AN- I AM SO SORRY EVERYONE I'VE BEEN SHUTTLE-BOMBED WITH SCHOOL AND EXAMS AND WORK AND LACK OF CONCENTRATION SKILLS AND ANIMECONS AND RL-
Aheh, so I've been taking care of things one by one and now it's time for OffBalance –shakes dust off story- how long have I been gone?
Anyways, completely dorky time to trash out on the story wasn't it? Chpt62, I should be hang-gliding this to the end. WHICH WILL BE HAPPENING NOW. more so then before...
So this chapter wasn't very—I dunno, it was kinda just a "WTF GET THE DAMN THING DONE! –CHAINS SELF TO CHAIR-" kinda thing so if it's slightly OOC or corny or boring or just… creepy cut me some slack I'm begging, I'm trying to get back into updating this frequently see how well that goes!
WHO WANTS A RECAP? I'LL SAVE YOU FROM SCAMPERING THROUGH THE LAST BILLION CHAPTERS!
So we all know Yuki and Kyo get together, awkward beginning, slowly gets into the swing of things, a lovely end of denial at a victorious chpt20, the basics, some physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, and sexual intimacy (60chaps in how evil am i) some Akito spotlight with Yuki, fighting between the bishounens, School starts up, oh yes Kyo and loads of Cats last chappie and Yuki finds him on the school roof, and now I believe we are on a class trip!
What trouble will ensue on such an occasion?
(we are in Fall, readers, just so we all know the season –nods-)
THANK YOU to my Alfred for beta-ing and kicking my butt to get this done in a very brotherly way ^-^ it is now glazed in awesome. You made me feel hella lot more confident about this chpt THANK YOU! *glomps*
BTW i am shoving up the last few chpts up pronto
OH and thank you to all of you who have PM-ed me over my time of none-existence, it was your encouragement and frequent little nudging that kept OffBalance fresh in my mind!
thank you, the support really helps!
Chapter Sixty Two
I looked up at the sky and my eyes narrowed in suspicious disgust.
I could almost smell rain coming—
"Hey Kyon," I felt someone nudge my arm and Kino gave me a wide grin, "Day-dreaming about Sensei again?"
I bristled and swung my bag off my shoulder at his head, "Would you shut up with that already? It's getting fricken old!"
"No it's not!" Kino laughed as he dodged my bag.
Kino swished his head around, his brunette hair tussling around as his hazel-brown eyes lit up, "Eh! Shii! What's up?"
Shino scampered up next to me, his breath huffing out of him, "Did you guys check out the café down around central? The food's so great!"
"Eh? No, I'm starving!" Kino nudged me with his elbow, "Hey, Kyon, wanna grab a bite?"
"Yeah right, your stomach was growling the whole way out here!"
"Was not!" I rounded on Kino who replied, "You looked like a sad little kitten that hasn't eaten for days!"
"Go by yourself," I said in a disgruntled voice, "Stop bothering me."
"Oh c'mon, Kyon, lets go eat together!" Kino latched onto my arm.
I snapped my arm out of his grip, "like hell I'd go if you say it like that!"
"Don't get him all flustered, Kino!"
"I'm not flustered!"
Shino snickered and Kino laughed openly while I shifted my bag on my shoulder, growling back a disgruntled sneer.
"Hey! Look! Let's go in there!" Kino grabbed my elbow and pulled at it as I looked over apathetically at a store which had a doorway crammed with senior students trying to get in and out.
I didn't realize I was being dragged until we were halfway across the slim street, and I pulled out of his grip, "Hey, who says I wanna go?"
"Alright we'll get something for you," Kino dodged through students, ramming his way through to get to the entrance door, Shino on his heels with his blond hair bouncing.
I let out a huff for a sigh before making my way back across the narrow street and wandering down the side walk indifferently, the stone path lined with potted plants.
Loud noisy brats—sugar was the last thing those two need.
The fellow seniors and I were on that trip as of today, Wednesday, and whereas some of the students were psychotically excited (mostly the girls—but they got excited over everything) I was completely apathetic to the whole thing. It was at least a change of scenery.
I looked up and squinted at the noon sun that was peeking through the towering buildings above me, its light reflecting off tall dusty windows. The moist scent of dirt and decaying leaves were mixed in with the old gritty smell of the sidewalk and buildings—if it weren't for the cool breeze, my lungs would feel stuffy.
I looked around expectantly to see Tohru scamper up to me, her face glowing brightly with a wide grin, "Hi!" She matched my stepping, "How're you enjoying the trip Kyo-kun? Isn't this a beautiful place? I can tell this is going to be an exciting year!"
"Be the same as any." I said indifferently… then I noticed that she was alone, "…where's your friends? Aren't you three glued to the hip or somethin'?" I slowed to a stop as I glanced behind us.
"Oh—well, yes, they're just grabbing some snacks… are you hungry? I could grab you something if you want, since you can't get it yourself with all those people, can you?" She offered.
"Nah I'm fine," I brushed off.
"Hey, Kyon, you're gonna pay me back, right?" Kino walked up to us along with a pleased looking
Shino, both of them carrying a small bag of purchased goods.
Then Kino's chocolate eyes locked onto Tohru, "Oh hey there!" Kino pushed past me, "Don't tell me! I know your name—Tori-kun?"
"It's Tohru, you idiot," I hit him on the head.
"Even I knew that," Shino commented before going back to nibbling his strawberry Pocky innocently. Kino rubbed his brunette hair and chuckled apologetically, "Sorry!"
"Oh no no don't worry! A lot of people get it wrong because it's usually a boy's name but my mom thought it would be cute for a girl to have so that's what she called me!" Tohru beamed, saying it all in one breath.
"You don't say," Kino scratched his chin, "Well, it is very cute for a girl! But I think you'd be cute no matter what you're ca—"
"Alright, let's go ya friggen ass." I dragged Kino away by his collar and Tohru spluttered, "W-well goodbye! I'll see you later Kyo-kun!"
I looked back at her, "Stay away from this creep, got it?"
"Kyo-kun, you can't keep them all to yourself!" Kino weaseled out of my grip.
"Oi! Kii!" I didn't even bother looking 'round when Kino did exactly that and called out in my ear, "Hey guys! C'mon hurry up!"
"We're gonna check out this place that Tou heard 'bout you guys wanna come along?" A boy with small, squared frames asked enthusiastically once he caught up with us, "It's got this really huge store—"
"Here have some," Shino shook the box of pocky at me, "seriously, I got another one," he insisted, pushing it into my chest and I grabbed it to keep it from falling.
"So how'd you summer go?" Shino blew a lock of dirty blond hair out of his hazel eyes before ripping open another package of sugary treats, "Go anywhere amazing?"
"Nope." I stuck a chocolate coated stick into my mouth and the sugary taste immediately took over my taste buds. Shino replied, "That sucks—I went on a trip with my older brother, but you don't wanna hear about that." He laughed quietly.
Then an arm was around my neck, "So, Kyo-kun, anybody catching your eye?"
