Of Normality and Names
A/N: Well, another introspective piece - somehow I always end up writing those.
If you find any mistakes, please tell me and I'll fix them.
Please enjoy the story, even though it's a little muddled...
Sometimes Matt didn't understand Mello or Near or even L.
Well, maybe that wasn't exactly unusual, but it was still strange to him, that some of the most intelligent men in the world could be that stupid sometimes.
It wasn't often that Matt made the effort to really think about something other than games, smokes and maybe Mello, but when he did, he couldn't help but wonder.
When he had first come to Wammy's, he had been told to choose a code name and, bored, Mail Jeevas had obeyed.
Afterwards he had been asked many times just why on earth he had chosen such an ordinary name – even more ordinary than his real one - by those who knew his real one.
He had never given an answer, feeling that it took too much time and effort to explain his thought process to other people, but sometimes it really annoyed him that nobody could figure it out by themselves.
The reason why he had chosen such a plain name as code name, one that didn't sound like a code name, was exactly that.
It didn't sound like a code name.
He wondered sometimes why nobody but him seemed to have had that idea, but then again, maybe it was better that way.
When Mello or Near introduced themselves, or were introduced by others, it was painfully obvious that they were either using a nickname or a code name, while, when Mail introduced himself as 'Matt', people didn't ask questions, like "Where did you get that nickname?" or "Is that a code name or something?" or "Why are you called that?".
Maybe he was simply too lazy, but he had never seen what it was about 'being special' that made Near and Mello compete that much. Maybe it was because he had gotten too much attention in the hell-hole he had been in before he had come to Whammy's, or maybe it was just his personality, but he avoided being the focus of someone's attention as much as possible.
He didn't mind being with Mello, because, no matter what the blonde did, the only one really on his mind was he himself, which meant that due to his selfishness Mello never really paid anyone attention.
That relieved Matt for some reason he couldn't pinpoint and which he didn't really want to think about, but it made being with the blonde much easier.
The redhead didn't know if he could have befriend Mello had the shorter one not been that selfish, but it didn't really matter anyway, as the blonde was selfish and Matt had never been one for thinking about 'what ifs'.
Maybe that was why he liked games that much.
It was possible to be a completely different person while playing a game – a good person, or a bad one, and it didn't really matter which, because there was complete anonymity in these games.
He could be anyone – a man, a woman, a child, a dog, a cat, a three-headed monster with one eye and really anyone or anything else.
It didn't matter if you were the bad guy once, as you could simply be the good guy in the next game. There was no pressure to succeed, because he could always start again when he had failed once.
Complete anonymity and that was the way he liked it.
He had never really understood why everyone always wanted to be special, when history had clearly shown that those who were 'special' were killed and segregated against without mercy.
But maybe he didn't need to understand, because he understood something else that neither Mello, nor Near or anyone else thought about.
Being ordinary was something that could save your life, because people didn't tend to pry into the lives of those that were ordinary, they left them alone, they didn't research them and most of all they didn't pay attention to someone who was normal, leaving the 'normal' one to do as they wished.
People didn't ask when he introduced himself as 'Matt', they may look strangely at his choice of clothing, but then again, he was a teenager and what teenager didn't have a few weird quirks? They didn't question him when he pretended to be disinterested or played one of his games and when he was quiet they didn't ask for his parents or other relatives or guardians. When they saw that he had no ambitions whatsoever, they didn't bother him, because he was a lost cause anyway and there were few souls nowadays who went through the troube of encouraging and helping others without a reward.
He had never understood why people desperately pretended to be special, when one had so much more freedom when they pretended to be average and ordinary.
That was only his opinion though, and as someone disinterested, people didn't tend to ask for it, when they didn't know that he was a Wammy's student.
But that was okay – it was too exhausting to explain his thought process anyway, though he wondered why nobody but him had ever thought of it.
I hope you enjoyed it and if not, please tell me what you disliked! Critique is good for improvement! :)
By the way, this story was partially inspired by Matt's choice of a code name and by his Wikipedia entry - read it! It has a definite 'What the heck?' factor!