If You Give A Ninja A Kunai…
madjack89: Hi, everyone! I'm taking a short break from my other story. This just popped into my head the other day. This'll just be a one-shot, and I hope you like it!
Naruto: Of course they'll like it! After all, I'm in it! Believe it!
Sasuke: Naruto, you constantly succeed in giving me a headache. Congratulations.
madjack89: Moving along, this story is set after Tsunade becomes the Fifth Hokage, but before Sasuke leaves, so it's basically about a mission that Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura are put on. Read on to find out what that mission is…
"Another D-ranked mission!" yelled Naruto in exasperation, staring at Tsunade with horror.
Tsunade glared back at Naruto, annoyed. "Well, considering that you three are Genin, yes, a D-ranked mission seems very suitable for you," said Tsunade, smirking.
"Oh, crap," said Naruto, hanging his head in defeat. Beside him, Sakura was glaring at him, looking as if she wished him dead. Sasuke was on the other side of Naruto, staring at Tsunade and ignoring Naruto. He was used to his behavior by now. They all stood in Tsunade's office, Tsunade sitting at her desk.
"So, what kind of mission is this?" Sasuke asked Tsunade, about as pleased with this mission as Naruto was.
Tsunade smirked, looking down at her desk. The three Genin tensed, anxious to hear what their mission would be.
Tsunade looked up, smiled, and said, "You three are going to baby-sit."
"Well, what do we do now?" Naruto asked his teammates, staring at the three-year-old boy in front of them. They were standing in the boy's house, staring at the boy as he sat on the couch, staring back at them.
"His mother said it was his nap-time, so I guess we just have to get him to go to sleep," said Sakura studiously.
"How're we gonna do that?" asked Naruto, dumbfounded.
"Well, this could help us," said Sasuke, picking up a book from the floor. "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. We could read him this book and see if he falls asleep."
"That's brilliant, Sasuke!" exclaimed Sakura, kissing up to her crush.
Damn that Sasuke, thought Naruto, angered. Suddenly, Naruto looked up and gasped.
"What is it, Naruto?" asked Sakura in a bored voice.
"Guys, where's the kid?" exclaimed Naruto, pointing at the empty couch before them.
"We're going to fail this mission, aren't we?" said Sasuke sarcastically.
"There's no time for your emo negativity, Sasuke," said Naruto. "We gotta look for the kid!"
So Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura began searching throughout the house, looking for the kid. It didn't take them long to find him, for he was in the kitchen, lighting the table on fire.
The three teammates began to panic. "Naruto, you grab the kid. Sakura, you grab the lighter that I don't know how he got. I'll put out the fire," said Sasuke, forming a plan. The other two nodded and ran into the room.
"Are you freakin nuts?" exclaimed Naruto, grabbing the kid as Sakura grabbed the lighter from his hand.
Sasuke stopped at the table, which was completely engulfed in flames. He looked around frantically and noticed a wet sheet on the clothesline. He threw the book off to the side and ran outside, grabbing the sheet and throwing it on the burning table. The fire was put out, but the table was charred.
"Thank God," muttered Sasuke. Suddenly, something caught his eye on the charred table.
Out in the living room, Naruto and Sakura were trying to lecture the boy.
"What were you thinking? You could have gotten hurt!" lectured Sakura angrily.
"I'm sorry. But I wanted to be like a ninja and do the Dragon Flame Jutsu too," cried the boy, sniffling.
Naruto and Sakura looked at the boy for a moment. "Oh fine, we won't tell your mother," said Naruto, giving in. "But now it's time for you to take your nap."
"I want you to read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," said the boy, instantly perking up.
"Sasuke, we need that book," Sakura called to Sasuke in the kitchen.
There was silence for a moment, and then Sasuke replied, "Um, I think there may be a problem with that."
"What is it?" asked Naruto.
Sasuke stepped out of the kitchen, holding a pile of ashes in his hand. "I burned the book," said Sasuke matter-of-factly.