"No so don't ask," I shrugged out of the boy's arm and he elaborated, "Y'know a lot of romance can happen on a class trip! Last time, me and this girl hooked up in a public bathroom at a black out—"
"I don't wanna hear that!" I barked in disgust and he just smirked at me.
"Ah just ignore them," Shino crunched on his treat, and the other boy gave a laugh, "Keep talking virgin!"
Shino spat out onto the ground and looked up with a red face, "AM NOT! DON'T SAY THAT!"
"Virgin! Virgin! Virgin! Shii-chan's a virgin!"
"STOP THAT! AM NOT!"
I walked on ahead as the boys started bickering behind me, pulling out another stick of pocky and popping it into my mouth.
This was gonna be a long three days.
"Thank you, Honda-san," I reached out and took the cup of hot chocolate before hugging my sweater closer to my body from the cool temperature.
"Yes! Not a problem!" She smiled warmly and I returned a small one before concealing it behind the rim of my cup and letting the hot sweet beverage spill into my mouth.
"It's gettin pretty chilly, wonder how cold it's gonna be this shogatsy(newyears)," Arisa mused before shoving the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows, showing off her lean muscular forearms as she dug into a candy bag.
"Oh, it's only the fall breeze! Plus it's getting pretty dark so that might be why it's getting cold… oh, Yuki-kun, are you warm enough?" Tohru turned to me with concern, "I know your bronchial tubes are weak, and this sudden chilly weather might be upsetting you?"
I gave her a smile that I hope concealed my weariness, "It's not that cold, Honda-san, no need to worry about me."
"Ah damn it!" Arisa cussed as candy spilt from her bag and plopped to the floor. She shoved her fists on her hip and glowered menacingly at her dirty treats, "Well that's just pleasant! God, I'm fricken starving, isn't there any justice in this freaken world?"
I took another sip from my hot chocolate, ignoring Arisa's evidently grumpy mood.
"I agree." Hanajima mused, "I, too, seem to be unbearably hungry."
I looked at her incredulously from over the rim of my cup—didn't I see her come out of a restaurant with a take-out package a few minutes ago? I looked around, but I think it would be safe to guess where that food had gone.
"Yeah! C'mon Hana, lets go get sumthin good!" Arisa enthused, but Tohru piped in, "Shouldn't we be returning to the dorms pretty soon?"
Arisa waved it off with a dismissive hand, "Ah, we have time—so you comin' Tohru? Prince?" Arisa said expectantly as she turned around and walked off with her hands sliding into the pockets of her long skirt, Hana gliding after her.
Tohru turned to me, "I suppose we do have some time! Are you coming too? Or is it a little too busy for you…" She peeked around at the slight crowd surrounding us, "It seems that things haven't died down yet,"
"I can last in this," I said reassuringly, "but I'm getting a bit tired, perhaps I will head back to the dorm now."
"Would you like me to go with you?" She asked, her voice convincingly honest.
I gave her a small smile, "No that's alright; you should spend some time with Uo-san and Hana-san."
She gave me another smile before taking a few steps back, "Then I'll see you later, Yuki-kun!"
She turned and wandered after Arisa and Hana who had stopped to wait for her, Arisa's face markedly disgruntled with hunger.
Tohru's seemed a little less spunky then usual this day, and I wondered if it was because she wasn't anywhere close to Haru… those two have been spending a lot of time together; on the days when I spent lunch with the four of them Tohru and Haru seemed to be in a bubble of their own. It was a very subtle observation since they didn't display any physical affection, but I caught that admiring gaze in Haru's usually distant eyes when he looked at her, or the quick phantoms of a smile Tohru would send him with the glow of a blush on her cheeks.
There was a very comfortable and lax air around those two—but for an unjust reason it attributed the opposite affect in my stomach.
Uo and Hana seemed to be very lenient with Haru lately, and I wondered if they've ever approached him on the subject—since I knew they both had a very deep bond with Tohru, and felt affectionately protective of her. I understood this because I too had, in some degree, the same protectiveness over her happiness. But I supposed that if it were to be anyone, I would prefer it to be Haru then any other of the boys at our school—and I think that honestly since meeting Kakeru.
I turned around and slipped my disposable cup into the garbage before making my way down the side of the pathway, avoiding the business around me. The sun was nearly done setting, its gold glow scorching the clouds above me, and all students were to report back to their appropriate dorms around 9 pm. I was a little early on the clock, but I found myself to be a bit tired from the constant walking around all of today after last night's unrequited sleep.
I lifted a hand and slid it over my face and through my hair, feeling the cool wind lick at my cheeks as I did so. The good thing about this trip was that it postponed a lot of work that would have been given this week; I already had a number of tests scheduled for next week.
"Hey, President!" A boy waved as he passed me by after I gave him an acknowledging smile.
I approached the simple building of where we were staying: tall, lean, windows small and squared, asphalt beige, and the double doors that declared entrance were a simple grey. The sun that was now dissolving into the hidden horizon was giving the surrounding buildings long shadows that cast over the numerous people who were still wandering around.
I was hoping this trip wouldn't be too eventful…
… a very vain hope
I turned indifferently to see Kakeru strutting his way up to me with that wide smile, "Haven't seen you all day! You heading back to the dorms?"
I nodded and Kakeru let out an excessive yawn, "Me too—all this socializing has made me tired! I need a nap."
It was beginning to get dark and as we reached the building I notice a few students flocking with us, and Kakeru took a few fast strides to reach the door ahead of me and he pulled it open, bowing theatrically, "After you, your highness!"
I grabbed the shoulder of his sweater and pushed him through the door, "just get in there."
Kakeru slunk in casually as a light tune whistled past his lips, the door closing behind me.
The entrance room was a comfortable chestnut brown, and I slipped off my shoes and placed them in a side shelf before picking up my school slippers.
"Huh, wonder where everyone is," Kakeru mused as he shoved on his own slippers, "Hey Yun-Yun! We have to go find them!"
"Didn't you see the sky? It's past sundown!"
"You don't really expect them to come in on time, do you?" I asked curiously—he seemed to be the guy who'd spend hours running about after curfew before returning to the dorms.
"Don't you know what's happening?" His voice was suddenly urgent, "It's finally come to this!"
Kakeru grabbed my collar, "Zombies!"
oh, for the love of…
"FINALLY A MISSION WORTHY OF THE SCHOOL DEFENCE FORCE!" Kakeru bellowed, "WE SHALL BRAVE THE DESERTED STREETS AND SAVE OUR COMRADES FROM THE DECAYING CLAWS OF THE DEAD!"
"Would you—hey!" I reached out when Kakeru made to storm for the door, still bellowing his nonsense, "QUICK, YUN-YUN, GRAB SOMETH—" the door suddenly swung open before I could grab
Kakeru and the collision with his face was confirmed with a cracking thud before he flopped back onto the floor.
"You hit the Vice President!"
I stepped up to Kakeru and he peeked up at me, his hand holding his nose.
