anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
It seemed odd to me, how often I caught you glancing in my direction. At first, I dismissed it as nothing more than checking to make sure I didn't botch up any of your ingredients or any potions. That was before I over heard you moaning my name once. I remember it clearly.
I was frightened for a moment, thinking you had caught me up past the curfew you had given me. What would my punishment be? But as I hovered closer to your partially cracked door, I heard you gasp. Not just a gasp of pain or surprise, but of intense pleasure. I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. You were my teacher. I positioned my eye so I could glimpse in. How I wish I hadn't done that. If I hadn't, I would have been able to pretend that you weren't stroking yourself- your knuckles white as they squeezed your long shaft…your head thrown back, and your mouth slack. I could have made up something to appease my imagination, but no, I had to see that- that monster that you hid under your robes. And that was something I knew would haunt me for the longest time.
But after that, I knew- no, I recognized those glances. You looked at me, not out of fear for your supplies and botched up potions, but like I was edible. Like you could reach out and consume me. For the longest time, when I caught you looking, I would blush. It aroused me to think I stirred such passion in you. That you wanted to devour me.
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
I found myself wishing you would make a move. Something. Anything. A brush of your arm across my chest. A passionate kiss, taken from me without question or permission. A word of longing, even. Anything. –But nothing came. You sat by for weeks, just looking. It drove me mad. I wanted with everything in me for you to just reach out and take me. Claim me as yours, I would silently beg you.
But you never did. Day in and day out, I would catch you looking. I would feel you looking. I would hear you looking. It made me feel self conscious and unattractive. Maybe you just wanted a young body, and your apprentice was just there. But I wasn't good enough for you to actually do anything. That made my stomach lurch, and my lip quiver.
However, just as my desire for you to make some move began to dwindle… you attacked. It was late, and like normal we worked on different projects on opposite sides of the lab. There was a violin playing faintly in the background, as you often charmed yours to play on its own. The silence would drive you mad.
You chopped some root harshly. It was deafening, the thud-thud-thud of your knife as it assaulted the thing. I knew if you continued as you were, that root would contaminate whatever potion you were working on. But I also knew that if I interrupted you when you were working, my life would probably be in jeopardy. Yet the continuous angry thud-thud-thud drove me past caring for my own safety.
"Professor, I think you may-" I was cut off when you looked at me. Your eyes were pained and your face was pale. But there was still that hunger there. I could see you were fighting some internal battle, and I longed to ease your frustration.
We stared for quite sometime. How long, I'm not sure. Eventually, you threw the knife and root down and walked toward me. I set my own knife down, but did not move. I didn't need to. You were on me quickly enough. It was all lips, tongues, hands, arms, bodies. It was raw and passionate. You picked me up, still kissing me and carried me to your bedroom.
But you, you're not allowed
An unfortunate slight
After a few months of what we mutually –and silently- agreed to not name, things really started to change. No longer did I have my own room. You made me sleep with you every night. No longer did I take tea, reading in my favorite chair. You forced me to sit next to you on the loveseat. No longer did I shower alone. You climbed in after me, or dragged me in with you. No longer did I meet Ginny on Saturday nights to go clubbing. You owled her and canceled every time, asking that I stay in with you. No longer was I my own person, free to do as I wished. You molded me to fit your needs, and forbid me to live my life.
Finally, I had had enough. Yes, the passion in bed, in the shower, on the kitchen table, on the sofa, and anywhere else was amazing, but I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to breathe. I needed to spread my wings. I needed to leave.
I told you I was sorry, that it wasn't working out because of me. You smiled, and said nothing. I was surprised, of course. I had figured you would have had at least something to say. But I let it go. Saturday rolled around, and I got dressed up for a night on the town. I needed to let loose and have a wild time. I had missed it and missed Ginny.
I reached for the floo jar, but found it empty. I really didn't want to walk all the way to the gates to apparate, but it looked like I would have to.
"Where are you going?" you asked as you took a drink of Fire Whiskey straight from the bottle. You leaned against your door frame, and I wondered how much you had had to drink.
"We're out of floo dust, so I am going to the gate."
"We have floo dust." You sat down on the chair closest to the fire, and took a larger drink from the bottle.
"Well, where is it?" I asked. You laughed.
"Did I say you could have any?" You looked at me with your black, cold eyes. There was the hunger that I was used to now, but also something else. Something rawer, more … terrifying. I felt a shiver of fear run down me.
"Severus," I was used to calling you that from our little affair. "Where is it? Ginny is expecting me and I have missed too many nights out with her as it is. I really don't want to walk all that way, but I will if I need to."
