"Bros Over Hoes"



Due to the strictness of content on this site, I cleaned this up. For the uncut version, drop me a review ;)

"Yeah, we're moving on."


A beat.

"I mean, it's not like being with her was all that great anyway. Put me through hell, she did."

"She actually sent me there."

"Somehow, I still think you got off easy," Spike muttered.

"I mean, the Immortal? She doesn't trust me, but can cozy up to him on the couch."

"It took her over a sodden year for me to even be allowed to hold her. Pfft."

"At least the others talked to you. I never realized how lonely I truly was until I came out to L.A."

"You mean talked at me. As if I couldn't understand a bloody word they were saying. Do you know how insulting that was? Especially when there was a true lack brain like Xander around.

"Xander." Angel pffted at that. "Boy had a lot of heart, but was a little too self righteous."

"You're one to talk."

"Hey—I was agreeing with you, idiot."

Spike held up his hands in defence. "All right, all right. No need to get all sensitive about it, Angel face." Angel rolled his eyes.

Spike sighed, continuing, "I was everyone's favorite fall guy. Yup. Whenever there's trouble—oh, it must be Spike."

"Well, usually it was, wasn't it?"

"Ha, bloody ha mate. At least here, I have…I—"

"Real friends?"

"Yeah. It's nice. Even you, though god knows you annoy the hell out of me. And on top of that, you've god awful taste in, well, everything."

"Right back at ya—William."

"Gee, thanks a bunch, Liam. You sure are swell."

"You know, it's always like this—women are just…"

"What? More trouble than they're worth?"

"Well, some of them. Maybe."

"Definitely some."

"The good ones, though. The ones worth it all, don't last. They worm their way inside, make you fall in love, and then leave you."

"Hey, at least they loved you back, mate. Guess I was never really that special."

"She…Buffy loved you, Spike."

"What? There's no way you could possibly—"

"I know. Sure, she struggled with admitting it, but…I could tell. Besides, didn't she spend her potential last night on earth with you?"

"Well yeah, but—you don't understand. The little that she did give…it took so long and it was all so hard."

"Come on—you know love's never easy."

"Yeah, I know. Still, she didn't love me for me. Had to go through all of these changes, bend over backwards and then some, and it still wasn't enough. It was never enough. Had to be almost the end of the world, and be burning literally right in front of her face before she could ever…"

"Love's a funny thing."

"Bloody hilarious, it is. As long as you're on the outside looking in."

"The angst--the melodrama...Yeah, seeing Cordy and Wes that one time really put things in perspective."

"What's that?"

"I...this one time, I had just come back from seeing Buffy after, you know, she had come back."

"From the dead."

"Yeah. And as I was coming through the front door, I walked in on Cordy and Wes re-enacting my reunion with Buffy. It was completely off, but if it had been a few years ago...God, we must've looked ridiculous."

Spike smirked at him. "You know the first step is admitting you have a problem, Angel."

"Whatever, Spike. I'm sure we looked like the perfect couple compared to her relationship with you."

The remark sobered Spike. And though it was to the slightest degree, Angel saw Spike's shoulders slump. Angel instantly regretted the jab.

"You know, a part of her actually hated me cause I could love better than she could."

"What? That's ridiculous."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? She beat me down, beat me up good and proper one night."

"And you didn't stop her."

"Yeah. Thought I was helping. Be the shoulder to cry on, the face to pound on and so forth. Anyway, her way of apologizing to me was days later, when we just so happened to be in the same space, was to say that she was really beating up herself. Then started talking about how this one time, she switched bodies with some chit—"

"With Faith. And Faith hated herself."

"Right. They were fighting in each other's bodies, and suddenly the fight wasn't about the opponent anymore on the psycho slayer's end."

"Makes sense."

"Oh, does it? Still a piss poor excuse to do that to do someone who loves you. Of course, I didn't count then—I was just a thing after all."

"A soulless demon that was capable of feeling more than she could. That's why she hated you."

Quietly, "Yeah."

"Well, worst comes to worst, you'll always have me, and I'll unfortunately always have you."

"We're stuck with one another."

"Looks like."

"Like old times." A beat. "You know, after all of this…I can deal with that."

"Actually, Harmony's—"

"A dim bulb. Next."

Another beat.

"We have to get out more, Spike."

"No truer words have ever been spoken."

"Drinks then?"

"God, yes"


Angelus and William, dressed in their dirty, ripped clothes, speak to the bouncer at the door to an elegant party. The bouncer is searching his list.

"Blood vengeance. I'm sure we're on the list. Is there anything under blood vengeance?" Angelus asked.

The Bouncer, not bothering to look up from the list replied, "No. No blood vengeance. Sorry."

"Maybe it's under Angelus," William supplied helpfully.

"You're not on The Immortal's list," the Bouncer replied dully.

Angelus looked at William and said, "Ah, you know what? To hell with the list."

Together, they charge toward the bouncer, but a magical force field bounces them back. The Bouncer, referring to his list, says to them sternly, "You're not in here. You're not going in there. Piss off!"

Angelus and William walk away slowly, looking back over their shoulder at the party they can't enter.

"He mocks us at every turn," Angelus said in a low, deadly voice.

"Yeah, the man has no sense of indecency. You remember Frankfurt? He hatches the Rathruhn egg personally and just decides to give those nuns safe passage."

