I knew Mom would be checking her email soon, so rather than have her wait for me to email her back later, I decided to wait for her response. She really should have gotten Instant Message, but I never pushed it. If she wanted to live in the Stone Age, let her.
My computer cranked away as I closed one of the programs that was running. Just as I reached for the mouse to continue wandering around the Web aimlessly, the computer started cranking away again, and I groaned along with it. Finally, it finished "whining" and I pulled up the minimized Internet Explorer. Again, the computer moaned in protest, but for less time. The page loaded fully, and I directed the arrow to the address bar at the top of the screen. The homepage address was highlighted with just a click and I randomly typed in "dictionary".
Google offered several sites dealing with dictionaries. I chose the first link, knowing that it often was the best choice out of the however many million options.
While I thought of a word to search, I pulled up email again.
Just as I had suspected.
I'm glad your father took you out to eat. You seem to be doing all the cooking.
Anyway, Phil and I are in Massachusetts for the weekend. The team got a tour of Fenway—I'm sure your father would be beyond thrilled. I took some pictures, in case you're interested.
We're headed to someplace in Maine next, and I don't expect to get very good reception—it's all forest up there, from what I understand.
Anyway, I hope things are going well.
We'll be in Washington in a few months, so I'll stop by when we are.
Lots of love and kisses,
I rolled my eyes and typed back a short reply, saying that I looked forward to seeing her, but not to stress about it if she couldn't make it.
Her signature gave me an idea and I typed "love" into the search bar. There were twenty-seven results. I groaned. I wanted a little entertainment, not a novel. If I wanted a novel, I could have picked up the latest English assignment.
I scrolled down to the second entry and read the definition.
Love- n - A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
As I examined the definition, I thought of all the people I loved.
Edward, of course, came to mind first. The definition fit, as I knew it would. And then Charlie, naturally—perhaps in a strange way, but I did love him. Mom, of course. I loved Alice, and Carlisle, and Esme. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper, I was sure, I would love in time.
And then there was Jacob.
Again, I examined the definition.
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude…
Well, that was certainly there, even if I did want to strangle him sometimes.
…toward a person...
I laughed at this slightly. Edward was a vampire—did this mean I was incapable of loving him because he wasn't, technically, a person? I ignored that and decided to mentally cross out "person" and fill in the blank with whatever noun was appropriate.
…such as that arising from kinship…
I wouldn't say that kind of love. Maybe a little bit, but it was more than a brother-sister love if it was love at all, with Jacob.
…recognition of attractive qualities…
He certainly wasn't lacking in "attractive qualities".
…and a sense of underlying oneness.
I sat back, slightly stunned. The completeness that I felt when around Jacob, was part of the reason I hung around him so much. I felt at ease and comfortable and whole. This, I also felt with Edward, but…
Was it possible to love two people?
Still in awe, I slowly and deliberately stood up, looked down at my hands and then grabbed my keys off of the desk before grabbing a rain jacket off my bed and darting downstairs.
"Where are you off to?" Charlie asked from the couch. I was pretty sure he didn't need a huge explanation—it would either be to Edward's or Jacob's.
I humored him anyway. "Jacob's. I'll be back eventually."
"Alright. I'll be here."
Had I been going to Edward's, he would have set a time limit. I ignored this and ran outside into the pouring rain.
The truck started more willingly than usual and I sighed. It was a sign. I was doing the right thing.