Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.
Chapter 2: Angel from Heaven
Bella quickly fell asleep in my arms, right where I loved for her to be. Her breathing deepened, a sign of her unconsciousness. I pulled my arms tighter around her and I felt her pulse quicken. Even asleep her body responded to me. She was truly my Bella.
My Bella. My Bella. Oh, how I loved the way that sounded. The two little words, now inextricably linked, swirled around in my head and created the most wonderful sensations.
She was mine. She had bound herself to me in every humanly way possible. She had married me, despite having been raised to hate the institution. She now proudly wore my mother's ring on the fourth finger of her left hand right next to a matching gold wedding band.
Carefully as not to wake her, I held up her tiny hand and watched the diamonds glint in the moonlight that was pouring in through the glass wall. Each facet that caught in the light reminded me of another gorgeous facet of her that I loved.
Her creamy pale skin. Her chocolate brown eyes. Her hair silken between my fingers. The blushes that found their way to her cheeks for no particular reason sometimes. The rhythm of her heartbeat. The way I could feel her pulse quicken even under the lightest of my touches. Her warmth that burned me up and made me feel alive, even if for a second.
But those were human things. Things that would abruptly disappear as of tomorrow.
There were other things about her that I loved to. Things that weren't merely physical.
How she cared for everybody else's wellbeing above her own, even if it was dangerous to do so. Her compassion for other's suffering. Her sense of humor. Her ability to make me do things I would never have considered before her whirlwind appearance in my life. How she trusted me completely with her life, her soul. Even if I didn't trust myself, she did.
There were so many more things. If I had eternity, I still think it wouldn't be long enough to list all the things I loved about her, human or not.
I would have eternity though. After tomorrow, Bella and I would have eternity together.
I hated myself for how much I was looking forward to tomorrow. The monster in me wanted her blood; the man in me wanted her body.
I'd had just enough of a taste, back in Chicago, to know that once Bella was more durable, there was little hope we'd ever leave this bedroom. There were so many things I wanted to do with her in here, so many things I wanted to do to her. A cheshire cat's grin floods face just thinking about those things.
Oh, how many nights I've watched her sleep, tossing and turning while moaning my name, only to wish that she could withstand my true strength. To think of all those nights I inflicted upon poor Jasper with my pent up frustration. Sure, Alice had enjoyed it, but I had been the one to have to hear it and know I had to wait.
To run my hands up those legs of hers, smooth and silky. To play with her perfect breasts that fit in my hand so well. To throw her down and ravage her on horizontal surface; hell, any vertical surface would do.
I wanted to watch her throw her head back and moan my name louder than any sound imaginable. For her to drown out the constant buzz of voices in my head with her heady cries. To watch her passion rise with each movement of mine.
Oh, god, how I wanted that.
It felt so wrong though. Here she was: an angel that fell out of the sky. Perfection encapsulated in one woman. My own personal goddess. Everything I had ever wished for and everything I had never even known I needed.
Changing her into what I was made me sick. I was a monster sent straight from hell; she was an angel sent from heaven. I was drawing the goodness out of her and replacing it with evil. My evil.
To think she would endure an eternity of darkness because of me caused me physical pain. I was going against nature by plucking this siren from the sea. I would be drinking more than her blood tomorrow; I would be drinking from her very soul.
She'd said on more than one occasion that her soul belonged to me. What a thing to give so willingly. If she only knew how I really felt. That my soul was long gone, but with this act we would now be sharing a soul. Her soul.
I felt I wasn't worthy of this. Of her gift. I still couldn't fathom why she loved me as much as she did. After all, I was a monster. I killed others to maintain myself, animal or otherwise. I was killing her after all.
But she refused to hear it. She would place her tiny hands over my cheeks and look me in my golden eyes with her chocolate ones. She'd insist that I wasn't a monster and I couldn't help my nature. And that she didn't care. It didn't matter. It was her love that kept the monster at bay. Two halves of me: the man and the monster. She'd tamed the monster and fostered the man. More than I would have ever imagined. More than I had ever dreamed.
