SUMMARY: There is nothing so contradictory to Jack as his feelings for Elizabeth. He hasn't seen her in six months and a decision needs to be made before he goes mad. Post AWE. SPARRABETH!
RATING: T, for suggestive content.
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the brilliant characters associated with it. Nor do I own the song "She." (If you've seen Notting Hill, you'll recognize it.)
A/N: So yeah, here's another song-fic from she-who-hates-song-fics. Who woulda guessed… Anyways, enjoy!
It has taken me six months to gather the courage to write you this letter, and even now I still don't quite know what to say to you. By the time this letter reaches you, I fear I will already be regretting my decision to write to you. I don't even know if this letter will reach you.
I don't even know if you're alive.
I suppose that's why I've finally decided to write you. Rumors about you have spread over the Caribbean (again) like wildfire. I overheard two men talking in the tavern where I make my living. They said you were lost at sea going after the Black Pearl. They said you were seen leaving Tortuga in a dinghy and haven't been spotted or heard from since. I have to admit to you that the notion of you being lost at sea frightened me. I don't like to think of you being dead, Jack, so if you are alive, please let me know. I can't live with this terrible feeling inside me any longer.
I know what you must be thinking right now. Why would I, the woman who once sent you to your death, care whether you lived or not now? I can almost see the look on your face as you read this… before I continue, you need to know what Will said to me when we last parted. He asked me… well, told me, not to wait for him. He said that he loved me and that was why I wasn't to wait for the one day. He said I didn't belong on land. He essentially told me all the things I was too afraid to admit myself.
So now I ask for your favor. I know I don't deserve it, Jack, but I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't at least ask. I've been waiting since that day to see the Black Pearl on the horizon and she never came. Will was right. I don't belong on land. I want to be a part of the Pearl's crew… a part of your crew. But if you will not have me, I understand. I plan to wait here for a month longer before going to Tortuga. If your answer is no, I'll join another crew.
Jack, before you make your decision, you must know how terribly sorry I am. I know that what I did was unforgivable, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I only know now how wrong I was. I'll regret what I did to you until the day I die.
I hope to see black sails on the horizon before the month is over. I'll be watching for you. But as I said… if you never come, I understand.
One more thing…
I regret shackling you to the mast. But I don't regret the kiss. I'll never regret the kiss.
Jack slumped into his desk chair, sighing heavily. He tossed her letter on the wooden surface while reaching for the glass bottle. He grabbed it and held it to his mouth, gripping the cork with his teeth and spitting it across the room. He took a long swig, only stopping to come up for air. Once he'd taken a deep breath, he drank again.
Elizabeth was, without a doubt, the most complicated, confusing woman he had ever met. And he had met a lot of women.
All women were complicated, he knew that. That's partly what he loved about them. They kept him on his toes. But Elizabeth was more complicated than all of them put together. Elizabeth took the cake. And yet he couldn't stop thinking about her! Every single one of his thoughts, in some way, reverberated back to her.
She may be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
Rum wasn't helping, not a damn bit. Jack was a smart man and he knew it. He could figure out a solution to any situation he was put it. He could escape shackles. He could sack a port without firing a single shot. Hell, he'd done that twice. He could vanish from custody within minutes. There were a lot of things he could do. Figuring out Elizabeth was not one of them.
One minute, she's virtually telling him how vile he is, bad hygiene included. The next minute she's telling him that she's proud of him.
One minute, she's kissing him. The next minute, she's left him to die.
She tells him it would have never worked out between them. Then the next time he hears from her, she's begging him to come for her, to rescue her from the rock she's stuck on.
She kills him then tells him how terrified she was at the idea of his death.
She's says she's not sorry, then admits she is.
Jack sighed again, setting the bottle down. He leaned on his elbows and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. What did she want from him? What did she expect him to do? She tells him that her husband told her to move on, not to wait for him. Was that her way of telling him she wanted to move on with him?
She may be the song the summer sings
May be the chilly autumn breeze
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
Yet despite how she confused him, he wanted her. He wanted her so bad it hurt. It took him months to admit it to just himself, but he loved that girl. God, how he loved her. Every time he saw her with Will, it made his heart sink a little bit. When he watched them together, he couldn't help but think about how he'd do things differently.
He wouldn't just hold her hand, he'd hold her. He'd grab her by the waist and hold her to him. He wouldn't hold her at arm's length, the way he did. He didn't give a damn about being proper, like he did. If he had her at his side, he'd take pleasure in making the whole world know she was his. He would never ask her to wait until he'd put a ring on her finger. He'd pleasure her in a way that made her forget the whelp's name, forget the whelp even existed.
