Title: Love's Painful Truth
Fandom: Gravitation (yaoi)
Disclaimer: The Maki Murakami is the creator of Gravitation and I will do my best to not soil her creations with my filthy thoughts….well maybe just a little. I'll make sure to clean them up afterwards. Obviously these guys don't belong to me or anyone but Ms. Murakami.
A/N – Here is my late and latest update in the ongoing tale of Hiro's and Yuki's tryst. Hopefully everything works out for the better, but we'll all have to wait for that.
This is also an apology to all my loyal readers old and new...I have been out of the fic world writing-wise for a while, because life kicked me in the backside again and I had quite a lot to deal with, but I suddenly felt inspired and hopefully my muse sticks around for the long haul...hopefully life doesn't throw another wrench in the works again...Well now on to the update.
Love's Painful Truth
Chapter – 12
Staring at the ceiling Hiro could feel the deeply sleeping form of one Eiri Useigi a.k.a. Yuki Eiri lying partially across him. Hiro knew it was now or never, but for the last hour all he was able to do was stay where he was and feel the heat of his lovers body sapping his will to go through with what he knew had to be done.
'Why am I still here? Why can't I just get up and leave? What hold does this person have over my own self will?' wondered Hiro as he fought with himself to finally make the move that he had been so determined to fulfill just a few hours earlier before he practically tackled Yuki in his desperate attempt at salving his need before he turned his back on what they had...forever.
Hiro's body still tingled with the aftermath of what he and Yuki had done for almost the last six hours continuously with only small breaks just for the sake of catching their breaths and allowing their bodies to recuperate somewhat, before they were at it again.
Hiro couldn't believe how forward he'd been through it all, but he knew it was purely out of desperation at knowing that his decision was finally made, but now all he had to do was walk away, but what he didn't realize was that implementing it was not going to be as easy as he thought it was to just cut and run. Yuki apparently had gotten way deeper under his skin than he thought or was it his heart.
Hiro reached up to place his hand near his chest where his heart lay beating altogether clueless as to his dilemma, when his hand touched the pendant that Yuki had given him. Lifting it into his line of sight, Hiro looked at the pendant as it caught the moonlight that filtered in through the balcony windows. Turning it this way and that so that the light played along the diamond embedded in the guitar pic, that's when his eye caught the inscription. The sweet looking heart with both his and Yuki's first initials engraved inside.
Hiro could feel his heart pick up its pace slightly as he slowly reached down and pulled up the other pendant that was there, Bad Luck's logo. Feeling his eyes sting and his chest tighten Hiro's mind was finally made up and he dug into that guilt that suddenly flared and held onto it like it was a lifeline as he gingerly slipped free of Yuki's body and slid softly to the floor. Quietly making his way towards the door of the bedroom Hiro grabbed the different articles of his clothing that created a path from the bedroom to the living room and got dressed.
After getting fully clothed, Hiro walked over towards his helmet on the coffee table which was sitting next to the box with his new jacket. Reaching down and picking up his helmet, Hiro gave the box one last longing look before he made up his mind and threw caution to the wind and opened the box, quickly switching jackets. He lovingly folded his old jacket and placed it into the box. Then reaching up and gently removing his necklace, placing it safely back into the velvet box it was given in and putting it inside his new jacket against his heart and zipping it up securely before he snatched up his helmet and walked out without a second look back. Because he knew if he did that he would never make it out the door and he needed to and not just for his sake.
Once reaching outside, Hiro climbed onto his bike. Taking one last look up at where the penthouse suite would be in the twilight of the early morning, he whispered. "Goodbye Yuki." placed his helmet on as he hid the tears that were beginning to fall just before he drove off.
Once Hiro reached his apartment he stripped off all his clothes and headed straight into the shower where he turned it on full blast and stood under the stinging spray trying to wash away Yuki's touch and scent.
Hiro had no idea how he made it home in one piece with how blurred his vision became as he left Yokohama, but after a few miles he was able to pull himself together enough to find his way back to his apartment without having to pull over.
Standing in the shower Hiro finally allowed his poor overwhelmed heart to finally break and slid down the wall of his shower and cried his heart out.