"… You're an idiot." I walked out of the entrance hall—but not without Kakeru's voice of incredulous disbelief, "You're just going to leave your wounded comrade to fend for himself? Yun-Yun you're so cruel!—oh hey guys, whats up?"
I rolled my eyes as I walked through the large open dining room, the walls a smeared blue, and I glanced up at the clock on the far wall which read 8:45 before making my way to the staircase at the end, climbing up the carpeted stairs.
Curfew was set in half an hour, but I already felt tired with the hope that I could get some sleep tonight. By the time I reached the top of the stairs I was about to turn left into the hallway of the boy's dorm when I saw a frazzled teacher strutting down the hall—and when her eyes snapped on me I felt a sense of peril as they glistened in a very unfriendly way.
"You, President Sohma," Her meter-long strutting steps brought her to me at a dizzily fast pace and she beckoned a quick finger at me in gesture for me to follow, "Come on, I think you'll be of some use!"
"…did something happen, Sensei?" I asked as I had to quicken my steps to keep up with hers, despite how she wasn't much taller then I.
"You could say so!" She growled, taking me down into the hallway of the Girl's dorm, the brunette bun on her head bobbing with her vigilant pace.
I saw a the few girls who came into their dorms early peek out of their rooms and I felt an awkward pang inside my chest from uncomfortably barging into the female territory, so I tried to ignore them all and focus on where my teacher was marching me.
"Completely unhygienic, unsanitary, disrespectful, hormonal teenagers, where do they get all these absolutely vulgar ideas, it's absolutely typical…" I listened uncertainly as she grumbled on in a disheveled mutter, and I caught the flush in her cheeks that I, at the time, assumed to be fury.
But when she brought me into one of the girl's dorm rooms, where I hesitated at the threshold, I caught sight of a disgruntled female student looking pissed-off and stubborn next to a boy who was being scolded impressively by one of the teachers—
Needless to say, I didn't need to see the messy condition of her blond hair and clothes that seemed to have been thrown on in a hurry and the unpermitted presence of the matching boy to piece the situation together.
I tuned into the present lecture, "—both of your parents will be notified, and despite whether they punish you accordingly or not, we will see fit that you will be!"
"Matsu, I have the president here," my escorter trudged into the room, "How about we leave Eichi with him until we're finished with Mariko?"
I opened my mouth to protest at the sudden non-consented decision the teacher had bestowed on me, but Eichi had enthusiastically gotten up and dashed over to me like a child ducking under a bomb shelter in the middle of a war.
"Alright then me and the pres will be off!" The teachers glowered at his cheery tone at the sight of an escape, and he left the room in a relieved huff.
I let out a sigh before following him, the teacher calling an order after me, "Wait downstairs!"
I fell into step easily with Eichi who looked completely relieved that he got out of that room alive. He ran an exhausted hand through his light brunette hair, smoothing it out from its ragged appearance.
I ignored him, bathing myself in my oncoming disgruntled mood.
We walked out of the girl's hallway when Eichi glanced at me from over his shoulder, speeding up,
"Well thanks pres! See ya tomorrow!"
I halted at the top of the stairs while he moseyed his way into the Boy's dorm, "Eichi-san."
He stopped reluctantly, and with even more stubbornness he turned to look at me, his expression disgruntled and pleading. I ignored his silent begging and gave him an expectant look before turning and walking down the stairs.
The faded patting of my footsteps seemed mesmerizing in my tiring state, and Eichi's steps filled in the silence between mine. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I held my hand back from rubbing against my eyes, which were tickling with the plea for sleep.
I wandered mechanically over to one of the tables that were still set up in the blue welcome room, and I pulled back a chair against the tatami mat that covered the span of the floor and sat down. Eichi reluctantly followed, looking annoyed at the situation—but after a few minutes, his face obtained a smug grin.
The students flocked in from the entrance hall, and as I glanced up at the clock I could see that it read 9 o'clock—everyone had decided to cut it thin with curfew. After numerous students greeted me on the way to their dorms I gave up on replying back and settled on nodding in acquaintance.
At one point a small group of people joined our table and talked eccentrically with Eichi as he explained with smug amusement what had happen, and I spent those moments reciting anything I could recall in my head in attempt to ignore Eichi's vulgar recap of exactly 'how far' he got with Mirako before the teacher's caught them.
There was plenty of noise for a while, and as nine-thirty crept up it gradually moved from the main floor up to the dorms until the only people left in this open, wide room was Eichi and I.
I felt my eyes become heavy and my joints seemed to have rusted in place as my elbow rested on the table, my hand propping my head up. I had been trying to pay attention to everything Eichi was chatting about, but after an hour of listening to his life story his high rusty voice was beginning to fade in and out of my hearing.
"Hm? Yeah?" I looked over to Eichi, pulling out of my daze, and he looked pleased that I reacted.
"You think they forgot 'bout us?" He said in a casual voice, glancing up at the clock that was now ticking close to 10:35, "Can we leave—I need to change and everything."
"No, we better stay here," I said, wanting to disagree with my own opinion and follow his.
But then Eichi straightened up in his seat and I heard footsteps behind me before a notepad and pen were placed swiftly in front of me on the table.
"Can we go now?" Eichi said, his voice holding a whiny tone.
"No." The teacher said swiftly, and Eichi let out an expected groan.
"What're you doing with her, convicting her to nun-hood or sumthin?" He complained sarcastically, and I saw the teacher's eye wrinkle with a twitch of agitation.
"No. We had a few difficulties on the phone with her parents for the last while, and we are giving her a lecture on modesty and virtue—which you will be getting as well." She sniffed, and I pulled my attention to the front door that seemed to be opening quietly—but the teacher turned swiftly to catch the peaky girl who was trying to sneak in.
"Asa-chan." The shrill voice snapped, and the girl let out a startled squeak before her face fell in disappointment as the teacher creaked a boney finger in implication for her to come forth.
The teacher then lifted up the pen and paper, assessing the student as she tentatively wandered closer, her eyes falling on me for a brief second before flickering quickly away.
"Are you aware that curfew is set at 9 o'clock?"
"And what time is it now?"
"Mhm, mhm," The teacher placed the tip of the pen on her pad and scribbled quickly, "I want your name, homeroom, homeroom teacher—"
The teacher listed off the required information, and then gave the apologetic girl a dismissal wave, allowing her to scurry out of the room and up the stairs.
"Now—Mister Sohma, if you would so kind as to take down any other students that might wander in," she placed the paper pad down in front of me and I nodded, "yes, sensei."
"And perhaps you can give this young boy a brief talk about modesty and virtue—since I am certain that you are overflowing with such attributes."
Eichi and I both stared up at her before she nodded curtly and turned on her heel to stride back out of the room.
I leaned back in my chair, feeling completely drained by now, and I shared my 'modest' and 'virtuous' wisdom:
"don't have sex here."
It was another fifteen minutes before the door creaked open again, and it was a boy this time who crept into the open room—and on sight of Eichi and I he rolled his head back in defeat.
He padded his way up to us, "hey pres." He said, expecting the routine at a glance at the pad and pen in front of me, already listing Asa-kun's information.
