STY: Sorry i havent updated since forever..First i got writers block, then my parents decided to redecorate the room my p.c is, so i couldnt use it for ages, AND i've been ill, depressed and i think im developing anorexia..I also started school again, but i'll continue writing! I finally just finished this


WARNINGS: language, implied love between guys, yaoi, rape uhhhhm i think thats it


(Im gonna quit saying this after this chapter) Ryou's POV

Can you feel it crush you does it seem to bring the worst in you out

These walls are way to plain.. After 3 days here im feel worse then ever. This cannot be healthy, in no way is this healthy.
Im being fed pills, having no excercise and talking to mental people. Yes i can easily see how that would be considered good for my health.. Sarcasm much? Yes. I feel sick. Oh god. These nurses are hellbent on make me wear a pink nightie. Someone help me..

There's no running away from these things that hold you down

Help. Oh god help. Help. Help. I hate it here. I so dont belong here. Heres the basic day plan: 9am wake up, 9:30am eat breakfast, 10am have pills shoved down my throat, 10:30am go hang out in the lounge with a load of other mentally deranged people, 12pm -If all goes well and no one goes insaner- eat lunch, 1pm Group therapy sessions,2pm personal therapy sessions,
3pm free time in my room -with supervision- 5pm eat dinner and get briefed on evening activities. 6pm do whatever evening activities have been set out, 8pm have more pills shoved down my throat, 8:30pm do random things in the lounge, 9:30pm: get randomly searched -which feels more like being molested- for anything we shouldnt take into our rooms 10pm get locked in my room in the dark.

Do they complicate you because they make you feel like this

Theres only one person in this whole place i can stand. His name is Pegasus, according to what i've learned from other half sane people, he used to own a cartoon animation studio, until he went insane and started thinking the cartoons were real. Really its not as bad as half the stuff people are here for. Its about.
11:13 now. Im sitting with him on one of the cheap poka-dotted sofas (A/N: Think tiny, plastic coated sofa, yes that bad). Hes stretched out over the sofa and im on the opposite side of the tiny sofa, his long legs go over my knees and almost off the sofa. Hes complaining about this place, and i have to say, i totally agree with everything hes saying.

Of all the colors that you've shine this is surely not your best

I do totally know i should act better, but oh well.. Its strange.. Could i be thinking of him as a friend? Maybe.. I personally didnt think i'd like anyone here. I totally detest all of the nurses, and the way they look at me. Knowing i wasted my entire life. I just wanna scream at them "Blame my fucking yami! Its his fault i got with a psycho slave driving sadisting fucker. Its his fault my life is screwed! Dont fucking blame me, you lifeless bitches" But i dont. Everytime they give me those looks i just bite my tounge and think of what i'll do next time they do it. And then never do that either.

But you should know these colors that you're shining are

One of the nurses comes in now and gives us all those looks, watching us as if we all have knifes that we'll use any minute now. "Is everyone having fun?" she says, her tone is so patronising that i really do want to kill her. Pegasus exchanges glances with me and we both end up laughing, which usually would cause akward glances. But seeing as where we are, it doesnt.
Everyone settles back to whatever they were doing, and Pegasus starts talking about another random thing. Something about umbrellas and clouds and weather and shit like that.

Surely not the best colors that you shine
Surely not the best colors that you shine

They dont understand that our of here i could be doing so many useful things. Most people here could be doing good things for the outside world, if given the chance. Well.. Okay maybe a few of them should be in here. Maybe a few of them are a little too over the edge to work well in the real world.. Oh well.. You never can tell.. Maybe if the whole world was insane it would work loads better..

I know you feel alone, yeah, and no one else can figure you out
But don't you ever turn away from the ones that help you down?

Why cant they just understand me? The only person that seems to understand me is Pegasus.. Why cant more people here be half-sane? Its almost 6 now, almost time for evening activities.. Or more appropriatly, torture. I almost wish i was back with the traitors i called friends.
Malik, who played with my heart and then ran off when an upgrade was avilable.
Bakura, who wanted me to date Marik, and went off with Malik,
even though he knew i liked Malik. Yugi, who promised he was my friend, even though he never helped me, even when i desperatly needed it.
And Yami. Yami.. I knew he never really forgave me, kept giving me those looks.. Like he wanted me to go crawl into a corner And die.