By the time Hiro's tears abated his shower had long gone cold and he began to shiver as the knife-like drops of water assaulted his sensitized skin. Yet he didn't move, but just stayed where he was as he began to shiver uncontrollably as his body temperature began to nosedive. After a solid ten minutes of allowing this Hiro reached up and finally turned off the water. His poor frozen body practically blue with mild hypothermia.
Climbing out his shower after being huddled on the floor while his legs cramped from cold, Hiro nearly collapsed completely, but managed to catch himself before he slammed to the floor of his tiny bathroom. Pulling himself upright, he wrapped himself into his fluffy robe and trudged to his bedroom and without any thought as to completely drying the rest of his body he climbed into bed, robe and all, before falling soundly asleep as his exhausted form finally capitulated into slumber.
As Hiro was falling asleep, a number one selling blond, stunning, hazel eyed author was sluggishly waking up over in Yokohama wondering why the bed next to him was empty, already cold and why he didn't hear the shower running with a guilt ridden guitarist standing inside the hot spray.
As Yuki made his way out to the suites living room and as he scratched his mussed blond head, he noticed that Hiro's clothes were all gone and so was Hiro's helmet. Frowning slightly Yuki's still lethargic brain just assumed that Hiro had headed back because he had a solid day of physical training to do. What Yuki didn't know was that the training day was pushed back to start in another two days, depending on how Shuichi came through his ordeal, per K.
Bad Luck's manager wasn't going to take any chances with his talent, especially when they were on the verge of a massive national tour. Unfortunately for Yuki he wasn't informed as to the current changes in the Bad Luck's schedule.
Five days later, after the accident, Shuichi was released and given a clean bill of health and a warning to watch his step next time he was going down some stairs. Hiro volunteered himself to Tohma to pick up his band member from the hospital, but he refrained from taking his bike and picked Shuichi up in his mostly unused SUV.
Hiro knew it was guilt that pushed him to want to pick Shu up from the hospital. He could have easily let Yuki pick up Shuichi, but he felt responsible for his friend's accident. Hiro wondered if he was even worthy of the title friend anymore when it came to Shuichi. Driving away from the hospital Hiro's mind wandered as he drove the twenty minute trip to the apartment Shuichi shared with Yuki.
"Hiro?" called Shuichi, not getting any response from the deathly silent driver, who seemed to be completely aware of where he was driving, but at the same time totally unaware that he had a passenger. "Hiro." Shuichi tried again, but more sternly, still nothing. "HIRO!" snapped Shuichi hoping he didn't startle the distracted guitarist behind the wheel.
"Huh." Hiro responded finally, seeming to come out of his trance-like state. "You wanted something Shu?" he asked.
"I asked if your okay. You seem really far away."
"I'm sorry. I have you worrying about me and you're the one who just came out of the hospital." stated Hiro. "I'm fine just a little distracted about the upcoming tour, that's all." lied Hiro.
What Hiro was really worrying about was his betrayal of his best friend and sadly if whether or not he was going to catch a glimpse of Yuki when he dropped off Shuichi.
'I'm pathetic.' thought Hiro morosely. He hadn't been in contact with Yuki for almost a week. Yuki on the other hand had called him a few times and followed up with a few texts, but Hiro refused to respond. Although it took all his self-imposed will and eventually turning his phone off to keep himself from answering.
As Hiro turned the last corner to pull up in front of Shuichi's and Yuki's apartment complex he could feel his heart rate practically double as he subtly checked if Yuki was anywhere to be seen since he knew the author was aware that he would be dropping off the diminutive pink haired singer. As Hiro looked over he took note that Shuichi did not show any signs of his accident other than a small cut above his left brow.
"Here we are." Hiro stated dropping the SUV into park. "Now Shu are you sure you don't want me to walk you upstairs?" asked Hiro, not really sure if he truly meant it or if he was going through the motions. Or maybe he was just being an even more horrible friend and trying to use this opportunity to see Yuki in a setting where he could just lay eyes on the author without any fear of anything happening that would cause him to change his mind about not being with Yuki anymore.