"Sensei's orders," I said, hearing the laziness leaking into my voice as he picked up the pen and I listed him the information needed, reciting the teacher's words from the top of my head.
"Get in trouble, Eichi?" He asked absently as he scribbled down the last few lines.
"Aah nuthin new, sensei's just being a grouch." Eichi crossed his arms behind his head, leaning the chair onto its back legs leisurely.
"Augh, it's not Ms. Pinklebirth is it?" The boy placed down the pen, "I got her for ELA, she's a real nut job!"
"Yeah I know," Eichi wrinkled his nose, "All the other teachers are just fine but that one's a fricken vulture, eh?"
"Haha, well sucks to be you then," The boy smiled and slid the paper and pen back to me, "Awesome seeing you Pres—catch you two tomorrow,"
"So whats up Sohma, haven't heard much 'bout you other then what your fans squawk about," he smiled with amusement, "Whatcha gonna do next year?"
I blinked at the sudden question, "…well… I don't know, really,"
"Didn't mean to pry," he said with a smile and I shook my head.
"No, I just haven't thought about it… college probably." I said contemplatively.
What was I going to do? After this year, what am I going to do with my life?
"Yeah me too."
I looked back at him at he grinned at me, "Can't pass up all those chicks."
I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
Our conversation was lax, mostly he did the talking—and he had a casual air about him that made the silences comfortable. But after a while he ended up folding his arms across the table and resting his face in them while I stared blankly at the wall, my fingers tracing the contour of the pen. It wasn't long after that I rested my head in my hand and slid my eyes for just a few minutes…
At the sound of harsh whispers I snapped my eyes open, not knowing how long I had dozed off for, but when I looked around I saw another student standing a few feet away.
"What're you doing out so late, Kyon? It's past curfew y'know," Eichi demanded with mocking authority.
"What does it matter?" Kyo snapped in a whisper.
"President Yuki Sohma's gonna have to report you!" Eichi crossed his arms over his chest, obviously pushing aside the fact that he was still the convict in this situation, "Now get over here and let's do this properly!"
"Willya shaddup," Kyo walked over to the table, "You're real damn annoying, y'know that?" Kyo braced his hands on the table and scrutinized me with his eyes, "Whatdya need—my blood type?"
I sighed, pushing the supplies away from me in dejection, "Do what you want." I laced my arms lazily over my chest and my eyes drifted down to the table in yearning to close.
I was tired enough already without starting something up with Kyo. He had a real knack for showing up when my moods were disheveled.
But then I saw him crouch on the ground, crossing his arms on the table and he peeked up at me.
His eyes narrowed and slid over to Eichi, "Whadya do, brat?"
"Me? I didn't do anything." Eichi said nonchalantly, "What did you do?"
"The hell you talking about?"
"What're you talking about?"
"Why are you two out here?" Kyo rephrased, I caught the frustration in his voice—he hated beating around the bush.
"Ask Ms. Pinklebirth."
Kyo flinched, his face contorting into disgust, "Augh, her?"
"She's a legend!" Eichi exclaimed in grossed disbelief, "You have her?"
"For ELA." Kyo grumbled.
"Hate to break this up, but if she comes down I will have to report you," I told Kyo as he looked back at me.
He pushed himself up and his hand touched my elbow unexpectedly, "You can go y'know, I can take care of this idiot."
I blinked up at him.
"Hey!" Eichi objected, "for you information Kyon, Yuki and I were having a swell time!"
"Who the hell could have a swell time with you?" Kyo barked in a whisper.
My lips tugged in a weary smile and I slid my elbow out of his touch, "I'll stay—and you'd get in trouble anyways."
"So? I don't care, that won't shock anyone." He put a hand indifferently on his hip and turned his face apathetically away, "Not like I have a massive reputation I can't taint without hell freezing over."
It wasn't an insult, it was a tease.
I could tell by the glance he sent me, not challenging but observant to my reaction.
I grinned at that and rolled my eyes, "What reputation."
"Hey Kyon stay a while," Eichi kicked a chair out from across the table on Kyo's side, but he pushed it back dismally.
"Nah, I'm gone," Kyo turned.
"see ya," Eichi called back in a whisper as Kyo disappeared up the stairs.
…and there it was again, another moment where I felt completely at ease by his presence. Despite how much we've argued over the last few days.
Eichi blew out his breath in a bored manner and tapped the table with the palm on his hands as I eyed the notepad.
"I shouldn't pick favorites." I muttered.
I reached out and picked up the pad before tearing the two pages containing the late student's information and I folded them neatly before sliding them into my pocket.
I eyed Eichi, "Not a word,"
"Yours against mine, Pres," Eichi said casually, "Can't beat your reputation."
"It's happening again!"
"What do we do!"
"Should I get sensei!"
"Hold on—I think it's okay…"
"We should get sensei!"
"Is this normal?"
"No don't! You don't know what your doing!"
"Can I please get sensei!"
"NO! Shut up!"
"hey—hey maybe if we make a lot of noise?"
I walked out of the washroom, sliding my arms through my uniform shirt and pulled it on my shoulders over my t-shirt as I glanced over to where a small portion of the boys from this dorm were gathered on the floor.
"Pres…ident…?" I watched as a boy reached out to touch a slumped-over body that was sitting up on the floor, and my mouth opened before I could stop, "Hey don't touch him!"
Four pairs of eyes darted up to me, taking me aback, and I inwardly kicked myself before picking up indifference, "Just let 'im sleep, he'll wake up sooner or later,"
Some kid spoke up uncertainly, "He's not even twitching… and he'll miss breakfast,"
I felt the irritation inside of me boil at their stubbornness and I bit back a growl, "So will you; Just leave 'im alone already,"
"Yeah, he'll get up," One boy said as he pushed himself up, "I'm starving, let's go,"
It wasn't until all of them were out of the room when I felt my anger simmer down—why do people always have to act so damn concerned over every little thing.
Having an excellent start out to the day, I wandered over to the spot that the boys were just occupying and I crouched down, "Oi, Yuki…"
Just as the boys said, he didn't even twitch. He barely moved at all except for the rise and fall of his chest underneath the futon—he looked dead tired. I wondered how long he stayed up last night…
Despite how fragile it made him look, the violet sheen around his closed eyes and the ashen rose coloring his lips made his already angelic face look porcelain as that smoky rouse he called hair framed it like fog. I reached out a hand and for a moment felt a pang of guilt—despite the unease lying within the faded, worried lines in his face, he looked completely at rest with one arm curled underneath his pillow and the other hand curling his willowy fingers against the collar of his open-buttoned shirt.
I really shouldn't wake him, for two reasons… the first; he probably really needed the sleep, he looked so tired…
And the second; if I wake him up I could end up unconscious on the floor in two seconds flat and be bombarded by a grumpy and freakishly strong Yuki for the rest of the day.
Man, I should've just let those four idiots improvise and sit back to watch, that would've at least been entertaining…
But at that thought a flare erupted back in my chest—nah, like hell I'd ever be okay with anyone but me waking Yuki up… I saw that as my territory now. And it was.
