Crossovers Can Drive You Crazy

Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

AN: Okay, I just needed to cheer up after writing Holding the Line. It depressed me a little. So I wrote this. Figured I'd post it and see if it got any laughs. This is a crack fic so don't take it seriously.

Alucard stood on the street, just leaning against an obscenely colorful building. Integra had discovered the whereabouts of another vampire, and Alucard, his fledgling and a small group of soldiers had been sent in to 'silence' the target. With his 'third eye' the No-Life King observed that Seras and the humans had just reached the vamp's castle. The target this time was a count- not that such matters made much of a difference. With the exception of one *Count*, the vampire nobility fell just as easily (or as difficult) as their commoners.

Alucard had let himself fall behind a little. After all, his fledgling needed some experience fighting vampires on her own. He couldn't always be there to watch over her. However, he was, of course, monitoring her progress. If Seras really needed his help, he could shadow shift to her in mere seconds. But for now he was just waiting and enjoying the night air.

Then the ancient vampire's mind was suddenly snapped to his young fledgling. The vamp had trapped her as soon as she entered his castle. Perhaps this 'count' wasn't just another vampire after all. Alucard pulled out his Jackal and prepared himself to shadow shift into the target's castle. However, before he had the chance to a big, yellow... something pulled the gun out of his hand.

Whatever had taken his gun was behind him, and Alucard internally fumed that he let himself be snuck up on. His mind had been too preoccupied with monitoring his fledgling. The vampire master turned around and was about to take his anger out on the idiot who was stupid enough to take his gun. However, when he turned, he was momentarily stunned.

A seven foot, yellow bird was holding Alucard's gun and looking down the barrel. "Oooh, what's this thing?"

Th No-Life King was so shocked by the giant, talking, yellow bird that he didn't even think to grab the handle of his gun and squeeze the trigger- thereby ending the life of the creature that dared to take his gun away. Instead, Alucard found himself- almost dumbly -answering the weird creature's question. "It's a gun."

"A gun?!" The bird seemed positively shocked. "You can't have a gun here. The censures would never allow it. It's good thing I got to you before they did. They're very strict here on Sesame Street."


"Oooh, I've got to hide this before the show starts." And with that, the strange giant of a bird started to run away.

"Hey, wait a minute! Come back with my gun!" Alucard shouted as he took of after the bizarre creature.

At first, everything had been going fine for Seras and her men. They'd had reached and entered the castle without any problems. There were no ghouls guarding the entrance. It wasn't even locked. However, after the Hellsing troops entered the castle, something strange happened. Their movements began to slow until they couldn't move at all.

Seras and her men were all stuck by some invisible force. Oh, how the castle's dark lord must've been loving that, Seras thought as rage began to fill her. But then the enemy vampire appeared, and he was so absolutely ridiculous looking that Seras's anger started to ebb. Her mood lightened as she imagined that most, if not all, of this count's victims must have died laughing. Still, she wasn't exactly thrilled by being held captive.

"Let us go!" Seras screamed and got her third surprise of the day. The vampire actually apologized.

"I'm so sorry. I'm afraid that my castle stops anything that enters until I've had a chance to count it."

"What? Why?"

"Because that's what I do. I count things. That's why I'm called the Count. Now I'll get to counting you, and as soon as I'm finished you'll be free." The Count was about to start counting, but something caught his eye, causing him to instead question, "What are those big things that you are all carrying?" The Count pointed at the soldiers' weapons.

"Those are our guns. Haven't you ever seen a gun before?"

"Oh my no. Gun's aren't permitted here. If the censures ever found one... Well, I shutter to think what they'd do. Lets just get rid of them, shall we?" The Count motioned his hand to the side, and the Hellsing weapons floated out the window.

One of the soldier's exclaimed, "Hey! Give us back our guns!"


"Because we need them?"


"Because we're soldiers of the Hellsing organization. In the name of God and service of her majesty, we are charged with driving the eternal stake through the hearts of the undead."

"My, my such a long name. Ten soldiers of the Hellsing organization charged, in the name of God and service of her majesty, to drive the eternal stake through the hearts of the undead." The Count repeated the total number of soldiers, then started to point to each one and count them up. "One soldiers of the Hellsing organization charged, in the name of God and service of her majesty, to drive the eternal stake through the hearts of the undead."

Seras just sighed. She could tell that they were going to be there for a while.

(Well, I'm cheered up now. How did you like it. Should I leave it a One-Shot, add another chapter or just delete it altogether? Please, let me know. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)