Best I Ever Had

Summary: Companion piece to Little Miss Obsessive. It was the one question he was supposed to know the answer to. But he doesn't. This person he's become, who is it?

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was. But what's happened is in the past, and all I can do is try to change. But if you can't accept that, then you aren't who I thought you were."

But if he can't accept that, then he isn't who she thought he was.

He didn't even know who he is anymore. This person he's become, who is it?

It was the one question he was supposed to know the answer to. But he doesn't, and it's starting to get irritating.

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

"I'm going out, mom. I'll see you soon, I guess." He mumbled before leaving the loft. He didn't even bother to hear what his mother had to say. He was done pretending. He couldn't smile and act like everything in his life was okay, because it isn't. His life was crashing down before his very eyes.

He never realized how much he depended on her to make his life feel easier. Her radiance made everything seem lighter. But now that she was gone, he felt the world on his shoulders. He felt weak and alone.

Her smile haunted his dreams. Her laughter continued to ring in his ears every day.

They both had their faults. But it wasn't like they couldn't work it out, right? She had her flaws, just like he had his. Why couldn't he just accept the fact that she isn't what he thought she was? He knew he wouldn't love her less. She was perfect in his eyes. Every flaw and quirk, he loved them all. So, why did he let her go?

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

Every day was horrible.

For the past weeks, he pretended like everything was okay. He smiled and acted normally. He was surprised when everybody believed him, especially his little sister. He would hang out with his best friend, he would smile and laugh. But nobody knows what happens at night when he's alone.

He sneaks out and wonders alone at night. He would just walk all around the neighborhood thinking of her. What could she be doing, or is she asleep. And at rare times, he would go out and drink his sorrows away. He wanted to know how it felt. She used to do it all the time, why couldn't he?

Do you know the saying, you can drink your problems away, but the next morning, you'll feel ten times worst? It isn't true. He felt fifty times worse. It doesn't work. He thought by drinking, he wouldn't have to face the problems he had.

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

"How did I get here?" He asks himself as he involuntary shivered because of the cold breeze at night.

There he stood outside her building, hands in his pocket, a nervous look on his face. He didn't know how, but for some reason, he had ended up here, in front of her house. He was just wondering around aimlessly, then boom, he was here.

It pained him that she was so near, but he couldn't talk to her. He wanted to feel his arms around her waist. He wanted to smell her strawberry scented hair. He needed her to look at him with those warm, blue eyes. He needed her touch. He felt like he was going insane without her.

He entered the familiar living room as memories that were locked up came crashing back to his mind. He had tried so hard to lock it all up. What if she didn't want him back? He wasn't sure if he could lock it all up, again.

"Remember? Cute girl with total lack of pool skills."

"There's something vibrating in your pocket and I really hope it's your phone."

"Do you like it? Do you think it's cheesy?"

"Oh, Sarah again, what is she, your new girlfriend?"

If only he knew it was Georgina at that time. She was the one who ruined their relationship. She was the root.

He climbs up the elegant stairs before walking towards her bedroom door. His heart beat was pumping fast. He felt like it would break his chest. His mind was clouded with fear. What if she hated him? What if she had found someone else?

He could hear loud voices as he turned the corner towards her room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he sees the scene before him. He bites his lip nervously as he looked at the three people in front of him.

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

The prestigious Nate Archibald was pounding on the door, a desperate look on his face. The highly elegant Blair Waldorf was sitting on the carpet, she looked like she wanted to cry but her expression was mixed with anger. The pompous Chuck Bass was leaning on the wall next to her bedroom door as he stared at the girl on the carpet.

He rubs his head nervously as he sees Chuck turn his head towards his direction. He stared at him disbelievingly before wearing his signature Bass smirk. "You got some nerve coming here." He muttered as he pushed himself off the wall and walked in front of him.

Nate and Blair turned their heads toward him. He felt nervous as he realized the spotlight was his for the taking. He didn't want it. He bowed his head awkwardly as he refused to meet any of their gazes.

"What the hell are you doing here, Humphrey?" Blair propped herself up and stood behind Chuck. He finally understood what people said about her. She can look at you like you were the most disgusting thing she had ever seen.

He didn't know what happened, but the next thing he knew, Nate was struggling to hold an angry Chuck as Blair watched from the side. "Do you know how much trouble you've caused?" Chuck yelled at him. "And now, you march up into my home?"

Dan looked him straight in the eye. "Let me go talk to her."

"If you hurt her, I will hunt you down, Humphrey." Chuck threatened as he tried to find a way out of Nate's hold.

Nate looked at him, "Maybe you could try and get her out. We don't know what she's doing to herself. She's not in the right state of mind."

He knows how she feels; he wasn't in the right state of mind either. He moves past Nate, Chuck and Blair as he positioned himself in front of her door. "Please, open the door, Serena." He softly whispered as he knocked on the door. As soon as he heard those soft, pained sobs, a sharp pain erupted from his chest.

He just realized something, he had caused this. He hurt Serena. He broke her.

He could hear loud steps coming running towards the door. After a few sounds of locks being turned, the door slowly opened. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had

He thought he was prepared, but nothing could prepare him for this. His breath got caught in his throat as he looked at her. Her eyes were red as tears continued to run down from her eyes. Her hair was tossed all over. She was biting back the sobs that were erupting. The image provided by his mind didn't do her justice. She was beautiful, broken, but beautiful.

"D-Dan?" She stuttered. Her voice was hoarse, nothing like what he remembered. Her eyes had lost that spark he was used to. All he could see was pain and suffering. He wanted to take away the pain. He didn't want to see her broken like this.

"Serena." He gasped softly as he watched her shake with fear.

After a long silence and a few sobs, she collapsed onto him. He gripped her protectively as she clung onto him. "D-Dan, I'm s-so sorry."

She cried on his chest, making his shirt wet, but he couldn't care less. She needed him as much as he needed her. "It's alright," He kissed the top of her head. "Everything is going to be fine, Serena."

The best I ever had.

A/N: That was the companion to Little Miss Obsessive. I hoped you liked it. Reviews are very much appreciated, no matter what kind they are. By the way, this is the unbeta'd version. So, forgive me if there are mistakes. :D