A Dog's Life

Authors note:-
Yes, this is a one off so no sequel or following chapters. This one sprung out of my Of Gods Men and Monsters Anthology. Only, because of a handful of reasons including continuity and the fact there is no SG-1, I'm putting it in to its own little story.

See end... I don't want to give it away!

Muffit was a dagget. Only not really, more than a thousand yahren earlier the Twelve Colonies of man used trained dagget hounds as scouts. Bred with an acute sense of smell they were used to find edible foods and useful materials on unexplored planets. They were also useful at finding predators and other dangers that might exist on a planet.

As the Colonials explored planets further and further out they became more and more dangerous. It so became apparent that even trained attack daggets were out matched, soon after Colonial electronics experts set to work designing crude mechanical replacements. Eventually these replacements became more and more dagget like until a project to design and build them from scratch.

Unfortunately the project never really took off as shortly after the twelve colonies of man were embroiled in the thousand yahren war with the Cylon Alliance.

After the loss of the war and the fall of the Colonies the refugees of the Galactican fleet set out across the stars. It became apparent that scouts were going to be needed once again. The result was Muffit.

An advanced cybernetic scout form, based loosely on a large attack Dagget, Muffit had artificial olfactory senses and a database of known plant and animal life. While most of the time it was with a small boy, of whom Muffit was his constant companion, Muffit was occasionally sent down with explorer teams. This was one such occasion.

Muffit bounded along the grassy plains, he was a few centons from the landing site and other than a rather strange tree all on its own it hadn't found anything of interest. Loping along it began to make a wide sweep around the shuttle craft it had landed in, It's sensor package stretched to full. Muffit was about to begin its search when it detected something. Muffit had a small, but complex, memory bank specifically designed to identify any Cylon threats. That and detecting mushies.

Whatever it had detected was neither of these things. There was nothing like it in Muffit's experience. Spinning on the spot, smelling this way and that Muffit was able to detect the direction of the something and follow it.

The dagget ran after whatever the something was. Just over a nearby hill Muffit saw a strange blue box sat in the middle of a field. Sitting outside was a small blue grey trapezoid with a strange curved box on one end and a metal antenna on the other. Curiously the adventurous machine approached the two boxes. The much larger blue one sat unmoving and totally alien to it's surroundings. The other one spun on the spot and turned to face Muffit.

Startlingly the dagget's recognition system identified the odd shaped box as a head. This close Muffit could see two aerials spinning and a glowing red plate in the middle. The Something was looking directly at Muffit.

Muffit skidded to a stop, all four legs ramrod straight. After a long moment of the two automatons looking at each other Muffit barked at the Something.

The Something's aerials stopped spinning and its head lowered jerkily. 'I-dent-ify.' it spoke. Muffit immediately jumped back. Spinning in place Muffit's systems busied themselves trying to work out if the Something was a threat. The little box jerked forward for a second and stopped. A long thing came out of its glowing red plate and Muffit's systems once again tied themselves in knots.

Then the Something spoke again. 'A-nalysis mode:- Un-known ca-nine ro-bot. No weap-ons. Prim-i-tive. In-tell-igence lim-it-ed. Nega-tive on psy-onic wave-form. Sen-sors in-dicate land-ing craft, just out-side vis-u-al range.' The strange round thing retracted back into the Something's face plate.

Muffit didn't understand what it was saying, but knew it was talking to Muffit. Sitting down in front of the Something Muffit barked.

'A-ttemp-ting dialogue. Request you try a-gain.'

Muffit looked at the spinning aerials. Somewhere in Muffit's processor it recognised them as ears. Muffit barked at them again.

The small box on the Something's front rose. 'Lan-guage recognised. In-tell-igence re-evalu-ated; new rat-ing con-firmed as minimal.'

Muffit tried again with olfactory senses. It was a Something. Now was the time to make a choice; Return to Muffit's landing ship and report findings or learn more about the something.

Muffit decided to wait. In the sprit of experimenting it pushed against the Something's front and it rolled backwards. The Something rolled forward, back to where it was. Muffit pushed it again and the Something rolled back again. Somewhere in Muffit's database it recognised this as the game it played with Boxey. The winner was the first to fall over. Muffit pushed the Something again

'Un-known now categor-ised as annoying.' Something said looking directly at the dagget. 'Begin-ning four stage re-moval of irri-tation. Stage one:- Ig-nore.' The Something spun around.

Disappointedly Muffit sat back down. That was the other way to end the game but the long antenna coming out of the somethings back distracted Muffit.

It was long and bouncy, fascinated Muffit grabbed the long but thin metal rod and held on to it. The Somethings head came up quickly. 'Stage Two. Re-quest Ir-ritation to stop. Pl-ease stop.' it said quickly.

Muffit barked and pulled on the rod again. This time the Something spun back around and actually growled at Muffit.

'Stage Three. Re-peat re-quest. Pl-ease stop now.'

Muffit didn't like being growled at so growled right back. The Something had no arms, no legs and no mouth. No weapons, Muffit had the advantage.

Instead of backing down the Something just stayed there and spoke again. 'Irri-ta-tion now be-coming hos-tile. Stage four now un-avoidable. I must neu-tra-lise.'

Muffit barked again and growled. The Something would back down, Muffit had the advantage of both size and limbs. It had nothing. Then something new happened.

A small tube came out of the very front of the Something and flicked up. Muffit barked at the tube, it flashed red...

K-9 watched in something very much like satisfaction as the blast left a smoking hole in the front of the cybernetic canine cretin. The stupid thing keeled over to one side, a single foot twitching rhythmically due to shorted circuitry.

It was at that point the Doctor-Master stuck his head out of the TARDIS. 'K-9 what's all that noise?' he asked

K-9 rolled to one side and explained what had happened. The Doctor-Master frowned after he had finished;

'Did you have to kill it?' The Doctor-master asked pointedly

K-9 ran a quick check. 'A-ffirmative. Sub-ject was, irri-tat-ing and re-fused to back down. Stun fun-ction in-effective against sub-ject.'

'Yes, well you really shouldn't go blasting the local cybernetic wildlife. Come on K-9, let's be going.'

'A-ffirm-ative.' K-9 chirped and followed the Doctor-Master into his space/time capsule.

End A Dog's Life

Authors note...
And that's what happened to Muffit the robotic dog.


I don't own Doctor who, K-9 or Battlestar Galactica (1978) I am only using the characters for fun. Not profit.