Well they'd love to save you.
Don't you know they love to see you smile?
But these colors that you've shined are surely not your style

Flashback "Are you okay Ryou?" Yugi was asking me. I'd collapsed in school for what felt painful enough to be the 20th time. Last night,
Marik had shown his true colors. And it hurt.. "I'm okay..Thank you Yugi.." He helped me up and i grimaced from the pain in my lower back. "Its no problem, should i get someone? Marik"
Tears come to my eyes as he mentions his name. "Bakura please"
I ask softly. Yugi nodded and rushed of to find my Yami.

Surely not the best colors that you shine
Surely not the best colors that you shine

Flashback (The night before the last flashback)
I'd been out with Bakura, just talking about stuff, how things were going between him and Malik, and me and Marik. Everything was fine at the moment, Marik was always calm and kind to me.. Okay he'd lost his temper once or twice.. He'd hit me last week.. but only cause i'd deserved it.. But tonight i couldnt remember him looking this mad before. "Where the fuck have you been? I told you to stay in tonight!" He didnt wait for me to answer, one of his hands was tight around my neck. Choking me. I tried to ask him to let go, but i couldnt even get the words out.

I know you're feeling like you're lost
But you should know these colors that you're shinin are

(Later that night)
(A/N: now, like some people do, i could skip past the rape and just have Ryou crying himself to sleep, but i love having Ryou raped so, ON WITH TEH LEMON! Ryou: You hate me dont you? A/N: no, i just obsess over you way to much Ryou: figures..) "See Ryou, THIS is why you dont disobay me" He said, thrusting hard into me without lubrication. A scream burst from my throat,
followed by so many other i lost count. He repeatedly slammed into my body, moaning, grunting and whispering things that made me feel sick.

I know you're feeling like you're lost,
You feel you've drifted way too far
Did you know these colors that you're shinin' are

I swear this place is just as bad as being in a playboy mansion. Im trying to take a shower, but its difficult since im being watched by at least one nurse. About 10 minutes later im out, dry and reclothed. I lay down on my bed and pull the thin duvet over myself, shivering against the cold of the night. I shouldnt even be here! Thats the pure stupidity of the situation. I shouldnt fucking be here!

Surely not the best colors that you shine
Surely not the best colors that you shine

Morning.. Again.. Every day is the same here! I've already had breakfast. Pegasus came in half way through breakfast, his hair still wet. He sat down beside me with a tray of whats supposed to be food. It doesnt look much like it though.. Im not even insane.
Am i..? Have i said that i totally hate it here? At first i thought Pegasus was just like everyone else, just being nice to get something off me, but it turns out hes also here cause of a misunderstanding.. I think..

Surely not the best.
Colors that you shine..

Well.. What am i supposed to be doing today..? Oh yes, having random pills fed to me. A nurse comes over and drags me away to a room, i wave quickly to Pegasus who is drawing on the tablecloth and doesnt seem to notice me. The nurse asks me questions, i give her first answers the come to mind, and she writes on a clipboard.
After about 10 minutes she lets me out and tells me that everyone is outside because of the current heatwave. I smile and nod to her, letting her lead me out of the room.

Surely not the best.
Did you know these colors that you're shinin' are..

When I got outside, i was literally pushed over by Pegasus hugging me. I really didnt expect it, you know? I mean hes one of those random people, and we had hugged before, but it was different, like he actually missed me. No one really did miss me before.
Marik just didnt like having someone to fuck about with, Bakura owed me enough to pretend to me worried, Yugi just pretends to worry about everyone, Malik never really cared.. Yami hated me.
No one care before.. But now someone does, and it feels really good to know im not alone as much now..

STY: Right, done. Im off to see a friend now, review and all, sadly no one wanted to help me with the before and after authors notes, so only me here today! Next time i'll drag someone from FB with me okay? Cause its my new obsession! Im not gonna update til i get 20+ reviews kay?