Whiny Rat, I offered to take his place last night, he can deal. And with that confirmation, I placed my hand on his shoulder with immense caution and shook him none-too-gently—
I was still conscious—that was a good sign. Or bad, good that he didn't crack my neck; bad that he might be waaay too out of it to even use his reflexes.
I shifted, crossing my legs together; this might take a minute.
My stomach groaned hungrily so I decided to skip the cautions and I grabbed his pillow before pulling it out from underneath his head, and he shifted with a groan of discomfort. I smirked in triumph of a reaction, "You alive in there?"
"Hnn…" Yuki rested his face against his arm in substitution for the pillow I had hostage, and one faint sigh let me know that he fell asleep again.
"I'll drag you down," I warned, lifting the pillow and bringing it down of his head with a fluffy thud, and I felt his hand snap around my wrist and he opened his eyes to peer at me, "Wuddryu… 's too early…" He slurred, letting his hand slip from my wrist as his eyes closed, disgruntled lines forming on his brow as he grabbed the pillow and pulled onto the ground, my grip still intact, and plopped his face in it.
He sighed into the pillow out of exhaustion, and I let out a sigh of over-played frustration.
I pulled at the pillow "Wanna miss breakfast?" I threatened.
He gave me a light frown as he curved onto his side lazily, his head rolling back on the pillow as his eyes took me in with a swimming desire sink back into slumber, his smoky hair a messy rouse, spilling around his face.
It was inviting.
…exposing his neck and lips like that, it was like he was inviting me…
I felt a familiar tickle in my fingertips and lips, but before I could make another move Yuki released me from his gaze and with a disgruntled groan that didn't move past his closed lips, he pushed himself up groggily into a sitting position.
For a moment all he did was gaze with unfocused half-lidded eyes at the blanket on his lap and I was pretty sure he fell asleep with his eyes open again when he seemed to slip back into life and rubbed his eyes, "Mkay, I'm up…"
I tapped my knuckles against his arm, "Good luck getting dressed," he peered at me as his hand brushed away from his eye, and I shoved myself off the floor and onto my feet before making my way to the door.
Out, out, out.
I turned when I had my hand on the door… but there was an odd look in Yuki's awakening eyes and when he parted his lips to speak my voice had over ruled his, "Are you coming or what?"
After a few seconds he looked away from me and a weary smile played the corners of his mouth,
"…yeah," He slipped the futon cover off himself while I opened the door and left the room.
My stomach felt tight—I blamed it on the hunger.
My clothes slid onto my limbs without any difficulty, but I had re-button my uniform shirt a few times when I had paired the buttons in the wrong slits a number of times in my tired state.
It was Thursday morning.
And I didn't get nearly as much sleep as I wanted to.
I was grateful though that when my head had hit my pillow I had fallen into a dreamless sleep almost effortlessly. It was a relief to spend a night in constant sleep, and as disgruntled as my thoughts were toward Kyo waking me up, it was actually a pleasant start to my day—despite his unique waking skills. I liked it better then my alarm clock, which was just an intrusive noise blaring into my head.
I went to the washroom and cleaned myself up, and it was only on the third try at fixing my tie that I had gotten it to a presentable state and left it alone. I turned on the faucet and washed my face, the cold water snapping me out of my cloudy mind. When I walked back out the wide room was empty so I quickly made my way out of the dorm.
I wandered down the hall that held the faint sharp smell of cleaning products, and the soft faded scent of perfume-stained furniture; and on reaching the intersection of the dorms and staircase I silently padded my way down the steps, running a hand through my hair for last-minute grooming.
A gush of noise flowed swiftly into my ears from all the students chatting along the tables as I entered the open room that morphed into a cafeteria over night, and I felt a swift pang in my head from the sudden disarray in contrast to the cozy silence of the empty dorm room that I had reluctantly abandoned.
Last night after Kyo had left, about a fair estimation of 15 minutes, a teacher had come from the Staff dorm and had let Eichi off the hook from the lecture he was promised, since it was a late hour. The catch however was that he would spend the rest of the trip with me as his supervisor. I didn't mind helping out, but the unbendable assignment was hardly flexible in my favor and I rarely liked being backed into a corner like that—but Eichi seemed to be alright.
"Mornin' pres," A platinum blond gave me a tired smile that I returned weakly before sliding into the empty seat next to him.
"Good sleep Sohma?" Another boy asked with a cheery smile that made my headache worse.
"Fine, thank you," I said tiredly, having difficulty keeping a pleasant curve on my lips.
I filled my plate as my ears adjusted to the noisy chatter buzzing over the table, and I was pulled into a few conversation by the boys around me but I spoke only when they asked me a question since I still didn't feel entirely functional for socializing just yet. I instantly tasted the dull mediocrity in the food, a bit surprised at my snobbish reaction, but decided that Tohru put an impressive amount of work into her cooking that not a lot of people would bother with.
I didn't remember lifting my eyes in a search, but when my gaze caught sight of his unmistakable orange hair I felt less crowded in the room. Kyo looked perfectly awake despite how he retired to the dorms not too long before I did—then again he's always been a morning person and bursting with energy, but I was still disheveled with weary jealousy that he didn't look a bit exhausted.
He looked completely apathetic to everyone around him, replying indifferently when someone touched his shoulder with a playful comment. But at the same time, I caught how he seemed absent-minded… his eyes would shift into undefined focus a few times before he was brought back by someone nudging him in a conversation.
…I wondered what he was thinking about…
I spun around at the sudden whisper in my ear and there was a sudden pain shooting up my elbow when I looked down to see Kakeru on the floor, clutching his nose.
"Whoa! Nice reflexes Pres!"
Kakeru glared up at me, "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" he wailed in a hurt voice.
"Wh—you snuck up on me!" I exclaimed, still startled, "You came out of nowhere!"
There was laughter on my portion of the table, "Jeez, Nabe-kun, way to be stealthy!"
"You all don't know the half of it!" Kakeru said with over-dramatized hurt, "It's not funny when one's president abuses you day after day! God forbid he locks me in a room with him like that one time-!"
"What 'one time'!"
I sighed and slid a hand exhaustedly over my brow before glancing back up at the subject of my earlier attention—and Kyo was looking right back at me, an entertained grin on his lips. But just as quick as we made eye contact he looked away, but the reluctant curve of his lips hadn't faltered.
"So hey Yun-Yun, now that you're done abusing me," Kakeru shoved a chair beside me and dug into his plate of food, "I heard you gotta babysit Chi-kun?"
I glanced around looking for Eichi at the upbringing of that subject, "Yeah, I am—I don't see him, is he here?"
"Oh yeah, they're just talking to his parents," Kakeru snickered, "All the teachs' are gonna have their own little time, so that's why they're chaining him to you."
