A Guide to Living with The Doctor
Summary: Rose decides to write a guide book for all future traveling companions of the Doctors.
A/N: Random fic idea I got from my big sis Cathy one night during our usual late night conversations over the phone. We have really random convos….
Dedicated to: Cathy, for being as crazy as I am. And for being a cool "older sis" to me. You're too fun to talk to on the phone girl. You just make me think of things that well, an older sister shouldn't make one think! Lol, but most of the time you make me think really random things.
Thanks to Tobie for looking over this for me when she should be doing her homework….and so should I….
If you're reading this, then you must have found this in the library on the first shelf you came to. And you must be the Doctors newest companion. Hello there. I'm Rose Tyler. I am the Doctor's old companion. Well, the 9th and 10th Doctor's companion that is.
This book you're reading is going to be a life saver to you. At least I hope it is. This is a companion's guide to living with the Doctor. In this book I shall tell you what you should, and shouldn't do. What you should and shouldn't wear, and of course, what you should and shouldn't say. Please, pay close attention.
Always wear trainers. And I do mean always.
Don't wear skirts. They aren't really all that well to run in.
Do not, under any circumstances, drink or eat before you leave the TARDIS to go out and explore a new planet, or time. I can assure you, there aren't any loo's around when you are running.
If the Doctor starts to be rude to people, either pinch him, or let him know he's being rude so he doesn't insult the wrong person. If you fail to inform him of his error, this will only end up with you running for your lives.
Do NOT mention anything about the future, to anyone in the past. A big no no.
If the Doctor takes you back in time to when you were a baby and you happen to save your father from dying when he should have died, then do not touch your infant self.
On second thought, don't save the parent that is supposed to be dead. Reapers will come and kill everyone in the world just to try and make up for that one person being alive.
Bananas are good. But do not wear banana flavored chap stick around the Doctor. He will spend all day or night looking for the source of the smell. That means yes, he will search your pockets and bedroom for it.
Don't try to be funny and put ginger colored hair dye in his shampoo. It's not funny when he finds out you did it.
Get use to lack of sleep.
Keep cash on you at all times when you visit your home planet. The Doctor never carries money on him. Cheap skate!
When told to stay put; don't. It's far more entertaining to go off and explore by yourself. Except when there are psychotic droids on the loose that want to cut you up and use you for parts to fix their ship.
If the Doctor is going on and on about something you have no idea about, pretend to listen. Nod your head and say the occasional, "uh huh" to him. But make sure to tune in every now and then. You will most likely have to reassure him that you are in fact listening. Even though you are not.
Although to be honest, you really should listen to what the Doctor has to say. His ramblings do come in handy when you are in a life or death situations.
The Doctor hates cats.
Do not mention the Doctors home planet. It will only cause him to become depressed.
Do not question the Doctor when he is trying to save your life and the lives of others. It only irritates him.
Ask questions when the need arrives. But make them smart questions! Help him out when he needs it as well.
Don't panic when your life is in danger. It doesn't help the situation any.
Make sure you keep a stock of bananas on board often.
When snuggling up to the Doctor in front of the fire in the library, don't fall asleep on him when he's reading a story to you. It's a bit rude.
Don't snuggle with my Doctor period actually. He's mine.
The Doctor has had other companions before you. Don't get jealous if he happens to run into one from his past.
Remember: Daleks BAD! VERY VERY BAD!
Also remember: CYBERMEN VERY VERY BAD!!
Don't insult the Queen of England. It's not pretty.
If you are not Scottish. Do not attempt a Scottish accent.
The Doctor doesn't know how to do laundry. Don't be surprised if he asks, no begs, you to do it for him. (Use cold water on ALL his clothes. If you have alien goop on your clothes, only use warm, not hot, water. If no goop, use cold and the soap that's in the RED bottle. If there is goop or slime use the blue bottle. Do not get these mixed up.)
Don't go looking for a window in the TARDIS. You will never find out. Trust me.
Try not to get kidnapped. It's a real bother.
Also, do not partake in any ritual dances on a strange planet. You could be unknowingly agreeing to marry your dance partner.
Alright, there will be more to come…..that is if you REVIEW!! What can I say? I'm a review junkie!!