An Heir to Darkness

A.K.A, 'Madara's evil plot to have Itachi bear his man-children'

Author's note: A little idea that has been haunting my every waking moment recently. I have a thought-image stuck in my head of Itachi with a baby-belly and Madara cooing over him. It is horribly OOC, I know, but I was compelled to write it.

If anyone hasn't caught on already, this isn't serious, am I not allowed to write cracky romance as well as serious romance for a pairing? This is a companion piece to the 'In Darkness' series, my other, 'serious' MadaIta work.

Yep, my first Mpreg…I am going to keep track of how many people I can scar for life on this one. If you are mentally damaged because you read this, let me know, I will keep a headcount and post it next time.

I own nothing but am looking for my sanity, if found please return it.


Uchiha Madara was a man who had many things, he was the secret leader of the world's most-feared criminal organization, he was nearly a century old but didn't look a day over twenty-eight, he had helped found Konohagakure, founded the Uchiha clan, seen the Uchiha clan destroyed because of it's corruption by one of his own descendants, and made that descendant, arguably one of the most beautiful and deadly people on the face of the earth, his lover.

He did not, however, have an heir. Firstly because he was gay and therefore found women sexually unattractive, secondly because Itachi would flay his flesh from his bones and Tsukiyomi him into oblivion if he ever heard that Madara had been with any one other than himself, and thirdly because, even if he weren't gayer than a May Pole, and already had Itachi, who was everything he could ever want or need, he still hadn't found a woman suitable. It seemed the really powerful Kunoichi were all deranged gambling-addicted drunkards or running around after his other last-living-descendant, Sasuke.

As a man who was raised during a time when having an heir was one of your main life-goals he was thusly on the horns of a rather large dilemma.

'If only Itachi could have children.' He thought, and then he paused, a calculating smirk spreading across his face as he realized a way to solve his problems.

For the next few days Madara all but slept in the extensive library of jutsu that the Akatsuki kept, he knew what he was searching for and it was only a matter of time before he found it.

A way to have Itachi bear his children.

Madara smiled so dementedly that if anyone were around to see it they would have gouged out their eyes with spoons from the sheer horror the smile generated. As he looked over the ancient jutsu scroll he began to laugh, inwardly, of course. It was only a matter of time.

His eyes burned with inner vision, all that was left to do was sex-up his Itachi-koi.

Madara found Itachi asleep in their bed, he looked so pretty and innocent by moonlight, sleep nearly the easing the lines that made his tired beauty.

The elder Uchiha leaned down and kissed Itachi softly on the lips, he felt a slender hand twine through his hair and was pulled into a much deeper and more thorough kiss. He came up for air and watched dark eyes slowly open, the wicked gleam in those eyes shattering any illusion if innocence.

Madara smirked, and kissed those soft lips again, slowly stripping Itachi of his sleep yutaka, the younger retaliated, pushing Madara's cloak off of his shoulders and breaking the kiss for a moment to pull the elder's shirt over his head and off.

The younger lapped at the exposed chest. Madara lifted Itachi's chin and captured his lips in a searing kiss, tongues battling for dominance.

When they finally broke their kiss for air Itachi once again began his trail down Madara's chest. Madara stopped him again and Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"I need you right now." The elder said by way of explanation, a raw look coming into his eyes and betraying his eagerness, both to dominate Itachi and to pull off his ingenious plan.

Madara kissed Itachi softly on the lips as they repositioned themselves, the elder shedding the rest of his clothing.

When he finished, Madara turned back to Itachi, who had spread himself across the bed. The elder Uchiha was lost for a moment in visions of skin so pale it glowed in the darkness, silky black tresses that framed a gorgeous face, and darkly gleaming eyes looking up at him.

Madara scooted up the bed and began to prepare Itachi, the younger grinding down on his fingers and making the most delicious little noises.

Once he decided Itachi was properly prepared Madara readied his jutsu, his hands flashed through a chain of complicated seals until they were glowing a soft silver color.

Then he grasped Itachi by the hips and thrust inside his lover. Itachi groaned:


Madara began to set a steady pace and Itachi arched against him, urging the elder faster and deeper and harder.

All the while Madara's hands kept their ethereal glow, the jutsu taking affect and doing what was necessary.

Itachi moaned loudly and came, internal muscles clenching around Madara and pushing him over the edge to completion as well.

They remained as they were for awhile before disentangling themselves and snuggling together under the blankets.

A few weeks later Madara awoke to the sound of his dear koibito retching into the toilet.

He went into the bathroom to be greeted by the astoundingly pathetic sight of Itachi sitting hunched over on the bathroom floor, tendrils of hair plastered to his pale face and dark circles under his eyes.

Madara helped Itachi up and stood by as he rinsed his face and mouth out before escorting his lover back to bed.

After a few more days of extreme fatigue and vomiting only in the mornings Itachi abandoned the idea that he had contracted a bizarre case of the stomach flu and demanded that Madara take him to a doctor.