I was so nervous about tomorrow, so scared. Once false move, one slip, and she'd be gone from me forever. If I drank too deep, moved too fast or let the monster take over even the slightest bit, all hope would be lost. As quickly as if snuffing out a candle, her light would be extinguished from my dark existence.
I'd compared her to a meteor before, and I wasn't lying. Before her, my life had been one never-ending night. Pitch black, save for a few dim flashes. Those had been my family coming into my life, but Bella's light was incomparable. And the wondrous thing was every moment I was with her, the light would only get brighter. Every second I was connected to her, I felt lighter and more buoyant. Esme noticed the most, commenting on it ever so often.
To think there was even a remote chance that I would lose that light, that goodness, scared me more than any single thing ever had in almost a century. I had faced evil blacker than any human could remotely imagine and yet the thought of losing Bella from my life far eclipsed anything else. I'd told her I'd gone to Volterra because I couldn't bear to be without her. What she didn't know was that if anything went wrong, I'd be going back. A world without Bella wasn't worth living in, and I would do anything to be removed from it.
I just prayed, hoped with all my undead heart, that nothing would go wrong. Because if I would actually have to resort to that drastic plan, I feared what waited for me on the other side. Yes, I had committed sins beyond belief, but my greatest sin would be extinguishing Bella's goodness from the world. There was no remittance for a sin as great as that. I would indeed pay for all eternity if it came to that.
Bella sighed in my arms and shifted so I could see her glorious face now. A strand of her silky hair fell down over her eyes, and I reach my icy fingers up to brush it away. Safely tucking it behind her ear, I left my fingers trail down her warm cheek. She must have sensed I was there because she smiled and I felt her pulse quicken ever so slightly.
"Edward," it came so low I almost missed it, even with my ultra sensitive hearing. The glorious sound of Bella breathing my name in her sleep. This was one of the things I would miss most after her transformation. I loved to hear her speak my name when she slept. It ranged from breathy, passionate tones (oh, god, I loved those beyond words) to innocent and sweet nothings. Each way, each version, was immeasurably better than the next.
Her pulse slowed and she fell even deeper asleep if possible.
Carlisle had tried to alleviate some of fears about tomorrow. He had told me the proper way to bite her so that it would hasten the change and hopefully reduce her suffering. Once over the heart, once in the neck and each wrist. If I still had control at that point I could do the ankles too, but that wasn't entirely necessary. She'd have morphine, and that would also hopefully reduce the pain, though I doubted it would work much. The pain of transformation couldn't be overridden by simple narcotics. It cut deeper, surged stronger.
He had promised me everything would go well. That Alice had seen the outcome. Bella would become one of us, another creature to fill the ranks of the undead.
I was still nervous. Still scared.
I was scared that when she woke up she wouldn't want me anymore, though Alice assured me that she still would. Carlisle had said that love as strong as ours could endure through even the worst pain and I had nothing to worry about. Still, my fear persisted. It clung to me, refusing to be banished. To be rejected by Bella after pouring myself out to her would be agonizing. I wasn't sure I could continue to be if that happened.
Worst yet, I feared she would hate me for what I had done to her. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. 10 years, 50 years, 100 years. By changing her to be like me, I would be taking her chance at ever having a normal life. Having children. Grandchildren. Oh, how I wished I could see her big with my child in her belly. To shine with the glow of pregnancy. But even if she were to stay human that would never happen. Vampires don't reproduce.
For a second, I let myself be carried away with the thought and pictured what our child would look like. Bella's graceful cheekbones, my firm jaw line, her sparkling eyes. It would invariably have my bronze hair, but it would shine like Bella's.
No, I couldn't think these things. I shook then from my head. They were too dangerous. To want something one cannot have under any circumstance was too much. It was inflicting untold torture on oneself that was unnecessary.
Oh, god. Our child would be beautiful, even by vampire standards.
No, Edward. It could never be.
