Yes, I'm back. COWER! Just kidding.

This one is a continuation of Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, not a Part Two, hence why the chapters are labelled the way they are. And there is a major POV switch, from Mikaela and Barricade to her sister Malena and Frenzy's POVs. I know, OC's are overdone, but I felt like tryin' to view this from a newcomers view, and Frenzy is underappreciated in fic.

I hope you like this, and have some fun with it. Remember, I'm doing this for the pure stupidity, so don't take this all serious. Suspend disbelief and just enjoy. :D

Oh, and even now, I still don't own shit but Malena. But I wish I owned her car.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and have a heart attack. Pulp Fiction


"MALENA! Where the hell did you put my pants!"

My sister, the ever-panicking teenager, ran like a damn chicken with her head cut off across the living room, nearly tripping over the edge of the rug, then disappeared around the corner to the laundry room. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and yawned, not exactly ready and willing to get up and scour the place for… pants? Christ, the girl had forty pairs of pants, she could have been more specific.

"Which ones? And will you slow the hell down? Nobody's comin' for another hour! You got plenty of time!"

Mikaela stuck her head around the corner, glaring daggers at me. "The blue ones with the torn knees."

That narrowed it down to three. "And?"

"With 'Lucky You' on the fly thingy."

snort Oh, those. "Hanging over the shower curtain. They're still drying."


From my comfortable splayed position on the couch I heard Mikaela's thumping feet run up the stairs and into the bathroom. "YES!"

"You're welcome!"

I was too damned lazy to ask her why she was freaking out so badly, it was only us girls, nobody she had to 'dress to impress' for. She was a teenager, they freaked out over everything. Though she'd be out of her jeans and into pajamas within… three hours…

Tonight would be fun. We'd recently settled into the warehouse, after much bartering on price and the 'delay' of a couple weeks ago, and Mikaela was about to being cramming for final exams, and everyone was fully recovered… so that naturally meant, Party. Girls only though. I hadn't dragged Mouse into a sister night since before I got my dumb-ass kidnapped by that admittedly hot Mustang, and when I mentioned it to Sarah she squealed.

"We have to do that! All four of us!"

So that's when it all started to come together. Mikaela tackled Judy, I had Sarah harping on Will to take the baby for the night, and it just…happened. We were going all out. The comfy pajamas, the booze, Chinese food, the movies (classic horror, for Judy's sake) and the gossip. It felt strange to be sharing this ritual with people I barely knew, but we all needed it. Seriously. I don't know who needed it most, but we were all stressed by the sudden shift in our lives, from relatively normal (could anything be called 'normal' these days?) to a weird friendship with giant alien robots. Mikaela had a few weeks to get used to it before the rest of us, but she was still obviously thrown by it.

Judy and Sarah though, they were interesting. Judy had one of 'em practically living in her driveway, the cute little Bumblebee. I could only imagine how… frightening it would be to find out that your son not only rides around in and is best friends with a 16 foot alien with cannons bigger than my thigh, but went so far as to save the world, fall off buildings, get shot at, fight those Decepticon guys? I don't know how she stayed sane. Despite what a lot of people thought of her, she was a vastly intelligent woman. A little dippy in the head sometimes, but I suspected it was cover, a front. She had her way of dealing with the stressors of life, just like I did. If anyone needed a night of stupid drinking, food and chatter with a bunch of girls, it was her.

Then again, Sarah Lennox had quite the life herself. A very tiny young baby, a husband who was likely to be shipped off back to Iraq if the government didn't hurry the fuck up and officially make him 'Liaison' between the U.S. and the Autobot faction, and a 20-something foot truck with a mean streak. Ironhide, like Bee, practically lived at the Lennox's place, and, in his words, was 'subjected to transporting a smelly sparkling' from place to place on a near daily basis. And poor Sarah had to put up with his grumbling. Thank goodness she stopped breast-feeding or she'd not be able to get pissered with us.

As for myself? Well…

"Lena! I can't find my hairbrush!"

"It's right here, up my bum!"

"Oh, okay g… oh gross. Eww…"


I was just tired. After getting the snot beaten out of me by various forms of metal, living and dead, and the fun of healing afterwards, not only did I have to spend hours yammering at the real estate agent to get this place after disappearing for five days, but I had to get my car out of an impound lot and pay off the damn hotel we disappeared from. Then I had to hunt down Hammond and tell him to call off the investigation, and pay HIM to shut the hell up. THEN, I started my new job, and had to move all of Mikaela's shit out of mom's place and wait for mine to show up from the east coast. It finally got here a few days ago but I'd been living out of my backpack for quite a while and it was getting tedious. I told off the movers pretty badly and the fuckers up charged me.

