Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball. Dragonball, its story and characters, is the property of Akira Toriyama, TOEI Animation, VIZ, FUNimation, etc.
Warnings: Gender swap, AU, humor, mild language
Author's Notes: As you've probably already guessed this is a re-telling of Dragonball. Some characters genders will be changed. I only plan on going through the first saga, but depending on how things go (meaning both reviews and real life situations) I might consider doing more.
Chapter One Bulma and Goku
Bulma sighed as he stepped out of his car to survey his surroundings. The sound of birds chirping near by, the mountainous terrain, and the lush greenery that greeted him at every turn where starting to drive the young man crazy. He'd barely even begun this quest yet he was already yearning for the comforts of the city. Yet the desire to complete his self appointed mission drove him onward.
Flicking a strand of blue hair out of his face, he glanced down at his radar and watched the little green lights flicker in time with the familiar "peep peep" chime of his detector. "Got to be around... here..." he muttered to himself as he placed a slightly frustrated hand on his hip. "Or maybe a little more to the west?"
He sighed as he slid back into the driver's seat of his vehicle. "Anyway, I'm close," he told himself as he turned the key and started the car.
The bright smile lighting Son Goku's features practically spread from ear to ear across the young girl's face. She felt quite proud of herself, considering the size of her catch. She chuckled, giving the large fish an extra tug as she continued to drag the creature behind her.
"What a catch! What a catch!" she chanted gleefully to herself.
It was then that a strange noise caught her attention. Turning her head towards it, she was stunned to see a strange looking creature coming straight at her at a great speed. She barely had time to react as the monster swerved, mere inches from colliding into her startled form.
Bulma gasped as he recovered from slamming down on his breaks to avoid hitting that weird looking kid. However, shock quickly turned to irritation as he climbed out of his window to yell at the child. "Watch where you're going!" he shouted indignantly.
Goku recovered from her shock as soon as the monster spoke. She instantly shifted so that the fish was safely behind her and away from her attacker. "So, a monster huh? Trying to take my catch from me?" Before the weird looking creature could respond, Goku grabbed it and lifted the beast over her head. "Well you're not gonna get away with my fish!" With that, she hefted the massive creature, sending it flying a few feet away.
Bulma screeched as the strange kid sent his car flying. What the hell had he gotten himself into?
Pulling out her staff, Goku made ready for the monster's counter attack. "Now c'mon and fight!" she shouted, raising her staff above her head in a challenging gesture. She watched in mild surprise as some... thing emerged from within the monster. The other being was clearly very shook up as it clutched its head and crawled out from within the beast. "Yesh," Goku exclaimed, "now a hideous demon emerges from the monster!"
Being a city boy and completely unused to dealing with crazy, car throwing jungle girls, Bulma did the first thing that anyone in his situation would have done; he pulled out his gun and opened fire on the wacko.
Goku was suddenly flung backward as something small made contact with her face. She landed on her back with an "ouf" and instantly cradled her throbbing head in her hands. "Ow!" she groaned, "What are you? A witch!?"
The teen stared dumbfounded at the girl's reaction to being shot in the face. His whole body began to shake as his mind tried to process this information. I just shot that kid... and... and... "Wh-what are you!?" he stammered. "Why aren't you dead!?"
The girl scoffed as she hopped back onto her feet, taking up a fighting stance. "Ha! Idiot, do you think you can hurt me? With little owies like that!?" Raising her staff high above her head, Goku made ready to charge at the demon. "Now, prepare to die!"
"W-wait a minute!" Bulma said quickly, before the wild girl could think to actually continue her assault. "I'm not a demon! I'm a human!"
The words worked as Goku paused mid swing. "A human?" she repeated. "Really?"
"Yes silly," Bulma assured, trying his best to put on a friendly demeanor in front of the crazy girl. "I'm just like you. Take a gander."
"Don't make a move!" Goku ordered.
"Not very trusting are you?" he grumbled dryly.
The girl either didn't hear his words or choose to ignore them as she circled him a few times, checking him from top to bottom. "You're kinda like me," Goku began, furrowing her brow in confusion. "But there's something different. You seem kinda... flatter and leaner."
"Well duh, brainac!" he blurted out, no longer able to keep the condescending tone out of his voice. "That's because you're a grubby little jungle girl and I'm a hunky boy."
The poor girl's eyes must have nearly tripled in size at his words. "B-boy!?" she stuttered. "You mean... male?"
"Uh, yeah! Surely you've seen a boy before!"
