Disclaimer: I own Mel. I don't own the Brotherhood or the X-men. But I own Mel. Don't own words to songs.

"Forget it Pietro," Karen said, pushing the white-haired speedster out of the way. "I can't keep going out with someone who is always late. I don't like waiting 5 hours with your best excuse being, 'I had to do my hair.' "

"But Karen!" Pietro cried, chasing after her.

"No buts Pietro. I've had enough." And with that she stormed off.

"Well, I'm too gorgeous for her anyway," Pietro muttered to himself. Sighing, he sat down at the bar.

(Ah, the wonders of fake ids.)

"What can I get ya?" asked the bartender.

"Anything with lots of alcohol," Pietro said.

"Break up's suck shit huh?" Pietro turned to the side where a pretty blonde was drinking from a bottle of vodka. She wore a grey sweater, and her hands were gloved. The incorporation of her chunky boots with her pink mini skirt worked well for her, as did her black lipstick, which simply defined her lips rather then giving her a gothic look.

"Yeah," Pietro said, taking the drink the bartender passed him.

The blonde smiled, "just be glad your ex wasn't playing you for all you're worth. Cigarette?" She offered the packet.

"Thanks," Pietro pulled out his lighter and lit up. "Ahhhh, nothing like alcohol and nicotine to fix a break up."

"Amen brother," the blonde raised her vodka bottle.

"What's your name?" Pietro asked, "I'm Pietro."

"Cute name. I'm Melanie, but just call me Mel."

"Mel," Pietro tested the name.

"Yeah, hey can I get another bottle?"

"You've had enough already Mel," the bartender answered, "go home."

"Pleeeeease Gary?" Mel leaned on the bar and fluttered her eyelashes, "for me?"

"You know you're too damn cute for your own good?" the bartender sighed, passing her another bottle. "I ain't letting you sleep her though."

"Don't worry," Mel grinned, opening the bottle, "I found a new friend." She took a swig from the bottle and passed it to Pietro. Grinning, Pietro took a swig of his own. "Put it on my tab," Mel said, rising from her seat and putting out her cigarette. Pietro followed suit and soon they were outside in the cool night air. "You got a car?" Mel asked, taking the vodka bottle off Pietro. "I live within walking distance so I don't bring my car."

"Yeah," Pietro answered, " it's over here. So where are we going?"

"To pay my ex's two-timing partner in crime a visit." She flashed a grin.

"Okay," Pietro shrugged.

"Woah! This is your car!?!"

"Huh? Oh yeah," Pietro unlocked the door to his silver Porsche, a present from his dad. Kinda a 'sorry I never see you son, here's a car' present.

"Pretty," Mel said, running a hand down the bonnet.

"Come on then," Pietro jerked a thumb at the car seat.

Grinning, Mel sat. "Onward to the swanky town!" she pointed forward.

"Right away ma'am!" Pietro saluted, flooring it.

"WOOHOO!" Mel yelled, flicking her hair in the wind as they roared through the streets. "BORN WILD, BORN FREE!" she sang at the top of her lungs.

"I'M THE NATURAL PLAYBOY OF TOWN!" Pietro joined in.

"That's not the same song," Mel frowned.

"I know," Pietro shrugged, "I just felt like singing and I didn't know your song."

Mel giggled, "you're silly."

"Welcome to the story of my life," Pietro said, "AND I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND - "


By the time they reached the upper part of Bayville they had gone through 'Funny Boy,' and had started on , 'Heaven must be missing an angel.'


"Right turn!" Mel interrupted.

"Roger!" Pietro screamed round the corner and came to........ "Hey!" Pietro blinked in surprise, "the X-Mansion!"

"You know this place?" Mel frowned, "well this is where we get off. The bitch lives here." After Pietro stopped the car Mel leapt out and over to the huge gates.

"Hey stop!" Pietro grabbed Mel's arm to stop her slipping all the way through the bars.


"They've got major security at this place. You wouldn't make it to the front door."

"Huh?" Mel blinked, "then how do we get in?"

"Well there is one way........" Pietro began.