Oh yeah, and finding out my baby sister was involved in the same fucking war Sam was, getting shot at by missiles and chased and kidnapped by government agents… ugh. I could have choked her when she told me all about meeting Bumblebee and Mission City. How could she…

Despite all the times I've tried to impress on her that life was her choice, she could do what she wanted as long as she thought it though, well, I didn't like that she chose to run into a battle like that. Sure, it was the right thing to do, but she was my baby sister! She'd had enough action in her life without having to dodge bullets and missiles and spazzy little robots with speech impediments. Frankly it scared the crap out of me.

But there was nothing for it now. She was deeply involved with them now, and I'd rather lose my left leg than tell her 'no, you can't play with the giant robots'. It would break her heart, and she'd do it anyway.

Besides, I kind of liked those giant robots.

Speaking of which…



"SHADDAP!" I yelled automatically. Damn those two.

I hoisted myself off my nice comfy couch and plodded to the 'front door'. Mikaela beat me there, shoving it open with a grin that could outshine the North Star, and shot out to greet her…our…friends.

"Mouse!" Said the 'man' standing next to the gleaming silver Pontiac Solstice, holding his arms open for his hug. It'd been a few days since they'd seen each other, with him being on a mission and her still catching up on schoolwork and extra assignments, and they were damn happy to be reunited. I leaned against the doorframe and watched my baby sis jump into Jazz's waiting arms and hug him back. The yellow Camaro and its blonde 'driver' leaned against his own door and watched with a small smile while the passenger door swung open. I waved at Judy as she stepped out.

It took me a while to get used to these guys, I had to admit. Jazz made the transition as smooth as possible though, I had to give him that. I stayed with him and the Autobots for a couple days after the Demolition Derby (as Jazz liked to call it) and got to know him and Bee rather well. Jazz was a pretty funky guy, to say the least. And not only because he liked Tarantino movies and good music, but he had one hell of a life and had no problem spending hours telling stories. Then he'd turn it around and ask me a bunch of questions about all the different earth cultures I'd studied and I'd spend hours talking/teaching and loving every minute of it. Add to that his protective streak with Mikaela and I couldn't help but adore the guy. We at least had that goal in mind if nothing else.

Okay, okay, I'll admit it…not only was he really cool, but goddamn, all three of his forms were HOT.

I nearly checked myself into a psycho ward the night I admitted that to myself. I mean really, what sane woman goes all fluttery-bellied over a fucking alien? Not only an alien, but a big metal one? But hot damn, as a Solstice, Jazz had curves and power and speed. As a mech he had a decent form, grace, and a great smile with big twinkly eyes. And in his holo-form? Hoooooboy. There were no words in the English language to describe that boy. I settled with "Guh". He hadn't chosen just one culture to base his form off of; he chose bits and pieces from all of them. It was like the best lookin' people from countries all around the world got together, had a drunken orgy, and produced Jazz's holoform. That's the only way I could put it, and it got Mikaela laughing every damn time I said it.

I got used to it though, and over the past couple of weeks, learned to shut off the automatic 'jump this man and bonk him til he squeals' instinct after Ratchet made one too many glib comments about hormones as he passed. Now we were just good buddies who flirted a lot. It was fun.

He got me used to the other mechs as well, almost acting as a go-between until I could talk to them without either wanting to hide behind his leg or say something totally ridiculous to cover up. Now I could actually talk to Optimus Prime instead of shrinking into a little ball of 'ohshit' whenever he looked my way.

And it helped that Jazz was the biggest perve this side of Mars.

When he suddenly appeared beside me, grinning that wolfish 'let's go bone' grin of his, I nearly jumped right out of my gorilla slippers.

"What? No love for th' Jazzman?"

I unashamedly looked him up and down (damn he looked good in black), then asked, "Where is it?"

"Where's my lovin'?"


He made a kissy-face.

"Gimme now."

He sighed, then brought his other hand out from behind his back. "Extra large, two sugars, just how my girl likes it."

My brain shut down. Cooofffffeeeeee. I took it reverently from his grasp, slowly and gently peeled the lid off and took a deeeeep whiff. "Ohhhh man, that's good."

"This is cruel and unusual punishment."

I ignored him (sort of), took a sip, savoured the rich flavour and hummed my approval.

An older female voice called out, "Lena, quit teasing the man!"

Feigning reluctant boredom, I put my coffee on the ground and grabbed Jazz up in a big hug. Damn, they really put details into these holoforms! I could feel abs though his T-shirt and the faint trace of whiskers on his cheek as he happily wrapped me in his arms and squeezed me back.

"You keep makin' that orgasm face when you get yer fix and…"

"Complete that sentence and I'll forget we have a carwash tomorrow." Mikaela said with a grin. Judy and Bumblebee's holoform stood with her, both looking quite entertained.

"Why'd ya have to ruin the moment? Damn!"

"Get your hand off my ass."

The hand disappeared and Jazz gave me his best angelic face. Didn't work.