"Not since my Grampa died, and you sure don't look like him."
Bulma narrowed his eyes in annoyance at her comment. "Probably because I'm not old."
"Well," Goku continued, once again ignoring Bulma's sarcastic tone, "my dead Grampa always told me 'if you ever meet a boy, treat 'im right.'"
The young man smirked as he stood up a bit straighter and brushed his blue hair out of his face. "That's some pretty good advice," he said, puffing out his chest a bit. "Don't you think you should get started?"
"So boys don't have tails, huh?"
Bulma raised a questioning eyebrow at the girl's odd statement. As Goku started to inspect his rear, he suddenly caught a glimpse of a brown rope attached to the girl's back side. What a goon! Bulma thought, fighting to hold back a fit of laughter. She probably thinks wearing that phony tail makes her look hot.
Quickly loosing interest in trying to find the teenager's nonexistent tail, Goku turned her attention to the boy's upturned car. "So what is that monster anyway?" she asked, pointing in the car's direction. "How'd you catch it?"
Bulma sighed, folding his arms over his chest. This kid just kept getting weirder and weirder. "It's called a car," he explained. "People make them."
Without another word, the girl hopped on top of the vehicle. "So this is a car?" Goku said as she inspected the new discovery. "I've heard of 'em in stories. It looks tough, but it ain't much." Bulma watched with decreasing interest as the girl's attention turned towards him, her face lighting up as if she was suddenly hit with an idea. "Whoa wait," she said quickly as if Bulma were about to interrupt her. "Are you from 'civilization'?"
"Well, let's just say I'm from way far west," he said, deciding to go for the very simple answer.
Goku hopped off of the car and went to gather her catch of the day. She turned and smiled at Bulma, and for the faintest of seconds the city boy was taken in by her naive charm. "Come over to my place," she offered. "I heard boys like to eat, so I'll feed you."
Bulma chuckled softly at the girl's response. "Sounds like you'll make a great wife some day."
That said, Bulma followed the wild girl into the jungle towards her home. He studied her carefully as she dragged the giant fish behind her. She was cute, but not in the way that he liked. By her looks and height, Bulma could instantly tell that she was way too young for him. Although, the possibility that she might grow up into quite the hottie, under the right circumstances, did briefly cross his mind, it didn't take much for Bulma to file Goku into the "no" category of his brain.
"You're pretty strong for a girl," Bulma observed thoughtfully.
Goku giggled at his comment. "Grampa trained me good!" she said simply.
The boy smiled as an idea began to form in his head. She may be a freak, but I could probably use her strength.
After a few minutes of walking the two finally reached what Bulma assumed was Goku's home. To call the place tiny was an understatement. He couldn't begin to imagine how the poor kid could live in the small, one room shack and for a second it made him feel a small bit of pity towards the girl.
"Not much for home repair are you?" Bulma quipped, trying to easy away the sudden uncomfortable feeling.
"Wait here a sec," she said as she flung open the door to the shack and went inside. Goku ran over to her Grampa happily, clasping her hands together in prayer. "Grampa look!" she shouted cheerfully. "It's a boy! A human boy in our house!"
Bulma felt his heart skip a beat as he stared at the orb resting on top of a small pillow in front of Goku. "That's it!" he blurted out excitedly. "The Dragon Ball!" Without a second thought, Bulma rushed over to the table and gathered the small orange ball into his hands. He allowed a slightly unmanly squeal of delight to escape his lips as he held the ball. "I knew it! My detector was right on!"
The young man was pulled out of his cloud of joy when Goku suddenly tried to snatch the ball away from him. "Hey! Let go of Grampa!" she cried in displeasure. "That was his last possession! Even boys can't touch it!"
Too elated by his find, Bulma willingly put the Dragon Ball back where he'd found it before reaching into his hip pouch. "Well I guess I have to let you in on my little secret," he said, still unable to wipe the grin off his face. "Ta dah!" he cheered as he pulled out two similar orange balls, the only difference being that while the one Goku claimed to be her "Grampa" had four stars in the center, the two in Bulma's hands had two and five stars respectively.
"You have two Grampas!" she blurted out, clearly surprised to see the matching balls.
"No, no," he corrected, "they're called 'Dragon Balls.'" Bulma carefully explained how he had discovered the first ball in his cellar. The discovery had sparked his curiosity and prompted the young man to do some research on the strange object. He told Goku that there were seven balls in total and when they were all gathered together, a dragon would appear to grant the gatherer one wish.