"Yeah I'm sure. I'm probably just going to go upstairs and sleep anyway, since Yuki said he wasn't going to be home when I got here. He said he had some kind of appointment he had to keep." informed Shuichi.
After hearing this Hiro's heart sunk and he hated himself all the more. All the anticipation he was feeling turned to guilt and regret in one fell swoop. The pendant that he had put back on in a bout of loneliness, felt like a ten ton weight against his chest. Fighting the urge to reach for it, Hiro gripped the steering wheel with a white knuckled grip and doing his best to not allow his emotions to show on his face. Hiro saw no reaction to his internal visceral torment and was thankful he succeeded in deceiving Shuichi, once again.
"Thanks Hiro. You're a true friend. You always seem to be there for me, even when I don't think I need you." stated Shuichi slapping Hiro's shoulder with a grateful grin on his face. "I'll see you in the studio tomorrow." Shuichi informed Hiro as he opened the SUV's door. "Thanks again." departing Shu headed past the doorman and into the exclusive apartment complex, not realizing the havoc his words had wreaked on Hiro's already strained psyche.
Sitting deathly still it took all of Hiro's concentration and self imposed will to not completely fall apart as he sat behind the steering wheel. Shuichi's departing words reverberating inside his head like the gong of a very loud bell, sounding off against Hiro's conscience, making him feel ill. Swallowing the large painful lump in his throat, Hiro finally put the car back into gear and pulled off. Making up his mind to just head home, Hiro was abruptly brought out of his misery when he had to slam on his brakes, when a very familiar looking black Mercedes-Benz pulled out quite suddenly directly in front of him across the road.
"Yuki?" Hiro whispered in confusion as the blond author of the same name calmly climbed out of his car with a look on his face that showed little of what he was thinking.
Hiro watched as Yuki made his way to the driver's side door of his car and felt like he was having an out of body experience when he felt without warning his body being forcibly pulled from his car. Before Hiro could fully realize what was happening he was in the passenger seat of Yuki's Mercedes and driving off. "What are you doing?" Hiro asked belatedly as Yuki made a left turn onto another street. "My car." Hiro complained halfheartedly, he felt completely worn out and really didn't have the strength to fight the one person in the world that he wasn't sure if he was unhappy to see.
"Here are your keys." Yuki stated handing Hiro his car keys. "I parked it and I doubt anyone will steal it. So relax." informed the author shortly, as he continued to drive.
Hiro sat quietly, afraid that if he said something that he would fully realize that his plan to avoid Yuki until the tour, didn't even last one complete week. He couldn't take anymore, if this continued he didn't think his emotional state would stay stable for much longer. He really needed to get away from Yuki. "Stop the car." Hiro ordered,
"What?" questioned Yuki.
"I said stop the car." repeated Hiro.
"No." refused Yuki.
"Stop the car, now." insisted Hiro.
"No and if you have any ideas of jumping out." stated Yuki as he reached and switched on the auto door locks. " that is now out of the question." stated Yuki smugly.
"I want to go home. Please take me home." asked a very exhausted feeling guitarist.
"Why have you been ignoring my attempts to contact you." asked Yuki.
"...I was busy." hesitated Hiro, before he lied.
"Bullshit." stated Yuki. "Try again."
"Why are you doing this to me?" asked Hiro, his body starting to feel heavier, his eyelids starting to droop and his ability to stay awake getting harder and harder.
"I'm not doing anything to you Hiro. You're the one who's avoiding me. Why?" asked Yuki. "Hiro?" inquired Yuki as he looked over after not receiving a response from the guitarist. Yuki immediately noticed that Hiro was unconscious and deathly silent. His skin seemed pale and Hiro did not look well. "HIRO!" Yuki yelled as he pulled over quickly.
Leaning over Yuki checked Hiro's pulse and his breathing. Hiro's breathing sounded shallow and his skin seemed clammy. All Yuki could tell from Hiro's pulse was that he was alive. "HIRO!" Yuki tried again but no response from the unconscious guitarist. "Shit!" Yuki swore as he took a sharp u-turn and headed in the opposite direction he was traveling, towards the hospital.