"You're not going anywhere." Another drink from the bottle. Bigger this time.
"Like hell, I'm not! Now where the bloody-"
"I SAID YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" You stood from the chair quickly, knocking it over.
"Oh, yes I am!" I shout back. "And if you think for one second that I am missing another night with my best friend, you've lost your mind!" I make for the door, shaking with
anger. I reach it, and find it locked. I wave my wand and spit out the counter lock. Nothing happens. The door doesn't unlock, and the wards stay up. Panic grips my gut and you start laughing again.
"Let me out, Severus." I whisper, turning to face you.
You walk towards me, you sway a little, obviously tipsy- or worse. You get right up in front of me. And your 6'3" stature towers over my 5'6". You take another swig of the bottle. You lean in, your breath smells- no reeks- of whiskey. Your lips hover above mine.
"I said you're not leaving." There is a slight slur that worries me. You never get that bad. Perhaps a few drinks, but never enough to affect you. And never around me.
please-"I take a step back, and find my back pressed against the
door. "You are frightening me."
Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Weeks passed by. I still hadn't left our shared living quarters. While I slept one night, you stole my wand, and refused to give it back. I begged you to let me out, to let me go. But you wouldn't. I was yours, you said. And you never shared your things. It sickened me to hear you make me an object rather than a person.
Things mostly stayed the same. We worked on potions, you cooked, I cleaned, and we slept separately. But it was all different. I couldn't trust you anymore. I was afraid of you and I tried to stay away from you. But your fascination with me grew from those hungry looks to starving stares and spying on me constantly. I wouldn't talk unless I had to, but you would watch me and listen.
At night, when I would lock my door the Muggle way- you had my wand- I would hear you out side. I knew you were standing there, forehead against the door, palms on the doorframe. You would listen until you thought I was asleep. Then you unlocked the door, and came in. You would sit on the chair close to my bed, and just watch me. It was dark enough so you couldn't tell I was awake, but I could make out your shape.
I wouldn't say anything; I would just lay there, afraid to make a move or sound. What would you do, I wondered, if you knew that I was awake? Would you leave? Or would you try and join me in bed? I didn't think you would ever force yourself on me, but I didn't know anymore. I didn't know you anymore.
I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate
Harry came by a few days ago. They were all worried about me. No real contact in months. It just wasn't like me, he said. You told me that if I told him about my imprisonment, you would kill him and not think twice about it. I was to pretend I was the happiest I had been in all my life, and that I just wanted to spend all my time with you. I promised to visit soon. That way, in another while, he would come back and would hopefully demand I go with him. I could only hope.
But this morning… you did the unthinkable. You asked me to marry you. No- not asked, exactly. More like demanded. If I married you, you said, I would be able to go back and live life more like I had before all of this. I would be allowed to visit friends, and allowed
to have them visit. Allowed. That was what my life had been reduced to. You held me prisoner, so you could give and take away anything as you saw fit. Privileges, you called them. Privileges that I had to urn.
But I knew there was nothing I could do. Not really. Harry and Ron and Ginny were all married now, or heavily invested in their careers and their families. They might miss me, but it was more out of habit. Soon, not seeing me would become habit. And you were now Headmaster Snape. So no one really questioned you. The Minister was scared to death of you, and no one would stand up to you. No one. So there wasn't really any hope of a rescue. And I couldn't kill you. Not only was it not in my nature to kill, but it was impossible. You made everything that went into your own body yourself, and you checked anything I brewed carefully. The lab was locked when we weren't in it. And any weapons that could be used were charmed to evaporate when I touched them.
It was all horrible. But maybe that would change… Maybe if I agreed to marry you, I would be able to live again. I mean, yes you gave me anything my heart desired. –Anything but freedom that is. Books, gadgets, a Muggle television, anything. But that wasn't living. Not really. But then again, if I married you… I would legally be yours. You could do anything you wanted with me, and that thought made a cold shiver run down me. Would it be so horrible? It couldn't possibly be as bad as it was now, could it? I didn't think so, but then again, who knew how far your fascination with me would carry you.
A/N: Well, this was just something I had to get out. This song was by Alanis Morissette and it's called "Uninvited". This isn't all of the lyrics, but it's all that I wanted to use. Please REVIEW! And for any of you who love Severus/Hermione fics, check out my Simply Snippets collection and my soon-to-come Collide story. The first two chapters of Collide are in the Simply Snippets collection, so go go go!
Yours in Eloquence