"I could get you in. Tell me something though, you're not anti-mutant are you?"

"Dunno," Mel mused, "I never really thought 'bout it before. I don't reckon though. I mean, if I was against mutants I'd have to be against gays and retards and everybody else who was different and gays and wait I already said that huh? Well no. I think that's where I was heading. Why? Are you one?"

"Actually, yes," Pietro's blue eyes glinted with mischief.

"Really? Cool! So you can get me in?"

"Piece of cake!" Before Mel could say anything else Pietro picked her up and zipped inside.


"Well if you were planning a surprise attack of revenge you just lost your edge," Pietro said.

"See? You're funny," Mel said, "now come on."

"So it's Jean who stole your guy huh?" Pietro whispered as the slipped up the stairs.

"Yeah. Little Miss Perfect. At least that's how he described her. 'Sorry Mel. You're too out there. I mean, at first you were fun and shit,' blah, blah, blah," she made a speaking action with her left hand, "you know how it is."

"Not really."

"Well now you do. You know her room?"

"Uhhhhh...........no," Pietro said. "We could randomly search."

"Great idea."

Pietro zipped up the hall opening and shutting doors, "not here. Or here. Not here. Definitely not here. Here? No."

Mel giggled hysterically and followed him up the hall. "Hey this door says something," Mel informed Pietro. He zipped to her side. Trying to focus their drunk eyes the 2 teens stared hard at the door.

"Jeeh," Mel sounded out.

"I thought it was a G," Pietro said. He tapped the door plate and asked it, "excuse me sir. Are you a J or a G?"

Mel giggled and said in a deep voice, "how the fuck should I know? I'm just a door."

"How rude," Pietro said, "last time I ask a door for advice."

"Me too," Mel said, and with that she opened the door.

"Bingo," Pietro said softly.

"Well, well, well," Mel rubbed her hands together.

"Fake moustache." Mel held out her hand. Pietro placed the item in it. "Glue." They had spent the last half hour searching the mansion for bits and pieces that may or may not be used in Mel's master plan. "Egg. Maple Syrup." Mel stood back and surveyed her handiwork.

"Oh what a master piece Madame!" Pietro cried in admiration. "What is it called?"

"That's for messing with the Mel-miester."

"Oh catchy title," Pietro said.

"Thank you," Mel bowed. She took a gulp of the vodka which she'd bought with her.

"Me," Pietro demanded. Mel passed it over. Jean lay peacefully in sleep. The fake moustache had been glued in place. The egg had been cracked in her red hair and the maple syrup was all over her

face. "Anything else you wanna do?"

"Nah," Mel said, "what about you?"

"Well, there are a few things."


"First, follow me." Pietro took another gulp of vodka and stumbled out of Jean's room.

"Duh da duh da duh da whistle while you work," Pietro hummed softly as he zipped around Evan's room, hanging dental floss everywhere.

"Missed a spot," Mel informed him.

"Never," Pietro said.

"Right there."

"I need to get out," Pietro said matter of factly.


"Wow. You apologised."


"It's a big deal if you live with the people I do." Pietro zipped out, covering his escape route as he did so. "Sleep tight Daniels. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

Mel giggled as if it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. Pietro started to laugh too as he shut the door. Soon they were both lying on the floor in hysterics.

"W-what's so f-funny?" Mel laughed.

"I'm laughing cause you're laughing," Pietro gasped out between laughs.

"W-well I-I'm laughing cause you're laughing."

"W-well stop!" Pietro laughed.

"Sorry." Mel stopped. So did Pietro. For a moment they lay on the floor, then Mel's face began to twitch as she tried to stop the laughter threatening.

"Stop it!" Pietro said as he tried to stop himself laughing. Too late. The 2 teens cracked up and were soon rolling about laughing once more.

"It's a good thing these guys are deaf," Pietro said, wiping his eyes after the laughing fit had passed.

"Yeah," Mel agreed. "So what's the other thing you want to do?"

"Well, my friend would kill me if I didn't do this," Pietro grinned.

"Do what?"

"He likes one of the chicks who lives here."

"Really? What's she like?"

