O.o Obsession has hit.
Disclaimer: Sara owns nothing.
Dedication: To nothing other then the fact that there isn't enough Misa/Raito stuff out there! RAWR!!
Misa is not naïve. And while people expect her to be so, she can not help them to understand.
She is beautiful, and she knows this. Without a doubt, it has caused more problems then it has fixed. There is nothing she wishes more for then for Raito to love her, but she knows that it will not last forever.
Because with Raito, nothing is forever, and she knows this, too.
Because Misa is not naïve, despite what people (Ryuuzaki and Matsuda included,) used to think. She knew, even then, that one day, Raito would leave.
But until that time, if she was able to, she would stay by his side.
Because she loves him, even now, even a year after his death. She does, really she does. She loved the way his eyes light up when he's onto something, and the way his voice sounded just after he's woken up. This was of course, when he'd been alive.
She has been there, so she knows what loving him is like. And she can't get him out of her head, and it bothers her, but she is not a child, and she hopes this is more then just infatuation, because he's claimed her as his.
And he claims her again, and again, and again. And again, again, again, and again. Of course she's used to it by now, but the first time it hurt, and she remembers him kissing away the pain of it.
So she knows, deep inside, that he's good. And despite what everyone says, she knows he will stay that way.
And so, two days later, she pulls on a black dress, long-sleeved, and skin-tight, and a soft gray coat, and red gloves, and dark red boots, and she leaves the house where she's been staying. Her eyes (blue as the morning sky, he once told her) are ringed in thick black eye liner, and she's got lots of mascara on.
Her hair is down, for once (because he said she looked prettier that way), and she lets herself remember.
She remembers everything, from their first meeting, to their first kiss, to the first time they had sex, to the day he died, to now. It is February, and it is cold, but she will sit by his grave, and she will mourn.
Because she loves him. She loves him very much, so much so that it hurts, sometimes.
As she looks up at the sky, she knows her time is coming. She can feel it in her bones. Perhaps Ruyk would come to get her, or maybe, if she is lucky, Rem. Rem would not make her death difficult, because Rem loves Misa.
But Rem is dead, and she is never coming back, the same way Raito is never coming back.
And, once again, Misa knows this, but feels no need to use it. She had cut her life force in half twice already, and death was coming.
Misa did not feel that it was all that important, because she truly finds death as beautiful as she finds life, albeit in a different sort of way. It is more violent, but that does not mean that she does not love it.
For death comes after life, like dark comes after like, like Misa after Raito. Everything comes full circle, and sitting in this graveyard, she knows she will die.
But when she dies, she will be near light, and she will be happy, and there will nothing that will take her away from her paradise.
It is snowing now, she realizes.
She closes her eyes, and stares up at the sky, and remembers one particularly happy night.
Raito had taken her dancing. Neither of them had anything to drink, and they had just… just danced. Soft and slow and sweet and everything Misa wanted them to be.
Pounding music still reminded her of that night, because they had spent the entire night together. There was not a particular song that had ever been theirs, but she likes to think that if there had been, it would have been 'Pretty Girl'.
And, when she closes her eyes, she can see them dancing to it.
But, as he's dead, it will never happen.
She can only wish, and she does wish. She wishes that he'd never gone and done something as stupid as dying, and she wishes that maybe; just maybe, things could have turned out differently.
She lies down on the ground, next to his grave, and simply stares up. Little flakes of white drift down, around her face, and she wishes that she had the strength to get up.
But she doesn't, because her time is coming closer and closer, and she can feel it speeding along with every minute.
A part of her sighs softly, and murmurs in regret. She shortened her life span twice, twice for a shinigami's eyes. And Rem gave them to her, of course, because Rem loved Misa the way Misa loves Raito.
And, as Misa stares up at the sky, she knows she is not naïve, and that she never has been, and she never will be.
She closes her eyes, and she feels death speeding her way. People will think she died from freezing. She knows better.
She is dying because she does not want to live anymore. She is dying because the one person she wants to be close to is dead, and has been dead for nearly a year.
Her eyes, still closed, will never open again.
It is February 14, Valentines day, of 2011.
As life leaves her body, Misa finds this thought ironically comforting, in a way. They will find her will, written on filched Death Note paper, and they will all see what she saw all along.
They will see that death does not separate, it merely prolongs, and they will know to bury her next to him, when the time is right, and when spring has comes, and there is nothing left for either of them to hide behind.
Because Misa is not naïve, and she is beautiful, and her final thought among the living is that she knows this, and if Raito knew it, too, then it would be enough for her.