And I Don't Believe in Magic Anymore...

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. I don't own the song I used. I'm not even pretending to own them (this time). Don't sue me. I'll have to take out more loans…

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Scott explains to Jean why he has to leave her... (Companion piece to "Everything Said with Goodbye")

Author's Note: Okay, two things. Number one, I know Jean and Scott, as of the time I'm writing this, have not broken up, so don't even think about being a moron and writing to me about how they're still together. I know that. This is a "what-if" sort of thing. Secondly, The song I use is by the Smiths, and is entitled "Jeane." I, however, have changed it to "Jean" within the story for obvious reasons.

Feedback and Archiving: Both would be nice. E-mail me at addie_logan@yahoo.com or message me through AIM at ChereRogueMarie.

Shameless Webpage Plug: I've written better stuff, I swear! Read it at http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

And I Don't Believe in Magic Anymore…

By: Addie Logan

Jean,
The low-life has lost its appeal
And I'm tired of walking these streets
To a room with a cupboard bare

If there was one thing I was always sure of, it was the love we shared. You were my life, my world, my soul. I never doubted for a second that that would waiver. Even with Logan threatening to come between us, I knew I was safe. We were one, and that was the way it would always be. You were the one constant in my ever-changing life.

Nothing's constant anymore.

En Sabah Nur stripped away everything I ever believe in, everything that I thought was real. Showed me my whole life was nothing but an illusion—that the belief in undying love that I clung to for so long was just smoke and mirrors.

So where does that leave us, Jean?

Jean,
I'm not sure what happiness means
But I look in your eyes
And I know
That it isn't there

I can't be the man you used to know. He isn't here anymore. I don't even know what it means to be him anymore. I wish I could give you what you need, but I can't. Everything I could give you now would be a lie, and I do still care too much to do that to you.

I tried to make it work. I wanted to make it work. I tried to fix it, to make it the same as it used to be.

It can never be the same.

We tried, we failed
We tried, and we failed
We tried and we failed
We tried and we failed
We tried

I have to leave. I'm not the person you married. I'm not even the man that dedicated his life to the X-Men anymore. I'm someone else, and I have to find out who that is.

I have to find it out alone.

We can't keep pretending that we're what we always were. I know that's what you want, what you say you need, but I can't keep this up anymore. It's too hard, Jean. Our love died with the rest of me. I can't live in the fantasy world where it didn't.

I have to live in reality, even if it isn't as pretty as the fairy-tale.

Jean
There's ice on the sink where we bathe
So how can you call this a home
When you know it's a grave ?

I'm leaving in the morning. I have to get out. It's smothering me here. I hate the pain in your eyes, but there's no use pretending. I know it hurts you to live with me now that I'm so cold.

You won't have to anymore.

Even though you're crying, I know inside you know it's right. You never liked pretending either. With everything that went on around us, you always had to cling to what was real. You clung to our love.

Maybe that wasn't real after all…

But you still hold a greedy grace
As you tidy the place
But it'll never be clean
Jean

You wanted to fix things, make them the way they used to be. From the moment I got back you wanted me to fill the hole inside you that I always had before. I just can't do that any longer.

How can I when I'm empty myself?

You've always wanted to heal, wanted to make all the pain in the world go away. Sometimes, I think maybe you should've been a doctor, that you'd be happy healing the sick.

I can't be healed.

I'm too far gone this time.

Oh ...
Cash on the nail
It's just a fairytale
Oh ...
And I don't believe in magic anymore
Jean

You used to tell me that everyone had one person they were meant to be with, and that for you, it was me. I believed you. Even with everything I saw and did in my life, I believed in the old-fashioned magic of eternal romance.

I don't believe anymore.

I've seen the darkest that life can be. So dark that I didn't think it was life anymore. How can I can I go back to believing in the light?

But I think you know
I really think you know
Oh ...
I think you know the truth
Jean

Oh ...

I know you don't want to let go. You're still clinging to what used to be, who I used to be. But I can see in your eyes that you know it's over. There's fear in your eyes, fear that the one thing that could never happen has happened.

You know it's over.

You know we're over.

The coldness of that fact scares a part of me, too—the part that can still feel. But it isn't enough to overpower the truth. I have to get out. I can't be your rock anymore. I can't be your support.

I can't be the one thing that can fill you up.

No heavenly choir
Not for me and not for you
Because I think that you know
I really think you know
I think you know the truth
Oh ...
Jean

There's nothing left between us but good-bye. I can remember the love we used to have, but it isn't real to me anymore. It's like the memory of a dream.

I look at our marriage and see a sham. It isn't what I thought it was. I can't get it back to where it used to be. It's just…over…

That we tried, and we failed
That we tried, and we failed
We tried and we failed
We tried and we failed
Oh ...
Oh ...
Jean

I'm so sorry, Jean…