But what she wanted was all that mattered to him. And he couldn't help but feel like he might never really know what she wanted.
She was full of contradictions.
He smirked to himself.
That was one of the things he loved about that girl.
She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
So now the ball was in his court. She was asking for him, more or less. He leaned forward again and grabbed her letter, rereading her words for the millionth time. He'd read that damn letter so many times, the paper was beginning to wear thin.
She was giving him a choice. It was all up to him now. He chewed the inside of his cheek. He wanted to go for her. He wanted to be the one to take her away from that place, from that place that both of them knew she didn't belong. He wanted to be the one to guide her as she became more and more of a pirate each day. He wanted to take her by the hand and show her the world, go to places she had only read about in books.
Most of all, he wanted to show her him, who he was. He wanted to show her, and only her, the good man that lurked behind the hardened surface of his exterior.
The only problem was, he wasn't quite sure if he'd regret it or not. Would going to get her mean shooting himself in the foot? Would he take her away, fill himself with false hopes of a future with Lizzie Sparrow at his side, only to have her change her mind in another six months? He couldn't take that. He couldn't take the utter disappointment that would follow having that woman on his ship only for her to decide she didn't want the same thing.
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem inside her shell
…wouldn't it be worth the risk?
He stood up quickly and shoved the crumpled parchment back into his pocket. He grabbed his hat off a hook on his way out the door.
"Mister Gibbs!" he shouted, heading towards the wheel, jumping up the stairs two at a time.
"Capt'n?" The older man's brow furrowed. He had seen that look on his captain's face before.
"Due south," Jack panted.
"Change of heading, Mister Gibbs. Turn this vessel around now. We're goin' back to the Tortuga."
She who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
Jack closed the door behind him, locking it as he did so. It wouldn't take more than a few days before they reached the Caribbean. It had been a month. He knew that. He knew he'd been daft enough to let waste his time. He could only pray that he'd find her in Tortuga before she'd joined another crew.
He knew that if she did join that other crew, the chances of him ever seeing her again were slim. The odds of something happening between point A and point B, either to him or to her, were too great. But he'd spend the rest of his life looking for her. He'd wasted enough time being stupid, being too proud to admit that he'd forgiven her completely for what she'd done. Truth was, he was never really all that mad at her. He knew why she did what she did. She took what she wanted and didn't give anything back.
He had to find her. He just had to. He'd already lost a little of himself since she'd been gone, and he knew he wouldn't get it back until he found her.
She may be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
But I'll remember till the day I die
The Pearl docked in Tortuga harbor three days later. Jack gave his crew a quick set of orders before heading ashore. He had to find her.
The first three pubs he went to, he found no sight of her. By the time he reached the fourth pub, he was out of breath and beginning to lose hope. What if she had joined another crew already? He shuddered at the thought. He'd already let her get away once and he'd be damned if he let it happen again.
The pub was smaller than the others, but just as crowded. He ignored the glances he received from people he'd met in another lifetime, and even a few he owed money. He didn't care about that now. Lizzie was all that mattered.
She may be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough and many years
He didn't see her.
He was about to give up before he gave a final glance around. That's when he spotted the table in the corner.
The person sitting there had their back to him. A long, tawny braid fell down their back, a tricorn hat atop their head. He grinned. He knew that figure anywhere.
He walked towards that table, his chest pounding. What a fool he was for that girl. He knew he must have been grinning like an idiot, but he didn't care. He always considered himself to be a lucky man, and the fact that he'd found her only solidified that theory. He got closer and the figure at the table stood up, their back still to him. Once he was within three feet of the table, she turned around.
Their eyes caught and for a few minutes they just stared at each other. They each took a step forward, closing the gap between them.
"What are you doing here?" she asked him, her face hurt. Why hadn't he come for her before? What could he want from her now?
"Sorry if I'm a bit late," he replied. He watched as her eyes brimmed with tears and before either of them could say another word, she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck.
Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is she
"You found me," she cried, wiping her tears away when she pulled back from him.
"Lizzie…" He placed his hand under her chin, tilting her head up to his. "I will always find you."
He leaned into her and kissed her, placing his hands on her hips. This was it. She would either let him kiss her or she would push him away. He heard her breath hitch in her throat. This was it…
He felt her hands on the back of his neck. He opened his eyes to see her leaning into him. He smiled into their kiss and grabbed her by the hips like he always wanted to.
Lizzie might be a mass of contradictions. Hell, let her be. She was his mass of contradictions, and he was never going to let her go.
A/N: Okay, that's that. I hope you guys liked it! I've been thinking about this fic for awhile and finally just decided to write it. So go review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!