This is what happens when the boss takes the day off and I'm bored so bored out of my skull at work! I get crazy ideas! I hope you enjoy this one.

This is pure crack fic! I was inspired by this picture of an adorable baby G1 Optimus Prime in a diaper. I have no idea who drew it. Wish I did because I want one! Anyhow, it was in a video on youtube called baby transformers if you want to see it.

The story is 2007 Movieverse, AU, OC, etc. Takes place some time after Mission City. And oh, Jazz is alive. We'll not go into how he came back. Just accept it and enjoy the story.

Early Morning, Wheeljack's Lab

Wheeljack walked into his lab like he did on most days, eager to work on an invention or backwards engineer some piece of alien technology. Only this morning he was surprised to find one recharging Autobot Commander on his work table.

Optimus Prime lay with quiet dignity flat on his back, arms at his side, legs perfectly straight, optics offline…snoring softly. Yup, one peacefully resting Autobot Leader. Of course it'd probably be more peaceful if he was in his own quarters.

Regardless, Wheeljack had to wake him.

"Psst, Optimus…Sir," he whispered near Prime's right audio receptor.

It got a reaction from his leader. Just not one Wheeljack was expecting. He narrowly ducked back from a heavily armored hand swatting him away.


He ducked again. That time Optimus' hand was closer to its mark.

Primus, what did it take to wake this mech up?!

A thought suddenly struck the engineer. One that would keep him from getting whacked and one that would most certainly wake up his commander.


Optimus Prime was up on his feet, weapon drawn and optics alert and focused. Defense systems all fired up, target systems ready for targets and sensors sweeping the immediate are.

"Where…how many?" he asked, pointing his laser cannon at the closed and locked door.

"Umm…there aren't any, Sir," Wheeljack meekly said, moving back a step or two. Optimus gave him a puzzled look. "Well, it was the only way I figured you would wake from recharge."

The proud leader's shoulders sagged slightly as he replaced his cannon on his back, allowing it to fold back into his armor.

"I must apologize…"

"Elita kicked you out after a fight?"

"Yeah, something like that. I would have opted for the tables in the recreation room but they're too small and wobbled when I laid on them. I really didn't feel like recharging on the floor in any of the crews' quarters. Ironhide and Chromia interface, Bumblebee talks constantly, the twins…." He shuddered. "I'd probably wake with a new paint job or worse."


"Likes his privacy."

"Jazz and Prowl?"

Optimus raised an optic ridge at Wheeljack with this 'are you crazy I don't want to know what those two do behind a closed door' look on his face.

"Sorry," Jack chuckled. "What about your office?"

"It is not a suitable place to recharge, my chair isn't very comfortable and the desk is cramped. And there's no way I'm going recharge near Ratchet or his Med Bay unless I'm dying."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"Well…you talk in your sleep."

"Oh, sorry," Wheeljack smiled sheepishly. "My processor is always working that doesn't surprise me."

"But you're work table is the only piece of furniture of adequate size for me," Optimus smiled brightly.

"My lab might not be the safest place, Optimus. It's been known to blow up with or without me in it, burst into flames at a moments notice, or even lose gravity! Remember that time…what Bumblebee was three years old. He snuck into my lab and turned on the antigravity field regulator I created."

"Oh yeah," Optimus laughed. "All we heard was him giggling hysterically in your lab and when we stood in the doorway he was floating upside down with all the equipment and tools having a blast."

Prime suddenly stopped laughing and felt the sadness in his spark. The previous night's argument with Elita coming back in full force was depressing for him.

"Elita and I were arguing about sparklings," he spoke softly, his optics losing some of their normal brightness.

"She wants one and you don't?"

"On the contrary," he replied, straightening up, wide chest puffed out proudly. "I would love to have a sparkling with Elita. Only…Jack, I am bonded to one of the toughest femmes in the universe. She isn't afraid to speak her processor, go one on one with a Decepticon. Hell, she's even blown up a planet. But one word about her being a mother and she bolts for the door or yells at me saying I'm being too demanding on her, that I'm treating her like a weak femme and not an equal."

"Parenthood can be a terrifying thing, Optimus. Most of us weren't ready to be surrogate fathers to Bumblebee or the twins. Most of us don't have that natural nurturing instinct. You do. It's part of what makes you a good leader. You know when to be hard on a soldier and when to back off and let him or her find their own way. Elita's reaction is normal. Well, kind of normal. She does tend to overreact at times."

"Yes she can be a bit irrational every so often," Prime snorted then he smiled fondly. "But I wouldn't have her any other way. I just want something…more. And I know she would be a wonderful mother if she gave it a chance."

"Well, you could always accidentally get her pregnant!"

"Primus no! I thought of that! She'd know I did it on purpose. And even if it was an accident, she'd still think I did it on purpose. No, if we're to have a sparkling we both must agree to it."

"Have you told her how you feel about it?"

"I hardly ever get that far in making my case," he sighed. "Like last night, I start off with 'Elita, I've been wondering, with the Decepticons being quiet and all, it would be a nice time to start that family we keep putting off.' Next thing I know, I'm standing there, hands in the air while she's got a fully primed weapon aimed at my crotch, yelling at me."

"Ouch! That's harsh!" Wheeljack winced.

"Yeah…harsh. Which means I can't go near her for a least another day or so until she finally cools down."

"Well, you're more than welcome to recharge on my work table. If, you give me a hand with this heavy piece of equipment."

"Deal!" Optimus smiled, shaking Wheeljack's hand.

What do you think? More? Hehe. I got more!