Some time later Yuki found himself sitting in the same waiting room that he was in not but a week ago awaiting news on Shuichi and looking a lot more unnerved than he did then.
"Yuki." came Tohma's voice as he entered.
Pulling his emotionless mask on quickly, Yuki stood and approached Tohma. "It's about time you got here. I have better things that I should be doing other than babysitting your accident prone artists." He stated coldly as he attempted to walk away, but to no avail as Tohma grasped his arm, halting his escape.
"What exactly happened?" questioned Tohma.
"Like I already told you over the phone. I was heading out to run some errands and get some stuff for the brat and I noticed that Hiro's car was sitting idling and he was out cold behind the wheel. So I pulled over and checked on him and saw that something was wrong and brought him here. Then I contacted you. The end. Release me." demanded Yuki.
Giving Yuki one more looked filled with doubt and suspicion, Tohma released him reluctantly.
"Have the doctors informed you of Hiro's status?" asked Tohma.
"They said he was suffering from stress, dehydration and over exhaustion. All he needs is rest and they have him on an IV drip." informed Yuki. "Now if you'll excuse me like I said I have better things to be doing and someone has to inform the brat about his friends condition and make sure he doesn't hurt himself again." stated Yuki as he walked away decisively down the hall and into a conveniently empty waiting elevator.
Once entering Yuki let his mask drop only once the door was closed and breathed a sigh of relief at Hiro's prognosis. He had no idea that Hiro was under so much stress, although it should have been obvious and he knew why, but he still couldn't give him up.
Seeing that he was almost to the ground level he shrouded his emotions and walked out with every intention of lighting up once he was free of the cloying disinfecting smell of the hospital atmosphere.
Hiro slowly came awake at the sound of his name being called. Opening his eyes he noticed that he was in an all white room and there was someone standing to his immediate left, but his vision hadn't cleared completely yet so that he could identify them.
Giving himself a mental shake, Hiro tried to clear the cobwebs out of his head. Slowly his vision began to clear and he saw that he was in a hospital room and that the person standing next to him was Tohma.
"Welcome back Mr. Nakano. It's good to see you among the conscious." acknowledged Tohma, as he stood next to Hiro's bed watching the guitarist slowly come out of his fugue.
"Mr. Seguchi, why am I...what happened?" Hiro asked brokenly as his brain and his mouth tried to cooperate with each other.
"You tell me. I was told you blacked out behind the wheel of your seldom used car. Thankfully you weren't on your motorcycle." informed Tohma.
"Blacked out. What?!"
"Who told you this? How did I get here?" Hiro asked now seemingly fully awake as he tried to sit up in bed.
"Yuki." Tohma informed Hiro, staring quite intensely at the guitarist as he did so.
Hearing his lovers name caused Hiro to flinch visibly, something Tohma didn't miss.
"Yuki?" Hiro asked, sounding confused, but now remembering what had occurred just before he blacked out. Hiro had no intention of revealing anything to a very sharp Tohma Seguchi, who appeared to be looking quite suspicious.
"Yes, on both counts. He apparently found you unconscious behind your steering wheel after you dropped Shuichi off and seemingly passed out afterwards. Thank goodness you weren't on the highway when this occurred."
"Yeah." agreed Hiro, starting to feel very woozy. "I'm not feeling too great."
"Well that would be due to your dehydration and exhaustion. I hope you will be taking better care of yourself in the future Mr. Nakano. I have invested quite a lot into you and your band mates. Please do not have me regret it, due to your lack of self preservation."
"Yes sir." murmured Hiro, feeling duly chastised, he nodded cautiously, due to the mild nausea that he wasn't too sure was just caused more by his condition or the mild ultimatum that Tohma just gave him.
"I was told you need only be here a day. I will have a car waiting for you upon your discharge early tomorrow morning. Feel better Mr. Nakano." stated Tohma as he walked out the room.
Hiro wasn't sure if that was Tohma being nice or a direct order. He figured he'd err on the side of the latter and pulled his covers up and allowed his exhaustion to pull him into a deep sleep.