A kappa's pain

A Kappa's Pain

How could this be? What had made him do it?

Sanzo had awakened only to find his gun was missing. Where the hell was it? The others had better not be playing some trick on him. If that happened he'd kill them. This wasn't funny. He needed that gun. Certainly he was not defenseless with out it, but still it rarely out of reach. He had always planned to take his own fate? Destiny? In his own hands. He swore a long time ago that no demon or human had the right to take his life. That was for him to do at the proper time and place. He just had not figured that part out yet.

He could hear Hakkai and Goku on the lower floor of the current run down inn that had chosen for the night. The smell of fresh coffee was the thing that pulled him down the stairs after giving Gojyo's door a pound. "Hey get your lazy ass up kappa we're leaving in an hour. If your not there we'll leave you behind." As soon as he sat down Hakkai was there with a cup of the strong brew. Sanzo sat back and sighed as the hot liquid passed his lips.

''Did you guys do something with my gun?"

"Nope." Goku sputtered through his pancake stuffed mouth. Sanzo swatted him with the fan.

"Slow down or you'll choke. And it looks gross from here."

Hakkai set some more pancakes on the table. "Here Sanzo. And no I haven't seen your gun."

"Ugh I'm not hungry after watching the monkey maul his food." Hakkai gave him that slightly impatient smile.

"You really should eat something Sanzo." Sanzo just shook his head. "I wonder why Gojyo's not down here yet."

"I pounded on his door and told him to get his lazy ass out of bed."

"It's not like him to miss breakfast."

"Unless he's out screwing around with some tart of the day." Sanzo sneered.

"Hmm well that's true enough. I'll go up after a bit and just check to make sure that nothing's wrong." Hakkai had a slightly worried look on his face.

"His loss." Goku speared some more of the fluffy cakes. "My gain." Bits of pancake shot out of his mouth.

"'Ch pig." Was all Sanzo said before he snapped the local paper up in front of his face. It also worked like a shield from food spouting monkeys.

At the half hour mark Hakkai did in deed make his way up the stairs only to run quickly back down. "He's gone."

"WHAT?" Sanzo and Goku shouted together. Hakkai was holding a note in his trembling hand.

"All of his clothes are still there though." He handed the note to Sanzo. "Here he left this behind." The envelope had Sanzo's name scrawled on it.

"What the hell?" the monk muttered.

"Open it Sanzo. What's it say?" Goku tugged on his sleeve.

Sanzo read the note quietly to himself. With a shout sprinted for the door. "SHIT! THAT DUMB FUCK." The note drifted carelessly to the floor.

Hakkai picked up the paper and began to read it. "oh dear…" his voice wavered."No. Oh Gojyo why?"

Goku stared at the shaking man in front of him. "Hakkai?" he shook the stunned man's arm. Slipping the note out of Hakkai's limp fingers he glanced at the note. "Shit." He shook Hakkai once more, "Come on Hakkai we gotta go find him."

"Yes of course!" he was still in shock from what he had read. Hakuryu instantly changed into his jeep form. "I don't know which way to go."

"I've got Sanzo's scent we can follow that." Goku's golden eyes threatened to overflow. "We've got to get there fast. Floor it Hakkai."

The jeep lurched forward.

Sanzo, having shed his robe that had been slowing him down was running as fast as humanly possible. "That idiot." He thought to himself. "I'm gonna kill him." Not really sure he was going the right direction he reached out with all his finely tuned senses trying to pick up the half breed's trail. It was faint but very much there. Sanzo saw him standing at the edge of a cliff, gun raised to his temple. The sunlight glittered off of it. And his hair looked like living fire.

"Gojyo." He said barely above a whisper. Still it was heard by the red head.

"Sanzo?" the ruby eyes looked surprised. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What kind of stupid fucking question is that you fucking moron?" Sanzo's voice was laced with venom. "What the hell are you doing?"

"It's not worth it Sanzo. I just can't go on." Tears dribble downward. "It's too hard and I can't take it anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I…well…shit." The gun wavered. "Loving you and know you'll never love me back." The hand with the gun swiped at the tears. "I know it's impossible. There's no way I can measure up to those standards." Sanzo stood cemented in place.

"Gojyo." He was not sure what to say. Hakkai and Goku pulled up in the jeep and both leaped out.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai gasped. Goku already had tears running down his face. They began to surge forward but were blocked by Sanzo's outstretched arm. They stared at him completely stunned. Sanzo just shook his head and muttered.

"Leave it. This is between him and me." Hakkai scowled and Goku sniffled but both remained in place.

"I hope you know what you're doing Sanzo." Hakkai hissed slightly. "I don't want anything to happen to my best friend. He saved my life and I will save his." Sanzo nodded.

The blond slowly made his way forward. His face turned into a mask, purposely hiding his emotions. When he was within a foot of the now sobbing red head he reached out for the gun. "Idiot. Why didn't you say something sooner?" Gojyo's eyes blinked in surprise. A sudden blast of wind unbalanced them. The gun by fired by accident. And two bloodied bodies fall over the precipice.

Goku ran forward shouting their names over and over.

Hakkai did not move. He knew it was already too late to do anything. The two men were gone forever. "Goku! come away from the edge. I don't want you to fall also."

"But….but Hakkai we have to save them." The gold eyes pleaded. There was a distant but sickening sound of bodies hitting the bottom with force. He just shook his head.

"It's too late Goku. They're gone."

"No that's not true. It can't be true. You're lying."

"Goku!" the green eyes were filled with tears. He held his arms outstretched to enfold the crying child. They remained huddled together for a long time.

/

Something surprised Hakkai and he sat up in the bed trying to figure out the sound. It didn't take long for him to recognize it.

The bed in the next room was hitting the connecting wall with a well distinguished rhythm.

"Thank god." He placed his hand over his heart trying to slow the rapid beating. The noise happened every night since Sanzo had been able to talk Gojyo out of his suicide attempt.

Luckily Goku slept through it all. Or so he thought.

Goku smiled slyly then banged on the wall. "Knock it off would ya some of us are trying to get some sleep ya know." The noise sped up then stopped completely.