Chapter 1 (Bella's POV)

Chapter 1 (Bella's POV)

The song for this chapter is: Take Me Away – Avril Lavigne.

I sat on the closed toilet seat in the bathroom down the hall from my bedroom. I had been in this exact position for over ten minutes now. It was getting to the point where I couldn't waste much more time without raising suspicion. I knew I had to do it, and I had to do it now. It was Friday. Friday was judgement day.

Sighing shakily, I rose from my seat and crossed the small room. My still-damp feet stuck to the tiled floor, and made a suckering sound as I walked.

Nervously, self-loathing, I stepped onto the article reserved solely for my nightmares. This item, this demon, was the thing that caused me pain time after time. How sad, I thought to myself, that a seemingly inoffensive plastic box can hurt me more than a person can. Sighing again, I opened my tightly-shut eyes to glance at the reading.

I wasn't surprised, nor was I happy. Or sad. This was exactly what I expected to see. Satisfied, I removed myself from the scales and began to redress, finally feeling some control over my life, and my self. I did that, I thought. This was all down to my own hard work. And I did it.

I departed the bathroom feeling utterly empty, as always, but somehow fulfilled. Careful not to show my emotions; I didn't want to give Charlie or anyone else a reason to be suspicious of me; I returned to my bedroom, and waited for Edward. Even though I had finally reached my target, what I had been aiming for all this time, I still didn't feel like I deserved him. I realised, for the first time that day, that maybe I never would feel like I was enough for him. At least, not until I was a vampire too. Then, just maybe, I would feel like I was enough to belong in his arms, in his family, and in his world.

I changed my clothes quickly, passing by an opportunity to inspect myself in the full-length mirror in my room. Now was not the time, I decided.

Even though it was now nearly summer, I dressed in my ordinary sleeping attire; a too-big, old t-shirt that made it impossible to see the shape of my body, and a pair of comfortable sweatpants. Just as I was wriggling down into my cold, unmade bed, I saw Edward's pale face duck in through the window. If I wasn't looking in that direction anyway, I wouldn't have known he was there; he moved so silently. Smiling, he glided towards me and kissed me gently on the lips.

I was so grateful he was here. I mean, he didn't know what I was doing; of course he didn't. He would make such a big deal out of it, making it out to be more than it really was. He was so protective of me, which, don't get me wrong, I appreciated, but it meant I had to keep secrets from him. Not anything too important, mind you.

He came and lay next to me, on top of the thick duvet that was pulled right up to my neck. He draped one of his cold arms over my skinny waist, and hugged me to his frozen chest. I could feel the cold, even through my duvet and both our clothes. I snuggled closer to him, just wanting to be nearer him. Who cares about a little hypothermia, anyway?