Hi there, this would be the author speaking. This is the last chapter. And while I quite like the ending I've given this fic, you might not. As you may have noticed, the last chapter ended very cheerfully. Well, what I'm saying is if you'd rather leave it on a happy note, feel free to accept that as the ending. Not that this chapter is too bad; no-one dies or anything. XD Well.. don't feel you have to scroll down, mmkay..?
Mello regretted at once having to wake up. Some days he could handle it quite comfortably, but today was not going to be pleasant. He groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position and ran a hand clumsily through his hair.
"Good morning." Mello turned to see an outstretched hand offering him a glass of water. He took it and placed it on the nightstand before shifting to the side to let them get back into the bed.
"Good is pushing it," he muttered. The boy beside him laughed politely. Mello glanced at him. "I'm sorry about this, Near."
"You always are. After it's too late for 'sorry' to matter." Near sighed. Mello frowned. He looked at him; Near had put on a fresh set of clothes already.
"You say 'always' as if we do this a lot. It's only happened twice." Near rolled his eyes. He reached across Mello to take the glass of water and sipped from it.
"It's been two months, Mello. It is a lot."
In the two months since Mello had decided he wanted to be with Matt, they had had three fights. The first had been very minor; a spat. It had been resolved within twenty minutes. Neither of them had found it at all worrying. Until the second.
Mello had arrived at Matt's flat later than they'd agreed upon. He had explained that he'd been held up at work, and Matt, stupidly, had made a snide remark under his breath. Unfortunately for him; Mello had heard it.
They'd spent almost an hour arguing; during which time Matt had accused Mello of only wanting to live with Near still because he hadn't wanted to make a real decision. Shortly after that, Mello had stomped out.
When Near had heard their front door slam, he was confused. Mello was supposed to be out all night; a thought he'd been somewhat ignoring. Despite what Mello had said about him probably not being in love with him, and his accurate portrayal of what their life would have been like, Near had not settled happily into the new routine.
He'd ventured out of his room and down the stairs in time to see Mello march into his bedroom. Reluctantly, he had gone over and knocked on the door. Mello had told him he could come in. When he did, he saw that Mello was lying on his bed with his face buried in a pillow. He hadn't looked his age.
Mello hadn't looked up from the pillow, but had started talking to him anyway. Or whining anyway. He'd told Near about his fight with Matt; concluding by saying that Matt's jealousy was really going to make his life hell. When he'd finished speaking, he pulled his head up and moved into a sitting position. He'd patted the bed beside him to let Near know he was welcome to sit down. As Near had tentatively taken the invitation, he'd asked Mello why he didn't just move in with Matt if it was going to be so difficult for him not to.
Mello had spat back that he didn't want to rearrange his entire life for one relationship. At least, not until he knew if it was going to work out or not. Near had been caught by surprise by that. He had assumed that when Mello had chosen Matt he'd known for sure that they would be happy. Otherwise, what was the point..? He'd dared to ask the question aloud.
Near didn't understand the response he got. Mello had looked at him and told him that it wasn't about certainty; it was about hope and gut instincts. But then again, Near had never understood how people got by on those two things.
After a little while, Mello had sighed. He'd wondered out loud how he'd made one of the biggest decisions of his life for someone who, it seemed, didn't even trust him. Near had shrugged. He'd mentioned that Mello had only just finished telling him that sometimes you just had to do what felt right in the moment. He'd then cuttingly added that you often still had to do that, even if the other option later turned out to be the right one.
Mello had seemingly not heard the last part, as he'd trailed off into thought. Near had been just about to ask him what he was thinking about, when Mello had reached over and kissed him on the lips. Near had quickly drawn away and asked what he was doing. Mello had not replied; instead pulling him back into the kiss. Near had only tried to fight him off for another couple of seconds before resigning himself.
Mello had pressed him down into the sheets and begun to unbutton his shirt before Near once again had the courage to ask him why he was doing so. Mello had stared at him for a second, as if it should be obvious, then told him that, sometimes, you just went with your gut and hoped it was the right decision later. Near had not asked him any more questions.
It was only the next morning, when they had both woken up together and had been forced to clear their minds, that Mello admitted he shouldn't have done it. He'd apologised and quickly kissed Near on the forehead in a sympathetic gesture, before dressing himself and leaving as fast as possible. When he'd come back that evening, he'd quietly promised Near that it would not happen again. Near had correctly assumed that Mello had not told Matt.
It was now the morning after the second fight, and Mello had managed quite spectacularly to break his promise.
Near waited outside the room while Mello guiltily crawled back into his clothes. When he appeared in the doorway, Near turned to look at him with an unapproving expression. Mello sighed.
"I'm not going to do it again. I swear; even if we have a huge fight, I won't let myself."
"Of course not, Mello." Near didn't bother to argue with him. "Are you going to go and see him again, now..?"
"I am," Mello said softly. Near noticed he didn't look at him as he spoke.
"And I take it you won't tell him." He didn't make it a question, and Mello didn't answer. Instead, he reached down and quickly brushed Near's lips with his own then turned to leave.
Near waited until he heard the front door click closed then sighed. There was, he told himself for the second time, no such thing as a perfect decision.
And that's it! I really enjoyed writing this, and my next DN fanfiction is already mapped out in my head. It won't be too lnog until I start submitting it, although I must say it's a little different to my others. XD I just want to say that, whilst writing this, I think I kept Sartre in mind a bit (Existentialism and Humanism). So there we go, heh. For those who aren't avid philosophers; 'the only thing you can't choose is not to choose'. Go figure. :3