The elder Uchiha found himself unable to say 'no' to Itachi and so off they went to a doctor's office.

The Doctor, a short man in his late middle age, examined Itachi thoroughly and ran several tests before he seemingly came to a conclusion. The man pulled out a flask and took a swig before turning back to Itachi and saying:

"Congratulations, you're pregnant."

Itachi blinked, and then blinked again. He was pregnant, he was a man; men didn't get pregnant. This had something to do with Madara, Madara probably knew some sort of jutsu or something that could get men pregnant. Madara was going to die. He blinked again as he realized the doctor was speaking to him.

"…You're about two months along. Now, I'm not sure about this sort of situation but I recommend you get a women's pregnancy book, and follow that so you can stay healthy during…um…" the doctor trailed off, trying to remain professional in the face of a pregnant man but failing singularly. Itachi just nodded, face impassive as he got up off the examination table and left the doctor's office.

Madara was waiting for him in the lobby and they left the building together in silence, the elder Uchiha was feeling rather nervous about all the waves of killing intent coming off Itachi. He tried conversation anyway.

"So…What did the doctor say?"

Itachi remained silent, the killer intent he was radiating increasing so much that the people in their immediate vicinity had begun to faint and run away. The younger Uchiha finally broke his silence when they were clear of the village and well down the road to the Akatsuki's base.

"I'm pregnant."

Madara felt his heart soar; a genuine smile came to his face out of reflex, until he remembered just who he was walking next to. The grin became a grimace as he failed to dodge a rather vicious punch that laid him out flat on the ground. He began to get up until Itachi's foot on his chest pushed him down again, Madara looked up into furious Sharingan eyes and realized that perhaps Itachi might not have been the best person to surprise like this.

He smiled and laughed nervously, pieces of his 'Tobi' persona leaking through in an attempt to lighten the situation. It didn't work, he realized as Itachi stomped on his abdomen and knocked all the wind out of him, in fact, it had only served to further enrage Itachi.

The younger Uchiha's fists were clenched and he was shaking with rage, he looked down at the father of his baby, and slowly removed his foot from Madara's chest.

"If you'll excuse me," Itachi's voice came out very soft and very quiet, more signs pointing toward Itachi at his most furious, "I need to go and buy a book on pregnancy." The younger Uchiha turned on his heel and made his way back to the village they had just left. Madara watched him go and decided that it could have gone worse and that he was very happy that Itachi had worked on his anger management skills. He got up and followed Itachi into the village, wanting to make sure he was okay.

Inside the village bookstore, Itachi was once again overcome by the urge to kill. The place was a maze of bookshelves, badly organized, improperly labeled, damnable bookshelves. He found a hapless employee and grabbed them by the front of their shirt, hefting them up into the air he growled:

"Where are your pregnancy books?"

The terrified employee pointed off in a random direction and Itachi dropped him.

"Show me." He said, and the employee practically ran in the direction he had previously indicated.

A few minutes later Itachi was standing in line at the checkout, with what he was ensured was the best and most comprehensive book on pregnancy out there. He was glad he had accosted the random employee, because he would have never found the book otherwise, who in their right mind put pregnancy books in the 'How To' section?

Because of the quick finding of the book Itachi was beginning to calm down, the bookstore wasn't overly noisy and he found that soothing. The ex-Konoha ninja soon came to the front of the line, the book was scanned, and the cashier turned to him and said:

"That will be 49.99, please."

Itachi raised an eyebrow, they were charging that much for one book?

"What did you say?" he asked quietly.

" 49.99, sir." The cashier repeated.

Itachi's rage returned, he swiftly drew his sword and in one stroke cleaved the cashier's head from her body, he then felt monumentally better, until someone screamed.

Fifteen minutes later Itachi exited the bookstore, pregnancy book in hand and blood on his clothes. So it was a bit overkill to have chased down all the store employees and killed them, but they had deserved it for trying to charge so much and then running away, he rationalized. Then he was struck by a desire for vindictive destruction so he Ameterasu-ed the building that housed the bookstore.

Itachi watched the building burn for a while before starting back down the road to the lair, good spirits finally restored.

Madara emerged from the shadow of a nearby coffee shop and decided it was a good thing he had hidden his chakra, Itachi was damn scary when he was angry.

Over the next few days, as Madara worked to regain Itachi's favor, Itachi read the baby book. He decided that pregnancy was ridiculously complicated and annoying.

He had started to crave strange foods that would have made his stomach roll in disgust previously, his already infamous sweet-tooth got even bigger, and he started to have times where he felt like he was going to break down and cry at any moment. Itachi was not happy.

At exactly three months into his pregnancy Itachi began to show.

It was Madara who noticed it, having been granted forgiveness after a full explanation, three weeks on the couch, and several late-night trips to the local market for whatever Itachi was craving at that particular moment. The elder Uchiha snuggled up to Itachi when he had run his hand over Itachi's tummy and instead of firm and toned it was soft and there was a slight bump.