"Come on in guys. We still got an hour before I have to kick you out."

Both Jazz and Bee nodded and fizzled out.

"I hate it when they do that." Judy said, looking a bit startled. I escorted her inside and hit the button for the garage doors.

The best thing about this place was the garage area. The whole place was pretty much one large room with some walls here and there to separate rooms, but the garage was part of the main living area, and well ventilated. My car was already in here, and Mikaela's car would be too when we got it (after all that crap, car shopping wasn't on our list of priorities), and occasionally, it also fit a couple of Autobots. The only one who didn't fit was Prime, but he never popped by anyways so it didn't matter much.

The boys rolled in and shut off their engines, but remained in their car-modes, reactivating their holoforms. I didn't mind if they transformed usually, but they were rather big and they'd have to remain crouched. It was a big place, but not THAT big. Usually they just wandered around in their holos while they were here.

"Where's Sam?"

Judy answered for me. "He's not done his History project yet."

Bee nodded and crossed his arms. It was cute, he was just as protective of Sam as Jazz was with Mikaela, but he was also a stern homework nanny. With both him and Judy on his ass all the time, Sam's grades had shot up rather nicely over the past couple of weeks and Ron couldn't be more pleased.

The boys explored the place, noting all the changes, raiding the fridge (as usual… with their newly 'installed' sense of taste) and practically spent the entire time asking why none of the guys were allowed to come to the party tonight. Judy told us she'd had to explain to them repeatedly about 'girls nights' and they still didn't get it. Or at least pretended not to get it. After half an hour of it I tried to boot them out, stating that we had to get prepped for Sarah and get dinner ordered.

And that's when Ironhide and Sarah showed up.


After much grumbling and waving of arms (happily without cannons in holoform), Ironhide and the female posse managed to throw the boys out. They protested, naturally, claiming everything from 'the rain will leave spots' to 'you need protection' all the way to 'don't leave us with the sparkling!'… Sarah left the baby with Will… and Will was hanging at the Autobot base tonight with Sam and Ron. Ironhide grabbed both holoforms by the neck and wrangled them away, bidding us goodnight and reminding Sarah to 'be prepared for retrieval at 11 am sharp.'

And the Girl's Night began.

Girls Night Plan, part one: Get tipsy. I gave Mikaela the option of booze or no booze, but she'd chosen booze. I didn't mind. I'd rather her get stupid drunk at home, with me, than out there with a bunch of horny jocks at a house party. She was a smart enough kid to know that.

Judy brought out her bottle of red wine (minus a glass), Sarah grabbed one of her beers out of the fridge, and I had a nice tall glass of Jack Daniels on hand, pouring a bit of vodka for Mikaela. I learned from the last time not to over-booze my sister. Her hangovers were entertaining but the risk to the general area from vomit wasn't worth it.

Somewhere in there everyone changed into their pajamas. Mine and Mikki's were horrid, but wow… Judy's were pink. With monkeys. Sarah was the only one with sensible Pajamas. Outright red and plain, but still fuzzy.

Part two: Grilling and Bitch Session, which unfortunately started with a thorough teasing from Judy about getting groped yet again by Jazz.

"What? He's got a strong grip!" I said, and poor Judy snorted her wine.

That all naturally progressed to theorizing about what Optimus Prime's Holoform would look like if Ratchet ever got it working. Most of us agreed that he'd probably have that 'handsome older guy' thing going for him, but we all varied on the general features. I don't know how the hell we got from Prime Theorization to 'which one would be best in bed' talk, but… poor Mikaela… I'd never seen her so red.

"Ironhide. Totally. He'd be the 'up against the wall' type." Sarah argued, grinning. She'd obviously thought about this a lot. Being an army wife, naturally she'd go for the gun toting roughnecks. I had to agree with her though. He'd be a fun one.

Judy interjected, rather shyly, "I don't know…" but then she took a big swig of her wine, smiled, and said conspiratorially, "that Medic… Ratchet. Think about it. Thorough knowledge of the human body."

Mikaela's eyes were round as dinner plates. I could just hear the thoughts in her head. "Judy! Bad!'

"Prime would be big on foreplay." That got a lot of giggles.

"Bee? He'd be a fumbley virgin teenager type."

"Well Jazz is a spy… he'd be all 'hunter', then he'd jump ya outta nowhere…"

Mikaela giggled. "Surprise buttsex!"

I swatted her.

I wanted to beat her with a chunk of wood when she brought up Barricade.

"What about Barricade?"

"You mean that policeman?"

I buried my head in my hands. "Please. Please shut up. I will pay you to shut up."

Mikaela triumphantly sipped her vodka. "Not his holoform… did I tell you guys how she got captured in the first place?"

Judy and Sarah leaned forward with rapt attention as Mikaela recounted the story of 'Mustang Molestation', and dissolved into astonished giggles as the truth came out. "You can ram me with this thing anyday" was received with deafening laughter and a victorious sneer from my traitorous sister.