"Those were my nuns!"

"Yeah. Nuns are your thing." William looked towards the Bouncer, his voice growing louder. "Everybody knows that. They respect it. They irespect us/i."

"We are the reason men fear the night. This isn't over yet, Immortal! This'll never be over!" Angelus yelled as they began to walk away.

"A right coward, he is," William said.

"Aye—bastard wouldn't even come out and face us like a man."

"Can you believe Dru and Darla? What happened to loyalty?" William repined.

"Women." Angelus scoffed. "They aren't loyal to anyone but themselves."

"And they weren't even apologetic about it—"

"Didn't bother hiding it either."

"Rubbed it in our faces."

"And we never got to do it concurrently. Well, I tell ya, William, that is damn well gonna change."

"Damn right, it is."

"Not that…" Angelus trailed off, looking into the distance.

"The moment will be sullied though—he got to do it first."

"They didn't even invite us to the bath—didn't attempt to make it up to us."

"No," William sighed. "They were as pleased as punch, weren't they? Determined to show how much we weren't needed."

"Yeah? Well they aren't needed either."

William looked over at him, confused. "No?"

"No. Not tonight anyway. We can have our own party here, can't we?" Angelus said, motioning to the empty streets.

"Well, yeah, I guess," William agreed, as Angelus took his hand and led him into an narrow alley. "We can—what are you doing?" William asked once Angelus dropped his hand, unbuttoning his pants. William watched, brow furrowed in confusion as Angelus started to stroke himself to hardness.

"Come now, William. I'm sure you can figure it out." Angelus pulled his pants down to his knees with one hand, eyes trained on a shocked William.

"Well, I had to entertain myself in those days before you and Dru came along, didn't I? Whenever Darla would have one of her fits."

"Bloody hell, Angelus! Just what exactly is it that you—"

"Oh William—so much to learn. You know, men were thought to be sexually superior to women, who were supposed to only be brood mares. Now, we both know the latter isn't true, but I do think that we can have just as much fun, if not more fun, than those whores of ours did. So, what do ya say? Wanna test that out?"

"Uh…well…" William paused, unsure. Angelus looked him, the look in his eyes clearly expecting him to say yes. "Okay," William agreed. Angelus expected to, so he agreed.

Angelus nodded. "All right, then. Do you want me to go first?"

"Uh…I mean—I'll go first."

Angelus nodded, and went to maneuver himself behind William.

"Hey! I said I'd go first!"

Angelus chuckled. "Oh. I thought you meant as the bottom." Angelus dropped down to his knees, hands flat on the cobblestones, ass waiting in the air. William got on his knees behind him, unbuttoning his pants as he did so. He slammed into Angelus without preamble. The tightness of mentor was incredible, and in that moment, William loss control of all his faculties. He slammed into wildly, ruthlessly from behind, taking what he wanted, and making Angelus his.

Of course, going at that pace, he didn't last very long.

William spent himself deep inside of Angelus, for a moment that seemed to be endless. He collapsed on Angelus' broad back, panting unnecessarily.

"My turn," Angelus said, voice low. He knocked William onto his back on the ground, and lifted his legs up. He squeezed through the narrow opening of William's legs, bound by his pants. William's legs rested involuntarily on Angelus' back, locking them together before Angelus even entered him.

Angelus leaned over William slowly, palms by his blonde head, brown eyes staring deeply into his blue ones.

It was then that William realized that Angelus must have wanted this for awhile.

Angelus entered him slowly, unblinking. He wanted this to last. He wanted William to remember. He wanted William to remember and always know that he was and forever would be his.

"No need to worry, William. They're ours—always will be. But never forget, that all three of you are all mine." William swallowed, then groaned as Angelus went deeper…

Though they had agreed to go out for drinks, they actually ended up having them in Angel's penthouse. With several bottles in hand, they had a seat on his couch and proceeded to drink.

"Now, this is the good stuff. A few more, and I'll be really pissed," Spike said after taking another healthy swig.

"Yeah. It's nice to have these in large quantities. Unlike those wee bottles on the jet."

"We should be careful though—remember the last time we got drunk together?"

"Yup. Had a helluva party after that bastard defiled our women."

Spike barked out a laugh.

"Yeah. 'Defiled' them concurrently, didn't he?"

Angel scoffed at that.

"Whatever. Just opened up a door for us to use later, so to speak."

"Well, regardless…we still had them first."

"All three of them."

"Picking up our rubbish, he is."

"That's right. Let him have the left overs."

They toasted one another with a loud clinking of bottles.

"Amen to that. Bros over hoes, yeah?"

Angel looked at Spike blankly before asking, "Huh?"

Spike eyed him critically. "Bloody hell, Angel. I'm beginning to think iyou're/i the one who needs to get out more. It's not even funny how many pop culture references go over your head."

"Yeah? Well…I'm taller. So there."

"That right? Well, on a real good randy day, I'm bigger than you."

"Hey! I was the longer one! We checked, remember?"

Spike scoffed at that. "Not by much, pinky bannana. And besides, I'm thicker." He gave Angel a shit eating grin. "And that counts too, mate."

Angel rolled his eyes, before giving a little frown. A thoughtful one though, mind you.

"Bros over hoes…I get it!" Angel laughed.

"Well, well. There might be hope for you yet, Angel."

"Bros…I'll drink to that again."

The End