Madara now knew what that whole 'Paternal pride' thing he had heard about was. His child was growing inside his lover and he couldn't have been happier, which was strange for him because he was very rarely actually, truly, happy.

Itachi was also in a remarkably better mood once the morning sickness stopped for good. The pregnancy had made him very mellow, he just slept and read and did light pregnancy yoga, Madara had even volunteered to learn yoga in a further attempt to appease Itachi, who, although mellowed considerably still had a violent, sadistic streak and a formidable temper which showed itself during his mood-swings.

This happiness lasted for about two weeks; then Itachi's pregnancy hormones decided to screw with him.

In the end of the fourth month of Itachi's pregnancy he became Horny. Not 'normal sex-drive Horny' but 'If-you-don't-push-me-against-the-nearest-flat-surface-and-fuck-me-senslesss-I-will-kill-you Horny'.

Madara had had reservations about sex in the fifth month but after Itachi tied him down to the bed and forced the issue he got over it and the two of them started going at it like bunnies.

This continued until the middle of the sixth month, when Itachi was clearly pregnant and his hormones decided that they had had enough sex until the baby was born.

It was during the end of the sixth month that Itachi became self-conscious, staying in bed all day and refusing to leave the lair. Madara was slightly concerned that his usually spirited lover was acting so wilted ad upset.

He continued to hide his, as he had termed it, 'whale-self', until the mid-seventh month, when Itachi began to glow with the pregnancy. Madara was rightfully surprised because he had thought that Itachi couldn't get anymore beautiful. But the positively radiant younger Uchiha had proven him wrong.

As the final months of his pregnancy progressed, Itachi became very lazy, napping frequently and spending most of his time basking in the warmth of the sun on their window seat with a book in hand. Madara thought he looked absolutely adorable, rounded with child and lounging around napping or, although Itachi would murder him in his sleep if he said it out loud, walking--read waddling--around their rooms.

It was a sunny afternoon in the middle of his ninth month when Itachi felt his entire insides clench. It was time to have his baby.

Staying calm he went over to Madara and kicked him awake, who cares if Itachi's pain tolerance was amazing, this still fucking hurt.

The elder Uchiha jerked awake and looked up at Itachi, confusion clearly written across his face.

"It is time." Was all Itachi said, but Madara jumped up and started blathering with a panicked look on his face. Itachi sighed, then he reached out and grabbed Madara by the front of his shirt, lifting him so that his feet were barely touching the ground, the elder Uchiha had gone very still.

"I am having a baby," Itachi said each word slowly and clearly, over-enunciating so Madara would understand that He. Meant. Business.

"You will take me to the hospital now."

Itachi then dropped Madara and allowed the still-shuddering elder Uchiha to escort him to the nearest village hospital.

Madara waited patiently in one of the uncomfortable chairs outside of the Maternity Ward, there were a few other men waiting and they shared the comfortable but nervous silence of expecting fathers.

Then, suddenly, there were the screams.

"MADARA YOU BASTARD!!" he recognized that enraged wail and cringed, the other men turned to look at him, somehow knowing his identity, one of them gave what was supposed to be a comforting look.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU MOTHER-FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!?" The other men began to wince as well, giving him looks of sympathy. Madara assumed that the nurses had done something to quiet Itachi, because after that declaration there was silence.

More than half an hour later a nurse came out, each prospective father straitened up but the nurse went straight for him.

"Madara-san?" he got up and followed her into the ward.

The nurse led him into a private room and when he opened the door he was greeted with the sight of Itachi in a hospital gown, holding a small bundle close to his chest.

As the elder Uchiha slowly entered the room Itachi looked up at him and smiled tiredly, the lines on his face were more pronounced than usual but his eyes sparkled with pride.

His stomach flopped in a not-so-uncomfortable way when he looked at Itachi holding their baby. A piece of himself and a piece of Itachi mixed together to create their child. Madara's eyes widened when he actually saw the baby. So soft and small and cradled in Itachi's arms.

"Wha…?" he couldn't speak. Itachi smiled.

"She, her name is Sachi." Itachi said quietly, as Madara practically fell into the courtesy chair provided.

"Sachi," he muttered, still sating intently at their baby girl, "Joy." He looked up at Itachi and he smirked.

"I'm going to have to get you pregnant again." He said softly. A predatory smirk spread a cross Itachi's face.

"Actually, I believe that you owe me a pregnancy now."

From the look on Itachi's face he didn't doubt that the younger Uchiha was going to hold him to that, and Madara suddenly felt as though he should run far, far away.

The end.

Ok, if anyone missed it 'Sachi' means 'Joy'.

Gosh, this is now the new official 'Longest One-shot' (ten pages!!) I have ever written. But it was worth it for pregnant Itachi. I might make a sequel for pregnant Madara; I doubt he would take pregnancy as gracefully as Itachi did.

Perhaps if enough people want it I might do it.

R&R, if you please!

Flames will be used to heat Akatsuki's winter lair.