishly.
The three guys who'd been surfing coasted ashore. They smiled upon spotting Boomhauer and walked over.
"Dude, who's this? Fellow surfer brah?" asked one.
Boomhauer shifted shyly as the girls around him jumped up and down signaling yes.
"Gnarly brah! You gotta come hang a wave with us!" beamed a second guy. The others nodded.
Boomhauer didn't see a way out, so he half-smiled and nodded. Besides, if the girls liked it that much..
In no time, all four of them were out on the wave. Boomhauer surfed like a pro, drawing cheers from his companions and the girls on shore. He waved to the shoreline, and received several waves and a couple of blown kisses in return.
"Duuuude!" a panicked cry suddenly rang.
Boomhauer looked up to see one of his fellow wave riders approaching fast, and judging by the look on his face, he couldn't stop.
It was too late to move. The surfer collided with Boomhauer, unstabling him. He veered to the side and then disappeared. The other surfers hit shore and looked out over the water. Boomhauer was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey, what happened to that Boo-schnauzer guy?" one of the girls asked, coming over.
"Dunno brah." came the reply, "Think he mighta gone under."
The group milled around for a bit, wondering what to do next, then someone suggested a hot dog and they wandered off.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
The sun was starting to get low, so Hank ordered everybody to pack up. Reluctantly they complied. Dale, however, was thrilled about his day, and ranted to anyone holding still. Namely, Hank.
"I'm telling you Hank, this beach is a government breeding ground for captured alien specimens!" he raved, "My sensors went crazy around every person I came in contact with. Radioactivity must be seeping out from the underground laboratory..!"
Hank rolled his eyes.
"Are ya sure it's not just cuz they were alive?" he sighed, "You said that thing picked up stuff that's alive, right?"
"Ah, you'd think so!" Dale smirked, "I'd've thought so too if not for this hard evidence I collected."
He pulled out several plastic bags containing rusty old bottlecaps, assorted Band-Aids covered in grime, sandy ice cream and other questionable items.
"Ugh!" Hank cried, and backed away with his hands held up defensively. He retreated back to Peggy's car, where Bobby and Peggy were just finishing loading up.
"Alright, we're packed, let's go." he said hastily, opening the door.
"Wait a minute guys!" Bill suddenly called from the other side of the Bugabego, "I think somethin's wrong here..!"
"You mean besides Dale and his 'evidence'?" scoffed Hank as the group came over to see what Bill meant. Dale crossed his arms and 'hmph'ed.
Bill sat in the passenger's seat of Boomhauer's convertible, staring at the empty driver's side.
"What the-?" Hank started, "Where's Boomhauer?"
"That's what I think's wrong." Bill informed, "He ain't here."
"Quick, form a search party!" Peggy demanded, "Scour this beach from top to bottom!"
"I can help ya there!" Dale chipped in, holding up his detector.
"Now hold on a minute!" interjected Hank, "I don't think there's any cause for alarm. Boomhauer probably just, met some girl and, followed her home or something."
"But what about his car?" asked Bill.
"Well.." Hank fished around for an answer, rubbing the back of his head. "He must..trust you with it for some unfathomable reason."
"I get to drive Boomhauer's car?!" he shouted gleefully, jumping across the seat to grip the doorframe in his excitement. Hank recoiled.
"I..guess so.." he confirmed uneasily.
"Right..let's just go.."
Everyone got into their vehicles and drove away. Bill had a huge grin on his face all the way home.