"Hi, I'm like, Kitty. Pleased to meet you. I just like, love your hair!"

Mel burst into another fit of laughter. "Oh! One of them."

Pietro grinned, "anywayz, I'm going to raid Kitty-cat's underwear draw."


"Hey! I'm a drunk guy!"

"Point taken." Together they stumbled down the hall.

"Shh!" Mel hissed as they opened the door.

"Shh yourself," Pietro hissed back.

"Rreow," Mel grinned.

"Shut up." Pietro zipped inside and was back in a nano-second.

"Ohh, pretty," Mel said, taking the pink lace bra from Pietro's hands. "I have to get one of these."

"Me too," Pietro said.

"Silly speedy," Mel giggled, dropping the bra on Pietro's head. Pietro reached up and took it off.

"Let's go now."

"Yes lets," Mel said. Together Mel and Pietro headed for the front door. They had just reached the end of the hall when one of the bedroom doors opened.

"Ahh! Blue fuzzy demon!" Mel shrieked, jumping backwards onto Pietro's foot.

"Oww!" Pietro jumped on one foot as he clutched his newly wounded foot, only, he couldn't balance properly and he fell on his butt. Kurt, still half asleep, blinked blankly at Mel, not quite focusing, probably wondering if he was dreaming or not.

"Come on put em up!" Mel said, raising her fists and taking a few wild swings, which of course did not connect thanks to the copious amounts of alcohol she had drunk. "You're one tricky blue dude," she said, her tongue sticking out as she tried to concentrate. She took another swing and, unfortunately, missed, over-balanced and knocked herself out on the wall.

"Time to go," Pietro said, picking Mel up and zipping outside.

"Ohhh," Mel groaned, rubbing her head, "the demon got me good."

"Actually, you knocked yourself out," Pietro said, leaning over and tapping the tip of her nose. "Bang. Just like that."

"Road!" Mel yelled. Pietro yanked the wheel around and soon got them back on track.

"He he he. Whoops."

"I'm tired," Mel said suddenly.

"Crashing time!" Pietro whooped, flooring it, "onward to my bachelor pad!"

Next day

Sunlight streamed in the window. Mel groaned and squinted into the light.

"Bad hangover," she muttered, "bad, bad, bad hangover." She rolled over and pulled the pillow over her head. Just as soon she shot back up. "Woah! Not my bed! Smells different!" She looked about wildly. She was lying in a large double bed, in a room that was definitely not her's. On the floor, a respectable distance away, lay Pietro, still fast asleep, Kitty's bra clutched in one hand. In a flood last night came back to Mel. Covering her mouth with one hand she giggled. "Ow," she muttered as her hangover reminded her that she'd drunk a lot of vodka. Falling ungracefully out of Pietro's bed, Mel crawled over to the speedster. "Pietro." Pietro didn't budge. "Pietro!" She poked him hard with her finger. 'Hey I wonder where my shoes went?' she wondered idylly. Impatiently she poked Pietro again. "Wake up airhead." She began to poke him in quick succession. "WakeUpWakeUpWakeUp!"

"Fuck off!" Pietro yelled, waking up and grabbing Mel's hand before she could poke him again. Mel made a 'oh-grouchy-I'm-sorry' face. "Ouch," Pietro said, gingerly touching his forehead.

"Vodka hurt huh?" Mel said.

"Bad, bad, bad hangover," Pietro nodded. He glanced down at the lace bra in his hand. "Ahhh!" he dropped it quickly, "where did that come from!?!"

Mel giggled, "you stole it for your friend 'member?"

"Oh yeah," Pietro said, "it's Kitty's right?"

"Yes indeedy. Now would you be so kind as to point out the bathroom? I want to have a shower."

"3 doors down, on the right."

"Great." Mel stood and left out the door. Groaning, Pietro fell backwards onto the floor and muttered once more, "bad, bad, bad hangover."

Todd whistled to himself as he headed for the bathroom. He'd hidden a wad of cash behind the mirror and he was planning on using it. He swung the door open and strolled in.



Mel and Todd stared at each other. Mel, fortunately, had a towel wrapped around herself. In a flash Pietro was at the door, Lance not far behind.

