Guide to the Pegasus Galaxy: part 1
"So, you've gotten yourself kidnapped?"
First thing: Don't panic.
Seriously, I know it's hard, but do not panic. Worse comes to worse, we'll find you.
We WILL get you home.
The rest of this publication is split into 2 sections, one for the 'Goons' and one for the 'Geeks'.
If you don't bring your geek home, don't even bother. No really, your life will not be worth living if you leave your geek behind. McKay will ensure that nothing works in your room. And me? I'll kill you.
Keep your geek calm. If he panics, you can guarantee his mouth will become disconnected from his oversized brain. Location of earth? Sure, I'll draw you a map.
Keep your geek as caffeinated as humanly possible (I carry pro-plus just in case). If he's twitchy, he can't fix the door or find an escape route for you.
DO NOT ANTAGONISE YOUR CAPTORS! If you are incapacitated, who's going look after your geek?
Keep your mouth shut. You know nothing. But, don't be smart about it – this leads to being beaten.
And finally; Stay positive; trust your team.
Do not lose your goon. He's dumb, thinks he can give you order and smells bad, but he's only trying to KEEP YOU SAFE. Bring you goon home or I will make your life unbearable. You WILL lose the will to live, if you let your goon get hurt.
Keep an eye on your goon as you work to get yourselves free. He is likely to try some ill-conceived heroics and hurt himself. A damaged goon is neither use nor ornament.
Keep yourself and your assigned goon well fed (I carry power bars and snickers). If he's being stupid and says he's not hungry, tell him you don't like that flavour.
DO NOT ANTAGONISE YOUR CAPTORS! Being punched, kicked etc is NOT fun. Not in any way, shape, size or form. More importantly, any good bad guy knows, that the best way to get you to fix things for him (and you can guarantee it's YOUR brain power they want) is not to hit you, but to BEAT YOUR GOON INTO A STICKY PASTE.
Keep you mouth shut. I know it's hard, but deal with it.
If you happen to find any decent ancient toys, bring them home too.
THE GOLDEN RULE: take care of each other.
Your team your life.
Don't panic: NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND
Brought to you by
Dr R. McKay and Lt Col Sheppard