The young girl stared at Bulma in awe, obviously captivated by the tale. "That's awesome!" she exclaimed.
Bulma smiled, this was his favorite part of the story. "The last person who collected the balls became a king, and while that does sound pretty appealing, I've got an even better wish in mind." A slight blush crept on to his cheeks as his eyes glazed over in complete and utter joy. "I plan on asking for the perfect babe of a girlfriend," he said dreamily not noticing the blank stare on Goku's face. "So that's the deal," he said, snapping out of his dream world. "Now hand over the four star ball."
Goku frowned at the boy's out stretched hand. His story might have been impressive, but it was going to take a lot more than that for the girl to part with her Grampa. "No way!" she practically cried. "This is the only Grampa I've got left!"
The young man felt his face slowly turn red with annoyance at the girl's reaction. After all that she still didn't want to donate the ball to his worthy cause? "Come on, you cheap bitch!" Bulma blurted out. "What are you going to do with it anyway!?"
The girl's only response was to stick out her tongue at him.
By this point, Bulma was practically seething. A small part of him felt bad for the kid, but a bigger part of him felt that the Dragon Ball belonged to him. After all, he was the one on the quest.
Just then, Bulma was struck with a brilliant idea. "How about this," he offered, "you can help me with my quest." The girl raised her eyebrows at him, suddenly interested in what Bulma had to say. He had her. "Your Grampa did tell you to be nice to boys, right? And well, since you're the fighting type, this'll be a great opportunity for you to get some training. So what do you say? Deal?"
For a moment, Goku merely stared at him, clutching the ball protectively in her hands. "Okay," she said at length, "but I'm not giving you Grampa!"
Bulma gave his most winning smile, greatly relieved that the girl was giving into him. "That's fine," he said cheerily, "I'll just borrow it at the very end, 'kay?"
He gave Goku a disarming smile as she gathered her belongings, conveniently forgetting to tell the girl that once a wish was granted, the Dragon Balls scatter to different ends of the Earth. Well, what she don't know, won't hurt her. Besides, Jungle Woman will make the perfect bodyguard.
Bulma gave out a little cheer once Goku had gathered all she needed for the quest. "Alrightie! Let the adventure begin!" he paused to dig around in his hip pouch for his capsule case. "You wrecked my car, so I'll just have to take out another one." A moment past and he suddenly realized he had no idea what to call the girl. "By the way, what's your name?"
"Me?" she asked, slightly startled. "I'm Goku. Son Goku. How 'bout you?"
Bulma froze, capsule case in hand. He always hated this part whenever he met new people. He felt his face turn a deep red when he realized that his name had been on display on the back of his jersey the entire time, so there was no way he could lie and give a false name. "I'm... Bulma," he admitted quietly.
A moment of silence past between the two. "Bulma?" Goku repeated, briefly wondering if it was a joke. Before the boy could say anything, Goku erupted into a fit of laughter. "Doesn't that mean 'Bloomers'?" she asked between giggles.
"Shut up!" he bellowed. "It's a family thing! I didn't pick it!" He continued to seethe and glare daggers at the little twerp, but they had no effect as Goku practically rolled around on the floor, laughing her head off.
"Bloomers!" she laughed. "Bloomers!"
"It's not that funny!" he screeched, but on the inside he felt like crying. What kind of name was "Bulma" anyway? And for a boy no less! He had hated the name for as long as he could remember and was certain he'd cried the day his parents had cursed him with that it. Little brat! This is why I hate kids. Doing his best to shrug off the girl's obnoxious laughter, Bulma pulled out a number nine capsule from his case.
"Stand back," he said as he pushed Goku out of the way just as he clicked and tossed the capsule a few feet away. With a loud "BOM" a cloud of smoke appeared in front of them. Once it cleared, the sight of a brand new motorcycle greeted the two.
Bulma smiled in satisfaction while Goku trembled with fear. She had never seen such witch craft! Bulma really was a witch. "I knew it! You really are a witch!"
"Give it a rest Jungle Woman!" Bulma scoffed as he climbed on the bike. "Everybody in the city has Hoi-Poi capsules! Now swing your monkey butt up here."
Hesitantly, Goku did as she was told. Without warning, Bulma kicked the motorcycle to life and the two drove off into the sunset, neither fully prepared for what lay ahead of them.
AN: Before anyone asks, I have heard of the fic called "Switch." In fact, I've read both versions of it. Part of the reason I'm writing this story is because I was disheartened that the author never continued, so I'm doing my own version.