I felt something sick pull at my stomach, "They're not chaining him to me," I defended in an odd impulse, "Don't say it like that—"
Kakeru looked at me with startled confusion, then a smile broke across his face, "Ah, don't worry Yun-Yun!" He slapped my back and I flinched at the sudden contact, "That's why I'm here! So you won't get too bored dragging around that kid!"
I opened my mouth to disagree but a boy from across the table interrupted my attempt, asking me a question of my summer and I replied absently as the group around me drove into a conversation about summer.
My eye twitched as the spewing sound of an echoing wet gag sounded in the small room and the splash of chunky food hitting toilet water made my stomach churn as my nose burned with the disgusting acidic smell of vomit.
"You done yet, kid?" I said, trying to hold my breath.
"O-one sec," came his feeble voice—then another closed-mouthed gag before he regurgitated his lunch once more into the toilet.
Shino ended up getting food poisoning in one point of the day, and was now regretting eating the rest of Kino's bentō—and I was the one who was stuck in the bathroom with him while he did so.
Most of the seniors were in the building with us, this place had everything—the first few floors were for manga, anime, cosplay; and the ones higher up had food, souvenirs, and random junk. I was shoved into the bathroom with Shino to make sure he didn't hurl up a lung or something stupid like that.
"Finally," I said as he flushed the toilet with trembling fingers and pushed himself up to the sink before scrubbing his hands and face viciously.
"Well that was something huh?" He gave a nervous laugh, "I'm never eating nori again,"
I felt a wave of exhaustion run through my body, and my eyelids grew heavy.
I've been going on and off, losing my energy one moment then regaining it the next—but the spaces in between resurrecting my energy were getting longer and longer until I was starting to think I was about to fall asleep on my feet like Yuki.
"EEEK HE JUMPED OFF!"
"KYO JUMPED OFF THE BUILDING!"
I ran to the edge and looked over the railing in bewilderment,
"HE JUST JUMPED! WHAT DO WE DO?"
My eyes scanned the water's surface in bewilderment, ripples streaking downstream from where the surface had been interrupted—
"WHAT DO WE DO OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD HE'S DEAD!"
"He's not dead! He wouldn't die from that!"
"HE'S NOT COMING UP THOUGH!"
I didn't even notice I had pushed myself up with one foot on the balcony rail until Kakeru pulled me off in a sharp jolt, shoving his finger in a pointed direction, "Look! There he is!"
I snapped my head back to the scene and saw Kyo stumbled onto the grass from the concrete boarder of the river, dropping to his knees soaking wet.
Relief washed through me—
"THERE HE IS THERE HE IS!"
"KYO KUN—KYO-KUN OVER HERE!"
He pushed himself up and his voice, even though a roar of a yell was faint from the distance, "leave me the hell alone!" He dashed away.
Then aggravation rumbled through me.
"Idiot!" I hissed before I turned on my heel and swiftly cut through the crowd.
"Hey pres! Where we going?"
"Are we gonna go save Kyon-Kyon?" Kakeru enthused, "Alright! Saving Kyon-Kyon!"
"We're not saving him, if he's alive when I get my hands on him, I'm gonna to bang his head into every pipeline in this city until all the stupidity has bled out his ears!"
Kakeru and Eichi paused briefly as I stormed out the door before regaining themselves and fleeing after me.
Count on someone as stupid and idiotic as him to pull off a ridiculous stunt like that.
I put a hand onto my chest.
I felt it pound against my palm
Not right now.
My back leaned against the roof furnace and my wet uniform made a squeaking noise as I slid down onto the hard ground, rolling my head back and letting out an exhausted breath. My body was trembling in the slightest from the cool wind that blew against the chill of my skin.
Dammit. What was with all of this. All that commotion, why can't they all get it that we're in senior high not middle school.
My defined hearing caught the faint echo of determined steps coming from the stairwell that led to the rusty door not too far away from me—someone might have seen me climbing the fire escape. I made to push myself up, but being in my soaked state I felt like doing absolutely nothing until I was dry.
The door opened—and I was a bit taken aback when a familiar figure walked onto the roof, and I saw the cat at its feet flee towards me.
Yuki shut the door.
I shifted my hand onto the ground to push myself up, but when I moved my wet clothing that stuck to my body would twist on my skin and I would feel agitation squeeze into me from the tightness, so I left it and let him walk up to me in a composed manner—but I saw a few emotions underneath that clean guard.
He laced his arms over his chest, "Should I be impressed?"
I bit back a growl at deciphering his mood, "Are you?"
He tensed, eyeing me until he replied, "I'll admit I was naïve enough to think you'd never actually jump into a river."
"Yeah well makes two of us."
We stayed there for a moment, eyeing each other in challenge and stubborn appraise… then I saw his eyes softened, that hard glisten over them dissolving.
He put a hand on his hip, looked away from me, and let out a heavy breath… then glanced back at me.
And with that simple gesture, all hostile air evaporated from the roof.
"So what happened." He walked forward and sat down beside me, seeming exasperated.
He raised an eyebrow, "Did you just fall off balance from the balcony or what?"
I snorted, "Like I'd be that stupid!" I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away, "I jumped off."
I turned back to see his blatant look and I defended myself, "Hey I didn't know there was a fricken lake down there!"
"Only you." He muttered and made to get up, "Well come on, we need to get back,"
Even though my skin had goose bumps from the cold high air and the chill was sticking to my wet clothing, I declined with a protesting noise in my throat.
Yuki translated this, and stalled from standing up by letting out a constricted sigh, "You'll be in enough trouble as it is." He said in attempt to persuade me.
I looked away and grumbled.
"Look, if I take you back now, you'll get off easily, let's go,"
"I was the one getting attacked," I shot defiantly. My cold wet state had me in an irritated, exhausted, and overall fed-up mood, "'sides, just cuz you listen to everything you're asked to do, doesn't mean I have to."
"Why are you always so convinced that someone has to send me to come after you?" Yuki shot defensively, hearing the implicated in my voice.
I shot a glare at him, now knowing that he came on his own and confused at that, "Then what the hell's it to you?"
Something flashed through his eyes—I couldn't tell what it was, and I didn't care either way so I turned from him and glared off the roof top. Then I felt him grab a fistful of my uniform shirt and push my shoulder against the wall behind me, insisting I look at him.
"What's it to me?" He repeated, looking in incredulous confusion—and I paid attention this time when that flicker of emotion went through his eyes, a mix between disbelief, confusion, anger, hurt, and disgust. "Are you being serious?" He challenged.
Confused, I answered to match his testing tone, "Yeah why wouldn't—" I was interrupted when a thumping pain hit my head from collision with Yuki's abusive hand, making me wince.
Then I glared at him at the sudden physical violence, "You call that a hit? I didn't even gahk!" Yuki's fist slammed down on my head and I clutched at it as I crammed my eyes shut from the head ache that split down my brain. I squinted up at him, "Dammit, why're you HITTING ME!"
"Maybe I can knock something right in that stupid head of yours!" Yuki snapped.
I flared—not having the faintest goddamn clue what got this guy so agitated
Then he opened his mouth as if to rant on about something he was dying to say, but he reluctantly closed it, his eyes alive with a million different things.