"Just you wait, Mouse. Vengeance will be mine."

"Then the silly bitch actually lay down. On his hood. THEN, she said he had an 'ugly-ass paintjob' and called him a pig."

Sarah's jaw rested somewhere around her kneecaps and poor Judy was curled up into a little ball of giggling mother on the other side of the couch.

"No wonder he was so mad at you!"

"Kill me. Now. Just, shoot me. Call up 'Hide and tell him to warm up the cannons."

"Hey now, if he obliterated you, you'd never touch a fine car-butt again." Mikaela said cheekily.

"I know where you sleep."

Judy uncurled herself and leaned against me. "Oh don't feel bad, honey. I've done worse."

Eyebrows raised all around the room. Judy took another deep pull from her wine bottle and hiccupped. "Mikaela, you have to PROMISE not to tell Sam." She ordered, pointing a drunken finger at my sister.

Mikki nodded silently.

"Well, after Sam came back with that brand new shiny Camaro, me and Ron… well…"

Oh no.

"…got a little… frisky… in the back seat."

The room fell into dead silence… for about three seconds. Then:

"You christened Bumblebee?"

"Just how FRISKY did you get?"


Part Three: Horror movies, and this time, fresh Chinese takeout.

We started out with Poltergeist, as it had a nice slow beginning we could chat and eat through, but the talking disappeared when the psychic lady showed up. Mikaela and I ended up in shivering ball on the floor when the Clown started moving around. Ugh. Clowns.

Then Judy brought out her personal favourite… Hellraiser.

"Ron took me to it for our tenth date, when we decided to get married." She gave us a quick sweet version of how 'whirlwind' their relationship was and the marriage after only four months. It was so cute. And finding out a sweet lady like Judy had a thing for Clive Barker movies only made her so much funkier in my eyes. There was more to this woman than… Don't even think about it.

I still couldn't watch the scene where Frank came up out of the cellar floor, so while that was happening I ran to the kitchen to get Sarah more beer.

I weaved through the darkened kitchen, listening to the girls squeal and cringe, and had to smile to myself. A month ago, if I'd have known that dropping out of school would result in a new friendship with giant alien robots in the middle of a war, or me getting kidnapped, I'd have rethought my decision. But then again, if I hadn't, I'd have missed out on watching horror movies and getting drunk with the mother of a hero, the wife of a Decepticon-fighting army boy, and my kid sister who'd rescued my dumb-ass from possible torture and death.

I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

I lit a smoke, took a deep puff, and sighed. Worth it. Worth every bit of it.

Deception Lake was cold.

Not as cold as deep space, that oppressive nothingness and Pit-forsaken silence, but cold nonetheless. Frenzy didn't mind though. He had to get this… waste… off him or Barricade wouldn't let him inside.

He'd been doing recon around the local human village, and stepped into something quite foul smelling. It wasn't human either. Probably bear. Barricade laughed at him for a good five minutes, then hustled him off to the lake and tossed him in, careful not to get any of the disgusting substance on his claws. Frenzy vowed to get vengeance later, but not until Soundwave was back. With backup.

He couldn't wait to see his brothers again. It had been far too long.

"Frenzy! Get your skinny aft out of the lake, we have work to do!"

Frenzy glared with all four eyes at his partner. "Y-y-yeah yeah, keep yer b-b-b-bolts on."

It had been two weeks since the catastrophe of a Decepticon Plan, and Barricade was almost fully recovered. The scars would eventually fade and he'd get full use of his arm soon. Frenzy couldn't be happier about that. It hurt him so to see his friend in such pain. Soundwave had had to keep him mildly sedated and on painkillers while his wounds healed, and despite how fun it was to have Barricade in a near constant good mood, it would be nice to see his old partner back in true form, grouchiness and all.

Frenzy lazily backstroked to the shore and hopped out of the lake, shaking like a Terran Canine to get the freezing cold water droplets off his armour. In one of his moments of boredom a few weeks back he'd found a Youtube video of a group of humans called Polar Divers, strange glitched out creatures who would voluntarily leap into lakes of freezing water, sometimes with ice still on the surface, for FUN. He didn't know whether to applaud them for their bravery or put them on his own personal list of 'stupid humans who do stupid things'. If his Cybertronian form shivered with this cold, Frenzy could only imagine how painful it would be to the weakling organics that populated this planet.

Barricade finally let him inside and Frenzy gratefully basked in the heat of his interior. He'd really missed him over the past couple of weeks, not being able to cruise around and cause trouble with him. But now that they were all a lot better, feeling like they could get moving again, Frenzy was happy. And with his brothers arriving within the hour, he felt, after thousands of years of uncertainty that for once luck was going to turn in their favour.

lovebumps to you all.