Bella shifted, her pulse quickened and her breathing became shallower. From all the nights I had spent with her while she slept, I knew this was when she would begin to talk. I braced myself for what would come out, for I was never quite sure what it would be.
"No! Edward, no!" she cried.
I froze, and I'm sure if my heart was beating it would have stopped. Blood that no longer ran through my veins would stand still from the sound of her voice. Oh, god. She sounded pained. Was she dreaming about tomorrow? The insufferable pain and raging fire that would consume her body.
"Don't go, Edward! I want you to stay!" she muttered, her voice lowered. It was still pained slightly, but there was always that hint of the love she held for me.
Bella, as if I would ever leave you. As if I could leave you now, I thought.
I had left before and this had done more damage to either of us than I had ever intended. I knew I would suffer, but how deep I had suffered was beyond words. I never spoke about it to anyone, least of which was Bella. Pain stronger than transformation had run rampant through me for the months we had been apart.
And Bella. I had thought she would move on, get over me, when I'd left. Little did I know she was in worse condition than even me. She didn't like to speak of our time apart anymore than I did, but I had the memories of those around her during that period to remind me of my betrayal of her. The dog's were the worst, of course. He had Sam's image of finding her on the forest floor, broken and wet, forever printed in his memory, and in turn it had been burned into mine.
That day when he'd shown up at our school to taunt me had been the worst. He'd pictured everything that had gone on while I was gone in his mind, knowing that I could see it and hear it almost first-hand. It was worse than when Jane had used her power on me in Italy. I could handle that barely; the dog's memories had almost broken me. If Bella hadn't been there in front of me, I think I would have died right there, if I could.
Now that I was back and we were man and wife, I would never leave Bella's side. Not even for a second. We would, for all eternity, be bound together in every way possible, human or inhuman. I would never let any type of harm come to her again; I had promised both her and myself that.
But this harm, this change, would be the worst on both of us. She knew it and I knew it. I had heard her tell Alice she wouldn't cry out for my sake during the terrible three days. Alice had doubted her, but I didn't. When Bella sets her mind to something, she gets it done. I envied her strength, for I hadn't had that strength when Carlisle had changed me. I'd thrashed and roared for hour after hour without end.
But Bella, she was different. She was stronger than any of us combined. Emmett included. She'd persevered though the most difficult of times when any other person would have broken down long ago. She'd emerged stronger than ever and her decision had been made.
"Edward, I love you," Bella's voice was strong next to me, pulling me from my thoughts. It was steady, sure of itself. There was no wavering or room for doubt.
Her sudden admission, though I'd heard it countless times before, eased my racing mind.
I had to be strong for Bella. My Bella. This was what she wanted, what she longed for. I such a hard time denying her anything, much less this.
I sighed louder than I intended and Bella rolled in her sleep, her pulse quickening for a second. I thought I'd woken her, but then it calmed and it was back to it's same slow, usual pattern.
Her skin glowed in the moonlight. She thought I was a marble statue, perfection at it's finest. But in reality, it was she who was perfect. I wanted to worship at the alter of her feet for all eternity. I simply didn't deserve this flawless creature I had been gifted with.
"I love you too, my beautiful Bella," I whispered in her ear. That same smile as earlier returned to her face and her pulse quickened again.
I sighed, quieter this time.
I would spend all eternity showing her how much she meant to me. How much I worshiped her. I wanted to be blind from the light she shone in my life. It wouldn't matter that I no longer had a soul; Bella and I would share hers. It wouldn't matter if I couldn't enter heaven; I had my own angel right here.
I pulled her tighter against me, wishing that we could stay locked in this moment in our bed together for all of time. Stop the clock all together.
But I knew different. All too soon the sun would rise on the horizon and it would be daybreak. And time for her to rise and meet her choice head on.
Tomorrow would be a long day, and the two days following it would be longer still. I just hoped I had the strength necessary to withstand them. For Bella's sake.
A/N: Once again, please review. I like reviews, good or bad. I enjoyed writing from Edward's perspective. He's so angsty that it makes for good writing, I think.