I came up with this idea as I was falling asleep at 1:30 am. And believe it or not, it still seems like a good idea. I hope you think so, too.

Warning: mild sexual innuendo.


Timon and Pumbaa have just come out of the elephant graveyard, where they saw fierce hyenas and an even fiercer lion. It's good to get back to the relative safety of the savanna, especially for Pumbaa, who is a more likely target for the large predators, and who didn't want to go into the elephant graveyard in the first place.

"Ah, now this is our dream home, Pumbaa." Timon frames the landscape with his hands. "Have you ever seen a more beautiful place?"

"Uh, yeah, Timon, we were just here. This is where we came into the elephant graveyard, remember?" says Pumbaa with great patience, which is the only way to handle Timon.

"Oh yeah. Well, maybe I just looked too far beyond what I see. 'Cause what I see now looks like home. Look at this landscaping. I mean, sure, the lawn needs a trim, but I love the ornamental trees and shrubs. Ooo, it even has a rock garden." He jumps off Pumbaa's back onto a pile of stones.

"What are the rocks gardin'?" asks Pumbaa, genuinely confused.

"And best of all, there's no one else around."

A high-pitched giggle interrupts Timon's spiel.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." A female meerkat scampers out from behind one of the bushes. "Please do make yourself at home." She climbs onto the rocks next to Timon, and looks up at Pumbaa. "Your friend won't bite, will he?"

"Of course not." Pumbaa smiles. "I never bite anything that has less than six legs - except worms, at least."

The female giggles again, until another female meerkat darts toward Timon and Pumbaa. "Ignore my sister, she's immature."

"Am not, you big poopyhead."

"I was wrong, it's too crowded here," Timon says loudly.

"Yeah, Operetta, it's too crowded for the guy, so scoot."

Timon raises an eyebrow.

Operetta shrugs. "I didn't pick the name, so whadaya gonna do?"

"My name is much prettier," says the giggly one. "It's L'Oreal. Because I'm worth it." She tosses her head. "But enough about me, I want to hear more about you, big boy."

"Well, now I'm confused," says Pumbaa. "You looked at Timon when you said that, but Timon's not big."

"Oh, so it's Timon, is it?" Operetta places her paws on Timon's shoulders, and Timon leans back, wide-eyed. "Well, Timon, if you're looking for a new home, I could show you my room. Oh, wait." She begins muttering, "I think I was supposed to ask you where you're from first."

L'Oreal rolls her eyes. "I'm the immature one?"

"Yup. So, anyway, whadaya say, babe? I could check you for ticks."

"Maybe some other time. Like, never." Timon shakes her off and jumps onto Pumbaa's back. "Let's go, Pumbaa, this place has too many meerkats as it is."

"Wait!" L'Oreal holds her paw out. "I gotta be honest with you, we don't often see guys who aren't related to us."

"Funny, I never would have guessed."

"Will you at least tell us where you're from?" says Operetta.

"The elephant graveyard, now leave me alone."

"No, seriously."

"Forget it. Come on, Pumbaa, every second we spend here could be spent somewhere else."

Pumbaa lifts up his hoof in a mock salute. "Yes sir, Captain Obvious." He makes tracks away from the sisters, who stare after them.

Operetta folds her arms in an attempt to look smug. "He'll be back."

Pumbaa trots across the Pridelands until Timon shouts, "Stop! We're home! Just look at this sparkling swimming pool."

"It's a wallow, Timon."

They gaze at the muddy dip, and Timon forces a grin.

"Even better, right?"

"Not if you want to be alone."

"What do you mean?"

Just then, a female warthog clambers out of a nearby tunnel. Her eyes light up as she squeals.

"A boar!"

Pumbaa rolls his eyes to look up at Timon. "That's what I mean."

THE END


A/N: I hope the present tense works. I wrote it that way to kind of simulate the narration on Meerkat Manor. Operetta was inspired by the late Tosca, and L'Oreal is a cross between Maybelline and Daisy. I was originally going to add a third meerkat girl but it seemed like too much.

This fic is also a playful response to all the Timon/OC fanfics - although I love some of them, don't get me wrong.