"You what?!" yelled Naruto, speechless.
"I guess I wasn't looking where I was tossing," said Sasuke sheepishly.
"Great! Now what do we do about the…"
"YOU BURNED MY BOOK!" Naruto was interrupted by the sound of the boy's screams. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura covered their ears to block out the noise. "THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT CAN HELP ME GET TO SLEEP!"
As the boy continued screaming in anguish over the loss of his book, Naruto formed a brilliant idea. "Hey, I've got it!" he exclaimed, rushing over to the boy. Sasuke and Sakura stared at him in confusion.
"Hey kid, how about I tell you a story twenty times better than the one in that dumb book," said Naruto, smiling.
The boy looked up at Naruto in wonder. "Really?"
"Absolutely! It's called…um…uh…If You Give A Ninja A Kunai!" exclaimed Naruto proudly.
"Naruto, that's about the stupidest name I've ever heard," said Sasuke, chuckling to himself.
"Shut up and let me tell the story," said Naruto. "Alright, here we go!"
If you give a ninja a kunai, he'll probably want a paper bomb to go with it. He'll ask if he can do target practice in your back yard. Then he'll wrap the paper bomb around the kunai and aim for a tree. He'll miss the tree and will instead hit your tree house, causing it to burst into flame.
He'll feel terrible about ruining it, so he will offer to fix it for you. He'll ask you to run to the store and get some plywood and nails in order to rebuild it.
When you return from the store, you'll find the kitchen in total disarray. The ninja will say that he tried to make you cookies for your return, but he couldn't find the baking soda. You'll open the only untouched cupboard and pull out a box of baking soda. The ninja will look at you sheepishly, and you will call him an idiot.
The ninja will say that he is tired and will fix your tree house tomorrow. He'll go to the living room, sit on the couch, and see what's on T.V. He'll find Naruto and say, "Oh, I love that show! Especially that ninja in the orange jumpsuit! That one emo kid is a freak, huh?"
"Naruto," fumed Sasuke, glaring at Naruto.
Then the ninja will be bored with that and will ask if you have any good games to play. As you go to the closet to find some games, the ninja will go to the bathroom to check himself out in the mirror. He'll notice a scratch on his left arm from when the tree house exploded and pieces of wood had flown everywhere.
He'll search through your cupboards for a bandage, making yet another mess in the process. You'll come back and find him gone, and then you will notice the first-aid products being flung from your bathroom door. You'll look in to see the ninja proudly show you his bandaged arm. You will then smack him across the face.
You will drag him back to the living room and sit him down on the couch. Then you'll tell him that it is time for his nap. He'll say that he can't have a nap without cuddling with his stuffed ninja teddy bear. He'll ask you to go to his house and get it. You will then hit him in the head with a fire extinguisher, knocking him out.
When he comes to, he will search the house for you and will find you in the kitchen, cleaning up his mess.
Then he'll ask you if you can give him a kunai. And, chances are, if he asks you for a kunai, he'll probably want a paper bomb to go with it.
And if your smart, you'll tell him no and kick him out of your house. The end.
Naruto finished the story, proud of himself. Sasuke stared at him in disbelief. "Naruto, that has to be the most idiotic story I have ever heard," he said.
"But look!" whispered Sakura. She pointed at the boy who was curled up on the couch, fast asleep.
Sasuke looked absolutely shocked, but Naruto looked absolutely delighted. "Yes! Hey, maybe if this whole Hokage thing doesn't work out, I can become a children's author!"
"NO!" said Sasuke and Sakura together.
"Awww…" said Naruto, disappointed.
madjack89: How was the story? This is my first Naruto story, so R&R and give me your opinion!
Naruto: Why couldn't I become a children's author?! I am great with kids!
Sasuke: Exactly. One of you is enough. We don't need you corrupting the minds of young children, too.
madjack89: So, I guess I'll see you later!