Then he let out a stressed breath as he looked away from me before he rested his forearm on my pulled up knee and laid his head against it.
His energy seemed to leak from him.
"…what…" his suddenly weary voice had an undertone of lively frustration, "…what am I going to do with you…"
I blinked at him.
With just those few words, Yuki had brought in a very different atmosphere.
The tone that he had used wasn't accusing towards me, it didn't hold a harsh implication.
I could only recall this intensely gentle air with the moments we had shared just one on one.
Yuki lifted his head just enough so that I could catch his gaze through the smoky curtain of his hair, and I felt a knot tie inside my stomach from his gaze.
It was exactly like the one he had given me this morning. I just thought he looked at me like that cuz he was half awake.
I found my voice, trying to push back the sudden intimate air that had caught me off balance, "—w—what's that supposed to mean 'what am I gonna do with you'?" I felt the flustered tone in my voice despite my attempt to hide it, "You trying to make me feel guilty or somethin?"
He blinked at me for a second before an amused smile tugged at his lips, "Of course not, don't be stupid." He straightened himself up, "Are you ready to go back now? You look cold."
"I am cold." I said in a disgruntled voice, "Why couldn't you just gimme a jacket or sumthin?"
"Because you would refuse if I offered you mine," He said, confident in his presumption.
I looked at him in appraise.
"Am I right?"
I looked away and grunted.
"I thought so," I rolled my eyes at his self-satisfied tone, "That's why I got something else,"
I felt him shove something on my wet hair and I looked back to see my vision obscured by a dark fabric.
"What's that?" I pulled the roughly soft fabric off my head.
"Open market had a sale on summer supplies—Eichi-kun got that for you, actually." Yuki told me.
I held the towel in my hand for a moment, the dark navy color simple—and I shoved it over my face when I felt a warmth come to my cheeks before I ruffled it into my wet hair, grateful to have something to get rid of all this gross wetness. I spoke in a disgruntled voice, "What the hell did Eichi pay for?"
"I didn't have the right change,"
"I'm not paying him back." I barked.
"I got him something, so you don't have to."
I stopped playing with my hair, a memory tickling at my brain.
I thought back to a few days ago when I had thrown that fit in class and stormed up to the roof.
This kinda reminded me of that. How he seemed to be aggravated the first moment, then he let down that haughty guard of his for some reason. I had been angry but too tired to show it—like this time.
…it had kinda confused me how he hadn't snapped at me or made my mood worse, but now that I think back on it… had he been trying to…
Cheer me up?
A sting heated in my cheeks.
Was that—was that what he was doing now?
I felt a tug at the towel, and light was brought into my dark cover as Yuki pulled the fabric up from over my face.
He looked at me with curiosity, his tone a bit uncertain in response to my sudden silence, "…How's it going in there?"
"Fine." I grumbled, hoping my flustered state wasn't as obvious as it felt.
It was like I was roped neck and wrists to a racing vehicle, every turn throwing me off, every change in speed taking me by surprise.
The adrenaline of inconsistency—my life was full of it.
The only thing I could be certain about in my life was that Yuki would always be a huge part of it.
A huge manipulator, the ever-present inflictor even when he wasn't there.
Even when I wasn't moving, wet and drained on a rooftop, he had complete control over my heart rate.
Like right now, when he pulls down the towel from my hair with an appraising look in his eyes. His warm hand brushing against the cold skin of my neck, his eyes curious and uncertainly hesitant.
…My hand lifted unconsciously, fingers lightly touching the fabric covering his forearm.
Roped neck and wrists.
My hesitant and silent response had accomplished in bringing something out of him with implication, I saw the odd look he gave me. Then his hand was against my neck in a more purposeful gesture.
The warmth of his flesh sent a heated shiver through my cold skin, making the hair on the back of my neck rise delightfully. Other then that, he made no other movement, except for his eyes. They were searching mine subtly, I could feel it. My hand curled around his forearm.
If he was looking for a fricken invitation, I was giving it to him.
It looked like he noticed that, and a dubious look entered his eyes as he appraised me with more suspicious curiosity.
…and that confusion in me over him hadn't lifted a bit.
I liked it better when he'd stick with one fricken emotion. A few days ago he said something around how going from one emotion to the next was better then always having the same one, the tone in his voice implying a comparison between us.
But that implication was completely wrong—there was no comparison. He was leaping from one emotion to the next with me: he'd be snapping at me, or talking casually to me. He'd be glaring at me, or gazing at me. He'd be acting aggravated underneath the surface, or completely calm.
He was the racing car I was tied to.
He removed his hand from my neck with a guarded gaze.
-unless there was a reason why, and it wasn't all just on impulse.
He pulled back from me, "well I have to get back," he said in a casual voice, no air of that hesitation or uncertainly claiming him any longer. He pushed himself up and took a step away from me, turning halfway, "I'll see you later,"
He turned his back on me—just like before—heading off the roof.
So if it was just like before, then there had to be a reason.
I hated these riddles.
Problems in math, or riddles in science, puzzles, I could figure those out, I was fine at clicking logical things together if I wanted to. But in affairs with the mind, I was fricken clueless.
But I think I finally pieced together what was going on here.
I shoved myself up, the towel falling off my shoulders and the aggravation flooded through me, seizing up inside my chest and my voice was just bellow an accusing roar, "Why don't you just say it to my face!"
He looked back at me, taken aback at my sudden outburst, "Say what?" he said suspiciously.
I growled—he was gonna beat around the goddamn bush, "You're always acting so damn smug and mature, so don't fricken blame me for you goddamn pride!" I curled my hands into fists as his eyes narrowed dangerously.
"What are you talking about?" His voice was back to its hostile snap.
My voice echoed off the rooftop, "what the hell do you think! I'm talking about Akito!"
The cold high air blew amongst us, washing his hair over his dark, glinting eyes as his body tensed, mine doing the same in reaction.
"god you—YOU PISS ME OFF!" I roared at him, feeling all the built-in agitation swarm inside of my body like a fester of hungry gigantic bees—and I looked away, feeling everything from the past few weeks wash over me at once, "YOU JUST PISS ME OFF SO MUCH!"
I clenched my fists... and I came to terms inside of myself, the forward reason why I was so angry, the root of my fury, why when Yuki had pushed me away I had been doing the same damn thing to him.
I clenched my eyes closed, "It just makes me so damn angry!" My voice was below a bellow, "Jesus, even over something like this—YOU'RE the one who He wanted, not ME!
"I thought He'd—I thought He'd ask for me, I was counting on that!" my chest was seizing, "I thought He'd want me for once, but that was fucking stupid wasn't it?" I turned onto Yuki, feeling the anger and betrayal burst in my eyes, "IT'S ALWAYS YOU OVER ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO!"
The air blowing from Yuki's direction suddenly grew much colder, and his voice was dangerous, "…is that what this is about, then?"
My lips curled in a sneer and my voice was loud, but venomous, "What else would it be about?"