"Pietro call your perverted roomie off!" Mel cried. " Why didn't you tell me you didn't have a lock on your door!?! I could have used a bit of useful information like that!"

"Sorry Mel," Pietro said, "I forgot. We used to have one but Freddy busted it. Could you keep it down? My head hurts."

"Too fucking bad!" Mel yelled, "mine hurts too! I happen to have drunk more vodka than you anyway so what are you complaining about!?!"

"Eeeep," was all Todd finally managed.

"Who's the chick Pietro?" Lance asked, grinning.

"I need an ice-pack," Pietro moaned. He waved a hand in Mel's direction. "Introduce yourselves." Mel glared at Todd and grabbed her clothes before walking out of the bathroom.

"I'm Lance!" Lance called after her.

"Come on Pietro!" Lance coaxed the speedster.

"Yeah," Todd said, "you can't just leave us hanging. Who is she?"

"A friend," Pietro muttered, sipping his orange juice, "Karen dumped me last night and I met Mel at the bar."

"So you're, 'just friends,' " Lance grinned.

"Yep. He helped me get back at my ex's bitch." The 4 boys turned to look at Mel.

"Hey!" Pietro said, "those are my clothes!"

"Yeah. It's your punishment for letting him walk in on me." She pointed at Todd.

"They definitely look better on her," Lance grinned.

"Thank ye kindly good sir," Mel made a pose in the doorway. She was wearing her shoes, having found them at opposite ends of the room; Pietro's jeans and his letter-man jacket, which he'd got from school due to the fact that he was part of the basketball team.

"She's pretty," Freddy grinned idiotically.

"Very pretty," Todd agreed. Mel seated herself at the breakfast table.

"So, what's to eat?"

"Poptarts," Freddy said at the same time Todd said, "toast," and Lance said, "pancakes." Pietro rolled his eyes and held his ice-pack against his forehead.

Mel laughed, "I'll have pancakes please." She smiled sweetly at the 3 teens. In a mad rush to reach the bench first Lance, Todd and Freddy elbowed one another.

"Move it Freddy."

"I'm gonna make her pancakes!"

"No I am! Besides I'm the only one who can cook and you know it!"

"Here you go," Lance placed a plate of golden-brown pancakes in front of Mel.

"No try mine!" Todd said, offering his own plate of slightly strange shaped pancakes.

"Mine!" Freddy said, holding up his black and miss-shapen pancakes.

"Uhhhh," Mel said, "they all look great but Lance got here first! Sorry guys!" She pulled Lance's plate towards her. "Thanks Lance," she smiled. Lance might as well have had small hearts floating around his head he was that obvious.

"She chose mine," he said dreamily.

"Cutos to you Lance," Pietro gave him a sarcastic thumbs up. (He get's grumpy when he's hungover)

"Oh, Pietro has a present for you," Mel said between mouthfuls.

"Really? What?" Lance turned to Pietro.

"Oh yeah!" Pietro grinned, momentarily forgetting his hangover, "be right back." 3 seconds later he was back. "Happy 'I love Pietro' day Lance!" he passed him the brightly wrapped package.

Lance ripped it open. "A bra?" he held it up.

"Not just any bra," Pietro said with the flourish of an experienced showman, "Kitty's bra!"

"Holy shit! Really?" Lance asked, looking at the pink lace bra with new interest.

"Genuine Pryde lingerie," Pietro grinned.

"ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou!" Lance said, hugging Pietro.

"Told ya it was 'I love Pietro' day!" Pietro said. "I know I'm perfect Lance. You can stop hugging me now."

"Yay Kitty's bra!" Lance whooped, skipping upstairs.

"Is he okay?" Mel asked.

"He's over the moon," Pietro grinned.

Back at the X-Mansion

"I. Hate. Pietro," Evan growled, pulling dental floss down from his room.

"Why is there a vodka bottle outside my room?"

"My hair! My face! My hair!"

"Rouge have you seen my pink bra?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

hehehehehehehehe! And the madness begins! Look out for Mel in future fics.