His eyes suddenly flashed into a cold stone-grey before he was suddenly moving and stretching back his elbow, his fingers curling into a fist—
I stumbled back at the sudden hard collision of his vicious knuckles against my cheekbone, feeling the hard impact rattle through my jaw as my skin began to sting fiercely, the heat of my blood flowing there in threat of a bruise.
"It's all about Him isn't it?" Yuki's voice was a loud snap.
I shoved my hand over my cheek and felt blood from my lip, "Ya Damn-!" I lunged at him with my own fist flying, but it wasn't a surprise when my swung cut through nothing but air before I felt a massive impact blew against my chest, the echo jolting through my body as the air knocked itself from my contracting lungs—and it was no sooner then I felt my body hit the ground when a fistful of my collar was grabbed and forcefully pinned me down.
"How dare you pull me into your selfish schemes!" His voice echoed through the roof, and his eyes were sparking with a million different things, and I interrupted with an enraged yell, "My schemes?"
"You're an absolute idiot!" He barked, a faint tremble of icy rage in his voice that was amplified in those piercing eyes, "He's the only reason you—" words vanished from his lips and bolted to his eyes, which for one split second jolted with fear before Yuki pulled his elbow behind him, threatening me with his fist, his knuckles already white from the clenching grip, "You're both the same! The only drive you have in life is the zodiac—you're both the same!" The spiteful betrayal lifted into his eyes, "Using people just to get what you want—I'm sick of it!"
At the moment, I wasn't exactly sure if it was his weight on my abdomen or his eyes that restricted my breath, but the furious gates of his irises fell to reveal an ocean of the most chaotic feelings I've ever seen in his amethyst eyes, His fists quivered weakly while a clear sheen glistened over his eyes before he slammed them shut, looking down from me so his hair fell in front of his face. "First Him, now You!"
It might've taken any ordinary person a quick minute into this whole fight to realize what was going on.
But for me, it all clicked together just now.
The first wave was from shock, mostly at the amount of emotion that was pouring down from him into me like a waterfall—then the next was guilty panic. Emotions were something I was very incapable of dealing with so my hand shot out before I even realized it.
His head snapped back up when my hand closed around his fist, and it was just then when I noticed how it was trembling.
"—you think I'm trying to get to Akito through you?"
The defiant gate was back up in his eyes, cold and defensive at the bluntness of my remark—but he wasn't denying it.
I pushed myself upright when I barely felt his grasp on my collar, and he pulled back in return, taking his fist from my hand and leaning away, appraising me with mistrusting and accusing eyes.
Insult burst through me above other emotions, and in that offense there was only one thing I wanted to do and I threw back my own elbow and slammed my fist forward—
But it collided against his hand just before it broke against his jaw, his eyes subtly startled.
"What kind of idiot do you take me for!" I barked at him in a fury, "If I wanted to get to Akito, I CAN DO THAT MYSELF WITHOUT YOUR GODDAMN HELP!
"Y'think being with you is helping my chances one fricken bit!" I shot, "He probably wants to murder me! Either that or He's laughing His ass off at me every goddamn minute!"
"Then why even bother?" Yuki barked, "Or are you that set on blaming every one of your downfalls on me?" He shoved away my fist, "I didn't forced this on you!"
"Well you sure weren't defensive whenever I came onto you!" I barked back, and Yuki's expression twisted as he scoffed.
"How the hell couldn't I!" Yuki persisted, "After all those years of wishing to get something out of you, was I just supposed to be all cool and collected and refuse one of the only things I thought I could never deserve!"
"Where the hell is your mind, Kyo!" Yuki nearly yelled, "Don't you get it by now that I'm not a stiff composed aristocrat! I'm just as selfish and possessive as Akito, do you seriously think that after finally given the chance to be close to you, that I would ever want you to be hurt because of that?" Voice cracking desperately, he continued, "I don't want people to suffer for being near me, I don't want you taken away from me, and I know I could have saved us both a lot of grief if—if we just stopped but I cant I'm selfish, and possessive, and I want you and if Akito wants to hurt anyone for my desires, then fuck that he can deal with me!"
"That's not your choice!" I barked, "Why the fuck do you people have to be like this!" I yelled, "I'm sick—I'm sick of hurting people just because—I don't want you to have to—I don't need any fucking—I don't need it!" I clenched my fists and pinched my eyes closed.
That's all that relationships, crushes, adoration…love… when any of those are involved with me, the other person always gets hurt. That's not what I want.
I knew it all along, I really did. Not even if my emotions were directed at Yuki—the rat I had hated for so long, he would be the one to pay for them.
"I thought I'd be okay with this…" I continued my thoughts out loud, now feeling the shame soak into me as I slowly knelt onto the floor, "I… I can't do this anymore, I've had enough, I don't need another lesson…"
I could feel Yuki looking at me as I borrowed my face into my crossed arms.
I dug myself in too deep again, was my Mother not enough?
…was she not enough?
I heard scuffling, Yuki kneeling to the ground before me, and slowly I felt his arms wrap around my neck as he hugged my head into his chest and buried his face in my shoulder.
The desperation in his voice, earnest and weak, made my eyeballs sting.
"…Don't give up on me…"
I found myself leaning into his hold, feeling the warmth and comfort enfold me like a baby blanket.
"…I'm sorry, I was being selfish," He whispered against my neck, "We're not my responsibility… but neither are we your's…"
My eyes slowly opened as he continued, his hold tightening in security, "so let's… face things together… I want to face everything, together, with you… I'm not going to let you go… I want to be with you, no one else, and nothing should change that except for us."
"You've… made me become a better person, Kyo." His voice just a breath, "and I don't want to go back."
I concentrated on his breath against my cold neck, listened to the slow but significant beat of his heart, felt his hair against my throat and his skin against my cheek.
"…Yeah… me neither." I whispered in reply.
Yuki pulled back slowly, his hands sliding from my back up to my cheek as he held my face in his hands, his eyes looking into mine.
"Alright." Yuki slowly gave me a tender, understanding curve of his lips.
I looked at him, thought of the obstacles standing in our way, and felt my heart jump. We would go through shit for this. It was a warning for us to back off before it gets worse, wasn't it?
I ponder this for a moment, feeling Yuki's eyes somehow seem to read my own and his expression changed to calm patience.
I looked back up at him, "…fuck Akito."
His smile was completely unrestrained, and it was almost as if somehow sudden plugged in a thousand volts in his eyes the way they lit up.
"Fuck them all," He replied, the cheery tone in his voice glazing his words.
We're worth fighting for.
I don't know which one of us leaned in first, but all I could register next was the comforting feeling of his moist lips adoring my own.
And Jesus Christ, God himself can fuck me to hell for all I care—just as long as I have this full sensation in my belly, as if stuffed of everything pleasant; and this uncontrollable smile in my chest, safe and secure.
Yuki wasn't my boyfriend anymore… he was home.
FEW MORE CHAPTERS TO GO READERS, BUT WE'RE CLOSE TO THE END! THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE!
Reviews are give me positive motivation *haza!*